A dragoness who has seen the world and its wonders. A dragoness who has been on countless adventures and has found dozens, if not hundreds of treasures thought to be nothing but myths. A dragoness who hides a dark secret that is tearing her up inside, is forced to face her guilt head on when she takes a trip to Equestria.
A baby dragon who was raised by ponies. A baby dragon who feels at odds with his own kind. A baby dragon who wonders why he lives as he does will soon get his answer when a stranger comes to town.
Now two souls brought together by fate will build a bond that has always existed through trials and tribulations neither could have predicted.
This story was inspired by three things. The first was the breakout hit, Ten Years Gone, by Some Other Guy, of which you may notice some slight similarities in the beginning. The second was a comment that made me wonder, "What if it wasn't a human coincidentally made to look like Spike?" And the third was me watching Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. The inspiration from that last one will become more apparent later in the story.
I hope you like this, I don't usually write fanfictions, after all.
WooHoo, someone actually liked that comment and was inspired by it, Suck it Colbert!
But seriously, that is pretty cool and I'm glad you found it useful. Good luck and happy writing.
More
heh heh heh.... let it begin
The mystery thickens.
A long lost family member, full of guilt meets what I suppose is her brother and does everything in her power to avoid him. Some many questions, so many possibilities.
Featured first day posted? I envy you my friend
Member for less than a day. One story. One follower.
FEATURED.
You've just experienced the dream of every fanfic writer.
Hmm...
I guess you could also call this story...
*puts shades on*
Double Dragon.
3539185
*SQUEEE!*
That is a good game and thank you for the laugh.
3539208
Huh, if this is a story about a suddenly-appearing dragon...
Guess I could say...
*shades*
Enter the Dragon.
Write a story that gets featured based on a featured story. Oh my.
Grats on the success.
EDIT - least... Temple of Doom. That's a redeemer there. Will read this once I finish this damn paper.
3539213
Double *SQUEEE!*
And Bruce Lee is awesome! You are on fire, stranger.
3539261
Other puns I can make...
What, pray tell, is this pretty lass's age?
I could say... or rather, Inquisition...
What is her... Muahaha...
Dragon Age?
3539225 A featured story based on a featured story, and the author of that featured story favoriting this featured story. I don't know if that's enough to call it Featureception, but hey, how often does it happen?
3539279
WE NEED TO GO FEATURE!
3539275
Triple *SQUEEEEEEEEeeeeee..eeee...eee...ee!*
*Gasp* Could it be? It IS! the legendary,
But all joking aside, this brings to mind one of the smaller details I have been thinking about for awhile that these gracious readers may be able to help me with. People seem to agree that Spike is older than the CMC, but I'm not so sure. In the episode about how the Mane6 got their cutie marks, AppleJack is shown leaving the farm and being seen off by her granny and brother, but not her parents. They are also not there upon her return. Now, it is possible that one was inside with a baby Apple Bloom and the other was in the field, but with how family oriented the Apple clan is, I find that unlikely.
This leads me to believe that her parents were already out of the picture, and because of that, Apple Bloom was probably already born. Even if it were only by a few days, this would mean Apple Bloom is slightly older than Spike.
On a bit of a side note, if AppleJack's parents had died very recently to her cutie mark story, it would add some validity and depth to her wanting to leave the farm as a way to escape the painful memories.
Anyways, I think I'm going to have Spike be 10, the Mane6 be around 18, and Amy be in her early twenties, but these numbers are adjustable.
3539368
You know what? I'm not going to have these puns...
Drag on!
Looks like the copying ate a coupla' words in there. you may want to go read back through it again to find them.
Other than that, this looks great! I'm looking forward to the next bit.
oh, and grats on trolling the entire community of authors.
3539375
You sir, are very... Punny!
Oh come on! That was hilarious and you know it! Geez, everybody's a critic...
3539397
Augh, I figured as much and I'll get to it eventually, but after spending the last 10 days writing this and rereading it a bunch of times, I am not looking forward to reading it again. I'd rather get started on the next part. Well, it has to be done so that's that.
Oh, and as for the trolling thing, I'm assuming you're talking about this being my first story and it being featured, correct? Just clarifying.
3539470
I understand that completely. I was just letting you know about it.
And yes, I do mean that. You have some pretty good talent to pull that off, if I do say so myself.
I like it! More please!
I have no idea how you thought of doing this, but I like it. Even though some people would call this copying I don't mind it.
You took a good idea and gave your own twist to it. I really hope this story will drag on through the criticism it may receive.
Liked it alot
.. Now you just have to produce enough chapters to sate the masses...
There will never be enough chapters to sate the masses.
you're | ridiculous
Was walking when my mane tingled. (Don't need the second I) OR Was walking when I felt my mane tingle.
Dash was already being addressed, the 'Rainbow Dash' at the end is unnecessary.
There was one earlier on that I caught but I forgot to copy it down. Sorry. :c
Aside from that, this seems to be an interesting story bit, and I look forward to reading more.
3540579
That's what I was hoping for, thank you! If anyone else sees something, feel free to point it out. I'm going through and fixing what I can right now.
*points at story* Ladies and Gentlemen of the Jury on the case of why I despise Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash with a passion I give Exhibit A. In all seriousness though I really do enjoy this story and the way that you handled the whole situation was superb. The only thing that was glaring at me was the fact that the jack in Applejack's name is not capitalized as it is all one name, unlike Twilight Sparkle but more like Fluttershy.
There's a few errors here and there, so a pre-reader or two and/or an editor would help out a lot. You're doing a pretty good job with keeping a similar feel to Ten Years Gone, while trying to show that this isn't just a rip-off or... whatever.
Pinkie is, surprisingly, well done! Her Pinkie Sense was a little... out there, but if you consider EqG to be canon at all, then compared to that, this was nothing, in which case... Yeah. Her 'Drama Bomb' was a perfect mixture of Randomness, Fouth-Wall breaking, AND making sense to everyone else in the scene.
Don't let the new-found fame go to your head, m'kay? Don't let that effect your original plans for this story, or how it's executed. It's your story. We're just here for the ride.
Meh
I'll give it a shot
3539406
Y'know, if I keep on making dragon puns, I'm going to have to start scaling up. Don't want to be on the tail of a good pun, and not ever get to it.
Interesting start, though still a bit rough around the edges.
im liking it so far
3541027
No chance of that happening, I'm already a few hundred words into the next chapter. I have chosen my path and nobody will steer me from it... Unless they make a really good suggestion or something.
It's a very rare thing for me to give a fav to an incomplete story with just one chapter. You got me curious on how this will continue.
Let's just hope that you'll update before I forget this or just lose all interest.
3540579 you spelled ridiculous wrong
I like what you've done here. Fixed all the problems I had with Ten Years Gone. Very curious to wee where both of these stories go.
3541547
Gah. This is why its a bad idea to stay up til 4 to read stories.
3541878
it's a bad idea?
3541027
You're always in stories that I comment on... where do you keep coming from? How do I keep finding you?
fim.413chan.net/fim/src/129911450592-applejack_wizard.png
... wait...
3541885
If you expect to give editing advice it sure is!
3541902 You only keep finding me because I WANT you to find me... Publicity is everything.
A very interesting premise indeed. I was going to assume it was a mother/son thing. I do look foward to an update.
On a small note. Small grammar mistakes here and there, but dis not take away from the flow of things.
Interesting, I like how you took a concept and ran with it, very well written and I can't wait for more!
3542055
I'm just kidding. I value my eight hours of sleep more than most people my age (young adult). Heck, it's still hard for me to stay up past 10:30 sometimes
(AJ sleepy)
I'm Amethyst Thistle and this is my favorite apple in Equestria
WOW! This story is already off to a amazing start, can't wait to see more!
Spike has a awesome twin sister with a guilty past?! That has 'epic' written all over it. Keep up the great work, take my fav and like, and shame on the idiots who dislike this story!
>>>I found the Sun Spire…” The look of amazement suddenly vanished from her face and was replaced with dull expression, “What’s the Sun Spire?”>>>
It's the thing that sends evil green snake tentacles to torture Twilight for several chapters then drown her by dragging her into a pool where apparently ponies were sacrificed in Sombra's time to witches, or so I'm gathering.
*smirks* I've been reading that story, you know.
>>>She should be under constant guard somewhere safe to prevent assassination attempts, not in a public library anyone can enter!”>>>
Discord: Assassination? Don't be silly! Unless you're a total weirdo, dead things aren't any fun!
NMM: I only tried to kill my sister that one time even!
Chrysalis: Murder? Disgraceful! I may ponynap princesses, brainwash their grooms, and suck out ponies' love, leaving them shrivelled husks of despair, but I would NEVER kill somepony!
Sombra: BLARG, CRYSSSTAL SSSSLAVESSSSS.....
*other villains blink... Discord leans to the other two* Next time, we don't invite him to our commentary. He clearly has nothing intelligent to add to the conversation! *holds out a bag* Seeds of chaos, anypony? *munch munch munch*
3543892
Thanks for the enthusiasm, I am going to need some pick-me-ups to finish chapter two in time for Thanksgiving. About 700 words into now.
As for the dislikers, I wouldn't want them shamed, everyone is entitled to their opinion after all. It would have been nice if they had said why they disliked it for the sake of improvement, though.
As it is, I apologies to those people who were dissatisfied with my story.
"when I ran into the market and saw Applejack talking to something tall and my liver quivered"
Good stuff, I need moar!
When I read the title I was pretty interested to it. I look at the description and showed that I was right to check it out. And when I read it I find myself intrigue of the original characters more than the other, considering that this is a very first chapter of course.
Take on the note that this is my opinion, my views, and I bloody suck at English. Period. Alright, let's get this on shall we.
The idea of two point of characters of Spike and Amethyst is well thought-out and the mystery between these two siblings is what drive me with interest for it. Although I do find it unoriginal that Amethyst Thistle is a explorer and adventurer and that it represent to a 'certain character' that RD is reading a book of. Also, I find it quite irritating a bit for me that Amethyst has an 'author' that inspired him to write a book of a fictitious character.
I was not slightly impress at the beginning of the story. Amethyst finding a discovery about some ancient ruin between the borders of Equestria, Badlands and the Griffon Empire is rather weak (Yet I am curious of the Sun Spire, Bahamut's hoard and Unicornia). The first part has a good start to it, but on the second part, by nightmare blights, can't you just shorten the paragraphs over there. So much words that are italicized is like having my eyes pierced by thousands of dynamite needles. It's too much explanation and unmemorable to some paragraph.
And yet, the second part has a good flashback scene that explain of their purpose to go to Equestria in the first place and give much highlight of the original characters. I hope you didn't use your cards on there, cause I was thinking you could use the flashback scene on the next chapter or something to boost interest and mystery, but that is your call there.
Unsurprisingly, I admire a bit of drama to it, especially with Amethyst, though I think you should focus more on her than the other two. Don't get me wrong, Lore Finder and Prose Worthy are good characters and have a certain stye of personality when you write about them. Just...if this is about the dragons, the first story and the very first chapter it should be focus on Amethyst and Spike in the beginning of the round.
No Mary sues or an unease feeling when reading it, you wrote exceptionally well (if you have editors) and not so messy in confusion. I am ever so curious however on what Amethyst had done with Spike and her 'misadventures' in the past. If this story a success, are you going to make a prequel about them?
During the middle part it was very enjoyable to read and I like that you add some bit about the griffon explorer Erik. I then wonder who are those foals that busted the train? Hmm....
Anyway, as I continue on reading...I found some contradiction. One part is when Amethyst first met Applejack, introducing herself completely of her name and her purpose. Really? Why did Amethyst have to blurt it all out? If she wanted to be discreet or not want her secrets to be blown out, couldn't she just say with an alias name or lie perhaps about her travel? I mean, I never see such a daring adventurer would be so truthful to a stranger that she didn't knew or met.
The second part...is Pinkie Pie. It brings a ton of laugh when we see the pink mare constantly rabble about a sentence in just a minute and the power to see through the fourth dimension, but in here, she's just annoying. Another chasing scene, oh boy how cliche and predictable when somepony reacted in shock of her ability. But I too am guilty of the pleasure of doing that myself when I wrote my story about that oh so cotton pink mare.
Beside the problem, the good part of it is how you changed views, shifting between Amethyst to Twilight, Spike and friends. Kinda nice on that one. And of course, the meeting between two dragons.
This is what I came here to read and I love it. I see Spike different for the change, chasing towards to the strange dragoness. The sense, the urge, to know her is now driving him crazy, like some sort link that he couldn't escape. An instinct that he couldn't ignore.
In the conclusion to the sum of it all, the first chapter is too long. You could have split it over five thousand maybe and add a part two on the next. Some of the paragraphs were not memorable. Yet, strangely not confusing.
You wrote fine details of description and converse that I thought it would bring confusion for such a 11000 word chapter. But it didn't. The story itself is remarkable, some flaws in that, but overshadowed by the good parts to it. I like Amethyst Thistle right away and I am stoked on the next chapter.
Here comes the drama ladies and gents, the mystery is here!