I write poni. I am easily distracted. I like Oreos.
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Life has been mostly the same for the girls ever since they had to give up their Elements to the Tree of Harmony. Of course, this couldn't possibly last too long, and strange things begin to happen to our intrepid heroes.
Let it never be said that you can't have too much of a good thing.
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Awwww snap.
This is gonna be a good one.
Nice work, Twilight, you done jinxed the crew!
~Skeeter The Lurker
Interesting idea's here, their elements growing stronger and out of their control. Though to be fair for Applejack when Tiara and Silver tried to get her to buy the cookies, she could have also 'truthfully' blurted out politely that she would much rather buy the cookies from her sister than from the two ponies who constantly bully her. Polite but with enough of the normally unsaid truth startling all three of them.
I really liked how, thinking back on it, each member of the mane six showed up to the picnic affected in some way by their element already, but in a way that wouldn't seem too out of place.
Rainbow goes against her normal lateness to keep a promise.
Rarity bakes extra dessert for the group for no real reason.
Fluttershy very readily gives up a dessert when Twilight wants it.
Applejack doesn't mince words and admits her fault immediately.
Pinkie get even more spontaneous than even Twilight was expecting.
And Twilight... Hmm, she kind of breaks the pattern here. I got nuffin'.
Of course, this could be me reading too far into things already. Also, seems like the story is mostly lighthearted so far, so I'm still on edge about what's gonna be so dark about it.
Regardless, nice start! Have a great day!
Little surprised that AJ's first thought was to lie, instead of say that she can't support Tiara or Spoon when she has Bloom to look after. That's not lying. Seemed a LITTLE contrived/forced to show what's going on with Ajack, but I admit that's nit-picking a little...
Oh, this is gonna be... bad for them.
And then...
You started your first paragraph about weather!
Anyways, AWESOME STORY! I also loved how Twilight screwed it for them all!
You know, this seems familiar for some reason.
I noticed a few typos scattered about. It also seems like you're trying too hard to describe every little thing; there's a lot of long sentences and more than a little repetition (I stopped counting how many times you said "blondies").
I like the premise (obviously), but it seems like you're skimming over the introduction of it to get to the rest of the plot. One could argue that giving each pony a single scene is all that's needed since the setup is clear, but the breakneck pacing definitely clashes with your slow, wordy prose.
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Curses! I should have known that someone had already had an idea like this...
I'll make sure to check your story out whenever I finish this one. If it's as enjoyable as I Am Not The Actor was, then I'm sure I'll really like it
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"There are no new ideas" as they say. Your execution is already quite different than mine, so I wouldn't worry about that.
After reading the second pararaph, I had to give it thumbs up. Nice!
....
What is a Blondie?
Ahh, another "the Elements turn out to not be so great" story. I like. Added to my read later list.
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Here you go :) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blondie_(confection)
It's... sorta like a brownie or cookie :)
... When will you learn, Twi?
3656144 Oooh, they look delicious. Thanks kindly ^.^
Oh Twilight, when will you learn?
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This is a very good "FiM" story idea that I'd love to see more of.
Twi, Twi, Twi. When will you ever learn? "Never challenge Worse." The great philosopher Bill Cosby pointed this out in the seventies.
Tsk.
I like this story, so I'm upvoting it.
Are you going to do a follow up chapter for each pony before they all see Twilight? I only ask for selfish reasons... I WANT MOAR!
But I also want the story to not go on forever... I'm conflicted ><
Wow. Colgate's kind of a bitch here. o-o You don't haggle over something that's handmade and custom-tailored to you. It's just not proper.
Seems that they're being forced to act like their elements.
Oh my.
Rarity got played.
~Skeeter The Lurker
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An extreme version, I would say.
I can see how this could go wrong for all of them, but Rarity and Twilight especially.
Twilight has the capacity to go all 'overcharged magical monster', whereas Rarity has the only element that involves willfully giving up her own things.
Sure, Rainbow might not be able to say no to a promise, but Rarity could end up with nothing. Plus people can be dicks, as soon as they hear about this she's going to get throngs of ponies asking her for stuff all the while knowing she can't decline.
Is it bad of me to say I don't see a big difference? Doormat is still Doormat. Even if she's so damned cute.
3875431
I see a small difference, but not much.
3875431 Difference is she's even more of a doormat now.
Glad you finally updated!
An hour and a half for about six repeats of a song gives about 15 minutes for the song. Not terribly long, all things considered, but a good deal longer than most you hear on the radio!
I have a feeling things are gonna go down in Twilight's library.
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Barely! If you gave her the Applebloom she'd still do all of this! D:
Can't wait to see Applejack's out-of-control honesty.
3897367 Nah, the results of a truth-serum is such a common trope that it'll be pretty boring, I expect (even though AJ's honesty will be magic-induced, not chemically induced). It might be sad, if AJ has to reveal some sort of important personal secret.
3897367
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*Whistles innocently*
I love the way you write. Truly, I do.
Hrrm. Now you've got me wondering why the Second oldest tree in Ponyville is less boring than the third oldest. The Oldest tree in Ponyille is default less boring than other trees due to it winning at the being old game. But ol' Numero Due can't claim to be the oldest and being the Second oldest, if anything, makes you LESS interesting if your only claim to fame is "Being old, but not quite as Old as the oldest thing here. darn close though!" Makes you seem desperate
They are all going to tackle Twilight, causing her magic to explode and make it worse, heh.
Interesting, how it would look like if that musician performed under that tree?
Well, there's the dark tag...
And here's where the Dark tag happens.
Frankly, we all knew this was coming sooner or later.
Doesn't mean it didn't shock the hell out of us.
Yikes....This just keeps getting more and more gripping.
Is that really dark tag worthy? Punching someone in the face and getting a bit of blood?
I'm still waiting for the dark tag.
Oh, and perhaps it isn't all going to go down in the library. Darn.
Oh sheet.
In prison. Because of all that tax dodging that she just confessed to.
AJ chapter next, yay.
Looks like stuff's going down in ponytown.
Er, ville.
I like where this chapter went.
The power of perception.
Congrats, AJ. Sure, you may not be able to tell anything but the pure truth anymore, but try hard enough to lie, and reality will warp itself to prove you true.
Focus on the positives.
Wow.... um... I think that in this overload they've tapped into abilities they didn't know they had, meaning Applejack.
This chapter was great. Keep it up.