The hardest thing is never to repent for someone else, it's letting people in.
Shipping 💖11,669 stories ·9,737 members
The Fillyfoolers3,945 stories ·3,489 members
Applejack2,124 stories ·1,769 members
I Just Want a Comment15,702 stories ·3,671 members
My entry for the Appleshy group's first contest (link).
Fluttershy and Applejack have been in a happy relationship for over a year now. When Fluttershy asks Applejack about moving in together, the earth pony has to reconsider how she really feels and whether she's ready for her relationship to get serious.
Cover art by the amazing icingtaxation on deviantArt. Go show them some support!
Proof-read and edited by the equally amazing Lion! Many thanks!
Page generated in 0.086 seconds
Total duration
735 users online
1,079,064 hits today, 2,054,621 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
So. Damn. Cute.
And yes, I know that I'm a lazy little shit - sorry?
3602282 Don't feel sorry.
Feel fabulous
3602285 *flips hair*
I hope I'm not useless
.
Really cute. I particularly liked the way Fluttershy was written.
Well this is a nice story, good job. I think I like this pair a good deal, but I don't really think of any of them as a OTP.
3605716 I agree, to be honest. I much prefer Twishy and ApplePie, but I still like Appleshy a lot!
This story was very fluffy, but not in the best of ways - basically, we have two characters thinking about moving in with each other, but honestly it didn't really... do anything with it. One of them hesitated, decided that it was okay, and they moved in together. There was no real meat to it - no real conflict. I don't know why the characters care about each other, I don't feel for their relationship, I don't really have any stakes in it.
I didn't really see anything about it that really tied in all that well with the two characters - it could have been any two characters. Why does it even matter that it was Applejack and Fluttershy? How is the story specifically about those two ponies?
3656181 I think I see your point ... Sort of
Well, how would you have written it if you were me?
3660624
The reason I didn't enter this contest was precisely because I couldn't figure out any way to make what I felt was a good hook out of the story. I just... didn't have any idea that I felt was good enough to turn into a story about it.
It is far easier to criticize than to fix, I suppose.
I think the biggest thing that the story was lacking was something to make me care. I mean, obviously, I'm a fan of the show; I like Fluttershy and Applejack. The fic should be selling me on their relationship - I need to have a good reason to care about them being together, and to care about them taking the next step and moving in together. I need to be emotionally invested in the outcome, and to feel for the characters as a couple, and I just... don't, and the story doesn't give me a reason to.
3660650 Ah, I see.
Well, thanks for your criticism!
I really liked it.
But not too keen on the authors note.
https://youtu.be/PTVIufINFik