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What would happen if you were to take your subconscious and have a nice, civil conversation with it? Pinkie finds out.
Plagued by nightmares, Pinkie wakes one night after an especially troubling Nightmare. She is pulled deep into her subconscious, deep in her mind where she isn't Pinkie anymore.
Where she rules.
Proofread and edited by the amazing Micheal one half of this incredible duo known as Shadowblades
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I like it!
~ Michael
Great fic.
I would be most honored if this story were in this group: The MLP Fan Club: source for all good fics
3551405
I'm honored that you think so highly of it. I'll go place it (and join said group while I'm at it)
Guess who's back. Back again. Pinkamena's back. Tell a friend.
Pinkamena can never really be buried forever, can she?
Nice surreal murdering of the nice half of Pinkie.
You tried harder than others and succeeded. Good job.
3551443
3551431 Thank you!
Wait...so does this count as murder, or suicide?
Ooooooohhh!!!! This was amazing!!!
definitely adding to favourites!!! 
3552241 That's easy it's.... Actually, I don't know?
~ Michael
3552241>>3552385
I'd say neither, because the murder is more symbolic than physical. Like... It's more of her releasing her innocence and love of everything than an actual death. At least to me it is, like I actually bucking know
3552364
I'm honored
3552495 never use Rarity to reply to me unless you want to end up like the happy Pinkie Pie that we all know and love... Why? I bucking HATE Rarity...
3552509
I'm... honored?
As per your request, a review.
Your high ratio of positive to negative feedback is most likely due to the fact that you only have twelve comments, one-third of which are you. Just skimming it, I see multiple instances of improper capitalization, inconsistent characterization, and the repeated use of cliches that are extremely common to budding grimdark writers. Your story attempts to be edgy by portraying a mentally ill character, but fails to do so because it's obvious that you have a poor understanding of human/anthropomorphic behavior in general, and you seem to have chosen edginess over accuracy/believability. There is little build-up to anything; you could use quite a bit more detail and expansion, as this seems to be little more than the skeleton of an idea. Oh, and it's a Cupcakes spinoff--people avoid them almost by default because they're overdone, cliched, and generally not very interesting.
On the other hand, you have a decent grasp of the basics of the English language, aside from some mid-level errors like capitalization and whatnot. You have an above-average grasp on punctuation in particular, which is always good. I would encourage you to keep writing and reading, and learn to sort your good ideas from your not-so-good ones. Also, get an editor--a good one, not a yes-man--to look over what you write before you post it. It helps immensely. Revise your ideas a few times before writing at all, because story ideas are rarely good on their own, without refining.
There's your brutally honest review.
3556490
Confused yay. This wasn't really meant to be grimdark. Or do anything more than reference cupcakes. Either way this is much appreciated.
Have a Pinkamena heart as my thanks
3556507 Hehe, people are catching on to my idea
Name of Story: A Party for Pies
Grammar score out of 10: 6 (I saw lots of minor grammar mistakes. A few did pop out at me, but I'm sure after a few re-readings and an editor looking over it, they should go away.)
Pros:
Pinkamena attempting to use Pinkie's flaws to trick her out of her body.
A little creepy.
Rainbow Dash didn't die.
Cons:
The characterization of Pinkie was...kind of everywhere.
No major build up. I felt kinda bored because there was no real tension. Everything just sorta happened.
The abilities of Pinkamena were confusing to me before she took over.
Notes Section:
There are a few things that don't add up, like how Pinkamena can only torture ponies Pinkie see's, but Pinkie claims she doesn't know them, but she knows everypony in Ponyville, and like I said before I'm a little confused on how much Pinkamena can influence the physical world when trapped in Pinkie, seeing as she chucked a knife at herself. There was no major build up to Pinkie's 'death' which led it to be...not very good. And Pinkie was everywhere in this story, happy and sad, scared and accepting. It made it really hard to be drawn into the story when Pinkie wasn't flowing very naturally. And I feel this story overall could have just benefited from more detail in general. BUT. I do feel like with experience and some guidance you could improve a lot! I did see a few things in here I did like, such as Pinkamina attempting to trick Pinkie and whatnot. Not seen that before.
Overall, I give you a 5/10. Could use a lot of work, but if you put in that hard work it could really be worth your while.
Enjoy your review! Please help me out by looking at my story! (I know I haven't updated it in a while, but I'm about to, and would like to know if it's actually worth continuing at this point.) The Surgeon and the Magic City
From your friendly neighborhood arsonist.
-DjPyro3
3594883
Thanks. I'll be sure to check out your story ASAP. The only things I dare to contest is the characterization of Pinkie as well as Pinkamena's abilities to influence the world.
This takes place deep in Pinkie's subconscious, meaning that all her emotions and thoughts are stored in there, meaning that she would be picking all of this up and be affected by it since... well... it is her emotion. As for Pinkamena there are two things I'd like to discuss (meaning that although I do contest this, I'm assuming that you're correct and I'd like deeper insight <if it's not too much trouble>).
One being the whole Pinkie sees but doesn't remember. That part is based off the whole "you can only dream about people you've seen at some point" aspect of the mind. Pinkie knows everyone in ponyville, but what about ponies that are just passing through, or those a Apploosa? That's what I was getting at.
Two being how Pinkamena affects the world, she doesn't. Pinkamena is like a second Pinkie, agreed? She's the same bubbly pony, just bubbly in a different way. That's why she sings the lullaby as she passes the baby cakes, that's why she "chucks a knife at herself". Pinkie sees these things as either 1. A seperate entity, like when Pinkamena is singing to the babies. 2 She doesn't remember it happening (like Pinkamena filling up the glass of water or placing the knife).
Other than that, thank you and I'll get to it soon.
3594995
Oh! Well then. Thanks for clearing up the dream ponies (Though we all know what happens to ponies who are just passing by. Poor Cranky.) But since that is the case, I think you should strive to make it a little more clear so that people don't get as confused.
Well written, though why didnt Pinkamena do that from the start?
Wow, you must REALLY hate MLP:FIM!