Where did I put my cane?

Nalarath (1:00pm)

A sad day awaits the citizens of Nalarath. Today is the day of Father Gregory's funeral. Although he has only been dead for a day, it was easy to arrange the funeral on short notice because of his devotion to the church and it's followers. And the fact that preacher Jameson had recovered from his 'illness' brought on by Preacher Michael, who was still at home very sick. It turns out Jameson had been fine and unaffected by the tainted holy water; he just wanted to stay home that day. The town had thought of punishing him for that but decided it could wait. There was a great man about to be buried, and a preacher was needed to see that his soul was put to rest.

Now, normally a funeral in Nalarath would be different from a funeral in any other town. Any takers as to guess why? You guessed it, colors. But today, since they knew that the person they were burying had despised colors, they had decided to change the dress code to formal black. The citizens had even gone so far as to temporarily remove the color from all of the buildings near the church. (By using lots of black garbage bags and duct tape.) It only seemed appropriate for the man that was in the dark coffin.

Yes, how fitting for Gregory's body. A dark black coffin with gray cushioning on the inside, for Gregory's corpse to rest in. It was to be a closed casket funeral because, try as the coroner might, even he could not get Gregory's face to look presentable in the allotted time zone, and no one want's to see THAT at a funeral. As the casket was brought forward to the grave, and everyone took there seats, Preacher Jameson began the prayer.

"Today we bury the late Father Gregory, a good man, who was true to God. As we lay his body down to rest, may his spirit know peace, may his rest be eternal, may he rejoice in the kingdom of heaven. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust."

The prayer was much longer and more enthralling I assure you, but that doesn't matter. After Preacher Jameson had finished his prayer, they pushed his coffin into the earth, and began to sing. After his grave was full again they mounted his gravestone which simply read;

FATHER GREGORY

A GOOD MAN.

1835-1893

Thus was the end, of Father Gregory, or so the town thought. But really they did not dwell upon it too much. Yes it was a sad event, him dying and all, but what was really on their minds was one thought, and one thought alone. Who murdered Father Gregory? And why?

Outskirts of Ponyville 12:05 pm

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH I WAS RIGHT! HE'S GONNA TAKE ALL OF OUR SOULS! EVERY PONY FOR THEMSELVES!"

OH WILL YOU SHUT UP AND STOP RUNNING AROUND LIKE A SCARED FILLY!

Green Tea paid no mind to the demon in his head. A stupid move on his part, as a deep sense of pain began to flow from him. His muscles cramped, his organs bled, his bones snapped, all in a matter of seconds. Too exhausted from running away and screaming about the reaper, he had no air left to scream in agony. After several grueling minutes of torture, the pain subsided, allowing Green Tea to slowly get up.

Now then...I want you to turn around and head back towards that meeting. I don't care how scared you are. We need that reaper dead before he can find out about our secret.

Green Tea thought about arguing that he was tired, and did not want to go back to the scary reaper. But then he remembered the pain the demon had brought him and decided that it was either death, or him. Making the right decision, he went with death. So he turned around, and started marching back towards the meeting. Albeit very....slowly.

Town Square (1:00 pm)

Veeeeeeeery slowly.

How did you run this far in five minutes?

"It's pretty easy to do when you're scared shitless."

"HOW BIG IS YOUR DICK?!"

Yeah, what she said. Wait...huh?

"Are we in the right meeting?, asked the now confused Green Tea.

---------------------------------

Death! What the hell?!

Watch your mouth! There are children present! Hehehehehe!

Why would you go and lie like that?!

Hey don't sell yourself so short Mr. 'holy man'. Besides, technically I'm not lying.

What? I am nowhere near that big! How could I...magic robes?

Magic robes!

...Why would I even....never mind, I really don't want to know.

Are you sure? It's a pretty cool story.

No thanks. I think I'd rather face this crowd of colorful, creepy ponies.

Suit yourself! But if you do want to hear that story, just let me know!

After having that lovely conversation with death, Gregory sneezed, forcing everyone out of the dead awkward silence. Berry had (drunkenly) started to move towards the stage while everypony was coughing nervously. Just as she took the first step on the stairs leading to the stage, she tripped and hit her face hard on the cold ground. But, being as drunk as she was, she just shoved it off and continued up the stairs (much slower then before).

When she got on stage she went right up to Gregory and asked, "Are you for REal Mokney?"

"Er...yeah...It's pretty big."

"Yeah no kidding. Is that the avearage of a hooman?"

"Well. I don't think so. I'm almost fairly certain that the average is at least half of that. But I don't go around measuring if that's what you're asking."

This comment caused Berry and several others to bust out laughing

"Hey I like you Guy...What wazz your name agaen?"

"...Gregory..."

"So Gregory....ever been with a mare before?"

NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE! NOPE!

YEP! YEP! YEP! YEP! YEP!

"BERRY PUNCH!", a light gray earth pony mare with two shot glasses clinking together as a cutie mark, called out from the crowd.

"Oh crap...UH...HeY DUBBLE DOWN! HOW YA BEEN?", Berry so eloquently inquired while trying to stand still on stage, which only made her look like she was doing some kind of dance.

"YOU GET OFF OF THAT STAGE RIGHT NOW! WERE GOING HOME TO HAVE A TALK ABOUT YOUR BEHAVIOR!"

Killjoy...

Saint!

"Buuut Duubbbble! I wanna plow the Gregory!" Several mothers and fathers covered their children's ears at that one. Double Down simply jumped on stage, and began dragging her drunk friend away from the crowd.

"You are in SO MUCH TROUBLE MISSY! YOU LEAVE ME NO CHOICE!"

Berry gasped. "Y...you don't mean?"

"THATS RIGHT! WHEN WE GET HOME WE'RE SOBERING YOU UP AND WASHING YOUR MOUTH OUT!"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! ANYTHING BUT THAT! CALL MY MOM! CALL MY DAD! BRING ME TO CELESTIA'S RAPE DUNGEON! JUST DONT MAKE ME BE SOBER WHEN YOU PUT SOAP IN MY MOUTH!"

"WELL I CAN'T GIVE IT TO WHILE YOUR DRUNK BECAUSE YOU WON'T TASTE THE FULL EFFECT!" It took 7 long, hilarity ensued minutes for Double Down to get Berry off the stage, and back to her house. Everypony was quietly watching the entire time.

So...that just happened.

Does Celestia really have a rape dungeon?

Don't know don't care.

Why don't you use your robes to read Twilights mind and-

DON'T KNOW! DON'T CARE!

After another awkard silence, hooves started to raise in great succession. It seemed that they were pretty used to Berry's antics, and would not be deterred from said actions, from asking questions. Several serious questions arose like the history of Nalarath, more about King Zachary, why wear the different colored gloves, why are you still holding that scythe...

Oh crap I uh...Death you left your scythe here.

Hmm? Where?

Uh...here. In my hand.

Oh right sorry let me just....there got it!

Hey that reminds me...where's my cane?

*POP*

Oh thank you robes.

"Sorry about that, the scythe wasn't mine. I was just borrowing it from a friend."

"Well where did the cane come from? Is it yours?"

"Yes it is mine and it came from...magic... Yeah magic..."

Surprisingly enough that seemed to satisfy the curious green pony.

This one has been asking a lot of questions. And for some reason he seems familiar...

Probably because he's the pony that ran away screaming from my amazing introduction.

Oh right. Thanks for that by the way. No better way to introduce yourself to a group of strangers then to scare the crap out of them.

I cant think of a better way.

Sarcasm.

No I think they would hate that.

No I was using...never mind.

They were several more questions after that about humans, Nalarath, and his strange attire. Even though Gregory had given a long boring speech about religion, and the whole Berry Punch incident, they were able to finish everything five minutes to three. Once finished, Gregory announced Pinkie Pie to the stage who gave a quick speech about a party for Gregory being held at Sugarcube Corner at 4. Then Mayor Mare announced that it was also mandatory. But really she didn't need to say that, who would miss out on a Pinkie Pie party on purpose? Nopony,that's who, especially not after the last incident... The ponies in this town learned quick that if Pinkie is throwing a party and you're invited, unless you're sick and or dying, then you're going to that party.

With an hour to kill and nothing better to do, Gregory decided to walk around town and see how the ponies lived their daily lives. That is, he did that after begging Twilight because he was bored and that they had already finished with the big introduction so there was no need to worry about the town going into panic. Shortly after his begging with Twilight though, he had come face to face with that strange green pony who had asked the most questions out of any pony. The poor stallion was shaking in his figurative boots. He just seemed so...nervous. Gregory just decided to brush it off as him being shy.

I think it's because he has a crush on you.

And I think you're an asshole.

Touché'

"Um Mr. Gregory sir. C-Could you come with me please? I'm uh...an interviewer for the local newspaper and I was hoping to get an exclusive!"

"Uh, sure I guess. Where do you want us to do this interview?"

"Um...how about my place?"

Okay I was joking at first but now I'm serious. I think he has a crush on you and he wants to ask you out! The whole 'I work for the local newspaper and I want an exclusive' is just a cover up to hide the fact that he wants to take you to his place so he can bend you over the banister and-

Death....please shut up. Just shut up. Although I do agree with you.

AHA! So you do admit he's gay and he wants your butt love!

What? That's not...Ugh, I was saying that I think your right that he's lying. He is definitely covering something up.

Yea. His dick in lube so it goes in all smoo-

DEATH! SHUT UP! WHY DO YOU HAVE TO TAKE IT THAT FAR!

Hey I'm not the one taking anything far. You on the other hard are about to get some hardcore stallion wiener in your-

Death...I swear by all that is both holy and unholy, I will focus this pent up energy and unleash it in one so amazing Reapers yell, that EVERYONE IN THIS PLANET AND THE ONES SURROUNDING IT, WILL DIE AND BECOME ZOMBIES!

...

"Yeah sure fine. Let's just make this quick okay?", Gregory told the green pony while grabbing his cane and readjusting his sunglasses. "By the way, what's your name?"

The green pony simply smiled and responded, "It's Green Tea. Thank you so much for agreeing to this interview! Let's get going to my house yeah? It isn't far."

"Good because I'm not really in the mood for walking to far."

You wont be in the mood for walking at all when he's done with you.

BURN IN HELL!

Right back at ya friend!

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