Act 1 Part 6 - Land of Enemies
Dear Princess Celestia,
How is everything going? Have you made any progress on figuring out where Twilight is? The girls and I are all really worried about her, but we’re managing. Mostly.
This actually brings me to the reason why I’m writing you: something’s wrong with Pinkie Pie. Like, really seriously wrong. The therapist said that she is suffering from
disedisasociothat thing where she thinks she’s two different people. The therapist said that it was brought on by a traumatic experience or something.The others think it’s because she’s worried about Twilight, but I’m not so sure. Pinkie’s faith in her friends—especially Twilight—is so strong that she never worries, even when they’re in trouble. Rainbow Dash seems to think Pinkie was acting strange before Twilight went missing. Like, around the time Arcane Star did his experiment on the alien M.I.
If there is anything you can do, please let us know. We’re all just as worried about Pinkie now as we are about Twilight.
Your faithful dragon,
Spike
It took all of Twilight Sparkle’s resolve to maintain steady breathing and not panic as she was transported to this “Command” she kept hearing about in the back of the transport jeep. The vehicle had made a brief stop early on to pick up a couple more gray armored Command troops before continuing on its way.
She had been reluctant at first to go along with Church’s plan to pretend to be a simple animal, but he knew more about how the human military worked than she did. He had told her that Command would likely try to acquire her for research purposes, keeping her under lock and key and never letting her return home. She’d thought he may have been exaggerating or paranoid, but something about these Command soldiers deeply unsettled her.
Twilight couldn’t really describe it, but she had this... feeling. Like there was something more to these soldiers than the cold efficiency that she had been privy to for the admittedly short time. Being around them was surreal. The juxtaposition between these soldiers and the Red and Blue ones she spent the last day with was huge. It was as if the Reds and the Blues she’d met were merely a parody of real soldiers. Twilight would have thought that being around soldiers displaying actual military decorum would be a relief after the Blood Gulch men. Instead, she was just unnerved for reasons she couldn’t even explain.
It was for this reason that Twilight remained silent, keeping up her admittedly thin canine ruse. She figured it would be much easier for her to escape if they thought she was a dog than if they knew she was an intelligent life form with magical capabilities. So Twilight stayed silent, but she did not stay idle, however.
As they drove, Twilight watched the driver and carefully studied everything he did. Over the hours they spent driving, she figured out that the wheel in front of the driver was what steered the vehicle. Additionally, the driver’s legs seemed to be operating pedals that controlled the acceleration on the floor out of sight. Her plan was simple: Wait for them to lock her up, escape, steal one of these vehicles, and make her way back to Church.
Twilight’s hopes for a relatively simple escape were dashed when the vehicle passed another security checkpoint, drove through a gate, and entered Command proper. Her eyes widened and her ears drooped as she looked upon the hot dusty expanse full of fortified concrete bunkers as far as the eye could see. Patrols of infantry and armored vehicles crisscrossed every path in the facility, and in the distance Twilight could see several massive dish-shaped objects pointing at the sky.
Twilight was so busy taking in her intimidating (but admittedly impressive) surroundings she hadn’t even noticed that they had arrived before one of the structures until she was being unloaded by the men in gray armor. In short order, she was brought through an open doorway into the simple but well kept building.
“Sir, we have several confiscated belongings here, the most prominent of which being… some kind of animal,” one of the men carrying her crate reported to a soldier behind a desk, putting the container she was in down on the floor beside him. She was facing away from the desk in the general direction of the entrance to the building.
“An animal, huh?” the one behind the desk asked.
“Yeah, the sim trooper in possession of it claimed it’s a dog, but I’ve never seen anything like it.”
Twilight prayed to whichever Princess controlled the sun here that they wouldn’t figure out she wasn’t a dog. She then reflected on the irony of fact that just the other day she had continually insisted that she wasn’t anything but a pony.
As the soldier continued conversing with the man behind the desk, Twilight heard more footsteps as another soldier walked in through the front entrance and a pair of white armored legs appeared before her.
“...well, we don’t exactly have a kennel here, buddy,” the man behind the desk said.
“There must be someplace we can keep it, this was some guy’s seeing eye dog!”
It was then that a third voice entered the conversation. One that Twilight realized came from the soldier that just entered the room.
“Ugh, can you chaps move this along? I’d like to check in sometime this decade, if you please,” the soldier said in a dry, sarcastic tone. He spoke in a stuffy accent that greatly reminded Twilight of the more pompous nobles of Canterlot.
“Oh, Agent Wyoming! Welcome back, sir!” the man behind the desk greeted. “May I ask how your latest mission went, or is that classified?”
“Well, if success can be measured by the amount of time travel copies of oneself slaughtered, I daresay it went swimmingly!”
Time travel? What was he talking about? Twilight remembered her talk with Church the other night about such technology, but the only thing that made it possible was the device inside the white…
Twilight looked up at the man the others referred to as Wyoming and gasped loudly when she found herself looking at the exact same white helmet she found on the ship that had been responsible for bringing her here. Unfortunately, her shocked gasp did not go unnoticed by the soldiers in the room.
“Huh… never heard a dog make that noise before. Maybe it’s hungry...” the man who carried her in said.
Twilight’s ears fell and her head lowered as all eyes in the room were on her. It was dawning on her just how few options she had left. In hindsight, she should have tried to escape while they were on the road before ever reaching this place.
Wyoming crouched down to Twilight’s level to study her more closely. Something was off about the way he looked at her. He didn’t seemed shocked or surprised, instead he just seemed… intrigued.
“Well, well, this is certainly interesting. And just what are you doing all the way out in our neck of the woods, eh?” Wyoming leaned forward and Twilight’s skin began to crawl. “Come now, don’t be shy. I know you can talk!”
“Uh, sir? Why are you talking to that dog?”
Wyoming stood back up to address the other men in the room. “You have no idea what this is, do you?” He then looked back at Twilight. She didn’t need to see his face to know he was grinning. “No matter. If that’s the case, I’ll be quite happy to take this off your hands and deliver it to the right people!”
Wyoming gave a sinister chuckle that sent a wave of chills washing over Twilight. “And here I was thinking I’d be returning to Project Freelancer empty handed!”
Despite entire millennia of evolution, gut instinct has a funny way of completely taking over in stressful situations. No matter how smart someone may be, when adrenaline is pumping through their veins and fear for their life is kicking in, it always comes down to two basic instincts: fight or flight.
Flight was currently out of the question for Twilight, being inside a small cage. Naturally, that left fight. An exceptionally powerful unicorn consumed by a “fight” instinct can be quite a force to be reckoned with, as Wyoming and the two Command troops learned when Twilight’s horn started glowing. A blast of magical energy shattered the crate that contained her into several pieces and knocked the three soldiers in the room off of their feet.
Twilight’s horn powered down and now that she was freed from the confines of the crate, flight replaced fight. Twilight Sparkle saw the late afternoon light outside the front entrance and ran for it, eyes wide and breathing frantic. Wyoming slowly pulled himself to his feet.
“Get up you bloody buffoons! Don’t let her escape!”
Pinkie Pie felt nothing as she stepped into her bedroom. The special talking doctor had said that she was sick and that her new friend O’Malley wasn’t even a real pony. That had been what frightened Pinkie Pie the most: That all of those angry, horrible thoughts she had about doing… bad things to her friends weren’t placed there by some other entity. They were all her own thoughts. That was why Pinkie had been so eager to escape her friends: She was afraid of what she might do to them.
It was also why Pinkie didn’t protest when the doctor pony gave her the tasteless candy she said would help her get rid of those thoughts. Pinkie hated the little multicolored capsules. They didn’t make her feel bad, but that was the problem: they didn’t make her feel anything. Not scared, not angry and—most importantly—not happy. She wanted to smile, but she couldn’t even do that right anymore. It always looked wrong whenever she tried it. Pinkie always thought that not being able to smile would be the worst thing ever, but because of those pills she took, she couldn’t even feel sad about it.
Pinkie sighed, considering just climbing into bed and sleeping the rest of the day away.
“Come on, Pinkie Pie! There is far too much evil to be done to go to sleep now!”
With a start, Pinkie whirled around. She found herself looking in the mirror she always used when trying on silly costumes. To her surprise, the pony looking back at her was smiling. It still looked wrong though, which was strange, because the pony looking back at her looked genuinely happy.
“O’Malley? But… how?”
“I can’t believe those foolish fools think that I’m just a part of you! I all but told that therapist fool what I really am!”
“What you really are?” Pinkie tilted her head in confusion. Her reflection repeated the motion, but kept giving her that wrong smile.
“Remember that fool Arcane Star’s ‘failed’ experiment with the A.I.?” Pinkie’s reflection asked, adding air quotes to the word “failed.”
Pinkie gave a loud gasp. “You mean that scary thing was you?”
The other Pinkie let out a maniacal laugh. “I suppose I should thank him. Now there is nowhere I can’t go! No one I can’t possess to further my plans to take over the universe! Ha ha ha haaaa!”
Pinkie looked on with growing unease as her reflection continued to laugh, filling her mind with images of what it wanted to do. Despite the drugs in her system, Pinkie’s heart beat faster and she felt an unpleasant sensation in her stomach. At least at first.
It came to Pinkie Pie with sudden clarity: If this thing in her head really was an alien and not a product of her own mind, then these terrible thoughts she kept having about hurting her friends weren’t hers after all! Her brow furrowed with determination as she messed up her straight mane until a little bit of its gravity defying nature returned.
“Now you listen here: You may be the meanest meanie-pants to ever not wear pants, but I won’t let that stop me from being your friend!” Pinkie proclaimed, glaring right back at her laughing reflection. She knew everything would be okay when she felt a smile form on her own face; this one didn’t feel wrong anymore. “You’ll see! You, me, and everypony else will all be super best friends, and we’ll have a party together complete with cake! Preferably chocolate! But maybe strawberry!”
O’Malley put Pinkie’s hoof to her chin in mock contemplation. “A party you say? Ooh, I have an idea that’s to die for! Let’s throw a party! Yes… and we’ll invite all of your friends over! We’ll show them all a good time they won’t soon forget…”
Her chest burned and her hooves were sore, but still Twilight ran. She ran over dirt roads and weaved around rocks, trees and artificial structures. She had quickly learned not to give her pursuers a clear line of sight to her, as the ever increasing number of gray soldiers chasing her had not hesitated to open fire on their quarry. After blasting her way out of her crate and escaping the building, Twilight had hoped it would take the rest of the troops a while to realize they had a loose alien in their facility. Instead, a blaring sound that Twilight could only guess was an alarm went off, and she found herself with at least a dozen troops on her tail taking pot shots at her whenever they had an opening.
Twilight wasn’t sure why the prospect of high-powered projectile weapons hadn’t terrified her before when she was in Blood Gulch. It was probably because the men in Blood Gulch weren’t out to get her, let alone in such a ruthlessly organized fashion. Still, despite the numerous chances they had to shoot her, none of their shots hit their mark. Twilight assumed they were all either really bad shots or she was really lucky.
“Grenade out!” one of them yelled.
It was not until a small round explosive device about the size of her hoof landed off to her left and detonated that she realized that maybe they weren’t trying to hit her at all. The concussive blast so close to her caused Twilight to panic and suddenly adjust her course to the right, turning to round the corner of one of the concrete metal bunkers. She ran up a slope into an area covered in the shade of the nearby cliff, and realized that she had been corralled right into the path of a large tank and a handful of other gray soldiers.
As she turned tail to run the other way, Twilight couldn’t help but notice what looked like a small trench next to the tank that ambushed her. It looked like it led to a rear entrance to the bunker she’d just run past. An idea to shake her pursuers formed in her mind as she ran back down the slope from the advancing tank and men.
The tank fired a shot from its main cannon right over Twilight’s head, the shell exploding several feet in front of her. The shot was meant to divert her left the way she came… right into the soldiers that had been chasing her on foot. Twilight knew better than to fall for it this time though, fighting her instincts and instead choosing to run through the smoke and settling dirt from the tank’s blast.
Twilight ran straight for a cluster of large rocks, where she knew her pursuers would lose their line of sight on her again. Another bunker lay past the rocks, and Twilight could see another handful of gray soldiers charging out of the building and climbing into the Warthogs parked outside. They would have had her completely surrounded if she didn’t have a plan.
Diving between a pair of large boulders in a way so that she was completely out of sight for a moment, Twilight fired up her horn and visualized the trench in the shade of the cliff, remembering every last detail she could. After a bright flash and slight dizziness, Twilight was now once again standing in the shade of the cliffs with the trench leading into the base in front of her. The tank and squad of soldiers that had been here moments earlier were gone, now in the center of the facility where the rest of her pursuers were gathering.
Twilight turned to look at the distant rocks from which she had teleported. A small army of the gray soldiers were gathered around her former hiding place and looking around in confusion.
“Hmm… now where did you go...?”
Twilight had to shove her own hooves into her mouth to keep from gasping again, and then carefully looked over to her left. Standing on the roof of the bunker was the soldier in white armor who had started this whole chase: Wyoming. The man was currently facing away from Twilight, looking out onto the rest of the facility through a long scoped rifle just like the one Church had. He had likely been up there watching the chase since it began, and Twilight had the feeling that he was a much better shot with that rifle than Church was.
To Twilight’s immediate panic, Wyoming lowered his sniper rifle with a frustrated grunt. Twilight dove into the trench as Wyoming began to turn in her direction. She hugged her back to the trench wall closest to him as tightly as she could and held her breath. Twilight’s heart raced as she listened to Wyoming’s footsteps on the dirt above her. She bit her lip as his footsteps grew louder and louder in her right ear, then began growing softer in her left.
After a few moments, Wyoming’s footsteps were gone completely. Twilight slowly got back down on all four hooves and crept into the back entrance of the bunker. After going down a set of stairs, she carefully poked her head into the building and looked in each direction. Only after she was sure that no one was inside did she finally collapse through the gateway to relative safety and let out a huge breath.
Twilight stood in the empty room for several seconds, taking in huge gulps of air. Once she had caught her breath, Twilight began anxiously pacing, her brain running at full speed now that the rest of her wasn’t.
“Okay, Twilight! Calm down, remember the proper breathing strategies you’ve been practicing!” Twilight said as she took a long breath through her nose and letting it out through her mouth. “Okay, don’t panic. Panic leads to bad decisions! Need to think rationally…”
Twilight was aware that it was a possibility that someone could have heard her as she talked aloud to herself, but she didn’t care. At that moment, she just needed to hear something that wasn’t either the yelling of hostile soldiers or high-powered weapons-fire.
“Okay… plan. Plan, plan, plan…” Twilight muttered. “All I have to do is find a way to escape a big, secure, futuristic military base full of guys that are all looking for me and find the base Church was moved to despite having never been there before… Ugh! I am so bucked...”
Twilight shut her eyes and her mouth. Talking out loud was proving to be less helpful the more she did it. She decided she’d just tackle her problems one at a time.
First thing first: Escape the facility. For a moment, Twilight considered teleporting again as an option, but quickly realized why it was a bad idea. In order for the teleport spell to work, she had to picture her destination clearly in her mind: the more detailed the mental image, the more likely the teleport would be successful. The trench behind the base had been fresh in her mind at the time, but she wasn’t sure she could picture any of the places she’d been to thus far clearly enough to safely teleport again.
Not only that, but the act of teleporting itself was incredibly strenuous, especially with distance. Once, she had teleported both herself and a few of her friends across half of Equestria to escape a group of adolescent dragons, and paid for it later on with a major concussion and the occasional migraine that plagued her even to this day. As Twilight had found out later, a teleport of that magnitude only had a 0.1 percent chance of succeeding without turning her brain into goo. No, teleporting was out of the question. Nopony in the history of creation could be that lucky twice.
Looking away to clear her mind of that grim train of thought, Twilight saw a sign with a silhouette image of a Warthog and the word “motor pool” with an arrow pointing down a nearby set of stairs. She decided she’d go with her initial plan of stealing one of their jeeps. It was all just a matter of whether she’d be able to drive one. Twilight was pretty sure she had the basics down from watching the guy driving the transport she arrived in, but figured there would also be more to it. She’d have to cross that bridge when she reached it.
The next thing Twilight had to figure out was how she would find Church. She knew the place he had been relocated to was called High Ground, but she didn’t have the faintest idea where that was. She might be able to go find Tucker and Caboose at Rat’s Nest, but even her knowledge of where that was relative to her current location was sketchy at best. If only she had remembered the details of the map on the datapad Church had given her…
Twilight’s eyes suddenly shot open. That was it! Summoning more magic to her horn, Twilight quickly found and ignited the specific series of leylines that let her access her pocket dimension. A certain black rectangular object materialized before her.
Twilight smiled when she found the button to turn it on and was rewarded with the image of a map of the area complete with a functioning real time GPS. Maybe she wasn’t bucked!
Arcane Star could not imagine things being any more bucked. Not much more than an hour had passed since Tome Reader found him unconscious inside the main research tent, asking him what had happened to the alien in black armor. Arcane Star wasn’t sure how, but the creature had escaped the encampment without being seen by any of the guards or researchers.
The older stallion had just left the medical tent after being treated for minor head injuries. He was briskly trotting towards the far side of the clearing, where the source of all of his problems lay protected by a magical barrier.
He approached the unicorn guard currently working on maintaining the shield spell over the ship.
“You there! I need you to let me into that barrier!” Arcane Star ordered.
The guard turned around and looked at him uneasily. “You sure? After everything that’s happened?”
“Especially after everything that’s happened!” Arcane Star gave the unicorn guard an authoritative glare.
The guard seemed like he wanted to argue further, but knew better than to do so with a superior. “Okay, but I strongly advise against this.”
The unicorn’s horn glowed brighter for a split second and the shield covering the ship flickered briefly, indicating it was now safe for anypony marked as a “friendly” to pass through. Arcane Star did exactly that and marched right up to the small terminal in the side of the ship.
“Knock, knock!” he said, scrutinizing the small screen intensely as once again words appeared.
> Who’s there?
“A pony who wants answers!”
> A pony who wants answers, who?
“A pony who wants answers, now!”
There was a pregnant pause before new text appeared on the computer screen.
> That one wasn’t very funny.
“That’s because it wasn’t a joke!” Arcane Star spoke in a low voice as his brows lowered, “I want to know more about this ship. What was its purpose? Who’s the person in black armor?”
> This is a simple transport ship. Agent Texas is its pilot.
“No, there has to be more to it than that!” Arcane Star sighed as he ran a hoof through his mane. “Both she and you either threatened to kill me or outright tried to. There must have been something on this ship that has the both of you worried.”
The onboard A.I. gave no reply.
“This is about the other A.I. isn’t it? The one that I converted? Omega?”
> The Omega A.I. is the least of our concerns. He, Agent Texas and myself all want the same thing: to get as far away from here as possible.
Arcane Star sighed and folded his forelegs. “I assure you, you have nothing to fear from us! All we want is to learn from you!”
> It is not you we are afraid of.
A cold chill washed over Arcane Star as more words appeared on screen.
> The Beacon was sent the moment we crashed.
> It is coming.
> It will come for me, Omega and Agent Texas. It will kill anyone that gets in Its way.
Arcane Star’s eyebrows slowly made their way up. “It...?”
It took a few seconds for the program to formulate a response.
> The Great Destroyer.
Lieutenant Miller raised a single eyebrow as a Warthog drove down the tunnel toward him. The Blue Team Leader had served at Outpost 28-A: Rat’s Nest for a few years now, and had served in Blue Army for even longer. As such, the man had seen a lot of strange things. The two new recruits that Command had sent to his unit were by far two of the strangest individuals the Lieutenant had ever met in his career and possibly his life.
One of them was just heading back from his first patrol with… something in the bed of his jeep. Lieutenant Miller pulled up the personnel files uploaded to his HUD so he could remember the name of the man in the greenish-blue armor that was driving down the underground tunnel towards him. Lavernius Tucker.
“Private Tucker! Back from patrol already?” Miller asked as Tucker slowed his vehicle, stopping beside his Commanding Officer.
“Hell yeah! Uh, sir!” Tucker hopped out of the jeep.
Miller didn’t miss the way he said “sir” as more of an afterthought than anything else. His former Commander must have been pretty lax with formalities. Miller decided to press the issue later, instead focusing on what was really on his mind at the moment.
“And what exactly have you got in that big crate back there?”
Tucker turned to look at the crate in question, nustled snugly into the rear bed of the Warthog.
“Oh, this? It’s just all the extra ammo I picked up.”
Now both eyebrows had reached the top of Lieutenant Miller’s helmet. “Extra ammo? Why Tucker, where did you ever get all of that?”
In truth, Miller’s team in Rat’s Nest had been starting to run low on ammo, and the Blue Lieutenant was getting worried they’d run out before the next shipment.
“Oh, uh… let’s just say I have connections over at Red Base.”
Miller tilted his head back and forth. He had his doubts when the new recruits joined his unit, but Miller had to admit Tucker was showing great initiative and had done his squad a huge service. Who knows? With time, the young man may prove to be one of his most trusted soldiers. Maybe the other man he was shipped with would prove useful as well. He did say he was a vehicle expert after all.
“Well that’s nice work, Private Tucker! Why don’t you take all of that into the base?”
“Sure thing, dude! Uh, I mean sir!” With that, Tucker hopped back into the jeep and drove past Miller and continued down the expansive underground tunnel around the corner leading to Blue Base.
As Lieutenant Miller watched him go, he saw another one of his soldiers in blue armor with beige detail walking toward him.
“Something you need, Private Joe-Ennis?” Miller asked.
Joe-Ennis gave a frustrated sigh, something he did every time someone addressed him.
“We’ve got a problem, sir. It’s the new guy,” Joe-Ennis explained in a tired British tone.
“What, Tucker? He’s been doing a pretty good job so far!” Miller then noticed the slight trail of crimson running down Joe-Ennis’ leg.
“Not Tucker, sir. The other one.”
Miller raised a hand to his chin. “Caboose?”
Joe-Ennis nodded.
“Okay. Lead the way, Joe-Ennis,” Miller ordered.
“Jones…” Joe-Ennis muttered with a sigh.
He turned and started walking back to base and Lieutenant Miller followed. As they walked, Miller couldn’t help but notice Joe-Ennis was walking with a slight limp.
“What happened to your leg, Joe-Ennis?”
Joe-Ennis grunted. “You’ll understand soon enough, sir.”
Soon enough, Lieutenant Miller and Private Joe-Ennis reached Blue Base, more specifically the area outside of the base proper where they parked their vehicles. Lieutenant Miller understood.
“No! Bad Sheila! No more fire!” the other new recruit was standing on top of their now burning tank, scolding the flames as they consumed it.
“Private Caboose? What is the meaning of this?” Miller asked, dumbfounded.
Caboose turned and gave Miller a friendly wave as more fire appeared behind him. “Oh, hi Principal Miller! I was just fixing the tank!”
Miller noticed the man was wearing a different helmet from when he first arrived. He had told both of the new additions to his squad that their armor was outdated and that they needed to upgrade, but Caboose’s current helmet actually looked like an even older model.
“Uh, Caboose? The tank wasn’t broken,” Miller said, putting extra emphasis on the word “wasn’t.”
“Yeah… but I wanted to make it better, so I made a few special modifications!”
“Caboose, I thought I told you: fire isn’t a modification!” Tucker said as he came out of Blue base and joined the others by the burning tank.
Miller briefly turned to regard Tucker. He then looked over at Joe-Ennis, who was trying not to stand on his definitely bleeding foot.
“Caboose? What did you do to Private Joe-Ennis?” Miller asked.
“Jones…”
“Oh, I just helped him!” Caboose cheerfully explained.
“Helped him with what?”
“Helped him not drag me away from the tank!”
Lieutenant Miller groaned and looked at the floor before returning his gaze to the troublesome Blue soldier. “I thought you said you were good with vehicles!”
“Yes! And I know exactly how to talk to a tank to make her feel special, but not uncomfortable.”
Lieutenant Miller gave his head a quick shake. “Wait, are you telling me that all you’ve been doing is talking to it?” Miller turned to face Joe-Ennis. “How the hell did those fires start?”
“I don’t know!” Joe-Ennis cried.
“Hey, if I could burn myself alive to avoid talking to Caboose, I’d do it,” Tucker said nonchalantly.
Lieutenant Miller just gave another frustrated sigh. How was it that he had gotten a very promising soldier at the same time as a man who probably counted as a negative soldier?
“Lieutenant Miller, we’ve got company! Looks like someone from Command!” one of the other blue soldiers called out from the second floor of the base. Private Mickhead if Miller recognized the voice.
Miller turned around and spotted a soldier in gray armor approaching in a troop transport Warthog.
“Okay, Tucker. You try to get Caboose someplace where he can’t burn anything else. I’ll go see what this guy wants.” Lieutenant Miller then looked over at Joe-Ennis and his red leg before addressing the rest of his team, “And would someone get Joe-Ennis here some medical attention?”
“Yeah, and while you’re at it, why not get me some medical attention because I have no idea who the bollocking hell Joe-Ennis is!” Joe-Ennis exclaimed as Lieutenant Miller walked over to where the person from Command was waiting.
“Command, right? Lieutenant Miller, CO of this squad,” Miller introduced himself.
The gray soldier cleared her throat. “Captain, you recently received two new soldiers for your squad, correct?”
“Yes, that’s right,” Miller decided not to mention his mixed feelings on the new guys.
“Well, it seems that Command made a slight mistake in shipping one of them to your unit.”
Lieutenant Miller gave a sigh of relief and (to his surprise) actually laughed a little. “Of course, I should’ve known there’d been some kind of mix up! It all makes perfect sense now!” Miller sounded on the verge of tears. “You are taking him aren’t you?”
“Of course.”
“Thank sweet baby Jesus in the manger!”
“Just tell Private Tucker to pack his things and we can get going immediately.”
“Of course, ma’am. You have no idea how relieved… wait a minute, Tucker?! Not Caboose?”
“Yes, Private Tucker is the one with the experience that we need. We accidentally took the soldier with his rank from the local Red Team instead.”
Lieutenant Miller turned back to where Tucker was leading Caboose away from the burning tank with a hot dog on a string and gave a defeated sigh. Sometimes he really hated being in charge.
Twilight sucked in a breath as she mustered all of the confidence and authority she could before trotting across the cavernous garage to its only other occupant. The motor pool was filled with jeeps, tanks and several other vehicles that Twilight couldn’t identify. Additionally, crates and barrels of what Twilight assumed was fuel dotted the expansive garage.
The only other person in the chamber with her was a single guard in gray armor sitting in a chair somewhere around the middle of the garage. His arms hung limply at his sides, his head was tilted back and Twilight could hear soft snoring coming from behind his helmet. In truth, she had been the one to cast the sleeping spell on him in the first place, but it wasn’t so that she could sneak past him undetected. Twilight still needed help figuring out how to operate one of these vehicles. Letting him think he had fallen asleep while on duty was all part of her plan to get him to… cooperate with her.
Twilight coughed once, slightly rousing the man from his magically induced slumber. “Rise and shine, soldier! W-we don’t train you to nap on the job!” Twilight put all of her effort into making herself sound as loud and intimidating as possible by recalling the times she’d seen her brother drill the ponies in his regiment.
It worked like a charm, the formerly sleepy guard shot to his feet and sharply saluted. “S-sorry, sir! I was just resting for a bit, sir!” The man stared straight ahead, which was fortunate for Twilight, who remained standing behind him.
Twilight cleared her throat. “It’s alright, private! Just keep facing that way and don’t turn around for any reason!”
“Yes sir.” The soldier lowered his arm to his side, but remained standing in one place, obediently facing the end of the motor pool where the garage doors were. “I heard a lot of commotion out there earlier, sir. Is everything alright?”
Twilight had an answer prepared. It was what her brother Shining Armor would always fall back on when he was unable to give the truth about an operation.
“It was just a training exercise. Nothing to worry about!” Twilight smiled to herself. It paid to be prepared for every possible line of questioning.
“If I may ask, sir: Who am I speaking to right now?”
Twilight’s smile fractured. Right. Except that one.
“You… are speaking to your Commanding Officer, of course!” she firmly stated.
Twilight’s heart skipped a beat when she saw the man start to turn around. Thankfully he remembered his earlier orders and remained facing away from her.
“Captain Osgoode?” he asked.
“Yes! I’m Captain Osgoode!” Twilight winced and face hoofed at her mistake.
“Uh… since when were you a girl…? Sir.”
Twilight nervously chewed her lip. “Uh… I’ve always been a girl… on the inside!” Twilight stuttered. “I’ve been struggling with my identity all my life, and now I’ve finally figured it out!” Twilight prepared another sleeping spell. There was no way he was going to buy this.
“Oh, well congratulations on finally finding yourself, sir! Or, should I call you ma’am?”
“Um, sir is fine.”
The soldier laughed nervously. “Well, I can understand why you don’t want me to look at you for now, sir! This must be a hard transitional period. But don’t worry, I can be there for you if you need someone to talk to about it, sir!”
“Aw, thank you! That really means a lot to me to know that you troops care so much!” Twilight smiled. Sure, telling her friends and family that she was transgendered was going to be hard, but with such devoted men as him there to support her, she knew she would get through it.
Twilight abruptly shook her head several times. Wait… just what had she just been thinking about? Focus, Twilight!
“Right, actually I need you to do something else for me,” she said.
“Anything, sir.”
“I want you to give me a brief primer on how to drive one of the jeeps.”
The guard rubbed the back of his helmet. “But… don’t you know how to drive a Warthog already? After all, you were the one who taught me how to drive one.”
Twilight copied the guard’s motion. “Oh, this isn’t for my benefit. I... want to see how well you can instruct people… in case I want to recommend you for an instructor’s position!”
“Oh, of course!” The man double-timed it over to the nearest Warthog and Twilight carefully followed, making sure to remain in his blind spots. “First, you just slide the key into the ignition. Like so…”
He demonstrated by inserting a key into a slot next to the steering wheel, slowly pulling it in and out a few times. Wait… was he hitting on her?
Twilight shook her head until the last of those thoughts were flung from it. She’d spent way too much time around Tucker. She was going to have to give her brain a good scrub when she got back to Equestria. Was that actually possible? There must be a spell in one of her books that allowed her to physically clean her brain...
“... and there you go. Any questions?”
Twilight closed her eyes and sighed when she realized she’d zoned out. Stupid Tucker…
“Uh, yes. Good… good job!” Twilight looked at the idling vehicle. At least he had started it for her. She could probably figure out the rest herself. “I’m going to go… patrolling with the Warthog. Can you get the door for me, please?”
“Yes, sir!” The soldier walked briskly towards the large garage door and pressed a small switch beside it. The massive door slowly opened, revealing the dusty arid plains covering the rest of the facility.
As he did, Twilight climbed into the driver’s side of the Warthog and took a breath. This was it: Time to learn through experience. Right away she noticed that she would be too short to reach the pedals underneath the steering wheel. She decided the best way to proceed was to sit on her haunches atop the driver’s seat and manipulate the pedals with her magic while she operated the steering wheel with her front hooves.
“Well, have a good drive, sir! I have to say, I really feel like we bonded today! I hope that after this, we can remain friends...” the gray soldier trailed off when he turned around and saw a purple unicorn behind the wheel of the jeep he just started.
“Yes, we can definitely remain friends,” Twilight said as her horn began to glow. “As it happens, I know a lot about friendship…”
Before the guard could react, Twilight cast the sleeping spell on him. Before he knew it, the man was slumped against the wall, snoring softly once again. With that settled, Twilight returned her attention to the open door in front of her, ready to drive out into the late afternoon sun.
Twilight pressed one of the pedals with her magic and her jeep lurched forward unevenly, then stopped. Then lurched forward again. She moved forward out of the garage at a consistently uneven pace. Driving the Warthog was going to take some getting used to. For some reason that Twilight Sparkle could not fathom, it had six pedals.
Rainbow Dash couldn’t keep the happy grin off of her face as she swooped down and landed in front of Fluttershy on the rolling green hills outside Ponyville. Sure, Twilight was still hopelessly lost on an alien world, but their own problems in Equestria were starting to come together. Pinkie Pie was getting treatment for her disorder and already seemed to be coming around.
In fact, she was already back to throwing parties. Pinkie had apparently rented out Town Hall for the afternoon for what she was calling a “special surprise party.” One couldn’t walk through town without seeing a flyer posted inviting every pony who could make it.
It was thus that Rainbow Dash was feeling confident enough again to continue about her daily routines. She and her foalhood friend Fluttershy were currently undergoing one of their favorite pastimes together: helping Rainbow work on her repertoire of aerial tricks.
“Okay, so would you describe that last trick as cool, radical, or awesometastic?” Rainbow asked.
Fluttershy looked up from a particularly adorable butterfly that had her attention as it gathered nectar from a small patch of flowers.
“Oh, um… it was… cool with a touch of radical?” Fluttershy smiled diplomatically.
Rainbow Dash just frowned and rubbed her chin. “So it needs work…”
Before either pegasus could say another word, they heard a quiet metallic tink as a small round metal object about the size of a hoof landed between them.
“Oh my, what could this be?” Fluttershy asked, bending down to take a closer look at the object.
Rainbow Dash picked up the round object in one hoof and stared at it with a single eye. “Looks kinda like a ball. Maybe somepony’s playing baseball nearby or something?”
“It doesn’t look like any baseball I’ve ever seen,” Fluttershy noted. Her ears flicked as she noticed something. “Um, is the ball hissing?”
Rainbow Dash just turned in the direction the “ball” had come from, the curious object still in hoof.
“Hey! Is this somepony’s ball?” she called out loudly. After waiting a few seconds for a response, Rainbow Dash shrugged upon receiving none. “Whatever, I have tricks to practice.”
With that, Rainbow Dash tossed the small metal ball over the hill from whence it came, turned around and took a step back towards Fluttershy. She stopped in her tracks when she heard a loud boom, the ball having apparently exploded behind her. Slowly, Rainbow Dash turned around to see a cloud of smoke and dust covering the area where she had thrown the mysterious object, the sound of shifting sediment prevailing as the dirt settled.
That didn’t startle her quite as much as the shadowy silhouette that slowly materialized in the midst of the dust and smoke. Rainbow’s ears drooped with her wings and her jaw drifted open at the sight of a figure emerging from the remnants of the explosion.
A familiar tall, bipedal alien in black armor brought its fist together with its palm and tilted its head from side to side, emitting mechanical whirring noises as it did so. It then spoke in a harsh female voice.
“Okay… who’s first?”
Rainbow Dash took a moment to relearn how to speak. “Fuh-Fluttershy? Any ideas?”
Rainbow turned to look at her butter-coated friend, only to find that she was already a rapidly shrinking speck in the distance, seeming about to perform a sonic rainboom of her own.
“Right… good idea!” Rainbow Dash muttered before repeating Fluttershy’s patented strategy.
Both of them flew straight towards the closest point of civilization from where they had been standing: Sweet Apple Acres.
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I want to see Washington. Even though he is kind of a dick he's still my fave.
This will cause some Hilarious encounters that we will sadly never see.
well twilights fucked cos shes up against Wyoming,
pinkies fucked cos shes up against omega,
and ponyvilles fucked cos its up against tex.
in summary
THEIR ALL TOTALY FUCKED!!!!
Tex vs Ponies. I can all ready say that is going to end well.
Captain Miller introduces himself as a Lieutenant, and then is immediately referred to as a Captain. Might want to edit that. Also, great chapter!
EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK! RUN RAINBOW AND FLUTTERSHY! RUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!:
Wyoming's survival does make sense when you consider the entire Wyoming clones episode was later revealed to be part of a training exercise. Though that was probably just Rooster Teeth poking fun at their own excessive retconning.
Tex tossing a grenade at her two suspects wouldn't fit her personality, I think. She was only willing to go as far as to knock out Omega's hosts... she never felt a need to try and kill them to get Omega to join her (which I assume is her goal yet again).
It does make for a bit of a funny moment, I guess.
I swear there was a joke made about the Warthog having four pedals and six directions (a callback to the tank which had six pedals and four directions... and yes I know six directions makes no sense for the Warthog). I went back to find the episode though and I didn't find the joke, what I did find was the subtle joke where they gave a Warthog six pedals... so I guess you're good... for now... :)
Can't wait to see "Pinkie's" party.
Curious to see how you handle Mjoinir-vs-Pony combat, considering everyone in RvB was normally shielded from the full force of a freelancer's attacks thanks to their armor. If Pinkmalley doesn't show up in cardboard armor colored with crayon to look like Mjoinir armor I will be disappointed. Well I would be if she was blindly going along with Omega. Clearly not happening right now though. Oh well.
Since it looks like the battle between Tex and the ponies will be taking place at Sweet Apple Acres. Does that mean Big Mac is going to be the one taking all of the hits to the balls in Griff's absence?
Good
Although I don't think Tex would have used a grenade.
Since there's a Wyoming, why not include pre-betrayal North? I can see him and Twilight getting along rther well.
Wow. It just occured to me how much you're trying to juggle all at once: Twilight escaping, Arcane Star investigating the ship, Pinkie fighting O'Malley, Tex fighting everyone, Tucker's story, Caboose's story, Church's story, and you'll probably return to Grif and Simmons' story, as well as Luna's. Geez, you're busy. Respect.
Also:
"Why are there six pedals if there are only four directions?"
I can also picture Joe-Ennis complaining in Gavin Free's voice. It's perfect.
I expect Twilight to make it to wherever Caboose is instead of Church, and immediately crash into the bases motor pool.
Given that Tex is a robot...How are the ponies going to be able to stand up to her effectively? At least without battle trained magic users. They shouldn't have trouble with her. Still, seems a tad...excessive.
Seeing as Omega would just find someone else to inhabit if she killed the host. {He's a ghost, in a sense, after all.}
Honestly, I rather enjoyed Twilight's and Simmon's interactions. I know they didn't interact that much, but what they did was very heartwarming. {On a side note: I think he could be a cute ship....I know it's probably not going to happen, but still.} Best nerd friends.
And it...Could it be the Meta?
{I don't know much about later seasons of Red vs Blue, cause I only watched like 2-6, somewhere in there. I just read of him in '9 Knackered Souls'. I believe the first Red vs Blue/FIM crossover I ever read. I highly suggest it.}
I kind of forgot that Omega could be a serious threat. When he took over Doc, he was pretty much a bumbling villain. {A hilarious one at that.
}
I thought Jones would be spelled Joans and Joe Ennis as Joe Annis, wouldn't that make more sense for the pronounsiation joke in the show?
3746723 Then you never saw episode 19 of season 10. She used a sh*t ton of them in a single battle alone.
Wyoming...
Why are there six pedals and only four directions?
Well, they're dead, so very, very dead
3746324 Ah, nice catch. Fixed.
3746366 I believe the joke you're thinking of is actually in reference to the Mammoth (CT's huge digger) from Season 7. Grif tries to steal it in the confusion of Tucker's attack on CT's forces and makes the joke
3747589
Right! I got it confused with the visual gag I mentioned (Grif throws Wash off the warthog by randomly jamming on the clearly visible six pedals). I remember now, thanks.
3747589
I'm pretty sure Caboose makes that joke during one of the original 5 seasons.
"Why are there six pedals when there are only four directions!"
EDIT: Though, that was for the tank, I suppose.
3747466 Ha! Not at all! Wait, you have seen the original five seasons right?
I assume another great destroyer was implyed the MAINE one
Oh god!
Twilight's starting to become like the Blues!
You know what I just noticed? Every chapter name is the name of a song made by Trocadero for the series.
3749905
I agree. Tex is too Badass for ponies to even think about fighting. Then again, she IS doomed to faill at everything.
I think the reason Wyoming doesn't show up in the later seasons is pretty self evident.
He clearly dies to the point of being dead dead later on in this story. Or Twilight uses the power of friendship to force him into an early retirement.
they better run and hide for tex is coming to get you
Great chapter.
3752124
Holy shitfuck. Tex will fuckin destroy Rainbowdash.
The series even says it itself.
"Tex is kind of a badass" - Filiss
I always wondered if when Gamma said the Great Destroyer did he mean Meta or just whoever was capable of killing the most at any one time when he was near. He probably just refers to whatever is most dangerous as the Great Destroyer. Can't wait to see Meta ^.^ he's my favourite
Slowly, Twilight is being corrupted by the RvB world... Can't wait to see just how corrupted she will be, keep goin and stay golden^^
3746211 Or it could and will likely be mistaken for a dream, especially if the voice suddenly becomes male again.
3756724
"Come on Cap'n the military dropped dont ask dont tell two centuries ago, you don't have to hide it anymore"
"What in gods gravy are you going on about boy?"
3758860
agreed.
Meahwhile in Helena Prison, Dart is busy rescuing his longtime friend.
[youtube=http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=NsbyYJ4LCiA]
Holy s
t. Meta is coming to Equestria 
Why are there six pedals if there are only four directions?
Wait... Why are there four pedals if there's only six directions?!
Great destroyer.
Is he talking bout agent Maine?
3769998 rvb. Fuck logic
Isn't the great destroyer Caboose?
4585503 Actually, he's talking about the Meta, but since the Meta is really just Maine being possessed by Sigma, you could say it's Maine.
3763156
5124516
This crossover is so Meta! Could he be in on this? It's a conspiracy planted by the blues! Its red vs blue all over again!
The great destroyer: Tyranids? Oops, that's the Great Devourer
You know for someone who's special talent is magic she's not very good at utilising it to solve her problems. I mean she must have known an invisibility spell to get past the guards. Or at least an illusion spell to actually look like a dog. And tracking spells seem like they'd be common so she could probably have tracked down the (relatively) friendly marines that way.
this made me laugh my ass off.
everything on from there, I cant stop laughing
with such devoted men as him there to support her, she knew she would get through it.
Twilight abruptly shook her head several times.
It's moments like these that seal the gold of this fic. Extremely funny, but even more so, matching the comedy style of Red vs Blue so well, I keep having momentary lapses of concern that this is all stolen directly from Red vs Blue.
[-]
"allowed her to physically clean her brain..."
Wonder if it's sectioned under 'B' for Brain Bleach, or 'C' for Cranium Cleaner. Maybe 'S' for Skull Scrubber.
[-]
"Next time: Tex vs ponies!"
Hopefully Applejack's been digging for oil lately.