Act 1 Part 8 - Big Prize
A Response
To: The Chairman of the UNSC Oversight Sub-Committee
From: The Director of Project FreelancerDear Chairman,
First, let it be known that I disagree with your decision to start an investigation of Project Freelancer over a matter as unrelated to my program as the recent alien attack. That being said, Project Freelancer has always worked within the laws and regulations of the UNSC. Thus, I am more than willing to cooperate with you fully in this investigation, if only so that I may return to my research more quickly.
As for your request for more details on the alien attack on our Command facility, I’m afraid I simply don’t have the information at the present time to answer your questions fully. Rest assured, my men are working around the clock to track down the aliens in question as well as find out what happened within our own ranks.
I am certain that sooner or later, the details of how Project Freelancer first made contact with the Equine aliens will be made apparent…
“Oh no! Hell no! Excuse me, sir. But no Goddamn way!”
“You must be Lieutenant Miller…”
Church silently watched the scene at Outpost 28-A unfold from a safe distance away. The CO of the local Blue Team was storming out of the area that served as Blue Base in Rat’s Nest yelling at the top of his lungs about something or other. What really concerned Church, though, was the soldier in gray armor with yellow detail that the CO was yelling at.
“Crap…” Church muttered, turning on his radio. “Twilight, do you copy? We have a problem over here.”
“What do you mean, Church?” the little unicorn’s voice came in through Church’s helmet. Church was glad that he and Twilight had agreed that she should stay with the Warthog a short distance away while he scouted out the situation at Blue Base.
“I’ve just arrived at Caboose and Tucker’s new base, and there’s a Freelancer here!”
Twilight’s voice raised in pitch. “What?! Is he looking for me?”
“Not sure. Just stay put, Twilight. I’m going to take a closer look.” Church then switched off his radio and started walking closer to the Blue CO and the Freelancer he was talking to.
As Church got closer, he noticed that the Blue CO (who the Freelancer had referred to as Miller if Church wasn’t mistaken) wasn’t yelling anymore.
“Wait a minute… you’re taking Caboose? And I don’t have to pay you, or anything like that?”
“Wait a minute, he’s taking Caboose?” Church asked, resulting in both Lieutenant Miller and the Freelancer to turn in his direction.
“I know, right? Isn’t that just the best news you’ve ever heard?!” Miller exclaimed. He then raised an uncertain finger in Church’s direction. “Wait, you’re not a member of my squad, are you?”
“No. Actually, I’m a member of Caboose’s old squad,” Church said. Although he had originally come to Rat’s Nest hoping to seek refuge based on that fact alone, Church instantly regretted saying as such when the Freelancer in gray and yellow armor took an eager step toward him.
“Wait, you were with Private Caboose in Blood Gulch?” the Freelancer asked in an intense, serious voice.
An uneasy feeling filled Church’s body. A Freelancer this invested in something was never a good sign. Unfortunately, Church had already established his connection to Caboose, so there was no point in saying otherwise.
“Yeah, what’s it to you?”
“What are you doing here? Why aren’t you with your own squad?” the Freelancer asked.
“I don’t have a squad... at least, not anymore. They were wiped out by the Reds,” Church answered truthfully. Indeed, he was the lone survivor of the Blue Team on Sidewinder, but that was years ago. “What do you want with Caboose and I, anyway?”
“It might be best to wait until Caboose gets out here before I explain everything.”
Church suddenly realized something was wrong. Why was this Freelancer only here for Caboose? “Wait, what about Tucker?”
“Private Tucker was taken in by Command for something. They were all hush-hush about it, of course…” Miller lamented before he turned toward Blue Base, where the rest of his men were gathered on the second level. “Private Joe-Ennis! Joe-Ennis! Where the hell are ya?!”
A Blue soldier with beige detail on his armor stepped forward. “Sir, for the millionth time. It’s pronounced Jones. Jones!” he said in a British accent.
“Shut up, Joe-Ennis!” one of the other Blue soldiers said.
“Lot’s of people have the name! It’s very common! Seriously, how am I the first person you’ve met called Jones?!”
Church tried to suppress a groan. It seemed that pointless bickering wasn’t unique to his own squad.
“Listen up, Joe-Ennis. I want you to go down to the brig, untie Caboose and bring him up here,” Miller ordered.
“You keep him in the brig?” the Freelancer asked, sounding genuinely shocked.
“We keep him tied up in the brig! I’m not taking any more chances.”
“That’s… actually brilliant. Why didn’t I think of that?!” Church exclaimed.
“You want me to get Caboose? Alone?” Joe-Ennis asked, sounding incredibly nervous.
“Actually, that guy brings up a good point,” Church said, walking towards the stairs leading up to the second level of the base. “I should probably go with him. Make sure Caboose doesn’t kill anyone.”
Without any further words, Church met Joe-Ennis on the second floor platform of the base, and together the two of them went inside. As they did so, a Warthog violently skidded around the corner and came speeding towards Blue Base. In addition to the sound of the vehicle’s engine, the gathered soldiers heard another sound like a man screaming.
“What in the hell?” Lieutenant Miller muttered as the warthog went speeding past and came skidding to a stop a few feet away.
When the sound of the warthog’s engine stopped, the gathered Blues and lone Freelancer were able to hear the sound of screaming more clearly and realized it was coming from the driver. A Blue wearing armor with brown detail jumped out of the driver’s seat, still screaming.
“Private Mickhead? What’s going on? Why aren’t you out on patrol right now?” Miller asked.
The soldier’s response was simply to give another terrified scream before pointing inside the Warthog he arrived in. Lieutenant Miller and the Freelancer both moved forward to take a look into the vehicle and found the subject of Private Mickhead’s terror: A small purple unicorn with a black eye looking dazed as she sat in the passenger seat.
Six ponies and a baby dragon made their way through Ponyville towards the center of town. At the head of the group was Applejack, the farm pony trotting along at a nervous, brisk pace.
“Ya sure yer not an alien, missy?” Granny Smith asked, looking at Rarity through squinting old eyes.
“For the last time, yes!” Rarity snapped.
Normally, Applejack might have chided her fashionista friend for being so short with her grandmother, but normally Rarity would not have been so short to begin with. Truth was, they were all very on edge at the moment. They’d just survived a brutal brawl with the alien called Tex, only for the thing to just disappear to who knows where. The seven of them were now on their way to the party that Pinkie Pie was so keen on seeing them at. The very same Pinkie who was apparently under the influence of an aggressive alien A.I. On top of that, Applejack kept thinking she’d seen movement out of the corner of her eyes throughout the whole trip through town, but every time she’d turn to look she’d see nothing.
Letting out a nervous breath, Applejack looked back at her friends. They met her eyes and once again she found herself under their lost, expectant gazes. Applejack immediately looked away. She knew what they wanted from her, but she also knew she couldn’t deliver on what they wanted. What they needed.
Applejack had tried to take charge when she first heard word of the alien Tex in Ponyville. Her plan had been simple, but not enough; her friends were still feeling the painful effects of that mockery of a battle. Even now, her poor brother was hobbling along with his hind legs closer together than normal. Applejack just couldn’t stop thinking about how wrong that encounter could have gone.
As Applejack closed her eyes and tried to push those thoughts from her mind, Rainbow Dash—who had been hanging back with Fluttershy and Big Mac—took off, swooped around and started hovering alongside Applejack.
“So… it’s pretty obvious that this party we’re going to is a trap of some sort,” Rainbow Dash said.
Applejack nodded and gave a noncommittal grunt. Spike increased his pace to walk alongside the two of them. “So… do you have a plan or something?”
Just like that, Applejack stopped walking, halting the whole group in their tracks.
“Why’re you askin’ me?”
The others looked at her in confusion.
“Uh… come again?” Rarity asked.
Applejack turned around to face the rest of them. “Why am I the one y’all look to for leadership?”
Her friends fidgeted awkwardly for a few moments.
Finally, Fluttershy made a slight squeak as she cleared her throat. “Um… well, it’s just… you do such a good job managing your farm, and… ”
“And what? That makes me qualified to be our fearless leader when danger comes knockin’?”
“Uh, Eeyup?” Big Mac asked.
“But it doesn’t! Every plan I’d come up with to deal with that Tex-thing was a disaster! If Fluttershy hadn’t stepped in, we might all have…” Applejack trailed off, unable to finish that train of thought.
When she continued, Applejack just sounded spent. “I ain’t Twilight. Y’all want a leader? Find somepony else. I ain’t cut out fer it…”
With that, Applejack continued forward, making sure her lasso was tied and firmly tucked into her tail as she approached Town Hall. The place was decorated with balloons and streamers, just like any other of Pinkie’s parties. A giant poster hung on the facade of the building, featuring Pinkie Pie—or something resembling her—staring dramatically at something in the distance. Across the image were the words: “Bringing an evil-er tomorrow… Yesterday!”
Applejack couldn’t help but wonder why it looked like a political campaign ad.
“Just stay put, Twilight. I’m going to take a closer look.”
With that, Church’s voice cut out and Twilight heard nothing but silence in her ears. Now that she was alone with her thoughts, Twilight took a moment to reflect on her situation. She wasn’t sure whether she was better off in Blood Gulch dealing with a bunch of idiots that refused to help her or not. It sure beat being relentlessly pursued by a scary, enigmatic military agency regardless.
Leaning back in the passenger seat of the Warthog she sat in, Twilight took in her surroundings. There wasn’t much to look at in the large underground tunnel system designated “Rat’s Nest.” The tunnels themselves were large and towered high above the vehicle Twilight sat in. The concrete walls surrounding her were grimy and covered in mold. A large rusty pipe followed the path of the tunnel along the ceiling, and the whole place smelled dank and unpleasant. Occasionally, Twilight would hear the distant voices of other Red or Blue soldiers echoing down the tunnels.
“Hmm? What’s this Warthog doing here?”
Twilight’s ears rose to attention. That voice sounded a lot closer than the others. On top of that, it was accompanied by the sound of footsteps. Twilight realized that the Warthog the voice had referred to was the one she was sitting in all too late as a soldier wearing blue armor with brown detail climbed into the driver’s seat beside her.
Slowly, the Blue and the pony turned their heads to look at one another. After a few awkward seconds of silently staring, Twilight decided to initiate communication. Slowly, she raised a foreleg and gave a little wave.
“Um… hi,” Twilight said carefully.
“AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”
Of all the reactions Twilight expected, screaming in terror was not one of them. Twilight raised both front hooves up in a desperate attempt to placate the panicking Blue soldier.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. Calm down, sir! I mean you no harm-”
The same could not be said of the screaming soldier, who proceeded to punch Twilight in the face, severely rattling her brain inside her skull and disorienting the little purple unicorn. Twilight didn’t want to be mad at him. The punch was probably just a fear reaction: Still, it really hurt!
Twilight curled up in her seat, covering her likely bruised face with the hooves she was using earlier to try to calm the frantically screaming individual. As she lay there in the passenger’s seat with her throbbing head, Twilight became vaguely aware that she was moving. Removing her hooves from her face, Twilight was greeted by the blurry, unfocused sight of the tunnel walls whooshing past before returning her hooves to her aching head. Twilight realized the panicking Blue soldier that had hit her was still screaming, but the sound was distant in her ears.
After a while, Twilight heard the sound of other voices. As her senses returned, Twilight noticed that they were no longer moving. She opened her eyes, blinking a few times to clear the fogginess until she could see everything with clarity again. Twilight’s veins went ice cold as she found herself looking into the helmet of a man wearing gray armor with yellow on his helmet and shoulders. He could only be the Freelancer that Church had mentioned.
Gasping, Twilight sat up against the backrest of her seat in the Warthog. The Freelancer immediately responded by raising his rifle at her. The sight of the barrel mere inches from her face immediately caused Twilight to freeze in place.
“You’re the alien they’re looking for,” the Freelancer said in a voice as dark and cold as the agency he worked for. “The one that attacked Command.”
“What? I didn’t attack anything! They tried to take me and I ran!” Twilight desperately exclaimed.
“Uh, huh… talking purple alien horse… guess your reaction was kind of justified there, Private Mickhead!” a Blue soldier (who appeared to be the CO) said to the man who had freaked out and punched her.
“And to think, I joined the army to get away from the farm animals,” Mickhead sighed. “Stupid Equinophobia…”
Twilight took a stuttering breath as she continued to stare down the barrel of the Freelancer’s weapon. The accumulated anxiety of the past couple of days was starting to make her feel ill.
“What do you people even want with me, anyway?” she croaked.
“Well I can’t speak for Project Freelancer, but personally I’d like to know how you got here from your world,” the man in gray armor stated, his rifle remaining unnaturally steady.
Twilight sighed, tiring of repeating her story. “One of your ships crashed on my world and when I was sent to investigate, an A.I. called Gamma teleported me here.”
The Freelancer actually lowered his weapon a bit, moving a little closer to a very surprised Twilight. “Gamma? Shit, why didn’t we receive Wyoming’s recovery beacon?”
Twilight tilted her head. She was about to ask the man just what he was talking about when he raised his weapon at her again. “Was there anything else on board? Any other A.I.s?”
“No, it was just…” Twilight trailed off when an important detail occurred to her. Something that she’d completely forgotten about until that very moment.
“Wait… there was that other A.I. The one Arcane Star pulled out of the black robot… Tex.”
“What happened to it? Where’s Omega now?”
Twilight raised her eyebrows at the mention of the name. “Arcane Star tried a conversion spell on it to turn it into an M.I., but it failed. The thing just vanished afterward.” On further reflection, Twilight figured that was probably the reason she’d never thought to mention the other A.I. before now.
“Shit!” The Freelancer fully lowered his weapon this time. “For your sake, I hope that the conversion failed. Otherwise, your friends back home are in a lot of trouble.” The Freelancer then muttered, “Though your friends are probably in trouble regardless. Assuming It has tracked the ship...”
Another uneasy sensation filled Twilight’s chest with the Freelancer’s words. She was about to ask him what he meant when another voice filled Twilight’s ears via the radio headset she was wearing.
“Come in, Recovery One. Recovery One, do you read?” The voice was not Church, but a cold, distant sounding woman that Twilight had never heard before.
“This is Recovery One. Go ahead, Recovery Command,” it was only when she heard the Freelancer’s reply over the radio that Twilight realized her headset must have been tuned to his frequency.
“Recovery One, what is the status of your search?” the voice of Recovery Command asked.
“I’ve arrived at Outpost 28-A. There are two sim troopers here that have had extensive experience with the Omega A.I. I’ll let you know if they give me any leads.”
“Copy that, Recovery One. Any word on the priority target?”
It was when the Freelancer looked in Twilight’s direction that she realized the “priority target” was her. Panicking, Twilight looked around, searching desperately for somewhere to run to.
“Negative, Command. No sign of the alien yet.”
Twilight slowly turned to look back at the Freelancer as the voice of the woman at Command continued in her ears.
“Copy that, Recovery One. If you find any leads on the equine alien’s whereabouts, report in immediately.”
“Copy”
“Command out.”
A strange silence prevailed between Twilight and Recovery One as the static of the radio disappeared. Finally, the Freelancer spoke.
“I believe you said earlier that you’re trying to get home, correct?”
Twilight nodded, an uncertain look in her eyes. Still, she was beginning to feel slightly more at ease in the presence of the Freelancer.
“I’m Agent Washington. I think you and I share a common goal.”
“Attention Ponyville… ites? Ponyville… Ponyvillians? Ponyvillegones?”
Standing in the tightly packed crowd of ponies inside Town Hall, Applejack and the others looked up at the balcony/stage above where a certain pink pony stood. As soon as “Pinkie” had been sure that the rest of her friends had arrived at the party, she had disappeared to the combined annoyance and concern of Applejack and the others. They barely had time to go to the refreshment table for punch when she appeared on the elevated stage. It was only fitting the thing that had taken Pinkie’s body and mind was standing exactly where Nightmare Moon—who had done the same to Luna—had back when the six Bearers of Harmony first met.
After deciding that what Ponyville ponies were actually called didn’t matter, Pinkie resumed her dramatic speech with an unsettling smile. Her voice echoed throughout the wide open, finely crafted Town Hall, its tasteful architecture covered in more multicolored streamers and clustered balloons. Behind Pinkie… no, behind Pinkie’s body was another looming image of the party pony that resembled a campaign ad.
“I have an announcement: I’m campaigning for Mayor! Hee hee ha ha!”
At this, all of the gathered ponies looked around at each other, a low murmur of confusion and intrigue prevailing throughout the expansive room. Applejack found her gaze falling on a certain tan mare with a gray mane.
“Now wait a minute…” Mayor Mare started, but O’Malley continued.
“The platform I’m running on is a platform OF OBLIVION! Mwa ha ha haaa!”
“Also, less taxes on party supplies!” Pinkie herself cheerfully added. So there was still a little of their friend in there after all.
“Yes, I’m going to make many changes around here! For starters, I’m going to bring down the old governing body!” O’Malley then brought Pinkie’s hoof down and brought it back up with a lit match. “And by that, I mean I’m going to DESTROY THIS BUILDING AND EVERYONE INSIDE! HA HA HA HAAAAA!”
O’Malley lit one of the streamers lining the wall and to everypony’s surprise the flames moved along the streamers like a spark along a wick. O’Malley then bit through a series of strings holding in place clusters of balloons of various colors on the walls opposite to the stage. The balloons floated up to the rafters, revealing the literal dynamite attached to the wall at the end of the wick of streamers burning their way across the chamber.
“First Ponyville, THEN THE UNIVERSE!”
Panic ensued as every pony in Town Hall began shrieking and stampeding toward the door, but the front entrance to the Town Hall was firmly locked. Rainbow Dash wasted no time in flying up to the rapidly burning streamers and flapped her wings rapidly in an attempt to put the flames out. Instead, she only encouraged the flames forward. Upon looking at the slightly damp streamers, Rainbow realized O’Malley must have used the same “Odorless Pranking Liquid” as he had on Rarity’s boutique.
While everypony else was desperately trying to find a way out, Applejack looked up at the source of the chaos, hoping to bring them down with her lasso. Her eyes widened when she saw that a familiar colorful piece of artillery had materialized in front of O’Malley. The entity took hold of Pinkie’s party cannon and fired a shot straight down at Applejack. The farm pony leapt out of the path of a table complete with a cloth and desserts that inexplicably exploded upon impact with the ground that Applejack had previously been standing on.
O’Malley next turned Pinkie’s weapon on Rarity, whose horn was glowing as she tried to summon a spell. As she climbed to her hooves, Applejack noticed the way the light coming out of her horn was flickering out as the fashionista continued her attempts to cast. Seeing that her friend was in danger, Applejack swiftly tossed her lasso forward, roping up the white unicorn and pulling her out of harm’s way just as a triple decker cake from Pinkie’s party cannon landed and once again burst into flames for no readily apparent reason.
“Thanks for that. I guess I exerted all of my magic in our earlier fight with Tex,” Rarity said as she caught her breath.
“HEY! A little help up here?” Rainbow’s raspy voice called out.
Applejack and Rarity both looked up in the pegasus’ direction, who had now resorted to punching the flames eating away at the streamers as they moved closer and closer to the wall mounted explosives. Fluttershy suddenly joined Rainbow alongside the burning streamers with the jug of punch from the refreshment table in her hooves. In a single douse the flames were extinguished and the four friends breathed a sigh of relief.
With that taken care of, Applejack looked back up at O’Malley. He still had Pinkie’s party cannon in her forelegs and was currently aiming at someone on the ground floor, tongue out sideways as Pinkie’s eyes were squinted in concentration.
“SPIKE!! GET UP! MOVE!” Rarity’s distressed cry told Applejack all she needed to know, but she wasn’t sure what she could do. Applejack doubted that her lasso would reach all the way up to where O’Malley stood.
She then noticed Pinkie’s ears twitch curiously as something moved behind her. Applejack noticed something akin to a shimmer on stage behind Pinkie, like she was looking at that part of the air through distorted glass. O’Malley then turned Pinkie’s body around and found himself looking up at a tall armored figure in black as it materialized before him.
“Hey, Omega!” Tex greeted.
Pinkie’s eyes widened. “Allison?”
Tex delivered a hard kick straight to Pinkie’s face, sending the pink pony and the foreign entity inhabiting her plummeting off the elevated stage and crashing to the floor below in a pile of pink limbs. The other four ponies and baby dragon all ran up to the inert Pinkie Pie, whose face was twisted in a rather comical grimace as she and O’Malley lay unconscious.
As Tex landed beside them on a single knee and palm, Applejack uncoiled her rope and looked down at Pinkie. “Reckon now would be a good time to use this, huh?”
As Church followed Joe-Ennis into Blue Base, he heard the sound of a Warthog engine outside followed by horrified screaming. Church was curious about what was going on, but decided to ignore it. He didn’t feel like getting involved with any more of other people’s problems. He had enough on his plate as it was.
Church cleared his throat as the two of them continued walking along the second floor of the base. “So… locked Caboose in the brig, huh? What exactly did he do?”
“Oh, he just mullered everything all over the gaff. It was mental,” Joe-Ennis replied in his Oxfordshire British accent.
Church did a double take. “Uh… what?”
“He flumped our tank into a heap. He bunced me right in the gob and then bipped my leg. Was bloody lamped! Yeah… he’s just generally been an absolute mong!”
As the two of them reached a flight of stairs going down, Church stopped in his tracks.
“What the fuck did you just say? Was that even English?”
Joe-Ennis stopped walking and turned to face Church. “Of course it is, you bloody ponce! It’s the Queen’s English!”
Church just stared straight at Joe-Ennis, still as a statue. “I can’t… I didn’t understand a one word you just said. It’s like you’re doing a scene out of fucking Harry Potter!”
Joe-Ennis just shrugged and turned back around, continuing down the stairs. “Whatever man, don’t be a pleb! Caboose is right down here. Christ…”
The pair of Blues descended the stairs and then turned to face a green metal door. Joe-Ennis unlocked the door by pressing a glowing yellow button on a panel to the side and the door slowly swung open. The two of them stepped into the brig and immediately noticed a slight anomaly.
“Where’s Caboose?” Church asked.
Sure enough, the dark brig was completely empty save for a single pile of discarded cables likely used to keep Caboose safely bound.
“Hello? Caboose? Caboose, are you in here?” Joe-Ennis asked, fear causing his British voice to increase in pitch significantly as he pulled out his pistol and walked cautiously forward. “Caboose? Caboose…?”
Joe-Ennis paused before he tried to address the missing man by his first name. “... Michael?”
At that moment a blue blur fell from the ceiling and landed on top of Joe-Ennis, knocking the British Blue to the floor.
“AAAH MICHAEL! MICHAEL PLEASE!” Joe-Ennis shrieked, his high-pitched accented voice making his exclamations of Caboose’s first name sound more like “Mi-cool.”
Joe-Ennis’ screams were abruptly cut off as his Blue assailant quickly picked up the pistol he dropped and fired a single shot into his back.
“Be careful!” Caboose stated pleasantly as he stepped off of Joe-Ennis’ inert gurgling form. The dim young man then looked at Church standing in the doorway. Church didn’t move, hoping that if he remained still Caboose wouldn’t be able to see him.
“Hi Church!” No such luck.
In all honesty, Church probably should have been more concerned that Caboose had just killed a man in front of him. Instead, a single detail about his comrade had completely taken over Church’s attention.
“Caboose? What the fuck is with your armor?” Indeed, Caboose’s helmet appeared to be the same model as the one they’d all been wearing for the past few years, only more rounded. Somehow it gave Caboose a more childlike appearance.
After a short argument between Church and Caboose about his downgraded armor, the two of them turned around and made their way to the front entrance to Blue Base. In response to Caboose asserting that his Mk V armor was an improvement to his Mk VI, Church pointed out that Blue Team is, in fact, not a top ten list.
“Seriously, do I look like a fucking late night show host to you?” Church asked irritably as they stepped out into the wide open underground tunnel of Rat’s Nest.
“Well if you were, I’d totally be your cool musical sidekick!” Caboose said, miming playing a keyboard and stomping his foot on the ground repeatedly as he sang, “Rack-a-frack-a-rack-a-hoedown!”
Church groaned, looking away from Caboose to find that Freelancer who wanted to talk to them. Church still wasn’t sure what to do about him yet. He hoped the man would only have a few questions to ask him and Caboose before being on his way so that Church could get back to figuring out a plan with…
Church stopped dead in his tracks. There was a Warthog parked in front of the base that wasn’t there earlier. What frightened him about it was the fact that a certain purple unicorn was sitting in the passenger seat with a certain Freelancer in gray and yellow armor standing over her.
“Fuck! TWILIGHT! RUN!” Church exclaimed, raising his sniper rifle at the mildly surprised looking Freelancer, who turned in Church’s direction but made no move to attack.
Twilight wasted no time in jumping out of the passenger seat of the Warthog, but instead of fleeing like Church told her to, she placed herself between him and the Freelancer.
“Wait, Church! Agent Washington isn’t our enemy!” Twilight exclaimed.
“Bullshit! He’s a Freelancer! Even if he wasn’t under orders to bring you in, they can’t be trusted!”
“Unless helping you people is beneficial to my mission,” the Freelancer apparently called Washington said, taking a few steps toward Church and Caboose.
Caboose suddenly looked over at Twilight, apparently just noticing her for the first time.
“George! You’re alive!” Caboose exclaimed, running toward Twilight, arms outstretched. “The power of our love has brought you back!”
A look of sudden panic appeared on Twilight’s face as her eyes widened. As Caboose made to scoop her up into a death-hug, Twilight disappeared in a bright flash of light and reappeared moments later behind Church. Caboose whirled around and moved to hug Twilight again, but stopped as his visor came within inches of Washington’s.
“And you’re… Caboose?” Washington asked uneasily.
“Some people call me that…” Caboose said whimsically.
“And… you’re the one who has experience with the Omega A.I.?”
“Yeah… I had O’Malley in my head for a while. He was a pretty good roommate. Always did the dishes. Didn’t leave the toilet seat up…”
Washington tilted his head back. “What?”
“I’m still kind of sad we never had a proper hoedown together…” Caboose lamented before he once again began forcefully stomping his foot on the ground in a somewhat rhythmic manner as he sang, “Rack-a-frack-a-rack-O’Malley!”
A pair of sniper rifle shots flew past Caboose as he continued his weird song and dance. Washington looked over at Church, who had his sniper rifle raised.
“Goddamn it Caboose if you don’t shut the fuck up, I will end you!” Church hissed. “You already killed me once, don’t think I won’t return the favor!”
Washington looked back and forth from Caboose to Church, his gaze finally resting down on Twilight. “So, a talking purple unicorn is the most normal one out of all of you… that is really an achievement in insanity!”
Twilight gave Washington her best sympathetic smile. “You get used to them.”
“Alright… Washington, is it? You have some explaining to do,” Church said, lowering his rifle. “You said you were willing to help us. Why?”
“I’m on a mission to recover the Omega A.I., and as your equine friend here confirmed, it’s somewhere on her home planet: the very place the two of you are trying to get to.”
Church rounded on Twilight. “What the fuck, Twilight? Fucking O’Malley is on your planet, and you told a Freelancer instead of me?!”
Twilight glared right back at Church. “He’s offered to help us, Church! He had the chance to turn me in to his superiors, but he didn’t!”
“He could just be waiting to turn you in later!”
Twilight seemed about to give a heated retort, but instead ran a hoof through her mane as she collected herself. “Look, even with the plan we have now, we still don’t have a way to actually go through with it. As a top Freelancer, Washington actually has a chance of getting us to Equestria.”
Church wanted to tell Twilight why she was wrong. He wanted to tell the naive little unicorn why Washington couldn’t be trusted and why they were better off without him. Except he knew she had a point. By themselves, Church and Twilight could never hope to make it to Equestria. They simply didn’t have the knowledge, experience, or resources to come up with any sort of feasible course of action. With a top Recovery Agent on their side, though, they could actually do it.
“Fine. But that still doesn’t mean I trust him!” Church said, giving Washington a cautious glare.
“Okay. What do you guys have so far?” Washington asked. The Freelancer seemed completely unphased by the fact they were arguing about his loyalty right in front of him.
Twilight and Church explained their plan to find the travel log of Tex’s ship and a slipspace drive Twilight can use her magic on. As they did so, Lieutenant Miller pulled Caboose aside to have a few final words with him. Church wondered if the Lieutenant had come to actually care about Caboose in their short time together. If that was the case, at least Caboose would have somewhere to go back to should things turn out for the worst.
Washington listened in silence as Twilight and Church explained their plan.
“So, what do you think?” Twilight asked when they finished.
“Well, you have one thing right, Twilight: As a top Recovery Agent, I have clearance to access Command’s records of their ships’ travel logs. All we need is a place to access them from,” Washington explained. “I’ll need a computer with a line to the Command server. I know that a few sim outposts have some, but not many. The question is where to find one…”
Church put a hand on his chin as he recalled all of the bases he’d been to over the past five years. It didn’t take too long for a realization to hit him.
“A computer, huh? I think I know where to find one…”
The Warthog carrying two Blue soldiers and a purple unicorn drove out of the cave that served as the entrance to Rat’s Nest, unaware that they were being watched from a distance. The watcher tracked the Warthog through the scope of his sniper rifle before focusing on another vehicle following shortly behind. A soldier in gray armor with yellow detail followed the Blues on an ATV.
“Well, well. If it isn’t dear old Agent Washington. Just what are you playing at?” Wyoming lowered his sniper and watched the distant vehicles disappear into a line of trees from his position atop a distant cliff.
Wyoming hadn’t known Washington too well during their time in Project Freelancer together. Frankly, that was because Wyoming hadn’t thought much of him at the time, considering him nothing but an inexperienced rookie. Something had clearly changed Washington in the time since, as now he was Command’s top Recovery Agent. And now here he was apparently aiding the little alien pony and her Blue friends; no doubt against direct orders from Command.
Wyoming didn’t fancy his chances against the combined strength of the pony, the Blue soldiers who had caused him plenty of trouble in the past, and a Freelancer of equal skill as he. No, Wyoming was going to need some help, and he knew just the way to acquire it.
Turning away from the cliff overlooking the expanse of rock and trees, the Englishman slung his sniper rifle over his back and turned on his helmet radio. He then cleared his throat and proceeded to put on his best impression of a boorish American accent to disguise his voice.
“Come in, Red Base. This is Command. Do you read?”
Without hesitation, the oafish Red Sergeant answered, “This is Blood Gulch Outpost Number One. Go ahead, Command!”
“We have new orders for ya… partner…” Wyoming said in his version of a Southern accent.
“Roger that, Command. Y’know, it’s funny: Your voice sounds mighty familiar!”
Wyoming flinched slightly, thinking for a moment that the Sergeant had figured out who he really was. It was then that it occurred to Wyoming: his voice when imitating an American accent sounded remarkably like Sarge. It was almost as if he was talking to himself. Wyoming dismissed the thoughts, focusing on his reason for contacting Sarge in the first place.
“Agent Washington has betrayed Command and reassembled the Blues,” Wyoming chuckled quietly after he stopped transmitting. Outright lying to manipulate others was one thing. It brought him an entirely different level of satisfaction when he could twist the truth to achieve the results he wanted.
“I knew it! I knew he was a Blue!”
“Yes, you’re a very astute man. Now, gather your team. The Blues are in possession of a purple equine alien that is vital to Command’s operations…”
“Wait a minute, do you mean Twilicapernicus?”
Wyoming grunted in surprise. Although it sounded like Sarge had thoroughly butchered the alien’s name, the fact remained that he knew about her existence. Wyoming decided it didn’t matter. He probably didn’t know enough to compromise Project Freelancer anyway. Just in case, Wyoming made it a point to deal with him and his squad as soon as the alien was in custody. After all, he couldn’t have them taking his big prize to Command themselves.
“Yes. We want you to eliminate the Blues, but take the alien alive! Understood?”
“Yes, sir!”
Wyoming grinned under his helmet. “Good. Command out.”
“Wait just a second! Any word on that soldier poison I ordered?” Sarge chimed in quickly before Wyoming had a chance to disconnect.
“Uh… what?”
“You know, the green stuff that let’s ya infect one of your soldiers and send him into the enemy’s midst, where he’d spread disease through noxious clouds that come out of all of his orifices and infect nearby enemies and turns them into legions of the undead that would be perfect for dealing with using a shotgun?”
“I… don’t think that’s a real thing…”
“Oh… well how about the robot bull that attacks whatever colors you program it to hate?”
“No…”
“Hypno ring?”
“No.”
“Full body pillow of disassembled robot?”
“NO!”
“Well why the hell am I subscribed to Red Army Catalogue if you don’t have any of that stuff in stock? I’m startin’ to think I’m being ripped off!”
“Perhaps that’s because you are getting ripped off, you bloody buffoon!” Wyoming’s palm went straight to his face when he realized he’d let his accent slip about two “Nos” ago.
Sarge remained silent for a little while. Surely he’d figured out who he was talking to by now…
“So are you telling me the armless man who gave me this subscription wasn’t legit?”
Wyoming groaned. “Command out.”
Whatever Sarge was about to say next was cut short by Wyoming disconnecting their conversation. Turning to look back out in the direction Washington and the Blues had gone with the alien, Wyoming sighed.
“Some help is better than no help at all…”
“While normally I don’t need anyone’s help dealing with this asshole, this is going to be a problem,” Tex said.
Spike looked up at the imposing creature in black armor beside him. Despite the others’ assurances, he still felt nervous around the large alien synthetic. Especially after hearing what it was capable of.
Four ponies, one baby dragon and one robot in black armor all stood in the middle of Golden Oaks around an unconscious Pinkie Pie. The possessed pink party pony was firmly tied up in a cocoon of rope courtesy of Applejack. Not that the rope would do any good if O’Malley decided to switch bodies. They only hoped that he and Pinkie would remain unconscious until they figured out a solution.
“Well what exactly can we do?” Applejack asked, looking up at Tex. “Much as we wanna help our friend, you know more about this thing that’s in her head than we do!”
“Um… You said you dealt with O’Malley before, right? How did you do it then?” Fluttershy tentatively asked.
“Before, I had a way of getting inside the head of anyone he possessed so I could kick him out from the inside,” Tex explained. “Won’t work now, though. I’m still limited to jumping into people with an A.I. slot and a radio signal to travel along.”
Spike stomped a foot on the ground, unable to take any more negative facts. “Well we have to do something!”
Rainbow Dash shot up into the air and hovered in place. “Yeah! It’s not like a solution is just going pop in out of thin air!”
Spike suddenly felt nauseous as a burning sensation rose from his stomach to his throat. With a loud belch, a plume of green fire burst from the little dragon’s mouth a few inches from Rarity’s face and a scroll popped into existence, dropping to the wooden floor.
“Spike dear, you really ought to cover your mouth when you do that,” Rarity said, waving a hoof in front of her face to dissipate some of the residual smoke.
Meanwhile, Spike bent down to pick up the scroll and wasted no time unfurling it. His face beamed when he saw who it was from.
“Princess Celestia responded to my letter!”
At Spike’s exclamation, the four mares in the room excitedly gathered around the baby dragon and even Tex casually strode up to read over his head. Spike cleared his throat as he prepared to read aloud.
“Dear Spike,
I apologize for not replying to you sooner, but I have had my hooves full dealing with this alien ship alongside my regular duties. First of all, I’d like to address the issue of the military contingent I’ve sent to Ponyville. I’m not sure how much they told you, but the creature discovered at the crash site has escaped and may be after you and the girls. Even with the guards in place, I advise caution to all of you…”
“Little too late for that, Princess…” Tex snarked.
“As for the matter of Pinkie Pie’s strange behavior, I’ve dealt with something similar in the past, which is why I sent the expert along with the contingent. I’m sure she’s already explained the situation to you and has worked out a solution. Please let me know if there is anything else troubling you or the girls.
Sincerely,
Princess Celestia.”
“Expert? Whatever is the Princess talking about?” Rarity asked.
Before Spike could confirm that he had as much of a clue as the rest of them, there was a sudden and firm series of knocks at the door.
“I’ll get it,” Spike said, turning toward the library’s front door.
“Ooh! Maybe it’s the expert!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed.
“C’mon RD, after we were literally just talking about them? What would the odds of that be?” Applejack asked.
Spike opened the door and was greeted by the sight of a maize unicorn mare with a wild red and yellow mane like fire.
“Guess you’re Spike, then? I came by earlier but no one was here,” she said.
Spike’s face lit up. “Oh, you must be the expert Celestia sent to help!”
The unicorn mare nodded. “Name’s Sunset Shimmer. I hear you’re having problems with an M.I.”
You also might be wondering why Tex is suddenly back to trying to kill O'Malley when just recently she was working with him. There's a reason... when we'll learn that reason is another story...
Next time: More cameos at Last Resort!
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Sunset Shimmer!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!?????????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
3819162 Good lord you're fast! *Looks at user name* Ah, touché!
Also, spoiler alert!
3819177 Just lucky with finishing a chapter I am reading and seeing the update on the next page.
More Twilight and Simmons!
Heh. If only you knew, Church.
Those last lines...
AAAAAAAAAGGGGHHH! You sir, owe me 20 dollars for making put a whole in my wall...
but in all seriousness, why?
3819162 The fuck is she doing here?!?! I thought she was in the human world!!! Wait, is twilight an Alicorn in this? Or Unicorn?
But Mi-cool!
Good
Another chapter, yay!
Also love the reference of how Sarge and Wyoming are done by the same voice actor, Matt Hullum.
Church and Twilight's interaction will never stop making me happy, and Gavin's voice acting cameo in this chapter was top!
Keep running Miss Pie.We are the Meta, and we will find you. Very soon.
.
This...is the strangest world...ever. Of all time.
.
Shotgun! Shotgun, fuck!
3819289 Yes! Let the strange inter-species shipping commence at full Zero-point reactor power!
Holy shit. Michael J. Caboose. Gavin voiced Joe-Ennis. Caboose killed Joe-Ennis. It never occurred to me that Gavin was killed by Michael. I was dying at that part.
I love this story.
I don't know why, but I would die of fear if I were in the same room with the Director and the Chairman at the same time. Their exchanges here and in the show are just so... poisonous.
Nice chapter, btw.
HSXI- 'May the Power protect you'
Don't see how Sunset is there. An AU is the only explanation, cause she left when Twilight was still a filly.
And Tex was always trying to get rid of O'Malley in the series, even at the point you started at. She ACTED like she wanted him back... having planned to get him destroyed along with herself in a kamikaze strategy.
3819407
Unicorn, I do believe they said it for while now, correct me if im wrong plz
say wwwwhhhhhhhhaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaatttttttttttttttttt?
3819162 Exactly how I feel man
3819177 Also, it is not a spoiler if you put the name of the pony at the very end of the chapter. So, HA, HA, HA.
3819891
Caboose is voiced by Joel.
Sunset Shimmer?!
How is she here?!
3821562 Yes, but Caboose's actual name is Michael J. Caboose, so add in some twisting words and some bits of meta and BAM! Gavin was killed by Michael.
3821562 That is correct, but I was talking about Caboose's full name, not his VA.
3821967 Oh, okay.
Why? How can he have any kind of knowledge on what a M.I. is? For all he should know, that conversion would involve putting him in a hamster in a hamster ball.
GAVIN YOU FUCK!- Michael RQ Jones 2013
3823829 no
you are not saying what I think you are saying, no I can't hear you LALALALALALALALALALALA 
Wait. Twilight was punched in the face, and not a single tear?
Not trying to sound sexist or anything, and not even to disrespect the character or how strong she is; but if a character like Twilight Sparkle, while really strong in some ways, just can not take a full bad intentioned punch in her face and just rub it off without crying a bit. Sure, she might be annoyed and has been through other pain in this story, but she's still a female character, she.is.sensitive. If after all the hardships she's been through she doesn't cry after receiving a freaking punch in the face, even just a little bit of crying, it wouldn't feel natural. It just doesn't.
This is just a though. Sorry if anyone felt offended by this.
OK, how the hell are you the first person to think of gavin being killed by Michael in RvB, god dammit, AH fans should have been on that sh*t years ago... great chapter, keep goin and stay golden^^
Caboose: Looks like he just... rage quit life...
Spike: M.I, What does M Stand For?
Sunset Shimmer: Maretifical
Fluttershy: ...What does the I...
Sunset Shimmer: Intelligence...
Rainbow Dash: OH!! What was the M again?
Sunset Shimmer: Let's move on.
I Love the Story, I Hope You can continue this awesome story.
When Caboose gets angry, he says: "MY NAME IS MICHEAL J. CABOOSE, AND I HATE X"
Saying his first name, "Micheal", might have triggered something and caused him to shoot Joe-Ennis
IT'S JONES!
3823230 How indeed?
3824653 In a way I kinda see your point. Twilight's been through so much over the course of only a couple of days and is operating on sheer strength of will alone at this point. Inevitably, Twilight will reach her breaking point, but it isn't time yet...
3830263
Well, putting it that way it makes a lot of sense. But now I'm questioning how is my portrayal of the character (what a twist).
In my story, she receives some really bad news in the beginning (the tragic kind), and because of that devastation, she lost her connection to the Element of Magic, so she kinda starts beating herself up on how unhelpful she's being. You think I'm giving her a weak portrayal?
3830527 Nah, in this story Twilight hasn't suffered anything truly tragic yet, so she hasn't undergone a proportionate emotional breakdown. If your story has her suffer something that's truly tragic, then Twilight breaking down is entirely justified.
GGRRrr
[I think you spelled Allison wrong...]
GGRRrr
[Also love the way you made Joe-Ennis Gavin.]
3823230 I would pay a very big sum of money to see a movie adaptation of what you just said...
3747338 Maine... Put. Down. The Bruteshot... We can talk about this.
static.comicvine.com/uploads/original/5/50114/1022036-themetamotivator.jpg
3854434
wan me to digistruct a PEMP? (Personal Electromagentic Pulse) I'll have to attach it to Maine's suit, afterwards, his MJOLNIR would be as useful as a two ton paperweight.
Actually, Maine, fire at will, Wyoming is an idiot.
Great chapter, yet I have one complaint why isn't joe-ennis named Mark Nutt
YAY! Washington! And yay for Gavin as Joe-Ennis.
3826939 By 'non-canon' do you mean 'non-canon' or 'we are just going to ignore this'?
Mi-cool
This just keeps getting better and better.
Sunset Shimmer... is in this fanfic?
FUCK YEAH!!!
3828398 That already happened in the intro. And it's "Magical", not "Maretificial".
Hang on, what does "Maretificial" even mean?
Too much AU my head hurts
Sunset Shimmer? Well, she's been to many world and has experience with demons... It'll work, but I'm afraid removing O'Malley would be hard.
Bow Chicka Bow Wow
3819407 She is a unicorn otherwise it would be easier to teleport and she could fly away from Wyoming. The only thing useful to her is her brain and horn.
Bow Chicka Bow Wow
Sunset Shimmer.
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ok, I'm good, just, fan-freaking-out.
One more, AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!
Say wut?!
Sunset Shimmer?!, things have gotten interesting...