After a magical incident involving a bench and a back, Lyra and Bon Bon get a letter from Berry Punch, who is vacationing by the Equestrian Sea, who asks the two to come over and get better aquainted with each other. Reluctantly Lyra agrees, and so the first of many dominoes begin to fall on their adventure.
Once arriving at Berry Punch's, a storm arises and Bon Bon is lost in the process, leaving Lyra alone with Berry Punch. Although she doesn't like the wine mare very much, she begins to warm up to her and soon the two are dying for one another's glances. But Bon Bon is still missing, and Lyra is determined to find her... But not before taking a few unlikely rest stops along the way.
I wanted to trash this, but I thought I might see if anybody actually likes the idea before doing so. Enjoy either way~
I love the picture! So, I will read your story and post when I have done this!
I think it's a nice idea, and I enjoyed this prologue/chapter one. But if you must trash it I understand. I had a great idea that half way through it I had to trash it due to writer's block.
Picture is good. Links are a little out of place, but i suggest that they are your writing style.
Overall, Stalin is not too deep in the romance, so he won't be ably to analyze the plot completely.
Things i can say are:
Pacing is great
Grammar is great
Idea is fine.
Also... Stalin do not sure Lavander sunset is possible. Lavander is a color of Twilight Sparkle's coat, but this is a nit pick.
Anyway, keep the good work. You are a bit unlucky, because your story being posted in bad time (Night in America) which would mean that not too many ponies shall see it.
Anyway, dont stop writing and good luck!
not a fan of the links, but i'm hoping you're able to actually do something creative with them. while necessarily not bad, this story isn't that great. you need indentations for a new speaker, and new paragraphs, and the some of the dialogue doesn't seem at all relevant to the plot (unless you plan to bring back those details later in the story).
anyways, C-. far worse stories exist.
i'm glad i didn't see any mechanical errors, apart from within the dialogue. if you fixed the dialogue, it could be much much better. and the doctor whooves reference feels very forced. like you just shoe-horned it in there
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That would be a lot of angry comments if I trashed it... 
I'm thinking I'm going to keep the idea, at least for a while, mostly because of the many tracking notifications I got when I woke up.
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I thought the links might be helpful to get some details through that couldn't be well enough expressed in words, as if as some obscure references that I pile on for good measure. If I do the next chapter, I'll cut back a little. Also, most of the time I write at night (I can't stand it when people watch over my shoulder whilst typing), so I guess I'm dragging myself into getting a pretty petty amount of people reading this at first. I hope that little romance will be in the first couple of chapters, so you'll be fine.
Dance!
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Like I said above, I'll cut back on the links (That Dr.Whooves reference was atrocious). For the paragraph structure, I'll try it out on the next installment and see what improvement it makes. Thanks for the dialogue imput, I'll see what I can do to make it a little more relevant.
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Stalin is pleased!
You may have some dislikes, but I bet this is better than the crap Jiopop makes!
This is ridiculous and pointless. More please. *tracks*
wat?!...*tracks*
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Wat indeed.
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308745
>>Everyone else
I've finally gone through and edited the first chapter, adding more indetantions and trashing most of the links. Expect the next chapter soon, already revised and ready for reading.
508858 Well, what did I say? You did it! You beat Jiopop!
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Thanks.
508870 And for you beating the man I hate the most, I give you the gift of Cadillac!
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This was my first profile pic, use it well in internet trolling, my friend....
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I shall treasure it forever.
508884 Note the many parking violations, PlayPony Magazines, and Happy Hour pamphlets on the dashboard....
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I do like me some PlayPony...
508895 I've driven this Coupe Deville briefly in my first story, destroyed it in Haywire, and will make it appear briefly again in Fleetwood Rides Again, it is a very active car in my storyline.
You and me should do some sort of writing together sometime, you seem pretty cool.
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Cool? Like an icecube?
I feel honoured to be compared to an icecube.
(Send me a PM sometime if you want to collaborate- we could be icecubes together!
)