The Dead walk the Earth (Day 1, Part 3)/ It just gets more awkward
Outside of Twilight's house. (9:18 am)
I can't believe you're making me do this...
I can't believe how easily you forget I can kill you in a manner most painful over and over again until the end of time.
...
That's better. Now shut up and keep following those little ones.
Green Tea obliged to the demon's voice, and continued his 'casual walking' while stalking the three energetic fillies. A few times he had even lost track of them while pretending to browse some wears at the market. And another time when he ran into that obnoxious party pony Pinkie Pie.
Gah! Just the mere thought of that mare makes my blood boil!
Focus Romeo. I think those fillies are heading into the woods near Sweet Apple Acres.
You mean the one right next to Whitetail Woods?
No I mean the one next to the library and the joke shop. NOW GET YOUR ASS IN THERE!
Sure enough, the girls went right through the trees, with Applebloom being the last one in, only to turn and look both ways before continuing. After a minute or two of waiting, Green Tea followed. It didn't take long for him to find out why the girls were going into this forest, because seconds later, Green Tea discovered a nice open area in the forest barren of all but one tree. And on this tree, was a very decorated tree house.
Oh there just making this too easy, Green Tea thought, as he made his way up the steps, rope in tow.
CMC Clubhouse.(11:17 a.m.)
"Geeze! Who would have thought it would be that difficult to hog-tie a bunch of kids?", Green Tea pondered aloud while dragging the said unconscious fillies back to his house.
What I want to know is where that orange pegasus learned karate. I actually felt it when she connected with the side of your face.
"Don't remind me," Green Tea replied while rubbing his face. "So...what do you want to do with them once we get to the house?"
Nothing for now. I just want you to put them in the closet or something until after this meeting.
"What meeting?"
So you were paying attention to the fillies. Anyway, while you were stalking the girls and pretending to be sneaky about it, I heard somepony say that Ponyville is going to have a huge meeting with a surprising guest. It turns out, it's also a mandatory meeting.
"Mandatory town meeting for a new guest? Since when did Mayor Mare start doing that?"
I'm not sure. But we're going regardless.
"Fine...whens the meeting?"
I believe I heard it was at 12:00
"Lovely...just enough time to take care of my normal routine before going out. Shower, shave, deodorize, brush, and stuff three cute, little, tied up, unconscious, fillies into a dark, soundproof closet. Yep...just my average Monday."
Town Square (12:00 pm)
Something isn't right...
Could it be the fact that we've been listening to this die- hard mare blabber on about how proud she is of Ponyville? I mean seriously, if I hear one more comment about how happy she was that the last winter wrap up went so well I'll-
No you idiot! I mean I'm sensing an abnormally large amount of power somewhere nearby.
How much power?
Reaper power...
No way! The reaper is here!? Why would it come here?!
I don't know and I don't like it.
Maybe its gonna take all of Ponyville's souls in one fell swoop! I bet you it used its freaky powers to brainwash Mayor Mare into having this mandatory meeting, so that it would have the perfect moment to strike us all down!
Oh calm down you baby! Besides, Reapers don't have mind controlling powers, nor do they kill. They just sort of come to collect when the souls are ready.
Oh...so can they predict when somepony is about to die?
Sometimes yes. Now be quiet, I think that purple unicorn just announced our new guest.
It was indeed at that very moment that Twilight had announced Gregory and pulled back the curtains to reveal the human.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
"Fillies and Gentlecolts, I present to you, Gregory!"
Just seconds after this announcement were met with stomps of encouragement, as the curtains were pulled back to reveal...nothing.
The curtains had only drawn back slightly, so the crowd kept cheering the guest to come out, thinking he was hiding behind the still remaining curtain. But all suspicions of this were put aside when the curtains came to there full draw and there was still an empty stage. The stomping slowed down significantly, as murmurs and whispers began to surface among the crowd.
Twilight wasn't sure what had happened. She knew for a fact that she had let go of her hold on the spell. Just as she was about to rush on stage and try to explain the situation, there was a large bang as a huge tear began to make it's way through the air in center stage. That's right, a tear in space just floating on center stage, that was void of all color and had creepy noises coming from within.
The ponies stood in shock and awe, and nearly jumped in fright, as what appeared to be a dark gloved minotaur hand jutted forth from the vortex. Soon after, another hand followed, only this was white and holding...a scythe? The crowd immediately started to become panicked, and just when they thought it couldn't get any worse, the full creature flew out of the portal and landed on the edge of the stage. Several ponies in the first row fainted while everypony else backed up simultaneously. A certain green earth pony even ran screaming from the crowd. Everypony else remained glued in a mixture of curiosity and fear.
Twilight started to panic herself. She had not intended it to go this way.
Since when was Gregory so theatrical in his entrances? Or theatrical about anything for that matter? Before she could question the matter further, she heard Gregory speak in a dark voice.
"HEEEEEERRRRREEEES JOHNNY!!", Death exclaimed through Gregory's body, causing ponies to gasp in fright.
Wait a minute....that voice! It's....oh no! Twilight began to rush the stage, in an attempt to knock Gregory off and hide him again. Before she could though, she started hearing...laughter? Turning to her right, Twilight noticed Pinkie was laughing and stomping the ground thoroughly.
"Great introduction Gregory! Really over the top!! Woooo Hoooo!"
Realization started to dawn on everypony's face, as soon they were stomping, whistling, laughing, just cheering Gregory on. Twilight turned back to the stage just in time to see Greg- Death, give a bow.
"Thank you thank you! And sorry about scaring you everypony! It's just a thing I love doing!
Hey Greg's, I got them all warmed up for ya! Go get em!
The crowd continued to cheer as Gregory gained full control of his body.
I'm going to kill you some day.
Yea...have fun with that.
After a few moments of stomping and whistling, the crowd dies down, and Gregory is left standing awkwardly on stage with a pair of sunglasses, his robes, a scythe, and his gauntlets, staring at the sea of ponies. Nausea begins to set in Gregory's stomach. At first he thought it was the high amount of color's but then he remembered two things. One, whenever he got color sick, he had a headache, not a nauseating feeling. And two, he had sunglasses on. Suddenly Gregory realized what it must have been. He had stage fright.
Which didn't make sense really. He had delivered several sermons to hundreds of people. (The people of Nalarath were very religious.) But the crowd being made of miniature colored talking horses instead of people, unnerved him greatly. It just felt...weird. He certainly was not prepared for this and began to shake slightly.
Uh...Gregory?
...
Greeeeegooooory?
...
HEY ASSHOLE SNAP OUT OF IT!
"HUH?! What?!", Gregory uttered stupidly to the crowd, who snickered at his antics.
"I said, are you all right Gregory?", Twilight asked from the front of the crowd.
Gregory shuffled uneasily and uttered, "Yeah... yeah just fine. Ahem...so uh... I guess I should start with where I'm from since you already know my name. I come from a place called Nalarath that, surprisingly enough, reminds me of your own town here. Besides the populace there being humans and not ponies of course."
Everypony oo'd at the name. Somepony's hoof rose towards the center of the crowd, a young filly sitting on another ponies back. (Presumably her father.)
"Yes? You have a question?",
"Uhm...what's a hoo-man?", the little filly asked.
"That's what species I am. And it is pronounced 'human'."
"Oh ok...human. (She pronounced it huhmman.)
"Close enough...moving on! Nalarath was but one of many towns in the kingdom of Zarkona, ruled by King Varkoth. It was a big, colorful town full of colorful people. That's why your town reminds me of it so much. All of the...colors," Gregory shutters involuntarily. "Anyway, while I was living there, I was a Father or Priest if you will." This statement earned him confused stares from the crowd.
"You were a father?"
"What's a Priest?"
"Who's King Varkoth?"
How big is your dick?
Ignoring that...
You tend to do that a lot...
Deal with it ass-wipe.
Woah back off with the emotions pal. I'm just trying to lighten your mood.
Yea well It's not working. If anything, you're making it worse. And you remember what happened last time my emotions got out of check right?
I...er...BYE!
...Whatever...
"Please ponies, allow me to explain! No I am not a father, in the sense that I have never had children. A Father is just another name for Priest. As for what a priest is well...you guys have religion right?"
A chorus of head shakes is his only response.
Seriously? No religion? Oh we have to get some God up in here!
Don't even think of going all Catholic Church on me! Last time that major uprising or 'great crusade' happened, I had thousands of souls to judge. THOUSANDS! HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS! SO MUCH WORK BECAUSE HUMANS THOUGHT THAT GOD HAD GIVEN THEM A FREE PASS! OH AND HE WAS PISSED ABOUT THAT! YOU EVER SEEN GOD MAD? I HAVE! IT'S NOT PRETTY AND YOU DON'T WANT IT!
Woah relax, I was just going to suggest building a church or something.
Probably still not a good idea... Tell them about what religion is then shut up. Short an simple.
<1 hour later>
"And that's basically my life and why I'm here now. Any questions?
I have one. What the fuck was that? Why did you have to drag out that religion thing for like, thirty minutes? I told you to keep it short and simple!
Think about what you just thought/said. You asked a once holy man who had devoted himself to God and his teachings to give a 'short and simple' description of religion. There are people who don't even come close to my status, pretend to be, and give much longer sermons than that. I'd say I did pretty well considering I had just did all of the basics and maybe skipped some unimportant ones.
YOU SKIPPED INFO AND STILL TOOK THIRTY MINUTES! WHAT THE FUCK?!...Though I guess you are right. People have told longer and more boring stories of religion.
I also think I did a good job at explaining what I did because there we no questions after that.
Probably because they were all asleep halfway through...
WHAT?!
Yeah they passed out halfway on that spell of yours. Twilight put a spell of the unfortunate bastards to keep them awake. She seemed to be the only one listening and paying any true attention. They most likely didn't interrupt because it would have been rude, and didn't ask questions on it thinking, you would go off on a whole speech again.
....
....
Well at least this whole ordeal is almost over. I just have to answer some simple questions and get this over with.
"HOW BIG IS YOUR DICK?!
Okay Death seriously...that wasn't funny the first time. Stop it.
Uh...that wasn't me...
Bullshit!
IT WASN'T!
"What was that? Who said that?", Gregory demanded while looking out in the crowd. It didn't take long to find the pony in question, as everpony around her moved away, giving her, her own little bubble.
"YOu Heaard Me Monkeeey Hoooman! I said...Wait what did I say...Oh yeah! How big is your dick!?
Well look's like I found the town drunk...
Congratulations! You leveled up!
"Might I remind you mam that there are children here?"
"Heyyou said If we had Questions then we could Ask *hic* them...*hic*. Answer mah question Mokney Farmer"
"Ugh...Go home Berry, you're drunk," a stallion to her side said.
"hEY SHUT UP tHUNDERlaNE! lAST TIME I Checked *hic* tHIS WAS EQUESTIrEA! aND I AM A CITIZEND OF eQUE*hic*stria! AND THERFORE- AM ENTITLED TO ASK A MONKEY FROM A DIFFRENT WORLD ANY QUESTION I WANT!"
Berry now turned her attention back to the stage.
"WHAT''S WRONG mOKNY? tOO ASHAMED AT WHAT A SMaLL 'THING' YOU GOT?"
I like this one! Invite her to Twilight's for cookies!
That's a situation neither me or Twilight would enjoy.
Well at least answer her question!
Death, I am NOT doing that. Not only does it go against everything I was taught in the church, but it goes against the very foundation of social conversation! Plus, there's foals here! I'm not about to degrade myself by-
"14 inches."
*Silence*
*Dead Silence*
*So quite you could hear a small planet from far away explode.*
All the mares in the audience have blushes on there faces, even Twilight. Some of the stallions were even impressed by the number...in more ways then one.
WHAT THE FUCK DEATH?!
SURPRISE!
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Father Gregory as in half-life 2 father Gregory?
4505220 Afraid not my friend. Man I really need to play that half-life game everyone keeps raving about...
4505389 you should it's fun and hard and some bits
4505622 Very well good sir or madam, you have convinced me. I shall make post haste to my local vendor of digitalized entertainment, and purchase myself a copy. Then I shall insert it into my device of controllable digital entertainment, and entertain myself...digitally. I bid thee a good day.
I'm off to buy me a life. Well...half of one. < - Bet no one has made that joke before (sarcasm).
4505672 I'm not gonna spoil it but you'll know Gregory when you find him
4506049 Afraid those are the terms and conditions for Gregory. But I agree, going vegetarian would suck.
I cant go one day without eating at least one thing that has/is/was near meat. 
4506608 and why dose he lesion to them go to the griffins
14 inches... oh my god I fucking died there!
Someone has to do an audio reading of this...is there one already?