Fallout Equestria: The Fate of Stable 12

In the sands of the San Palomino Desert sits Stable 12. Unopened for nearly 200 years, the Stable promises a wealth of arcane and technological discoveries to any who may find a way to pry out the secrets within. None know what is inside the Stable, or if its inhabitants yet live, but many have set out to find answers while none have returned.

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Comments ( 6 )

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Flea Candy

Flea Candy #1 · Nov 24th, 2013 · · ·

Alright. I'll bite and be your first comment.

The present tense annoys me, especially if done wrong. But you're fairly decent at it, so I'll let it slide.

I liked the explorers of this adventure, but I feel as though they're all just the slightest bit too similar to one another. Adding some extra traits or quirks could've really helped.

The writing was passable, if plain at times, but I think that it fit the story for the most part.

Overall, this was a fairly good story - mostly in that it reminds me of the newer Fallout's exploration themes.

Thaums

Thaums #2 · Nov 24th, 2013 · · ·

ヽ༼ຈل͜ຈ༽ﾉ

Gestalt

Gestalt #3 · Nov 30th, 2013 · · ·

3532766
Thank you for reading! I think I get what you're saying about the present tense. I've got something else coming up and I'll take your advice.

Loeden

Loeden #4 · Dec 2nd, 2013 · · ·

Although I could've done with a bit of description of the characters, I really enjoyed the story. Stable stories are my favorites, I think. Thanks for the good read!

Nyerguds

Nyerguds #5 · Jan 26th, 2016 · · ·

Xerate flicks his eyes over at Emerald. "Anyone else thinking we need more lights?"

Honestly, it strikes me as really dumb to go exploring a potentially derelict underground bunker without bringing lamps

The door opens as the trio approaches. Inside is an orderly office with a desk, a stack of shelves with parts and equipment, a tool box, and the desiccated remains of a unicorn hanging by a rope around its neck.

If they were never taken down, chances are that was the last one there...

Listings appear on the screen. SECURITY: GOOD; MAINTENANCE: GOOD; OVERMARE: ALERT; ORCHARD: ALERT; MESS: EMERGENCY; WARDS: ALERT; REACTOR: ALERT; SMS CONTAINMENT: GOOD; LABORATORY: GOOD.

Well, at least it shows that the Overmare has remained alert even after all this

It says the SMS containment is "good", though... the other system said it was inactive

"The light we just found's one sneeze from death, the other's attached to someone who ain't joining me for the return trip by the sound'a things," Xerate says as he reaches the nameless door.

lol, haaarsh. He's telling her to her face he's already written her off

"I like ta have a better exit plan than that."

Gee, then maybe you should've, I dunno, planned for it? Like, before entering the underground death trap?

Do they even carry rad meters?

"Terminal said Orchard was fucked; Mess was really fucked," Xerate states.

Mess is a real mess; you dun wanna go there

The next level lower and the lights are back on.

You seem to do this quite often. These things are really confusing. They aren't actually valid sentences. This one was a particularly confusing case, since "to lower" exists as verb, which made this construction completely gunk up my sentence parser

"I didn't work this hard to go back to Stable-Tec empty hooved,"

What's with that anyway? Last I checked, Stable-Tec died with the bombs...

"I didn't make it outta the last stable I went into by chargin' around willy-nilly."

And yet you forgot your flashlights!
(No, I'm not dropping it, lol. For someone claiming to specialize in Stables, that's plain dumb )

A horseshoe shaped desk and terminal. Though this one has a small stockpile of weaponry by the side of the desk. There is also a cot and some cooking supplies along the far wall.

Huh, someone holed themselves up in here?

The screen flashes: "PASSWORD INCORRECT" and "HOW DO YOU DO TODAY?"

That computer remains surprisingly polite to people trying to break into it

The password, it turns out, is "Good."

Pfff. This is foreshadowing, isn't it? Whatever went wrong in this stable is most likely caused by horribly poor security

"I belong to Stable-Tec," Emerald Haze tells Xerate.

No, seriously. WTF is up with that?

The screen flashes for Razor. PROJECTION Y/N?

Oh gods. More horribly opaque prompts

"No, but I do have the access codes in and out of the Stable. As well as the elevator call."

They never closed the Stable door though, did they?

Xerate can't help flicking his eyes down briefly to the clinking bottle caps. Stable ponies didn't carry those...

Oh, shit. A Wastelander.

They're not the first she led down here, are they?

The Containment door clangs once.

Oh. She's trying to free someone who was "contained" in there with the damned thing?

A faint outline. A pony. A pony on the wall with a great grin. "Eat your greens!" it says by way of paint on the old mess wall.

Pfff. A mural?

The elevator doors slide shut and Stable 12 lies in sleep.

Whoo.

That was... intense, but not very satisfying. I mean, they never found out exactly what the megaspell was, they didn't disable it or anything, and they didn't even find out what was up with Emerald Haze. They just left it all.

Still, nice story

Remarks and corrections:
> I want to see what this Sugarcube is if it has it's own header.
Should be "[its] own header"
> Can y'all imagine what kind'a havok that'd wreak?
Should be "havoc".
> someone who ain't joining me
There's a double space after "someone".
> "I didn't work this hard to go back to Stable-Tec empty hooved,"
As equivalent of "empty-handed", which uses the singular form of "hand", that should be "empty-hoo[f]ed".
> unless you two want to continue sight seeing.
"sightseeing" is one word.
> Ah've been followin' ya'll
"ya'll" = "you'll" = "you will". You mean "you all", which, abbreviated, is "y'all", not "ya'll".
> My throat stitched up without so much as a scare.
I think that should be "scar".