The Conversion Bureau: The Land Downunder

by Da Bunnana King

Chapter Twelve: Why is Braeburn so sexy?

The Conversion Bureau: The Land Downunder
By Da Bunnana King

Chapter Twelve: Why is Braeburn so sexy?
===

“So great I’m in the PER... so now what?” I asked, as he magic’d a clipboard over to me. I could feel the magic, it burned my veins and gave me a painful stab in the head. I raised my hand and rubbed my eye trying to get rid of the pain.

“Are you alright?” Jack said, putting a hoof on my back.

“Yeah, I’m alright.” I said, picking up the clipboard. On it was a form just like the one at the Bureau but worded somewhat differently.

“Please fill that out with so we can get you through the paperwork and into Ponification 101,” Said the stallion, who was magicking more items over towards me. I could still feel the pain, it increased when he moved closer to me.

‘Oh god!’ Rose screamed in my head, ‘MAKE IT STOP! IT BURNS!’

By now I couldn’t bear the pain, I collapsed to the floor and rolled up into the fetal position squeezing my head as if it were a walnut. The pain was excruciating, it was as if every nerve in my body was on fire and my skin was being peeled off and then having lemon juice rubbed into the wound.

“Iron! Stop! you’re hurting him!” yelled Jack while he pulled me away from Iron.

“By Celestia’s beard! I’m so sorry... I... I didn’t know that magic was so destructive to those with Thaumatic radiation poisoning,” He cried, as he rushed over to me helping me to sit up.

“Sumo-matic what? Please put it in laymans terms please?” I asked, as the pain reduced itself to a low dull constant burn.

“It means that you were exposed to magic and your body was affected negatively by it. So it’s like regular radiation poisoning except the dying in agony process faster and far more painful.” Jack said, rubbing my back.

“Well how the hell was I exposed to it? Because last time I checked the Equestrian barrier is somewhere in the Pacific. Far, far away from the small tin hut I called home.”

“Well Ripply has been known to have fluxes of Thaumatic Energy from time to time. That’s why a Bureau was built there, so unicorn newfoals could harness the power of magic,” Said Iron,

“So I got hit by magic then. But I heard that would kill you in ten seconds just being near it,” I said, finally regaining my breath.

“Maybe you got lucky,” stated Jack, lifting me up to my feet, “but I think we should take you to Caring Love.”

“Yeah, I don’t want you to die on me before your Ponification if your plan gets rid of the HLF,” Explained Iron, as he motioned me with his head to follow him.

“So what is your full name Iron?” I asked, as we walked down a long corridor that contained ponies going about their daily business, except when ever I went past them they all popped their heads out the doors just to stare at me.

“My name is Iron Hoof. I was born in a small town in Equestria called Dodge Junction. I was the only other unicorn besides my mother.” He stated, continuing to trot in front of me unaware of the ponies staring at us as.

“Cool.” I said, as we approached a door with a red cross on it and some other symbols I couldn’t understand.

“Doctor are you in here?” Asked Iron, poking his head through the door.

“Yes, yes hold on!” came a mares voice.

She trotted out. She was a pale white pegusus mare with a candy red mane and a red cross for a cutie mark. She had a nurses hat on her head which made me think this was some kind of joke.

“So I guess we have a volunteer for conversion?” she said, gliding over to a cabinet getting a purple vial of what I would call grape soda.

“No, we need you to check him out,” Iron said, pushing the small veil away from her, “He is our newest member.”

“Alright-ty then. Well please hop up on the examining table,” She said, motioning me over to a small metal table located in the middle of the room. The room looked like the one in the bureau except more... colourful.

“So what seems to be the problem Mister...”

“It’s Knight Aspirant Linstrom,” Barked Iron Hoof,

“Okay, so what seems to be the problem?”

“Ummmm... Apparently I have Thaumatic radiation poisoning or something like that,” I said, trying to pronounce Thaumatic as best as I could.

“I see, well the only form of cure is ponification but I am guessing that the reason Iron Hoof brought you here is to see when we can ponifiy before its too late. So,” She said, pulling out a clipboard and feather quill that she held with one hoof, “Tell me Knight Asp-”

“Please just call me Alex. Alright, I was never big on the ranks in the Army nor am I here.” I said, cutting her off and making Iron Hoof shoot a death stare at me.

“Okay Alex, tell me. Have you experienced paranoia in the last few months?”

“I have a price tag on my head of one million dollars or something, of course I am paranoid.”

“Alright, have you had any large clumps of hair fall out latley?”

“Nope.” I said pulling on my short beard only pulling out a handful of hair, “Damn I need a shave.”

“Oh my. Well have you had a ringing in the ears of a sudden loss of balance?”

“Not that I know of.”

“Okay, and last but not least. Have you been hearing voices in your head?”

‘Say no Alex, you’ll thank me later if you do,’ Rose demanded.

“Yes. In fact it has a name and a voice of its own,” I said, ignoring Rose. But this made everypony in the room face turn a shade whiter and jaw drop.

“What?”

“Alex... I’m... I’m not sure how to state this but... you won't even see it to this Thursday afternoon,” Love said, as she held back tears.

“So, I won’t make it until the end of the week. What’s the big deal?” I asked, not fearing death for that second.

“Alex... Today is Wednesday 2:41PM. You have less than a day to be ponified,” Jack stated, still in shock.

“Fuck me.” I swore, as I felt my world crashing down around me. I saw my life flash before my eyes. The time my friends and I hung out after school down by the pool near the school, the time we took Martin dad’s dune buggy for a joyride in the bush, and the day before I left for boot camp. All I could say was it was a night to remember even if all I remember from it was waking up in the morning in a small puddle of my vomit and a throbbing headache the next morning.

“Alex. Alex! ALEX!” yelled Iron, giving me a firm shake to snap me back to reality, “Look if you can tell us the plan we can put the thing into motion while you get ponified.”

“No... that bastards going to be hung from the rafters after what he did to me.”

“Who are you talking about?”

“The head of the HLF. They beat and killed my family in front of me and then hung me low to the ground so I could hang myself.”

“Sweet Celestia,” Jack swore, as he trotted closer to me nuzzling me in an attempt to comfort me, “Don’t worry Alex. We’ll get the bad man.”

“I want him dead. By my hands.” I stated, as I clenched my fist.

“Well come with me to the war room and we’ll talk about this plan,” Iron ordered me, “Rocky, summon the other Knights to the war room.”

“Sir!” Jack said, whilst saluting and me giving off a small chuckle.

“Come on you. You’re not dead yet so on me.” Iron ordered me,

“Yes sir,” I said, falling in behind him.
===

“So are we all here?” Iron asked of the four other ponies that assembled in the room.

There was a fluro green unicorn with an even more fluorescent green mane that was looked like she came out of one of those old Japanese anime. She had a cutie mark of an eighth note on her flank. The next one was an orange pegasus stallion with an orange and yellow mane, he had a lightning bolt for a cutie mark. Another one was a white pegasus mare with strong red hair, she had a cutie mark of a fireball leaving a trail of blazing fire. The last pony in the room was a massive earth pony who was about the same height as me. He had a dark blue coat and dark purple hair and a cutie marks of jesters mask.

“We’re all here Knight Commander, now what’s this all about... same with the human?” said the dark blue earthpony, in a deep voice.

“I have a name mate,” I said, in my defence.

“You’re a human, you don’t deserve a name let alone being in this room.”

“I would give a fuck but I have a bigger fish to fry.”

“Both of you, knock it off before I put an end to it,” Iron Hoof demanded. “Now that we’re all here, our newest member here has a plan to get rid of the HLF here and take down their leader in the process.”

“So thats why you let him in? Because he had an idea of how to take down a stronghold that’s more defended than the Princesses Vault?” stated the earth pony again,

“Yes, but I have reasons to believe he knows more about this place then he lets on. So Knight Aspirant Linstrom, please explain to us your plan.”

“Thank you sir,” I said approaching the table that had a holographic display inside of it. I turned on the projector that displayed a large rectangular building with a cone jetting from the rear of it near an exit on the roof.

“Now fillies and gentlecolts, what you are looking at here is the base of operations for the Human Liberation Front but is also the building that houses the Shade fields.”

“So what does this mean?” Asked, the orange pegasus.

“It means there are air ducts running throughout the building.”

“Are you saying we flood the base with the aerosol form of the potion?” Said the fluro green unicorn.

“Yeah, then we can rush in there and throw the stuff you have in eggs at them.”

“That would work but that place is guarded heavily, they’re prepared for a frontal assault. If we did that we would all be dead.”

“And this is where I come in.”

“Oh? How so?” asked the white mare.

“I walk in with one of you as a prisoner with all the cans of the gas, place them in the air system and open up the sewers. Then you swarm in the place and coat it in a nice shade of purple,” I said, folding my arms in confidence of my plan.

“What happens if you get caught?” mumbled the orange pegasus,

“Then we go to plan B, I make a beeline for the sewer controls and let you in.”

“Who do you mean ‘we?” asked the blue stallion,

“Someon...pony has to be my hostage,” I smugly said, grinning like a mad man whilst staring at the stallion.

“So who is in favor of this plan?” asked Iron, “All in favour say aye.”

Everyone but the blue stallion said aye.

“All opposed?”

“Neigh.” Came the blue stallion.

“Well, then looks like we have some planing to do,” Iron said to the group whilst turning his head to me, “Alex, you and Shadow Jester should get your plan together for your part. Dismissed.”

“Yes sir,” I said, saluting him, “Come on Shadow. Lets go ponifiy some humans.”

“Why do I have a feeling that this is going to be the end of me?” Shadow complained, as we exited the war room.

“Don’t worry, I got a plan in my head and I think the HLF will fall for it... now where can I get a shave and a haircut?” I said to Shadow, grinning from ear to ear like a cheshire cat.
===
Authors Notes: Well this is coming along nicely. Thanks to my old editor Cailet who this time doesn’t want to claw out my eyes, and Aegis!

Comments

[Jaysteeny]

Ripley, Vial, and I don't remember any more. Also, “I would give a fuck but I have a bigger fish to fry.”, so you. Make reference to IPT with something Ironhoof says.

[Chatoyance]

Less than a day to live. Jesus, give 'im a vial of potion on a chain around his neck, so he can chug a swig of purple lolly water the moment he feels like things are getting a bit reapery. That's what I'd do. But then, I'm not there.

[Da Bunnana King]

562140 Sorry my neck is reserved for the soap that I keep on a rope. I get clean when I sweat... I think. But I have a plan for it all in the end... which is far off because I want to drive this fic into the ground before finishing it.

561960 I have only so many fucks to give... most of them are for Braeburn though.

[Ocean Breeze]

562150

Just don't drop that soap. It'll be slippery. All the men in the showers (or stallions) will be laughing at you.

Also... Y U NO LET ME GRAMMAR-NAZI IT!?

Could of messaged me on Skype. dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/sillyfilly_Sweetie_Belle.png

[Da Bunnana King]

564499 but what if I do it on purpose if I take the cherry potion.
And you are best grammar nazi but you fell off the face of the earth.

[dyedquartz]

BUUURRRN! BURN MOTHERBUCKERS!