I write for fun in my spare time and play video games as well as watching anime and reading books and manga
after the courier has faced the horrors of the divide the sierra madre and even the big empty but is he ready for this?
while the courier is fighting Ulysses the transportalponder is accidentally activated but it doesnt take him where it should.
Authors note: this is my first story and some characters are very OOC you have been warned
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Capital letters are for plebs.
Commas as well, apparently.
Capitalize the first letters, goddamn it!
Ladies and Gents I think I just fell in love
3593278
And where the fuck have you been living?
Both you and your editor need a good swift kick in the dick if you honestly believe that.
3593619
No. That's a cop-out, and you're just shifting blame. You are both responsible. You, moreso.
As the author, you know, the one WHO PUT THE WORDS THERE IN THE FIRST PLACE, you have a duty to make sure that the story is as readable as possible before it even goes near your editor. That means capitalisation, grammar, punctuation... the stuff that a ten-year-old would know to do.
3593689
Actually, it is my problem. As one of the five admins of the Mojave Express group, I can quite honestly say that this is the WORST thing we've ever had the misfortune to come across. Everything else at least had the attempts proper use of the English language.
Hell, I had to create a new folder, that's how bad this fic is.
3593712
Thanks.
Fillies and gentlecolts. Prepare to be amazed by the detail and effort this author put into the fight scene, the flawless grammar and spellings, and the meticulously written, completely in-character dialogue!
*SARCASM MODE: Off*
On a more serious note, I'm afraid you have no knowledge of Lonesome Road at all and learned all the stuff you know from Nukapedia.
I'm pretty sure Ulysses know about Zion, and the White Legs. Why, you ask? Oh, maybe it's because that he FREAKING TRAINED the White Legs to fight the Dead Horses? Or maybe it's because the White Legs wore their hair JUST LIKE HIM to honor him? And you would know that too, if you bordered to play the goddamned DLC, collect Ulysses' logs and listen to his recounting of his past exploits.
3593747
That implies that there's anything worth reading.
You don't describe anything. The characters may as well be wearing mankinis while riding on the back of flying elephants that fart rainbows.
3593770
Not to mention Ulysses' dialogue. Oh god, my second favourite NV character is ruined forever.
I'll put it bluntly.
Holy fuck, is this bad.
There's only one course of action.
ultraimg.com/images/cDJaR.gif
It's easy to tell a story is terrible if the title isn't even properly capitilized.
*sigh*
I told him to fix the more significant issues before reviving this story.
3605375
I can promise you chapter one is much MUCH better
This... is back?
okay listen, No matter how bad it is it doesn't matter as long as he put heart and soul into it, shouldn't he at least get credit for that! come the fuck on people! Writing a story is like admitting love to someone, you can either love it, leave, or stomp on it for apparent reason at all! Okay you know what I'm rambling, the point is keep your bloody hate to yourself give the guy a break! it's his first fic!
3607932
Ulysses DOES know about Zion. He got the White Legs to attack New Caanan.
3656568
Okay first of all I write the way I see the fallout lore and my original editor changed it but I liked it because it lets the courier explain a bit if you have a problem with the way I write you do not have to read it nobody is forcing anyone to so I would Appricate it if people stopped acting that way
3659083
I don't have a problem with it. It's your story I'm just telling you what I found out was cannon.
3659196
Yes but as I said before I write the way I see things and I killed Ulysses before too much talking happend so I am just writing the way I view things
files.myopera.com/EspenAO/albums/210294/1justice.png
3619300
O Rly? Because to me, it looks like he spent a grand total of 15 minutes on MS Word and didn't even bother to turn on auto correction.
1. It's "No apparent reason", though apparent reason works too since you can tell this story sucks without reading past the title.
2. There's this thing called "Constructive criticism", it helps an author become better at writing. It's not "stomping on it for no reason" if it's legitimate flaws that we're pointing out.
Again, constructive criticism. If this really is his first fic, then he needs criticism even more than other writers since, as I said, writers need to take criticism in order to become better at writing..
You know what, I'm just going to break down this story piece by piece to show you what's wrong:
OK, first sentence and I'm already confused. Who's holding onto the laser pistol? Was it Ulysses or the Courier? The later sentences confirmed that it was Ulysses, which raises more questions than it answers: He lost everything? Why? When? Where? How? Explain things, author!
What Red Glare? Granted, a Red Glare appears in Lonesome Road's final locker, buy Ulysses never USED a Red Glare himself! What about his signature weapon, Old Glory?
Who the hell is this guy? Well, at least we know he's not Ulysses, he would never talk like this.
Maybe Crazy Steve knocked out Ulysses, stole his duster and mask and tied his hair into dreadlocks?But seriously, one of my favourite things about Ulysses is the way he talks, and now you completely threw that out of the airlock, thanks.
Also, it's TO, not TOO!
Shut up, Crazy Steve!What Ranger Armour? Ulysses DOESN'T WEAR FREAKING RANGER ARMOUR! He hates NCR with a passion! Did you forget that he was trying to nuke NCR this whole time because he thinks they're "a tribe of children" who "grow without structure"?
Guh. Less than 3 paragraphs in and I'm already tired now, will probably post more later.