• Member Since 3rd Sep, 2011
  • offline last seen 1 hour ago

MnM


I'm some dude who used to write crackfics and ran /mlp/arties at conventions. Now I'm some dirty hippie who writes horse word dramas. AKA Big Willy, MarineMarksman.

T

Applejack is in a tight spot at the moment. Her sales have been declining recently, there are bills that need to be paid, and Granny still needs a hip replacement.

So, in the interest drumming up more business, Applejack hires a certain salesperson to win the hearts and minds of Ponyville.

This goes just as well as you'd expect it to.

A story I wrote drunkenly with my bro, Sabre. Dedicated to the memory of the late Billy Mays. Commercials truly aren't the same without him. May he rest in peace.

Chapters (1)
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Comments ( 112 )

At first I thought this was just a dumb crossover...

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE!

...

Oh wait, no there isn't.

-Lumino

MnM

3629519 Trying to figure out how this would be a crossover...

-Will

I praise MarineMarksman. He truly is the greatest person in all of Billy May; 60's Spiderman; Halo; Old Spice; Black Jesus stories. But wait there's more, if you praise MarineMarksman within the next six seconds, you get this can of apple sauce for free! But wait! There's more, if you are the first 60 customers, you get a dildo made for rustling jimmies all for the low price of NINETEEN NINETY NINE!

HEY, BILLY MAYS HERE. COME CHECK THIS SHIT OUT. YOU EVER WANTED TO WATCH A SHOW, AND THEN FOUND OUT EVERYTHING ON TV WAS SHIT? WELL, NO MORE. MY LITTLE PONY IS HERE TO MAKE THE SHIT NO LONGER SHITTY. DON'T BELIEVE ME? WELL, WATCH THIS SHIT.

*roll testimonial video*

"THIS SHOW TURNED ME INTO A FAGGOT!" SAYS SIR CHUNKY MCDOUBLECHIN.

"I CAN NO LONGER GO TO SLEEP WITHOUT MASTURBATING TO TWILIGHT!" SAYS ANOREXIC BILL.

*flips off video*

Oh... shit. Well, BUY SOME OXYCLEAN!

"BILLY MAYS HERE, DEMONSTRATING THE ROYAL CANTERLOT VOICE AND SHOVING APPLES DOWN YOUR THROATS! AND SNATCHES!":rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:

Too good. Surprised how well this was articulated, for being a drunken writing attempt. Congrats. :derpytongue2:

MnM

3629543 Dude, I could go for some apple sauce right now. That sounds pretty dank. Especially mixed with some yogurt.

-Will

3629571
BILLY MAYS HERE WITH A GREAT NEW OFFER! WE HAVE APPLES, APPLE SAUCE, APPLE REPELLENT, APPLE BAKING SODA, APPLE SHIT, APPLE TREES. BUT WAIT THERES MORE, IF YOU ORDER WITHIN THE NEXT MINUTE YOU GET ORANGES, ORANGE SAUCE, ORANGE REPELLENT, ORANGE BAKING SODA, ORANGE SHIT, ORANGE TREES. BUT WAIT, BE THE FIRST CUSTOMER AND GET A LIFE TIME SUPPLY OF APPLE SAUCE FOR ONLY NINETEEN NINETY FIVE
:rainbowlaugh:

MnM

3629570 I ran it through a few editors. But it wasn't half bad when I originally wrote it.

-Will

MnM

3629609 Yes.

-Will

Um what did I just read?

Completely mischaracterized Billy Mays. So it wasn't funny. He never cursed when advertising and he definitely wasn't an asshole, so yeah, not funny.

She had even driven her cart to the local Home Depot parking lot at the crack of dawn to try and hire some amigos to come work on her farm. Unfortunately, they had unionized while working for her, and left in the middle of the night and stolen Apple Bloom. Wherever she was now, she was probably eating taquitos with a Mexican drug lord.

Poor Apple Bloom. We can only hope that she finds her cutie mark amongst the ranks of hostages and blood thirsty drug dealers. :applecry:

And the ending was hilarious! Completely random and funny and it made my night! :rainbowlaugh:

MnM

3629692 weknowmemes.com/generator/uploads/generated/g1332186062177013513.jpg

I know he doesn't fucking cuss. I practically worshiped the guy growing up. But I'm not going to change the style of my crackfics just because of this, especially when the Old Spice universe Billy is, in fact, vulgar. Why should I change a previously established universe just because of this?

Also, you might think it's not funny, but I see plenty more people who think otherwise.

-Will

Have I told you lately how much I love you? Platonic or not, you are one glorious sumbitch.

MnM

3629792 I love you too.

n-no homo

-Will

Well. That's the last time I read a crackfic at work. It actually hurt trying not to laugh out loud.

Was that a South Park reference at the end? Excellent as always.

MnM

3629889 Kind of.

-Will

This is the greatest thing I've ever read ever and you deserve a beer

MnM

3630070 I'll remember that.

-Will

3629519 IF you don't like it, don't read. You shut your filthy whore mouth about Marine's stories you filthy fucking earthpony causal. This is awsome.

Sent from Mobile in pony hell because I died of laughter.

Granny still needs a new hip transplant.

Fairly sure you meant "Hip Replacement".

25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_md9vjolIY71rdh059o1_500.gif
Parts made me laugh:rainbowlaugh:, parts made me cringe:pinkiesick: and parts made me scratch my head in confusion:rainbowhuh:.

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MO-

No wait, this fic is just short & empty. Moving on.

Dafuq did I just read?:rainbowhuh: Think ill just go and hope Billy Mays doesnt jump me........

What kind of drugs are you on and where can I get them?

Keep writing, bro. The rustling... it's GLORIOUS! :moustache:

MnM

I find it funny that this story is rustling more jimmies than the stories I wrote for the sake of rustling jimmies.

-Will

MnM

3630611 Whoops. Fixed.

-Will

The story was an original idea, but the fowl language killed it for me. :fluttershbad: Oh, and with the sexual references, this story should have been rated Mature. Then again, that's just my opinion. Hope it helped! :pinkiehappy:

MnM

3632379 Didn't you complain about the vulgarity in a previous story of mine? I swear I remember my bro and you getting in a huge argument because of it.

-Will

You really need to write more stories while you are shit faced, this is so hilariously random it reminds me of the episode of South Park with Billy May's ghost.

MnM

3632394 After how well this came out, I probably will.

-Will

3632385 We might have, but I'd probably remember it if we did. Whenever I get into an argument I usually find myself the one apologizing. Incase you were thinking that I was hoping to cause an argument with my previous comment, I assure you that I was not. I was merely hoping to provide you with valuable feedback that might help you purify your future stories. If you do not like my opinion or feedback, just let me know politely and I will stop providing it.

Thank you!
-Chabane

MnM

3632404 For future reference: Anything marked comedy written by me will be vulgar.

Anything that isn't may have language, but not nearly on the level of my crackfics.

-Will

3632437 Duly noted. Unfortunate, since I find your stories very humorous, but noted. I will no longer read your stories marked with the tag, "Comedy." I do not enjoy fowl language, so I thank you for the heads up!

Good day!
-Chadbane

Dang it FIM you ruined my image adding! Sorry guys but can't see my before/after joke anymore.:raritycry: today is a sad day. But u know what will get you out of a sad day?
Some random guy: The Smile Song?
No that's old and no one knows about it anymore. This story will! It made me laugh so much that Jeb had to call an ambulance!

MnM

3632443 Well, at least with most cases. I have something planned that will be more subtle... but I don't think you'll enjoy the ending part.

-Will

3632828 Then I won't read the ending part. I find your stories most intriguing, so it really isn't that big of a deal to me as long as you place the appropriate tags on your story. For example, warn about the excessive use of language in your introductions. In any other case of yours, keep up the good work!

In thought,
-Chadbane

Well...no shamwow guy

THIS GETS ALL MY YES :rainbowlaugh::rainbowlaugh:
Can't... breathe... So many references!

"Except Spike, who grew giant tits out of nowhere and then inexplicably died of breast cancer."
Is that a reference to that story where Spike grows nipples?

MnM

3633032 Funnily enough, it was going to be. I was originally going to include a link to that story.

But it's actually a reference to the end of Friendship is Manly, where I had Spike die of testicular cancer. Then, someone decided to get butthurt about it, and I decided to end every story that's a comedy with Spike dying of cancer.

-Will

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