Poopstain and Assclown

by Jiopop

Five Years Later

“Mommy!” screamed Poop Stain. “Please no!”

Twilight bitch slapped her son across the face. “Tell me where my money is you little shit!” she screamed. “I need my fucking fix!”

“I don’t know mommy!” Poop Stain cried.

“Glub glub glub.” Assclown interrupted. “Glub glub!

“Shut up Assclown!” Twilight roared. “What did I tell you about talking back to me!”

“Yo Twilight what you be doin?” asked Fitty Bit. “You can’t be treatin dem kids like that dawg!”

Unable to support herself after she had given birth to Poop Stain and Assclown, Twilight had moved into Fitty Bit’s basement. In the course of five years Fitty had actually become a rather famous rapper across Equestria and had taken a liking to the two kids. In fact, he even paid their tuition for kindergarten.

“You can’t tell me how to raise my own kids!” Twilight yelled. “They took my money and need to be punished!”

Fitty shook his head. “Nah Twilight, I took yo money. Yah only gonna hit up dat meth wit it. Nah whut I’m sayin?”

“Fuck you!” Twilight screamed. “I need my fix!”

Assclown and Poop Stain cowered in the corner of the room afraid of their own mother.

“Look at yo kids hoe, dis ain’t what dey need.”

Twilight calmed down. “You’re right...” she said softly. “Poop Stain, Assclown, follow me. Mommy wants to take you somewhere nice.”

The two foals cautiously got up and walked over to their mother. Both of them were shaking with fear.

“Where ya be takin dem?” Fitty asked.

“To Sugarcube Corner.”

Poop Stain and Assclown followed their mother out of the house and down the streets of Ponyville. Everypony who saw them imminently moved to the other side of the street to avoid them. Some would whisper, “There’s that meth addict.” Others would say, “Those poor children, what’s wrong with them?”

Twilight led the two foals down a dark and dreary alleyway. It smelled like urine and vomit. There were blood stains on the ground and dead pony remains scattered about.

“Mommy.” said Poop Stain. “This place is scary.”

“Glub glub glub.” slobbered Assclown.

“Peepee Touch.” Twilight whispered ignoring her children. “Peepee Touch are you here?”

“Sure am!” a old dark brown pegasus stallion with a grayish-white mane popped out of a trashcan nearby. There were spots of fur missing on his coat and he had one green eye and one crazy looking red eye. “Ah it’s you Twilight! Wanna tickle my pickle again?”

“No that’s not what I’m here for. I brought the kids.”

The crazy old pegasus peered over Twilight’s shoulder inspecting the two foals. “What’s wrong with that one’s face?” he asked pointing at Assclown.

“Fuck if I know.” said Twilight. “So you want em or not?”

“Yeah I want them!” said Peepee Touch. “I’ll give you ten bits for em each.”

“Make it twenty.” Twilight haggled. “These are quality foals, I made them myself.”

“They aren’t quality honey!” laughed Peepee Touch. “You have one that looks like a piece of shit and another that looks like an ass was glued on his face.”

“Fine.” Twilight said angrily. “Ten bits. Just hand it over, I need my meth.”

“Mommy what’s going on?” asked Poop Stain.

“Shut up Poop Stain, I don’t love you.” Twilight turned to Assclown. “And I especially don’t love you you failed abortion.”

“Glub glub!” exclaimed Assclown.

Peepee Touch tossed ten coins to Twilight who caught them with her magic. The purple unicorn meth addict then sped off down the alleyway.

Poop Stain and Assclown tried to follow her but Peepee Touch blocked their way. “Whoa kids!” he laughed. “Your mom sold you to me! I’m your pep pep now!”

Peepee Touch brought Poop Stain and Ass Clown to Sugarcube Corner where he bought them each a cupcake. Pinkie Pie was working the register and recognized that the two foals were Twilight’s children. “Hey!” she exclaimed smiling at Peepee Touch. “You must be Twilight’s dad!” Never meeting Twilight’s parents before, Pinkie Pie simply thought that the old pegasus must be the foals grandstallion.

Peepee Touch smiled. “That’s right!” he lied. “I’m Peepee Sparkle.”

“Peepee Sparkle eh? That’s a nice name! So how’s Twilight doing?”

“You mean what.” Peepee Touch corrected.

“Sorry?” Pinkie Pie said confused.

“What you meant to say is what’s Twilight doing.” Peepee Touch explained. “And the answer is crystal meth.”

“Glub glub glub!” Assclown gurgled happily after eating his cupcake.

“It sure was delicious!” Poop Stain agreed. “Thanks for taking us here!”

Peepee Touch smiled. “No problem kid! Now I have to check my list.”

“What list?” asked Pinkie Pie with curiosity.

“My happy list.” Peepee Touch pulled out a notebook from behind his ear. “Let’s see... Murder the entire pegasus police force. Check. Get my pickle tickled. Check. Buy Twilight’s children. Check. Take children to Sugarcub Corner. Check. Alright next on the list is to take the kids on an amazing journey across the universe to teach them about the meaning of life.”

Comments

[MacDerpy]

wut

[Formed_Zeus]

My god... I shudder at the thought of the person behind this... then shudder with uncontrollable laughter after reading this.

[leo]

Exquisito relato mi estimado caballero.