• Published 30th Nov 2013
  • 1,227 Views, 20 Comments

True Love - Alan Smithee



A Short Tale of a Man who Loved a Pony

  • ...
18
 20
 1,227

True Love

Princess Twilight Sparkle was interrupted from her daily afternoon reading session by a knock on the door.

She answered it to find a towering figure. Twilight’s head only came up to his waist. She looked up at him. He looked down on her with piercing brown eyes. His face surrendered no emotion.

Behind the figure were her friends, Rarity, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie and Fluttershy, all looking as confused as she was.
“Princess Twilight Sparkle, will you please come with me to Sweet Apple Acres?” the figure asked directly.

Twilight, dumbfounded at the unusual request from the unusual apparition, responded with a “yes?”


Twilight tried to lead him to Sweet Apple Acres, but he apparently knew the way, and walked with a determined fervor.
She fell back to the posse of five that he led. They all followed with a great deal of caution.

“Who is this?” she whispered to nopony in particular.

“We have no idea” Rainbow Dash whispered back, “He won’t speak to any of us”

“Well, I’m going to find out” she told them, and sped up her pace to get alongside him again.

As she walked alongside him, Twilight noticed that he had five fingers on one hand, and only three on the other. A long scar ran from his cheek, down his neck to his chest, disappearing under his clothes. He wore a large pelt made from the skin of some huge animal, and he walked with a limp. A large patch of hair was missing from the back of his head.

“Have you come a long way?” she asked.

He only grunted.


They found Applejack tending her orchard, as usual. She brightened up immediately on seeing her friends.

“Howdy, girls! What...uhhh” she stopped when she noticed the towering biped that was bringing all her friends in tow. The dark hues of his clothes had made him hard to spot.

The moment he set eyes on Applejack, his composure seemed to break. His face softened. His eyes glistened.

“Applejack”

“Yes, sir?”

“My name is Roderick. I’ve traveled through time and space to meet you. I’ve traveled distances that cannot be measured in miles, and I’ve traveled in time that cannot be measured in aeons. I’ve brought all your friends here, because I want to ask you a simple question”

Roderick’s speech left Applejack agape. The stares of her pony friends brought her to her senses.

“Go ‘head ‘n ask, then!”

He fell to his knee, produced a brass ring big enough to fit around a pony’s leg. It was adorned with an enormous orange diamond.

“Will you marry me?”

Everypony but Rarity gasped. Rarity screamed.

A very long silence followed. Roderick nearly lost his balance.

“No” Applejack said flatly.

Roderick didn’t move.

“Y’all can’t just walk up to me and ask me my hoof! I don’t even know you! Don’t you know nothin’ about courtin’ a lady?”

Roderick’s pale cheeks turned red. A tear welled up in the corner of his eye.

“But…” he started.

“But nothin’!” she said, “Don’t get me wrong, I’m flattered that you came all this way, but it just doesn’t work that way!” She stamped her hoof.

Roderick put his other knee down. He dropped the ring. He buried his face in his hands. He huffed. Tears seeped out from behind his hands. He wailed.

Applejack looked away.

Giving Roderick a wide berth, Applejack’s pony friends rounded him to join her.

“What am I gonna do, y’all?” Applejack asked her friends.

None of them could offer her any advice.

So they stood awhile longer. The ground beneath Roderick’s face was dark with the tears. Between sobs he would breathe in loud snorts.

It took a very long time, but Roderick finally went silent. He simply sat on his knees, his hands between his thighs, staring at the ground, silent.

With some hesitation, Applejack approached him. She stopped a minute when her hoofsteps caught his ear, and he lifted his face to look at her. His face was red and puffy. His eyes and nose were dripping.

Applejack took off her hat, and sat down next to him.

“Listen, sugarcube. You’re sweet, and I admire you for comin’ all this way for tellin’ me how you feel. But I just can’t say I feel the same. It wouldn’t be honest”

Roderick’s lips quivered.

“B-B-But I-I-I l-l-l-love you!” His voice broke.

Applejack put a hoof on his shoulder. She tried to keep her distance.

“I believe you. I really do. And I’ll tell you this: if you can love someone, someone you know, half as much as you love me, well I’m sure you’d have her in a heartbeat!”

He gave her an incredulous look.

Applejack rolled her eyes, took a deep breath, and said, “Roderick, you told me how much trouble it took you to get here. Think of the friends you’ve left behind. Aren’t they worth anything to you?”

Roderick shook his head. Applejack turned to her friends again.

“Anypony wanna help?”

They all looked awkwardly away.

“I...uh...think you’re on your own, Applejack” Twilight said apologetically.

Applejack thought, hard.

She had an idea. It was a long shot, but it might work. She reached her hoof to Roderick’s far shoulder, and drew him into a half-embrace. “Roderick, I want y’all to do something for me” she said gently. “I want you to go back to where you came from”

She felt Roderick jerk at this request. She tightened her grip.

“I want you to go home and try, really try, to find someone there that’ll make you happy. What if she’s out there waitin’ for you? Would it be right to leave her waitin’ all her life?”

Roderick didn’t seem too sure.

“If you don’t find someone, y’all can come back, and I promise we’ll talk”

Roderick brightened significantly at this proposition. He sprang to his feet.

“Promise you’ll try?

“I promise!” he said insincerely.

“Pinkie Pie Promise?” she asked.

He froze. He looked at Pinkie Pie, who was smiling innocently. He looked scared.

“Well, do ya?”

He swallowed. “C-Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye” he said quietly.

“Great!” Applejack put her hat back on, “I’ll give you some apples for your trip!”

“No thanks”, he said quietly. Without another word or expression, he walked sullenly towards the entrance of the farm, into the setting sun.

Applejack continued to smile and wave until he was out of sight. When he was finally gone, she took off her hat and wiped her brow.

“Whew!”

Author's Note:

There will be no sequel

Comments ( 18 )

n b 4 rage. :yay:
Also, I'm sorry I was forced to edit this at gun point!
So its probably terrible...

uhmmm what?
what was that?
dont mean to be rude, but what?
put a sad tag or something
there is no romance in this.
:derpyderp2:

Comment posted by Alan Smithee deleted Dec 1st, 2013

3560810
sorry edited my comment, look again.

Comment posted by Alan Smithee deleted Dec 1st, 2013
Comment posted by Alan Smithee deleted Dec 1st, 2013

I have no idea what I just read. All I know is it was rather badly written and felt very rushed.

3560808
Changed it back.
I guess I just think of it as a really brutal comedy.
"Be a Sadist"
- Kurt Vonnegut

3560851

It was definitely rushed. I wrote it in about four hours. But the concept's been in my head awhile.

I wish you'd like it, but obviously there's nothing I can do if you don't.

I can only ask for your feedback.

How some reacted to this story:
dashie.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/img/mlfw9095-princess_coronation_predictions_by_docwario-d5smfge.jpg

How I reacted to them:
denver.mylittlefacewhen.com/media/f/rsz/mlfw6279_large.jpg

For the record, I am not a fan of Brony in Equestria stories. This story shows accurately how any scenario would normally work if someone from another universe dropped out of the sky and proposed to you. Is it a dig at some of the more ludicrous wish fulfillment stories on this site? Yes, but it's done without any malice behind it. Even though it could have been fleshed out a little more, the story itself is concise and to the point.

Also, to the haters: your tears are delicious.

3561307
This guy.

Yes this is defiantly meant to be a parody of the various terrible romance fics. How do you like your tears? I like mine on the rocks with a touch of mint alongside a nice steak.

3560841
Probably because the story is kind of about romance fics even if no actual romance happens in it.

3560808
This was intended to be a parody of sorts of romance fics. Perhaps not even a parody, if you look at it a certain way. The idea that sprouted this story was, "I want to write a fic where the human and pony DON'T get together". I have a rule of not resolving love plots in a...satisfying way.

Not that anyone asked for it, but here is a story of a man who confesses his love to a pony and is rebuked. I think it's fairly unique in that regard.

I hope I've explained what I was going for enough for you, and I'm sorry if you didn't like it.

I liked it.

I liked it, starting to enjoy this little jabs at HiE romance fanfics (even though i'll be the first to admit i have a soft spot for the genre) that being said, a few things in this i don't really care for, the main thing is that we are given no indication that applejack would even consider saying yes, her awnser is quite obvious and really the only logical one, thus theirs not really any tension to give her refusal any kind of wieght.

Still i really liked it, thumbs up for you! :pinkiehappy:

3699194

Thumbs up?!
Man, we sure could use more of those around here.

Thanks a ton.

The reason for the lack of tension is to aid the comedy. If Roderick were anything but a wannabe Mary Sue, the reader would feel sympathy for him, and would undermine the humour.
Now, if I work super-duper hard, I could make a deep, involved story about a human who loves a pony, and the heartbreak of not discovering the pony doesn't return his sympathies. However, I've no similar experience to go by, so it would be an uphill battle for me. I'm certain other writers out there could do a better job of it.

Oh im certainly not reffurring to tension for the sake of drama, it's kind of obvious "furback" here isn't the kind of character meant to evoke sympathy.
What id like to see is tension made to serve comedy since, as it stands, we sort of already knew how it was going to play out. Theirs no expectations that were subverted (which could work well if say, the human were even more exadurated and obsessed with his "twoo wuv" thus hitting him with a good dose of reality)

Id argue giving AJ reasons to marry him doesn't even require giving him depth, they could be incredably shallow reasons like, he's handsome, he's rich, he slayed the dread wyrm krapspakkle, its more or less setting him up so you can knock him down (if that makes sense)

Anyways, it is just my opinion (note that ive only written two chapters of one story, what does that tell you :P )

Login or register to comment