Introductions, And What Follows
Applejack has a really strong kick.
No, I mean really strong. Like, Hulk on his best day strong. I should know.
Because she kicked me right in the testicals.
The sheer force of the pain I felt was beyond anything I had felt before. The pain blocked out every other sense my body had. No sight, sound, taste, or smell. Just feeling. And all I felt was the pain Applejack’s hooves cause to my genetals.
It took me longer than I’d like to admit to get my other senses back, but after they did, I just laid there. That kind of thing really takes it out of a guy.
When I had made my entrance, I had all eyes in the room. Everyones attention was on me, and it was fun at first. Damn shame Applejack reacted in the worst way possible. Her Fight-or-Flight instincts clearly told her that it would be a good idea to kick me. It just so happened that she aimed right where the sun don’t shine.
As I laid on the floor, I heard the others in the room making a commotion. Not that I really cared at the time. I was a little preoccupied, y’know?
Next thing I knew, I was staring at Celestia’s face, instead of the ceiling. Her mouth kept moving, but the words seemed to face when going from my eardrum to my brain. It took me a second to realise she was asking me if I was alright.
“No.” I croaked, my voice a half-whisper. “I just got kicked in the balls. I am not okay. Under any definition of the word.”
She winced. I guess being as old as she, you get to see what a nut-shot can do to a guy. But that brings up the interesting question of how she would know. Meh, something for later, I guess.
My hearing decided to go back onto the job, and I heard Celestia say,”-uly am sorry for that, but I did warn you about startling my little ponies.”
I nodded. There always was a price of doing stuff like that. That was it, apparently.
“So do you accept?” she asked.
I quirked an eyebrow. “Accept what?” My voice sounded a bit more stable this time.
“The apology, of course.”
My eyes widened. “Oh, Hell no! That’s not the type of thing you forgive just in passing! The type of pain that caused was something beyond any mortal comprehension! I can’t just go and forgive her for that!”
Celestia looked at me skeptically. “Is it really that bad?”
I shook my head. “I don’t expect you to understand.”
She whispered, mostly to herself,”You’d be surprised.”
Now it was my turn to be skeptical. “Um, what?”
Celestia backed away from me, and said,”I suppose, when you’re ready, introductions are in order.”
She didn’t answer me…
I stood up (a little more unstable than I would have liked), and took the pain like a man (I only whimpered twice).
“Ok,” I said, my voice a little gruff from the monumental effort. “Lets get this out of the way.”
Celestia nodded. “Well, I suppose it would only make sense to start with your attacker.”
She pushed Applejack forward with her wing. “This is Applejack, the Element of Honesty.”
AJ just stared at me, a sheepish grin on her face.
I walked up to her, a serious look on my face. When I was just in front of her, I thrust my hand forward. She flinched, her eyes closing.
When she opened them again, she saw that I had stuck my hand out to be shaken.
“Well?” I asked, an eyebrow lifted. “Don’t leave a guy hangin.”
She cautiously extended her hoof, as though afraid I was playing a trick on her. That makes sense, see as I’m Equestria’s new embodiment of Chaos.
Her hoof touched my palm, and my fingers closed around it. We shook.
Finally, she said, “Uh, Ah’m a mit sorry fer the trouble Ah caused ya. Didn’t really think about what ah was doin.”
I shrugged. “Don’t worry, you can pay me back later.”
Her eyes widened. “Now, hold yer hors-”
I interrupted her, saying, “Now! Who’s next?”
Celestia nodded at a certain rainbow colored pony. “This is-”
She was interrupted by said rainbow pony flying into my face. “Rainbow Dash, fastest flyer in Equestria!”
I smiled, and stuck my hand out to her. “Well, it’s very nice to meet you.”
She eyed my hand suspiciously. “Nu-uh, pal. I know what game you’re trying to play! And just so you know, I ain’t buying it!”
Ok, someone is paranoid…
I looked over at Celestia, a questioning look on my face. She just shrugged.\
I turned my attention back to Dash. “Well, I guess you’re gonna miss out on the game of the year. And here I thought you would have loved Forza. Oh well.”
After that, I turned my attention to the marshmallow pony. “And who might you be, my dear?”
S’mores (as I am now going to call Rarity) looked at me distastefully, and said, her voice barely containing said distaste, “Rarity, dear. Um, might I ask where you got such, uh, colorful clothes?”
I looked down at myself. My hoodie, pants, and shoes had all undergone changes, just as Isaac said they would. Personally, I found the new look pretty cool.
“Oh, you know,” I said, after a moment's observation. “Here and there.”
Rarity looked none too comforted by that. “Well, dear, you must let me design something new for you.”
I shrugged and said, “Well S’mores, it really wouldn’t make that much of a difference.”
She looked at me with even more distaste. “Um, pardon, dear, but what did you call me?”
“S’mores.” I promptly responded. “Y’know, ‘cause you look like a marshmallow. I would just call you marshmallow, but that seemed excessive. So I went with something different.”
Rarity turned her face away from me. “Ugh. Never call me that again. S’mores are awful treats.”
The room went dead quiet. Everyone's eyes were on Rarity.
She looked around, confused. “What?”
“What,” I began, my voice dangerously quiet. “Did you just say?”
She looked more confused, and a little frightened. “Uh, S’mores are awful. They are too messy for one to eat properly.”
“Get out.” My voice wasn’t more than a whisper.
“Pardon?”
I pointed toward the hole where the doors had been, and yelled, “GET OUT, YOU UNHOLY BLASPHEMER!”
“What?!” Rarity shouted, looking even more scared.
“GET OUT, AND NEVER RETURN, FOR YOU HAVE COMMITTED THE MOST VILE OF SINS. THOU HAST JUST INSULTED THE FRUIT OF THE GODS THEMSELVES. MAY THEY HAVE MERCY ON YOU, FOR IF I HEAR ANOTHER INSULT OF S’MORES COME FROM YOUR MOUTH, YOU WILL NEED IT!”
At this point, I was breathing heavily. Everyone was staring at the two of us, their mouths open in shock.
“Nah, I’m just kidding!” I said, throwing as much cheer into it as I could. “I would never do that!”
I walked up to Rarity and gave her a hug. While I did, I whisper to her, “I won’t stop calling you S’mores, though.”
Rarity was too shocked to reply. I have that effect on some people.
“SO! Who’s next?”
Everyone was staring at me like I was mad. Which was very possible.
“Uh.” Celestia was just standing there, floundering. “Next is Pinkie Pie, Element of Laughter.”
Pinkie was staring at me in shock, though it was probably from the fact that Rarity had dissed on s’mores, and that I had defended them in her stead.
I walked up to her, and waved a hand in front of her face. “Hello? Anyone home?”
Slowly, a grin started to form on her face. That grin morphed into something that touched ear to ear.
One minute I was staring into Pinkie’s eyes, the next, I was on the floor with a huge ball of pink hugging my chest.
Pinkie was speaking, but she was talking so fast that I couldn’t understand a word of what she said.
All I did was look at her. She kept on talking. We stayed like that for a good two minutes before Pinkie ran out of breath and inhaled deeply. When she was about to start again, I put my hand over her mouth.
“Pinkie.”
She looked at me.
“Stop.”
She nodded.
“Now, please get off of me.”
She did.
“Thank you.”
I stood up and brushed myself off. Me and the ground were getting well acquainted, it seems.
I looked up at Pinkie and thought about what just happened. Then I said, “Yes, no, maybe, both, sorta, Laura, Earth, New England, Seventy two percent, 92,000,000, about nine, Hitler, over 200, vanilla, and sure.”
Everyone stared at me. Even Pinkie seemed caught off by that.
I shrugged. “What? It made more sense in my head.”
For the second time, I shocked everyone into silence. Maybe I should make a drinking game out of this…
“Only two left.” I said looking over at the last two. “Who’s up?”
A purple unicorn stepped up. “That would be me.”
“And just who are you?”
She smiled at me. “Hello, my name is Twilight Sparkle.”
“Howdy.” I said, and stuck out my hand.
Instead of shaking it, Twilight grabbed it with her magic, and yanked it in front of her face to make observations.
My face had been reintroduced to the ground. If this keeps up, the ground might start to think I’m getting clingy.
Twilight had been saying any observations she found out loud, magicly writing them on a piece of paper. She had worked her way from my hand all the way to my elbow, and it was starting to get more uncomfortable.
“Uh, hey. Hey, lady. Yo, listen to me! HEY!”
Apparently shouting was the only way to get her attention.
She scowled at me. “What? Can’t you see I’m recording scientific discoveries over here?”
I gave her a ‘seriously?’ kind of look, and said, “Yeah, thats great. You could ask first.”
She blinked at me, then seemed to realise just what she was doing. She blushed, and released my hand. “Oh, sorry.” She said. “I just get kind of excited about new things like you.”
“Uh, yeah.” I said, feeling a little awkward. I don’t really like being treated like a science experiment. “Seriously though, you could have asked. I would have said no anyway, but you could have asked. Kinda common courtesy.
She gave me a guilty look. “Sorry, again.”
I nodded. No reason to hold it against her.
“Alright. Now, I’m not the best at math, but if my calculations are correct, only one more introduction before we get to me.”
Celestia held a hoof out to the cowering pony, who had stayed hidden the entire time. “This is Fluttershy, Element of Kindness.”
I looked at the butter colored pony, and even though she had her eyes closed, she flinched from my gaze. I furrowed my brow at that. “She’s going to do this for a while, isn’t she?”
Everyone in the room nodded. “She has a tendency to get really scared of new things.” Twilight informed me.
I sighed. No use to try and get her to open up. Not the time or place for it.
“Well, now that I know all your names, it’s time you knew mine.”
I spun in place, my arms outstretched. “I am Conner Jason Hents, my friends call me Change. I am the new Spirit of Chaos and Disharmony, Discord’s successor.”
All the non-princess ponies were staring at me with wide eyes. Clearly panic was closer to the surface than any would like to admit. Twilight was the first to react, and being who she was, she looked to the princess for guidance. “Princess, what shou-”
I interrupted her by quickly snapping my fingers, and suddenly Twilight’s mouth was zipped closed.
I was a little stunned at that. I stared at my hand, wide eyed. I had just used my power on near instinct. Not sure if that’s good or bad, but it’s certainly something.
I shook my head, getting back on track. “Twilight, and others, I need you to listen to me. I have no intentions of harming any of you. Nor do I have the inclination to try and conquer Equestria. It’s more fun to just do what I want, when I want to, and not have to follow some political schedule.”
Twilight looked at me skeptically. She tried to say something, but she was reminded that her mouth was zipped shut.
I snickered, and imagined Twilight’s face looking like normal. I snapped my fingers, and the zipper was gone.
She cleared her throat. “Thank you.”
I nodded.
“Now.” She gave me the skeptic look again. “How do we know you aren’t lying?”
I shrugged. “How do you know for anyone? Yeah, my new job gives you reason to suspect me of something, but have I done something to warrant extra suspicion? Let my actions speak for me.”
The ponies thought about it for a minute. Finally, Rainbow Dash said, “I think he’s trying to trick us! Discord did the exact same thing!”
I nodded. “True, Discord did trick you. But at what point did he claim to be anything other than what he was? The villan. He never denied to being the bad guy, and never tried to befriend any of you. Just subvert you.”
Rainbow didn’t look convinced. “Discord never used so much logic…”
I shrugged. “I’m not Discord. If the logic bothers you, stop thinking.”
AJ interjected. “Well, he ain’t dun nothin to earn us suspectin ‘im. Not yet. Ah say we trust ‘im, for now.”
Rainbow whirled toward the apple farmer. “Are you taking this things side?!”
Rainbow and AJ started bickering, and Twilight walked to my side. “Are you really sincere about not wanting to hurt us?”
I looked at her. “Would my word really make a difference?”
She shrugged. “I guess not. I just need to know if I can trust you.”
I shook my head. “Don’t trust me. I wouldn’t. All I ask is a chance to prove that I don’t want to hurt any of you. That would be counterproductive.”
She looked up at me. “Counterproductive? How?”
I shook my head again. “Can’t say. Not yet, anyway. Need to know if I can trust you.”
She laughed a little. “Sort of ironic.”
“Yeah.” I agreed. “Ironic.”
Twilight looked at the two bickering ponies. “You know.” She said, after a moment. “I don’t think I’ve seen them this worked up before. That includes the whole ‘iron pony’ competition.” She looked up at me. “How’d you do that?”
I looked at her, then the arguing couple. After a second’s pause, I said,”I dunno. I guess I’m just good at this. She we be worried about them?”
She shook her head. “No. Those two are always at each others throats. Give it a day or two and they’ll get over it. I’m more worried about Dash’s hostility toward you.”
I shrugged. “I’m not. It makes sense, really. She’s just being paranoid, I think.”
Twilight nodded. “Probably.”
“Alright, you two.” Celestia interjected. “You can continue this argument later. Now we need to worry about our guest.”
I looked at her. “Worry? Why?”
She smiled at me. “Well, if you are to stay in Ponyville so the Elements can keep an eye in you, you’ll need a place to stay.”
“Oh.” Yeah, I hadn’t thought about that. I would need a place to stay.
An idea formed in my head, but I pushed it into the back of my mind. I’ll look into that later.
“Well, who is willing to hold a Spirit of Chaos in their household?”
No one raised their hooves. It kinda hurt my feelings.
“Really? No one?”
They all averted their eyes. Man, they act like I might murder them in their sleep.
I looked over at Celestia. “Any ideas?”
She shrugged.
I sighed. “Well, I’m sure I’ll figure something out.”
Celestia nodded. “Well, I suppose that is all we need to discuss. Should you need anything, do not hesitate to contact us. We will help how we can.”
I smiled at her. “Aw, thanks. I really appreciate that.”
She gave me an even look. “I was talking to the Elements.”
No one respects me.
I raised my hands in mock surrender. “Ok, alright. I can tell when I’m not wanted.”
Pinkie, who had been babbling the entire time after her introduction, jumped up next to me and threw a hoof around my shoulder in a hug. “Aw! Don’t worry, Connie! You can come with me to help plan out your ‘Welcome to Ponyville’ surprise party!”
I quirked an eyebrow at her. “But if I know about the party, doesn’t that ruin the surprise?”
Pinkie giggled. “Of course not, silly! It just means you know you’re getting one! You still don’t know where or when!”
I thought about it for a second. “Very true.” I allowed.
And so we left for the train to Ponyville. Me and Pinkie talking about my party, Twilight trying (and failing) to covertly take notes on my mannerisms, Applejack and Rainbow Dash bickering about something or other, Fluttershy Hiding be hind Rarity, and Rarity trying to figure out my measurements just by looking at me.
Our merry band of misfits traveled to Ponyville, where the real adventure of fun, comedy, insanity, songs, and friendship would begin.
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This story is really amazing. Though, the fact that Connor is already experiencing changes to his personality when he's only had Discord's power for less than a day worries me...
3560840 That's the idea.
he should turn himself into other creatures just to mess with them
3560956 ... I can work with that, actually...
3561030
I was hoping for something like this.
They use the elements of harmony on him.(has no effect because he is not THAT evil)
He turns into a potato to screw with them.
They put him in the garden.
3562037 A... potato... I like the idea of having the Element used on him in some way, but a potato? Where in the holy hell did that come from?
3562077
Do not question the chaos.
Hmmm, needs more randomness. Chaos is one step away from randomness, what you really need is...
A platypus
randomanous comments - being random since yesterday...
But in all seriousness, this is an epic story. I was disappointed when I got to the end. Update soon please...
3564013 Only because you asked, I'll update in the next two-three days.
Only for you.
Thanks, I really like the story
BTW: How do you get pony emoticons?
3565201 They should be right next to where you write your comment.
At least, that's how it is on PC. I looked on my iPhone, and didn't find them.
Oh, I am using my iPod to go on this site. As my laptop internet is soooooooo slow.
But thanks for trying!
I kind of wanted Change to turn Applejack into a stallion, and kick him in the junk, but I guess having her take his side is fine too.
- genitals
- I guess being as old as she is
- Uh... Ah’m a mite
- should we be
- hiding behind
Oh my god YES!!!!