• Member Since 21st Jan, 2012
  • offline last seen Feb 18th, 2016

saber1994


Not much to tell about me just a typical high school senior. I like to play lots of vidya, mainly LoL or my PS3. I don't like being stalked so stop reading my Bio you creeper...

T

Elliot Drake, an ordinary young man, wakes up in a strange forest and appears to be suffering from retrograde amnesia. He soon discovers that this forest is a long way from Earth and located in a land known as Equestria. While trying to regain his memories he does his best to cope with the world the he was thrust into. Elliot will make new friends and enemies all during his quest to remember and to find a way home.

Note: This is my first fanfic so please be gentle with the critiques. I will add more tags and characters whenever they will be first implemented in the story.

Chapters (10)
Comments ( 50 )

Good start. Curious as to how it's going to go, especially with a title like "Draconic Awakening".

NICE:d 10/10 :moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache::moustache:

It's not weird to write a chapter so early, in fact, I am reading it and it's about 2:00 am :pinkiehappy:
Also from what you've written so far, it seems like a very good story, keep up the good work:twilightsmile:

Next chapter should be up sometime tomorrow. I ran into slight writer's block and couldn't decide how to start the chapter, but I've gotten over that problem now.

you transformed the apple juice into orange juice... :pinkiegasp:

also nice chapter ^^

327161
Thanks for pointing that out. It's fixed now.
Also thank you very much

Well, now I know why the title had the word 'Draconic' in it. Kinda wondering about the Pony myths though if they're referring to regular humans. Are these humans the kind that could be considered 'dragon blooded' or something of a Bigfoot superstition?

356055
They're more of a bigfoot type entity. Since they haven't been seen in a long time no research was ever conducted on them so not much is known.

Perhaps you could lengthen the chapters by another thousand words or so? These past four chapters seem like they could be evenly added into only two for all purposes really...

lookin forward to the next chappie:pinkiehappy:

Sorry guys got a busy weekend ahead of me. Work and my senior prom are gonna be a distraction so the next chapter is gonna be a bit later than hoped, but it will hopefully be up soon. Sorry for the wait

Almost sounds like he's slowly being turned into a dragon, with his body going through stages to prepare for what its going to become.

411717 Actually i theorized that earlier, given the claw marks, dragons blood, and the name of the story. Didnt expect the fire though.

412324 You and me both. When it read that he was vomiting fire though, I couldn't help but think of Ghostrider with Nicholas Cage, the part where he changes into the first or second time and you see all those flames hit the ground just sit there burning. Kinda brought me to that image, worked well if you ask me.

Addendum: Wait, you did *NOT* expect fire? If its got dragon then there is definitely gonna be fire!

412446 ...... You know what the weired thing is? I was just reaping a Ghost Rider crossover on this site when your comment appeared.

412453 Yeah, these kind of things happen. Hell, my stepdad's ex-wife turned out to be my best friend's uncle's high school sweet heart. Talk about a small world, eh?

412469 Tell me about it. I live in a small town in the middle of nowhere, so i cant go to the store without running into 3 people I know.

412446
I've never actually watched Ghost Rider. Pretty cool that I managed to make you think that I guess.

412724
he is either
A=becoming dragon
B=becoming a drako
C=really fucking mutated

412724 Its an alright movie, was really more of a family film to kind of introduce people to the series. The second one is supposed to take a darker turn from what I've heard, haven't seen it yet though. It was more along the lines of dripping, flaming vomit that got making the unintentional comparison.

413341
Actually it's D= Some, maybe, all, or none of the above

414676
oh....so
drakogon mutant?

25:1 Thumb ratio and you're complaining?

I find that on this website thumb downs tend to be more revealing than the thumb ups because it seems to me like the community here just hands them out like candy (I haven't given you either yet).

"he Angel was" I guess you meant "who Angel was"

yeah, one thumb down VS. 31 thumbs up? That's nearly a 97% positive rating. I wouldn't worry too much about that.

459787 460483
I guess I am complaining a little but I'm not trying to. I love the ratio and it makes me happy. More the fact that it's my first thumb down I guess, so I wanna try to keep it that way.,

461168
Either way, keep on going! You're on a roll! :yay:

461284
Thanks :pinkiehappy: Hopefully I can stop getting my weekly writer's block and start writing faster. It only takes me a night to write a chapter, but my brain likes to take a week to give me an idea of what exactly to write.

468193
Thanks for the review, I really appreciate it. One of the main things that I wanted to do when I started this was to not rush if I could manage.

572856
Yeah I just really needed to get this part out of the way. Figured that this was the best way for him to be revealed to Ponyville. Next chapter will have more plot related stuffs and hopefully be much more interesting.

Oh boy:facehoof:614827
oh, i just noticed, "the princess nefarious PLOT":trollestia:

742087
Hopefully I can get it up by the weekend.I'm not promising anything though. In better news I found a notepad that I started carrying around with me for when I get ideas so that might help chapters come faster.

Once the left the town itself they began to walk towards the opening of the forest.

Once they got there Elliot noted that they turned down a
The first the should be a they. And yes, sometimes you repeat yourself, an example would be the copied sentence above, but that isn't really bad, so it's ok in my book.
Lastly, I can understand you excuse if procrastination is part of your motives, I suffer under that demon too.

871075 Almost everyone has that problem, myself included. Just never let it be the only reason that you write a chapter, otherwise it may turn out a bit... stale...

-Jorofrarie

Yes, you do repeat yourself when writing. It makes it really tempting to skim the story instead of read it.

Also, the tone of the writing seems rather bland and unemotional. Try using the characters' emotions and thoughts to express things and let the audience come up with their own unique vision that matches those emotions. For example, take this section: "The hall was about twenty feet tall and seemed to stretch for hundreds of feet forward and was about one hundred feet wide. Walking towards the opposite end Elliot took in the sheer massiveness of the room that he was in. Knowing that the throne room would only be more magnificent, he couldn’t help but feel excited about reaching the end of the hall."
What was in the hall? Was it completely empty, or did something other than the size impress Elliot? Could you use something other than precise measurements to convey how large and impressive the hall was? If it were me, I would have just called it massive and included stained-glass windows and a vaulted ceiling (possibly with a mural) to justify the awe and add emotion to the description. When people say "show, don't tell", it means to let the reader create their own vision of the story using the emotional undertones provided by the writer, and to not describe every little detail exactly as it is.

873437
Thank you for pointing that out. Now that I have read it again, I feel almost ashamed for writing something so bland. I've heard that saying numerous times, and I try to follow it. Hopefully I can catch myself in the future and avoid a sentence that boring. I appreciate you taking the time to point that out and write your paragraph of a comment. Also I'm going to try and increase the variety of words and not repeat as much. It's just somewhat difficult for me to not do it though.

874861 You know what you need? A prereader. And guess who would be happy to help?

874877
Thanks for the offer. I would be glad to accept your help

874886 Always glad to help. Fair warning, though, I don't pull punches when doing prereading. I will be brutally honest, because that's the only way to make sure the story is the best it can be.

874910
I wouldn't like it any other way

I have a question, how far are you with the current chapter? I know that you take your time with the updates, but I got curious.:twilightsheepish:

1063714
Sadly not nearly as far as I would like. My guess is that with me getting back in school soon I should be able to post faster. Over the summer I've just had TOO much free time, thus I got distracted way too easily. With a more structured schedule I can probably plan more time to write, so hopefully I'll write more.

1086416 I can understand your problems a bit. The same has been happening to me. Nearly everytime I wanted to get up and do something, it just turned to a "maybe sometime soon"

and we wait for a chapthr that will probebly never comb but hoprfully there will be more

This is obviously an early work by a new writer. While not bad it does suffer from "Elliot" syndrome. To be fair, this is an extremely common mistake new writers make. They feel like they must state the characters name as often as physically possible. Other than that, this story really isn't that bad. I really hope this writer continued to write. He has potential.

Monk

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