Act 1 Part 3 - Good Fight
The only sound Twilight could hear as she lay on her side was a constant high pitched ringing as her head pounded. She heard the distant sound of yelling, but it was muffled as if she were underwater. Twilight tried to piece together what had just happened.
One second she had been in a heated argument with Church, and the next a group of alien soldiers in red armor came rolling up in some sort of vehicle. They had fired a burst of three extremely volatile projectiles from a weapon mounted on their vehicle, which had exploded against the side of Blue Base… a little too close to where Twilight had been standing. As her senses started to return, she groggily crawled up to her hooves.
“What’s going on?” Twilight asked, turning to face Church while rubbing the side of her head where it had impacted on the top of Blue Base. She noticed that Tucker, Caboose and Sister had assembled up top with them.
“The Reds are attacking!” Church exclaimed. “And it looks like they have some kind of new rocket jeep!”
“That thing must have a lot of twerk…” Caboose stated.
“Pretty sure that’s not the word you’re looking for,” Tucker said.
Twilight looked over at their attackers. Three red soldiers were riding in the vehicle that Church had described as a “rocket jeep.” A soldier in maroon armor appeared to be operating the vehicle, while a man in red sat on top of the seat beside him (Twilight wasn’t sure why he didn’t just sit in the seat the way it seemed to be designed). A soldier in orange armor was on the back, operating the mounted weapon.
“Yeah! Suck it Blues! I mean Reds! I mean… fuck! I was right the first time!” the maroon one yelled as the jeep circled around.
“Damn dude, you really suck at this!” another one said.
Additionally, Twilight spotted a soldier in bright pink armor driving what appeared to be a smaller, one man vehicle. However, he didn’t seem to be interested in doing anything apart from driving the small vehicle in little circles in one place, creating a donut shaped pattern on the ground with his wheels and cheering loudly.
“Who are these guys?” Twilight asked. “Are they some kind of evildoers?”
“Depends on how loosely you define ‘evil,’” Church said, before hastily turning to the man in regular blue armor. “Caboose, get in the tank!”
“You mean the stationary gun?” Tucker asked.
“Okay!” Caboose exclaimed before sprinting down the ramp leading down to the tank parked on the north side of the base. The Reds drove down past the south side of the base.
“Everyone else: Stay away from the tank!” Church ordered.
The Reds drove their jeep around the back of the base.
“Simmons, stop moving! I can’t get a clear shot with this thing!” the orange soldier on the back mounted gun yelled.
The Reds’ jeep slowed as it came around the north side of Blue Base, stopping several feet away from the rear of the Blues’ tank. The stationary vehicle began to swivel its massive cannon around in the direction of the Reds.
“Aah! Simmons! Don’t stop moving! Move very, very fast!”
“Oh shit oh shit oh shit!” Simmons chanted as he put the jeep in reverse, backing it up behind Blue Base in just enough time to narrowly avoid an explosive blast from the tank’s main cannon.
Despite her initial fear for her safety, Twilight Sparkle studied the battle with immense fascination. She may not have had a liking for violence, but she was incredibly interested in learning how these “human” things waged war. For now, the little unicorn focused on taking mental notes of the strategies they employed in combat. She could always ask about the historical context of their conflict later. That is, assuming the rude creatures were willing to help her with even that much.
The Reds, meanwhile, had continued backing up their jeep until they had put a fair bit of distance between themselves and Blue Base, keeping the simple concrete structure between themselves and the Blues’ tank.
“Yeah… Church? I can’t really get a shot at the Reds anymore,” Caboose told Church over the radio. The barrel of the tank’s cannon then swiveled around to face the Blues standing on top of the base. “I do have a pretty clear shot of you though, Church! In case you’re interested!”
“No thanks,” Church grumbled.
“Just saying: offer stands.”
Twilight was about to ask why they didn’t simply move the tank to a position where it could reach the Reds before she remembered what Caboose had told her about it being broken. Church pushed past Sister and Doc to approach the edge of the south side of the base.
“HEY REDS!” Church yelled, “YOU’D BETTER PACK UP AND GET LOST, OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL END YOU! I HAVE A TANK AND I WILL USE IT!
“OH YEAH? WELL WHY DON’T YOU?” one of the Reds replied in a gruff southern accent.
“Sarge, I may not be the brilliant tactician that you are, but I don’t quite understand the logic behind your plan to get the Blues to kill us with their tank,” the maroon soldier in the driver’s seat (apparently Simmons) said.
“I WILL!” Church retaliated.
“THEN HURRY UP AND DO IT, YA PANSY!”
“OKAY! FINE!” Church stood still for a very long time. Twilight held her breath as all of the soldiers on both sides of the conflict seemed to be looking at Church expectantly. “Dammit. Look… uh, I don’t really wanna use the tank on you guys if I don’t have to. I mean, uh… have you seen how expensive gas is these days? I don’t wanna waste perfectly good miles on you guys!”
“Dude, you’d just have to drive it a few feet to the right or left. It wouldn’t do anything to hurt your mileage,” the orange soldier pointed out.
“Seriously, why are we trying to get them to use their tank?” Simmons asked. “Wait, is that the real plan? Are we trying to kill ourselves? Because there are much better ways we could go about doing it!”
“Yeah well… every little bit counts… and I’m on a tight budget right now. Saving up for a… new TV,” Church stuttered, ignoring Simmons.
Twilight was confused (this was becoming an increasingly common occurrence in her experiences with these people). She thought these two Red and Blue factions were mortal enemies. Why were they talking about their budgetary problems with each other? Human war customs were weird.
“Fine! If we’re not good enough for you to kill with your tank, then we’ll just have to be the ones to kill you!” the Red riding shotgun (apparently Sarge) exclaimed.
“Which wasn’t the plan all along, apparently…” Simmons grumbled.
“Grif! Fire away!”
“Oh crap…” Church sighed.
Twilight’s eyes widened when she heard the familiar sound of three consecutive blasts as the mounted gun on the Reds’ jeep opened fire, launching three of their extremely explosive projectiles straight at Church. Without even thinking, Twilight shut her eyes, gathered magic into her horn and projected it around her. She heard three loud explosions, one after the other, as each of the Reds’ projectiles detonated. This time however, she wasn’t thrown off her hooves.
Cautiously opening her eyes, Twilight sighed with relief when she saw her own magical barrier successfully up around Church and herself. Church’s arms were covering the front of his helmet as his whole body recoiled. He seemed oddly acceptant of his fate of being blown to smithereens, only starting to lower his hands from his face when he realized that hadn’t happened. Church looked at the transparent magenta dome around him.
“Hah! I’m not dead! Well, technically I am, but…” Church turned to face Twilight, whose horn was glowing a bright purple, “Twilight? Are you doing this?”
Twilight simply nodded, struggling to maintain a grin as sweat dripped down her face. She was still focusing a lot of energy into the domed magical shield, and she didn’t have much energy left.
“What in the Sam L. Jackson is that?” Sarge exclaimed.
“It’s some kind of forcefield!” Grif said.
“It looks like it’s centered around that weird animal they have up there!” Simmons noted.
“Hit it with more rockets Grif!” Sarge ordered.
“Hold on, I have to reload,” Grif grumbled as he reached down into a compartment on the back of the jeep and pulled out a large brown case with “M41 SSR” inscribed in big white letters.
Seeing that they weren’t ready to follow up with another attack, Twilight relaxed and severed her connection with the shield she created, allowing it to fade away.
“Hey, now’s our chance! Take out the gunner!” Tucker said.
“Oh yeah, good thinking!” Church exclaimed, raising his sniper rifle at the jeep full of Red soldiers.
After taking a few moments to aim down the rifle’s sights and line up his shot (he had plenty of time at the rate Grif was reloading the rockets), Church fired a shot. It flew over Grif’s right shoulder.
“Dammit!” Church overcompensated on his next shot, shooting clear past Grif’s left.
“Fuck!” Church fired two more shots. They sailed high over his target’s head. “Fuck, Fuck!”
Twilight’s hoof found her face. The other four Blues just groaned.
“Shut up! The sun… reflected off his helmet,” Church said. “Tucker, you shoot him!”
“Me? I left my gun downstairs! All I have with me are my two swords! And one of them isn’t rated for combat! Bow chicka bow…”
“Doc, I’m going to guess you’re sticking with the pacifist card.”
“Yeah, the thought of even looking at them aggressively is making me uncomfortable,” the purple medic replied.
“Sister? You have a gun,” the desperation in Church’s voice was noticeable.
“Yeah, but this thing completely discharged after I pulled it out. Barely lasted a minute!” Sister replied.
Twilight and Tucker nodded. “Yeah… wait what?”
“Twilight? Can’t you blow them up or something with your freaky unicorn magic?” Church pleaded.
Twilight winced and sucked in air through her teeth. “I don’t really feel comfortable getting involved in foreign conflicts without official support from the government of Equestria. Heck, just protecting you with that shield was probably breaking all kinds of foreign policy laws!”
Church looked in the direction of Caboose. The gun barrel of the tank was angled slightly up and spinning in circles.
“Hey Church! If I keep doing this fast enough I can turn the tank into a helicopter! Won’t that be awesome?”
Church looked away from Caboose, the tank, Twilight and the rest of the Blues. Twilight followed his gaze over to the jeep filled with Red soldiers. The orange one the others referred to as Grif was huffing and puffing loudly as his efforts to reload the turret one rocket at a time slowed significantly.
Church sighed. “This is going to be a long fucking battle…”
Rainbow Dash gave a frustrated growl as she completed another lap in the cloudless skies above Ponyville. Cloudless, as it had been cleared by Rainbow Dash herself. Usually after a job well done, Rainbow would find a spot to relax and take a long nap, but she had soon found herself unable to sit still. Bucking clouds all day had been a good distraction while it lasted, but as soon as she had a moment to herself her thoughts went back to Twilight.
Her friend was stranded on some alien planet somewhere, and the Princess really expected her to just sit around and do nothing? It was enough to make her want to scream, shout and break things, and now she didn’t have any clouds to help with that. Unable and unwilling to think about it a moment longer, Rainbow had promptly vacated her napping cloud and started flying laps above Ponyville. For hours she did just that: rolling, looping and performing every trick in her book over and over again until she could perform each one as mechanically as walking.
Her wings were beginning to tire and thoughts began creeping back into Rainbow Dash’s head, and with them came feelings of helplessness. She had to find something else to do. Some way to stop thinking. The rainbow-maned pegasus turned in the air and set a new course for downtown Ponyville. She decided it might be a good idea to see her friends. They were all likely going through the same thing as she was, but Rainbow knew at least one pony who never failed to put a smile on her face.
Soon, Rainbow Dash touched down in front of Sugarcube Corner and promptly entered the giant gingerbread establishment. Sure enough, the first thing that Rainbow Dash saw inside the bright multicolored building was Pinkie Pie standing behind the counter serving a brown stallion with an hourglass cutie mark.
“Here you go, one super-duper-deluxe peanut butter and chocolate cupcake with frosting and sprinkles!” Pinkie exclaimed, happily depositing the pastry in front of the brown stallion.
The stallion merely looked down at the cupcake before him. “But I ordered a muffin…”
“Yeah, but a super-duper-deluxe peanut butter and chocolate cupcake with frosting and sprinkles is, like, ten times better than a muffin!” said Pinkie, holding up ten hooves to demonstrate.
“But Ditzy’s allergic to peanuts.”
Pinkie then leapt over the counter and grabbed the stallion by the face, glaring hatefully into his eyes. “You will take the cupcake or I will force feed it to you… and it won’t be through your mouth!”
Staring with wide, terrified eyes, the stallion promptly reached over to the counter, grabbed his cupcake and bolted past Rainbow Dash and out the door.
“Well that wasn’t very nice,” Pinkie Pie pouted, glaring up at the ceiling as if it had been the one to snap at that poor pony.
Rainbow Dash just gave her head a few shakes. She certainly found that distraction she was looking for.
“Hey Pinks, what’s up?”
Pinkie Pie whirled around and gave Rainbow Dash an excited wave. “Oh hi Dashie! Want to help me make cupcakes?” Pinkie then got incredibly close to Rainbow Dash, glaring intensely into her eyes. “I need a special ingredient that only you can provide me!”
“Uh… no thanks.” Something inside Rainbow Dash told her that it was in her best interest not to take Pinkie up on her offer. “So, when do you get off work?”
“Oh, I’m actually off work now! The Cakes just told me to take the whole day off after the third time my new friend tried to make customers taste something called ‘oblivion!’ I don’t really know what that is, but it must be super yucky since ponies kept running away screaming!” Pinkie smiled innocently.
“Uh huh…” Rainbow Dash muttered. At least one thing hasn’t changed: Pinkie Pie was making about as much sense as she usually did. “So, do you wanna hang out? Maybe prank some ponies or something?”
“That sounds like an awesomazing idea Dashie!” Pinkie Pie’s happy smile suddenly changed. Rainbow Dash couldn’t figure out what was different, but something seemed decidedly more malicious about the pink mare’s expression.
“I have some pretty killer new ideas for pranks! Hmm hmm ha ha ha ha ha!”
“Ugh, reloading is hard!” Grif complained as he loaded more rockets into the Warthog’s turret.
Church just sat with his legs dangling over the side of Blue Base. Behind him, the rest of the Blues were either sitting around twiddling their thumbs or off doing their own thing. The pony-alien/creature that called itself Twilight was lying down beside him. Church had to admit, the posture did kind of remind him of a dog. He also had to admit that the little purple alien had turned out to be pretty handy, what with all of those weird powers it had. Still, that didn’t mean he was about to help it find its way back to Planet Horse or wherever she said she was from.
Just then, Donut (who had managed to fill the entire area in front of Blue Base with circular designs on the ground with his ATV) drove over to the other Reds.
“Hey guys! How’s the battle going?” the flamboyant pink soldier asked.
Sarge’s reply was an aggravated grunt.
“Alright. I reloaded two of the rocket launchers, I’m taking a break,” Grif said, leaning forward over the makeshift rocket turret.
“Hmm… maybe we should try negotiating with the Blues. This battle really isn’t going anywhere,” Simmons said.
“Hmm… I don’t like the idea of talking to a Blue unless it leads up to a pre-murder one-liner, but I see your point!” Sarge then hopped out of the jeep’s passenger seat and called out to Church. “HEY BLUE! SEEING AS WE’VE REACHED A STALEMATE, THE MIGHTY AND SUPERIOR RED ARMY IS WILLING TO COME TO AN AGREEMENT!”
Church sighed and got to his feet. “Alright Reds, what do you want?”
The four Reds huddled together and murmured amongst themselves.
“Well, we don’t want yer flag because… that’s just bad news for everyone involved!” Sarge exclaimed. “We also don’t want yer tank, because something’s clearly wrong with it if you weren’t willing to use it on us like you always do!”
Church swore to himself. He was hoping he could convince the Reds to accept ownership of the broken tank, only for them to find out that they wouldn’t be able to take it back to their base with them. Now he had to think of something else to give them.
“Hey, instead of listing off all of things you don’t want, how about you start telling me what you do want?” Church snarked.
The Reds all looked at each other. “Well… ya don’t exactly have anything worthwhile!” Sarge said.
Church was ready to retort when he realized Sarge had a very valid point. “Yeah… this canyon sucks.”
“How about a hostage?” Simmons suggested.
“Yeah, because that worked out so well the other times,” Grif deadpanned.
“Sure, we can give you a hostage!” Church said.
“And not the medic!”
“Damn!” Church turned around to look at his team. Each one of them that wasn’t Doc at the very least knew how to fire a weapon, and as such were too valuable a commodity in this canyon.
“Wait, what the heck is that thing?”
Church turned back around when he heard Donut’s voice and saw the pink soldier pointing at Twilight Sparkle.
Grif shrugged. “I dunno, looks like some new pet the Blues have.”
The pony in question groaned and took a step forward. “I’m not a pet! My name is Twilight Sparkle! I’m a unicorn pony from Equestria!”
Donut gave a loud, drawn out gasp.
“Oh boy…” Grif mumbled.
“Sarge! Can we take the unicorn? Pleeeease?” Donut begged, trying to give the Red sergeant puppy dog eyes from behind his helmet.
“Well…”
“Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease?”
“Ya didn’t even let me…”
“PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAASE?”
“Actually Sarge, if I recall that strange animal seemed to be the source of the domed shield that appeared earlier in the battle,” Simmons said.
“Sufferin’ Cylons, you’re right! Having that kind of power in our hands could give us a tactical edge and a morale boost, considering Donut won’t be bugging me about it in that annoying way that he does!” Sarge then turned to face the Blues. “We have come to a decision! We want to take your little unicorn critter Twilight Flufflesnugglepuss as our hostage!”
“What?” Twilight exclaimed.
Church then had a devious idea. “Done!”
“Yes!” Donut cheered.
“What?!”
“Sorry Twilight, but you’re probably not going to get off my case about me not helping you get to your home planet. So this seems like a pretty convenient way to get you out of my hair.”
Church relished the look of pure, seething hatred on the unicorn’s face as she glared at him through squinting eyes.
“Fine! This might actually work out for me! The enemies of someone as thoroughly unpleasant as you can’t possibly be that bad! I’m sure either way they’ll do more about my problem than you!”
With that, Twilight marched down the ramp leading to the side of the base where the Reds’ jeep was parked. Church couldn’t stop himself from briefly following her to get one final word in.
“Clearly you don’t know these guys like I do!”
Twilight’s response was to sigh, which quickly turned into a groan. “I never should have messed with that stupid ship and that stupid helmet…”
The little purple alien’s bitter rambling became inaudible as she walked further away from Blue Base. Church watched with smug satisfaction as the scowling unicorn hopped onto the back of the ATV with an absolutely ecstatic Donut and was driven back in the direction of Red Base, followed closely by the other three Reds in the jeep.
Finally, the troublesome little thing was gone and Church could get back to life as normal at Blue Base. No more arguing with a self important little alien that thought she was better than him. Now it was back to just arguing with a bunch of other assholes that Church was better than.
As the Reds disappeared over to the other side of the canyon, Church turned around to head inside. It was then that something the unicorn had said before leaving suddenly clicked in Church’s brain. He stopped in his tracks.
“Wait… SHIP???”
Rarity sat at her workstation in Carousel Boutique, humming a little tune as she operated the sewing machine, a cup of nearly finished tea on the table beside it. Truthfully, she had been quite tired after the journey from Dodge City to Canterlot to Ponyville that day, and had originally intended to take a day to relax in light of… recent events. However, Rarity had found herself quite restless, and before she knew it, she was brewing a pot of tea and getting to work on some of the dress commissions she had lined up.
Hearing a soft snore, Rarity glanced off to the side and looked warmly at Spike, sleeping in his basket with a small horde of gems. She had taken it upon herself to look after the baby dragon in Twilight’s absence, and the love-struck reptile was overjoyed. The little guy was understandably shaken about the whole… situation with Twilight, so Rarity had treated him to a little outing (that against her wishes, he kept referring to as a date) and bought a ton of gems for him to snack on. Sure she had spoiled him, but she accomplished her goal: in short time, Spike had forgotten just how worried he was about Twilight. Now he was sleeping off the effects of a gem crash.
Rarity returned her attention to her work table, only to find that she had already completed another section of blue lace for the dress she was currently working on. Rarity went to finish off her cup of tea when she heard the sound of the bell above her front door ringing downstairs. Rarity was certain she had put up her “closed” sign, but then again some ponies didn’t pay attention to such details. Slowly, she got up out of her seat and headed downstairs.
As she reached the bottom of the stairs, Rarity promptly stopped when she noticed something squelched under her hooves. Looking down, Rarity noticed that her entire purple carpet appeared to be stained with… something. Whatever it was, she couldn’t smell it. Was it water? Did she have a leak? With a shrug, Rarity continued towards the front hall; she could get somepony to come look at her plumbing later.
“I’m sorry, but we’re closed. You’ll have to…” Rarity stopped when she noticed the front hall was empty, the front door already on its way shut. Whoever it was must have figured out she was closed on their own.
Deciding as long as she was downstairs to brew some more tea, Rarity entered the kitchen and promptly slipped on the wet, smooth floor. She landed chin first on the hard surface. Rarity let out a frustrated groan. Where had all this water come from?! Her question was answered when she heard the sound of a pony snickering. Looking up, Rarity spotted the top of a rainbow mane outside her kitchen window, shaking with mirth.
“Of course. Who else was I expecting?” Rarity huffed as she pulled herself to her hooves, then briskly but carefully (so as not to slip again) made her way to the front door of her home and place of work.
Stepping out into the cool Fall air of Ponyville, Rarity promptly turned and headed to the side of Carousel Boutique the kitchen was on. She failed to notice the pink pony entering the boutique through the front door behind her.
Sure enough, when Rarity rounded the corner of her boutique, she found Rainbow Dash hiding beneath her kitchen window, both front hooves planted firmly in her own mouth to keep herself from laughing too loudly. Suffice to say, it wasn’t very effective.
“Very funny, Rainbow Dash. Soaking my house in water? You truly are a master of wit,” Rarity deadpanned.
Infuriatingly, Rainbow Dash didn’t whirl around and start apologizing profusely now that she had been caught. Instead, she looked over at Rarity, biting her lip to keep any more laughter from coming out.
“Oh, it’s not water, Rarity!” she said between snickers. “It’s some kinda ‘odorless pranking liquid’; Pinkie bought the stuff in bulk!”
Rarity glanced behind Rainbow Dash. Sure enough, there was a cart and a small pile of empty barrels with the logo of “Jumping Jack’s Joke Shop” on them. Rarity was about to sigh and return her attention to the immature pegasus in front of her when something else on the barrels caught her eyes. Below the logo and the words “Odorless Pranking Liquid” was what appeared to be a warning label: an octagonal red symbol with a simplistic image of fire in the center. Rarity’s eyes widened as she did a double take between Rainbow Dash and the barrels.
“Rainbow Dash? Is that stuff flammable?”
“Pfft! Of course not!” Rainbow Dash shook her head. “Uh… what does ‘flammable’ mean again?”
It was then that the two mares heard the sound of a prepubescent male dragon sneeze from inside Carousel Boutique.
“AAAH-CHOO!”
The sound was immediately followed by one that made Rarity’s hairs stand on end: the ‘fwosh’ of flames. After exchanging a nervous look, Rainbow Dash and Rarity raced around to the front of the boutique as the sounds of sneezing and crackling flames increased. They opened the front door and were greeted to the sight of the entire front hall consumed in orange flames. Spike sat in the center, sneezing uncontrollably, a burst of fire flying from his snout with every sneeze.
Without stopping to think, Rainbow Dash zoomed into the burning boutique. She weaved around the flames covering the floor and walls and scooped up Spike, avoiding the little dragon’s dangerous sneezes.
“I’m sorry, I can’t… Pinkie, she… ah…” Spike sneezed again, lighting a mannequin on fire in the process.
Rainbow Dash promptly zoomed out the closest window, shattering the glass. After setting Spike down outside somewhere his volatile sneezes would do no damage, Rainbow Dash returned to Rarity’s side at the front of the boutique. Rainbow’s ears folded back when she looked at Rarity, who stared blankly ahead at her burning home.
“Rarity, I’m sorry! I didn’t know this would happen!” Rainbow Dash exclaimed, her raspy voice cracking.
Rarity’s lower lip quivered and tears began welling up in her eyes. “Of all the things that could happen…”
Rarity’s horn started to glow a vivid blue. A red velvet chaise lounge with gold finish burst through one of the second floor windows—surrounded in a blue-ish glow—and landed beside Rarity. Opal was astride the luxurious furniture, and the fluffy white cat seemed slightly annoyed that her owner had awoken her from her nap to inadvertently save her life. Nevertheless, Opal knew why Rarity had summoned this particular piece of furniture and hopped down in anticipation of what was about to happen. Rarity stood up on her hind legs and raised a foreleg to her head in a dramatic fashion.
“This is actually the WORST! POSSIBLE! THING!” With that, Rarity dove face first onto the couch, sobbing hysterically.
Rainbow Dash was ready to fly away and get the fireponies when someone came happily hopping out of the burning building. Pinkie Pie did a happy little dance in front of the inferno.
“EEEE HEE HEE HA HA HA HA HAAAAAA! That’s right you foolish fools! BURN IN THE FIERY INFERNO OF OBLIVION!” As Pinkie continued to laugh maniacally, Rainbow noticed she was holding something in one of her hooves: a pepper shaker.
A pepper shaker that could be used to give a baby dragon a sneezing fit. Rainbow Dash’s wings flared open as she angrily rounded on her.
“What the hay is wrong with you, Pinkie? Was this your plan all along? Are you trying to get Rarity to hate us? Because there are much better ways to go about doing it than burning down her freaking house!”
Pinkie Pie’s insane laughter had immediately stopped after Rainbow Dash’s angry rant. The pink mare’s eyes widened as she looked at the pyre as if seeing it for the first time. She looked back over at Rainbow Dash with wide, terrified eyes that were partially obstructed by her suddenly perfectly straight mane. Rainbow Dash just continued giving Pinkie a glare that could raze the rest of Ponyville along with Carousel Boutique.
“I-I’m sorry! I… I didn’t mean… I-I didn’t want to…” Pinkie turned and ran, not slowing down and not looking back.
Rainbow Dash just gave an annoyed flick of her tail before turning back to check on Rarity. She was still crying her eyes out into the big red couch, her boutique burning behind her. Spike, who had since gotten over his sneezing fit was on the couch with Rarity, gently comforting her. Opal looked on in mild disinterest as she licked herself. Rainbow Dash turned away from the scene and promptly took off in the direction of the fire house. If one good thing had come out of this, she was no longer thinking about a certain missing friend.
Twilight Sparkle sat on top of the disappointingly identical round concrete structure that served as the Red Team’s base of operations. Aside from the prevalence of the color red as opposed to blue, Twilight could have imagined this was the exact spot where she had argued with Church. She tried desperately to hold onto the hope that if Church and his team weren’t willing to help her, this Red Team could. Said hopes slipped away as she was introduced to each of the members of Red Team.
“So Twilight, are you like, the last of your kind and on a journey to discover what happened to the other unicorns?” Donut asked. Out of all of them, the man wearing armor as pink as Pinkie Pie was the most enthusiastic to talk to her. He was also the one who cared the least about her personal space.
“Nope. Plenty of unicorns back in Equestria,” Twilight said, taking a few steps backwards to reclaim a bit of her personal space from the excitable pink soldier.
“Oh my God, that’s even better!” Donut exclaimed, once again crawling forward to take back the personal space that Twilight reclaimed. “Man, it would be so totally cool if you took me with you! We could sing songs and dance, and I would totally be best friends with everyone as soon as I arrived!”
“Sounds pretty fuckin’ stupid to me,” Grif said lazily. The orange soldier was probably the one that got on Twilight’s nerves the most. How could anyone be so unmotivated and—even worse—unorganized?
“Seriously, aliens are supposed to be big badass lizardmen who are all like ‘Kill all humans! All your base are belong to us!’” Grif continued. “What’s so special about a tiny horse alien?”
Twilight had given up on trying to come up with a dignified response and settled for silent protest.
“Well, I for one think that meeting a new sapient species is always an enlightening experience,” Simmons said. Twilight wasn’t really sure how to feel about him yet. “I’m sure you have so many questions and I’d be happy to answer them. For starters, we’re all part of the human race, but technically we’re called ‘Homo sapiens sapiens.’”
Twilight raised her eyebrows and gave an intrigued grunt: more information for her mental database on the alien species.
“Well, technically no one cares,” Grif said.
“I care, asshole!” Simmons argued.
“Correction: no one important cares.”
“My mom says I’m important…”
“Can it, dirtbags! I can’t hear myself think!” Sarge exclaimed. Of all of the Red soldiers, Sarge was the one that unnerved her the most. In the all of ten minutes that she spent in Red Team’s company, the man had come up with a dozen ideas that would put Pinkie Pie’s schemes to shame... and what was more, someone, somewhere thought it was a good idea to make him a leader! Was insanity a standard prerequisite for one to become an officer in the human military?
The Red sergeant in question then returned to his conversation with… himself? “Sorry about that, self! Please continue! Mmm-hmm. Yep. I like that! Good thinking, me! I’ll tell them right away!” Sarge then turned to face Twilight Sparkle and the rest of the Reds. “Alright, listen up! Me, Myself and I have come to a decision on what to do with Twi… Twilightliciousjagglecallit…”
“Twilight Sparkle...” Twilight corrected, struggling to maintain an even voice.
“Yeah, that! I have decided that the best way to make use of our new hostage... I mean ally... would be to use her godlike unicorn powers to power my time machine that I will use to go back in time and assassinate George Washington: The inventor of the color blue!”
Stunned silence from unicorn and Red soldiers alike was all that met Sarge’s proclamation. There was no way that any of them could possibly think that idea was…
“Excellent idea, sir!” Simmons dutifully said.
“Now rest up, Twibright! We have a big day ahead of us tomorrow!” With that, Sarge turned around and made his way down one of the ramps on the side of the structure. Twilight’s mouth hung open as she watched him go.
“Well, I’m off to make family dinner. I’ll call you guys when it’s ready,” Donut said, who turned to start making his way down another of the ramps.
“You’re off to make what?” Grif asked.
Donut turned back around and addressed Grif through gritted teeth. “Family dinner. We always have family dinner.”
“Since when?”
Donut then violated Grif’s personal space just as he had done with Twilight’s and whispered loudly, “Since a unicorn started living with us, who some of us want to make a good impression on, Grif!”
Donut turned and started happily frolicking down the ramp and out of sight.
“Right, I’m gonna take a nap. Wake me when there’s food,” Grif stated, turning to leave as well.
Twilight’s left eye began to twitch uncontrollably. The Red sergeant’s plan was both impossible and insane. Did he really have a time machine? Was he really willing to use it to change history? How could any of these people just go about their lives as normally as they were, knowing they were being led by a madman? How was that even possible? How was any of this even possible?
“Sueño. Despierta. Consumir. Los seres humanos son tan ineficientes.”
Twilight whirled around at the sound of the deep, monotone voice behind her. She gasped and tilted her head down when she saw a brown helmet identical to the ones worn by every other soldier lying on the floor. Who had spoken just now? It couldn’t have been…
“Oh yeah, that’s Lopez.” Simmons stepped up beside Twilight. “He’s our head mechanic. Ha ha… get it? He’s… he’s just a head...”
Twilight looked back and forth from Simmons and the brown helmet on the ground. Her other eye started to twitch. And to think, there was a time when she thought that her friends were insane. Finally, the dam burst. Twilight groaned and stared up at the heavens above.
“All the people in this canyon are CRAZY!”
Today had not been a good day for Fluttershy. The first thing she heard when she was woken up in her room at the Dodge City Inn was that one of her closest friends had mysteriously disappeared. Her anxiety only increased when she and the others had arrived in Canterlot to learn that the Royal Sisters were fighting and that they had no idea where Twilight was.
When she finally got back to her cottage in Ponyville, her fear and anxiety caused her to have a major panic attack which in turn caused her to assault the furniture in her house more viciously than she ever had before (a lamp almost fell over. It didn’t, but...). Afterwards she had cried while hugging Angel tightly. The little white bunny resisted at first, but soon gave up on escaping the hysterical pegasus’ iron grip and settled for patiently patting her on the head.
She thought that leaving the house to go talk to her friends might help her cope. Instead, she had bumped into Applejack and learned that not only had Rarity’s house burnt down, but the arsonist responsible was none other than Pinkie Pie. Now, the two of them were walking down one of Ponyville’s central streets, headed in the direction of Sugarcube Corner.
Fluttershy couldn’t help but wonder if any of her friends were taking all of this as hard as she was. Fluttershy had thought she was just being an anxious, nervous wreck over nothing like always, but then she got a good look at Applejack’s hind legs. They were bruised all over: the marks of a pony who had spent more time bucking apple trees than was probably necessary.
Finally reaching the large bakery, the two mares stepped in through the front door. Evening was approaching, and the only pony inside was Mr. Carrot Cake. The yellow stallion was in the process of wiping down one of the tables, likely preparing for closing time.
“Howdy, Mr. Cake!” Applejack tipped her hat to the stallion.
Fluttershy tried to say hello too, but as was usually the case with ponies she wasn’t particularly close to, her voice died in her throat. She settled for an awkward wave. Mr. Cake tossed the cloth he was cleaning with across his back and turned to face the mares, giving them a friendly smile.
“Hello, girls!” he greeted. The look on his face then turned significantly less cheerful. “I take it you’re here to see Pinkie Pie.” It wasn’t a question as it should have been, but a knowing statement.
Applejack frowned. “Reckon ya heard what happened?”
Mr. Cake nodded. “She’s been acting… differently ever since you all arrived back from… wherever it was you all went. She’s been talking to herself, giving customers death threats, s-she even… threatened to eat Pound and Pumpkin!”
“Well that’s mighty peculiar…”
“We’re really, really sorry,” Fluttershy apologized before flinching. She hoped he wasn’t mad at her.
“It’s okay,” Mr. Cake said. He then turned away and muttered something under his breath. Fluttershy thought she heard the words “not mine anyway.” She decided to pretend not to have heard anything at all.
“Anyway, if you want to see her, she’s upstairs in her room,” Mr. Cake continued. “Hasn’t come out since she got home after… you know...”
“Thank you kindly,” Applejack said with a nod. She then motioned for Fluttershy to follow her, and together the two of them ascended the stairs and walked down the hall until they reached the door to Pinkie Pie’s room.
Applejack gave the door a few raps with her hoof. “Pinkie Pie? It’s Fluttershy and Applejack! We’d like to have a few words with you!”
They waited a few seconds for Pinkie to give a response, but didn’t get one.
“Pinkie, we know yer in there! Open the door or I’ll buck it down myself!”
Fluttershy flinched at Applejack’s harsh tone. “Um, Pinkie? We’re not mad at you, okay? We just want to talk… if that’s okay with you…”
Just when the pair of them thought they were going to continue to get the silent treatment, they heard a tiny, neutered voice come from the other side of the door.
“Please go away,” Pinkie whimpered. “I don’t want my new friend to hurt you guys.”
Applejack and Fluttershy exchanged a panicked glance. New friend? Did she have somepony else in there with her? Applejack turned back to face the door.
“That’s it! Pinkie, we’re comin’ in!” Applejack then grabbed the door handle with her hoof and, with surprisingly little effort, turned it. Pinkie must not have even had any locks on it. Applejack slowly, but deliberately, pushed the door to Pinkie Pie’s room open.
She and Fluttershy almost couldn’t see Pinkie right away as they entered. The curtains were drawn over the window and the room was dark. From what they were able to see, the room was a mess. Random junk was strewn across the floor, as if Rainbow Dash had performed the sonic rainboom right there in the middle of it. Several of Pinkie’s commemorative photos of the six of them together at her various parties were on the floor, the glass frames shattered.
Their initial fears of there being someone or something else in the room with Pinkie proved to be wrong. Pinkie sat alone on the edge of her bed, facing away from them. The only other breathing body in the room was Gummy. Pinkie’s toothless baby alligator sat in the corner opposite to his owner, looking terrified (at least, they were pretty sure he was terrified. His blank face didn’t really look any different from normal, but the fact he was as far away from Pinkie as physically possible was telling).
“Pinkie, you have some serious explainin’ to do!” Applejack declared.
“That’s not my name…” Pinkie muttered.
Applejack made to take a step forward, an angry look on her face, but Fluttershy blocked her advance with an outstretched hoof. She had a hunch about what was going on with their friend, and getting mad at her wasn’t going to help matters at all.
“Pinkie Pie… look, is this because you’re worried about Twilight?” Fluttershy asked gently, slowly moving forward towards Pinkie. “It’s okay, we all are. But this isn’t the way to go about dealing with it. Whatever you’re feeling, you should come talk to us about it. We’re your friends, and friends help each other.”
Fluttershy reached to put a hoof on Pinkie’s shoulder, but was stopped when the pink mare spoke.
“I said, my name isn’t Pinkie Pie…” Pinkie finally turned to face her two friends, half of her face obscured by her straight mane.
Fluttershy gave a nervous squeak and recoiled in fear at the look Pinkie gave her. It was a look of fury and pure hatred unlike any Fluttershy had ever seen on her friend’s face.
“My name… is… O’Malley!”
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OH FUCK YES!
this chapter was perfect in every way!
the battle was hilarious, and pinkie is bat shit insane
I LOVE IT!
The fuck? Simmons doesn't drive.
Grif is the driver, Sarge rides shotgun and Simmons is gunner. That's how it ALWAYS is.
also love the classic "not mine anyway" line
3637715 Did you not read the first chapter? Sarge changed the seating order.
How Twily has not gotten an aneurysm from spending just ten minutes in Blood Gulch is beyond me...
Okay. O'malley is pissing me off. Shall we kill him using chaos magic? It won't hurt Pinkie, It'll just erase O'malley from existence. Instead of O'malley, there will be a different Hate fragment, Still omega, but it chose the name bob. Less violent, but still full of hate.
i am just strait up loveing this, you got the characters down to point. and its awesome.
Great chapter.
“All the people in this canyon are CRAZY!” And the prize for understatement of year goes to.
O'Malley lose in Equestria. That can't end well for anyone.
3637715
Remember, Sarge is trying to kill off Griff. The turret was replaced with a rocket launcher that has an extremely slow reload time, meaning any gunner with be killed after the first round.
3637733 But Grif is the only one who know WHY there are six pedals.
3638026 Oh right. I forgot about that.
3637886
Who would you prefer to have loose in Eqiestria? O'Malley or Tex.?
O'Malley can kind of switch to different people and all but he's only limited to what that person, or pony, can do.
While Tex... really powerful, hurtful and somewhat crazy. I would prefer the first.
Poor Twilight. Trapped in a box canyon with a bunch of annoying flankholes who brush her off at almost every turn.
And poor Pinkie Pie. Sharing headspace with an enraged AI who openly fantasizes about killing everyone around you.
Woo, called it! The last possible moment.
Sarge's plan is a bit un-Sargelike. Sarge's plans always have some sort of graspable logical illogic to them. This one is just pure illogic. His plans are the sort of thing that leave your jaw on the floor due to sheer idiodicy AND the fact that it's clearly logically sound to Sarge, so arguing isn't going to get you anywhere.
Oof!
Never card for that bit of fanon.
And where the hell are the police? Arson is OK now? Hrm.
3637774
No, no. Bob is a good name for a PLANET.
Great!!
3638410 Law enforcement in Equestria seems pretty lax, considering we haven't seen a single police pony in Ponyville, where crazy shit happens on a weekly basis. Also, Rarity wouldn't press charges on one of her friends... even if said friend is acting crazier than normal
!
Arcane Star you better figure out how to fix that teleporter quick before Twilight decides to try and club her way out Blood Gulch to get away from the insanity.
And Pinkie Pie's taken over by O'Malley completely now huh? This won't end well.
Jeez you really know how to leave everyone hanging for more, huh? At least you update this pretty fast. Can't wait for the next chapter!
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw2604-Luna_saw_what_you_did_there.jpg
Also, who else reads out loud in an O'Mally voice when ever Pinkie says something threatening.
3638410 Well what were the colors the 2 sides wore in the Revolutionary war (going by popular culture not historical accuracy.)?
Well I think Simmons and twilight are going to hit it off really well.
3637715
Not always.
3637764
Why is she here again?
3638410
Sarge's plan is hilarious. I mean come on. In season...I think it's 7 or 8, the AI Sarge that's in the unit comes up with a plan to, and I quote KICK THE PLANET'S ASS.. Think about that for a second. He basically wanted to actually do the movie The Core, not to save the planet, but to kick the shit out of it. He actually wanted to FIGHT a planet. By comparison, his bizarre idea here to kill George Washington is pretty tame compared to some of the stuff he's done in the show itself and yet it is perfectly in character for him.
I like it.
Currently, I'm just waiting for season 6 to start...
3637886 Its official, O'Malley's infected Pinkie Pie.......(Inhales deeply)AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!
EVERYPONY RUN! RUN FOR YOUR LIVES! DEAR CELESTIA AND LUNA (And maybe Discord) SAVES US!!!!!!!!!!
3638947
But the twisted logic is still there! The planet is shaking itself to pieces, so Sarge wants to kick its ass!
Also I believe that was season 9.
my thoughts are
if O'malley stays in character
then hes going to pull a tex
and f*ck up right before he wins
after all hes never actually succeeded at his plans
even when he had tex he always puts in some kind of metaphorical self destruct button
3639221
You might be right about that. But in any case, Sarge's plans are always crazy and he seems to be all over the place and rarely knows anything about anything that's actually correct. (Except machines. God only knows how, but Sarge knows his damn machines!) I could see him being off the wall enough to plan something like this.
3638905 I do!
I even add a maniacal laugh, even if he didn't put one for a given O'Malley line.
XD
I'm dead.
I thought Grif was going to comment Tucker having sex with Twilight after having that last alien encounter.
If Twilight thinks about it, the Red's and Blues represent her friends more than she realizes.
Donut/Caboose = Pinkie Pie and her antics,
Tucker/Grif = Rainbow Dash's showboating/jokes/laziness
Doc = both Fluttershy and Spike since he wants to help, but is usually the unheard middle ground
Simmons= Rarity and her kissass visions of grandeur
Sarge = Applejack for stubborness and accent
and Church really could be Twilight before she made friends, uncaring and wanting no friends.
Wonder if she'll ever come to this conclusion
Also, Pinkie-O'Malley needs to take over the weather factory so that her doomsday weather control machine can come to fruition. Would the CMC be her henchmen?
... Oh shit we're all fucked.
O'Malley and Pinkie Pie?
static.fjcdn.com/pictures/NOOO+Abandon+ship.+Tags_e4001e_4287613.png
Pinkie gets therapy.
From who, you might ask?
From the Doctor, of course!
Who else?!
At first I was ready to drop the story in this chapter, because I kinda forgot about O'Malley and thought that you just went the Pinkie goes Cupcake-crazy route. Which is most likely because of the little reference with Rainbow.(Although I can't for the life of me figure out why people can't stop doing that).
Now that there's actually a good explanation, I think I'll continue, which makes me glad, cause I really like the Twi in Blood Gulch parts.
I just have a quick question. How is O'Malley able to possess Pinkie? I thought he was only able to possess the reds and blues thanks to their armor.
3640864
I think it's because Arcane Star stupidly converted Omega from an AI into an MI in the first chapter.
3640864
Here we go, another story skipper.
Read the story again.
3640864
Read the story. From the beginning. Carefully.
3641279 For your information, I did not skip the story. I just didn't remember that they transformed O'malley into an M.I. and thinking back on it, I didn't really come to the conclusion that he was in Pinkie, simply because I still don't know how he could possess her. And when they explained M.I's, there was no mention of them possessing ponies.
3641279
THE POWER OF PAYING ATTENTION!!
3639230 I would be worried and It a composite of Delta and Omega occurs thou.
"Delta."
"Omega."
"It's O'Malley!"
"Omega, stop this foolishness..."
I almost feel sorry for O-Malley being inside pinkies mind
I always hated the whole O'mally thing. I think it was just the bad acting, though. The whole series had its brilliant moments, but the writing and acting really dragged it down at times. Twilight's adventures in learning just how insane the Red's and Blue's are is much more fun to read about than the stuff back home with Pinkie and her possession.
And thats how Pinkie became a SCP.
.....
Well, I honestly wasn't expecting that part at the end...
3638341
Personally, I would have Tex, yes, she is powerful but she can't mind jump like omega.
Because let's face it, if omega gets into the mind of luna... or celestia... holy shit I think I know where this story is going and god how I hate/love where this story is going.
3647167 the doctors response " im here to stop you from going back in tim... what the hell is that thing?" he says as he points at the mongoose covered in flashing lights.
"We need to get it to 88 miles per hour then we are good to go" sarge says to twilight
3642140
I think you mean Gamma/Gary, not Delta
Okay, how in the flying FUCK did Omega infect Pinkie Pie? She doesn't own a suit of MJOLNIR armor… Also, the line Twilight spouted:
Classic Grifi-sm!
3727994
GGRRrr
[In the very first chapter, the author made it so Twilight, or somepony else transfer the data in the chip into magical energy or something like that. Omega is not computer data anymore.]
GGRRrr
[After the ponies met Omega, he disappeared or dissipated to who knows where. Except now we know he entered Pinkie's mind.]