- Member Since 2nd Jan, 2013
- offline last seen Nov 16th, 2022
Kaidan
Q(^_^Q). The friendliest misanthrope you'll ever meet.
Kaidan
Joined 2nd Jan, 2013 ·
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Words cannot...Please...WHY?
THERE IS NO GOD!
..This is the same guy who wrote Meeting My Hero. Okay. I think I'll skip this one.
Big Mac is an evil, evil stallion. Bad Big McIntosh.
3528699
Can't really blame him for treating AJ like that. I mean, technically he was acting in the interests of
his sisterBetsy.Twilight told him there was no way to change her back, so the best thing they could do for her was to immerse her in her new life and let her adapt.
No sense in giving her special treatment and telling her she's still a pony... when she no longer is and will never be again
(Granted, Twilight seemed a bit too happy with AJ stuck as a cow, but I think that played out well in the end.)
Edit* oh, I just realized you were referring to Big Mac's actions regarding Lyra at the end.
Well, okay, yeah, he's evil.
3528722 i was going to ask why this was tagged dark , but i think your comment gave me enough hints as to why that is :s .....
im dreading a machine for pigs reference here lol.....
I've been waiting for this fanfic all my life
assets.diylol.com/hfs/911/eb6/49e/resized/what-the-fuck-meme-generator-what-the-fuck-am-i-reading-3255b3.jpg?1311759026.jpg
My life is complete. I thank you for this. I thank you.
Always did admire the sheer variety of things you write. This one managed to push another of my buttons so good show!
I don´t know what to think...
3529059
Thanks! I too would enjoy being in either Dash or AJ's place.
3529047
You're welcome. Mom always told me, milk does a body good!
3528916
The best story you'll ever read. Sorry. Now you'll be chasing this high for the rest of your life.
3528831
Well, then perhaps I should write more.
3528722
Good points all around. After all, aren't all capitalists evil?
3528699
I guess you could say he is...
Breaking Mac.
AWWWWW YEAHH!!!!
3528686
I write a wide, wide, wide, wide variety of things.
3528641
There is a god, and he approves of this fic.
3529272
My first thought: why is his avatar a penis? Oh, it's Pinkie! Well, she's still make best dildo....
I know that has nothing to really do with your comment, but that's how my mind works, which sort of explains the story and may help you know what to think.
Or do what I do: think it's hot.
3529283
Well, the impression I got from the ending was that he somehow planned for the whole thing to happen that way...
I know that I am nitpicking, however, there should be a space between the colon and the "5." I can see why you did not see it, the "color equals red" thing is a bit distracting.
Racist Barn, Racist Barn, one, two, three, four.
Ha. Fat ass Applejack.
The machine is an idiot. If it was a malnourished calf it would not need milking in the future, it is just a baby. A cow cannot be milked until she is pregnant.
I think you mean "connection."
Touche, Kaidan. However, you may want to replace the word "calf" with "heifer."
You would think somepony, anypony, would have smelled that by now.
Aside from the fact that she was never pregnant.
A female cow that has not been pregnant is a heifer, one that has been pregnant is a cow.
You need a comma between "guard" and "is."
You need a comma between “So” and “lets.”
You need a comma between “years” and “I.”
You need a comma between “So” and “you.”
Guess what you need between “Yes” and “mommy.”
Yeah, she probably thinks it tastes like bananas.
Ha. Now this is getting even more racist.
Ha. We shall never know what it is, take that reader.
Cutie Mark Crusader five way with Betsy and Rainbow Dash, yay!
I apologize for all of the calf, heifer, cow nitpicking, you do not have to worry about it, if you do not want to. I was pleasantly surprised by this story, it was a fun read. And, by pleasantly surprised, I mean I do not usually read stories with cow sex. However, you always have a way of making me like things I usually do not. Even with the racist cow plantation, this was enjoyable. Or maybe, because of the racist cow plantation?
That was so horribly Dark.
I'm angrier at twilight now than I ever did before, I'm even angrier with this Twilight than I am with Princess Celestia Hates Tea Twilight.
I didn't think that would ever happen.
I'm in awe
I still haven't recover from the shock of reading this.
~Leonzilla
3529681
troll.me/images/omg-rage-face/youre-such-a-grammar-nazi.jpg
3529782 You should read TittySparkles' Whack your Assistant, you will really hate Twilight. I cannot link you to the story, because it is mature, however, I can link you to TittySparkles' profile page. From there, you can find Whack your Assistant.
3529824 I prefer the term "Grammar Dalek," thank you.
3529837
Ok I will consider reading it sometime.
EDIT: it looks like something that drains all sensitivity from the audience in the long run.
I'm curios to see how this happens.
3529288
Sooo... You saw a picture of Applejack in a cow costume and decided that it wasn´t a costume and she had been transformed into a cow through two months of hormone treatment by a faulty machine? Yeah, okay, I can see where you´re coming from.
3529824
I think his profile pic says it all.
Sequel?
I don't have words for what I have just read.
Instead, I will use the lyrics from a song that my band performs.
I'm Laughing,
I'm Crying,
Inside feels,
Like I'm dying.
Seriously... Why did I read this?!?!
This was awesome, very well done, slightly disturbing and arousing at the same time. I think the ending parts felt a bit rushed compared to the rest, though and one or two more intermediary scenes between discovery of her predicament and acceptance would have made it flow a bit better there. Still loved it waaay more then i probably should have, and looking forward to whatever you come up with next. (and oh big mac... what fun you are going to have with that machine of twilights... maybe even give twilight a turn at some point? muaahaha)
3529824 And that's a bad thing?
At first I was like "hmm, this might be relevant to my interests," but then I looked at the author and went "
never mind"
I suppose someone as popular as you has no external incentive to improve, but the fact that you manage to write so much without improving (or even just changing) your dull writing style really boggles the mind. And while I'm only familiar with one of your editors (similarly poor writing style), the fact that you use the same ones over and over again further reduces the chance of improvement.
I attempted to give you some constructive criticism on two previous stories, but it seems it was more "critique" and less "constructive" than I had hoped. I certainly apologize for that, and hopefully one of these days someone's advice will spur you to improvement, even though it won't be mine.
3530849 Twili-corn-cow? Buh-wha?
It is kind of kinky and what not, but the fucked up part of the story ruins it for me. This Twilight is a bitch, and has no fucking conscience for her fuck up.
Other than that carry on. God, I need a life outside of MLP, I'm getting pissed at a fanfiction.
Wait I just had time to think about it and I don't think Lyra would become a cow too; because she is a mother bucking unicorn, she would stop the machine before tramping her, or at least before the thing gets too ugly.
At least I like to believe so, and then Mac will be in a hell of trouble.
3530462 I agree this needs a sequel
Can't say I liked this story. Too many of the characters were not reacting as they should have based upon established personalities and characteristics.
3531098 3531131
Unless Lyra's fetish was becoming a cow, or there's some sort of magical limiter... but yeah, sequel worthy indeed.
3530927
I am curious to know which other stories you critiqued so I can read the comments. I've been rather distant from the site lately and missed them. As for how the style is dull, that wouldn't hurt to know either. My best editors have all been too busy with school, having not edited anything major since March, so I just said fuck it and now I take what I can get.
3530849
I could have extended a bit more but I was getting eager to move on to Dash of Humanity. I wrote these two stories to get past a writer's block and try to get inspired. It partly-worked.
3529915
Great song for this story.
3531008 "This Twilight is a bitch, and has no fucking conscience for her fuck up."
I completely agree, she was absolutely horrible. If I were this worlds Dash, I'd be seriously pissed off with her.
3530927 So what exactly do you find in Kaidan's writing that is, as you said it, dull. Simple question.
Personally? I dislike how computers have become and been sold to people and set up over the years, in that this can even be considered, as in systems can even be designed with such glaring fuckups possible in them.
Yes, they can, theres at least one passenger aircraft has fallen out of the sky, because the Single error feedback line from the gyroscope got a microfracture in it, causing intermittant behaviour.
First rule of anything, It WILL fuck up. Second rule, the power WILL fail. Third rule, the bastards WILL always find a way to hack their way in, electronically, physically, mentally on the user.
Oh, and as for Applejack not being able to be turned back? When you have teleport, time travel, and orange frogs?
Riverworldball go. Scan prior form two months ago and reintegrate with current.
Thats the problem with DEM, such as Princess Celestia. She Cannot tell the ponies what she is capable of, because she has far too much power for them to leave her to live herself.
3530927
I really like how you randomly claim one of his editors to have the "similarly poor writing style" without even doing so much as giving an example or even a name.
But what baffles me even more is that you blame these editors to be the reason why his stories are "dull", or that their repetitive usage "reduces the chance of improvement". That is a flat-out retarded way of thinking. How many popular authors are out there, using the same editors over an over again?
The primary flaw in your entire argument is this though: if his writing style is so dull, apparently, why did he get so popular in the first place? Give me a good answer to that question and I'll let you go.
3530927
Wow, that's pretty good advice, never clever. A little harsh maybe since it doesn't go directly in what's wrong but the message is pretty good as is.
3531482
What Clever's talking about, I assume, is some of what I brought up back around the end of the first Dollhouse and the start of the new one. At the time though, you had the rusty excuse, but I mentioned that the prose was feeling pretty thin. It just doesn't have any detail and actions are broken down for the reader into a barebones piece of text that simply tells us what they did and doesn't paint much of a picture. This in particular is likely a symptom of aiming to write fast, and therefore not as good as you are capable of. It's not good to get purple, but the writing currently is on the far end of dry prose, so I think you should aim to be a little more... artistic with it, to try and move toward that comfortable middle ground.
3530927
It's hard to really see a problem though when you use the same editing guys and the fandom is... super special in most cases. It's irregular to even get someone with the guts and eye for writing like Clever here seems to have. And yes, *you know who* does in fact write a lot like you, but I think that's because he reads you more than any other author, and he also has a lot less experience since he's still kinda learning.
3531482
I think it would be a good idea to simply read around and start building your writer language and voice a bit, as well as swap up with new editors. You say you take what you can get, but there are communities in FIM and elsewhere that are built to provide editors. I think you could do well to check them out.
So I've been finding all these lactation stories pop up recently, so I check them out, right? Most of them are alright, but this. THIS. This fucking story right here!
All I can honestly say is: Wow; I have a new fetish.
p.s. keep writing kinky stuff
I have no idea why I like this. Great job, Kaidan, I'm off to read Lyra's Spash Zone now!
Well that was interesting...
Such a string of continuous fail would probably never happen, but since you wrote it, we now have to pity the parallel universe you just created! ;p
OK, I liked this story, but I do have a small problem with it. First, why can't Twilight turn Applejack back. I mean, she was smart enough to make a machine that had the technology to change a pony into a cow so why can't she set the machine in reverse. Also, we have seen her turn a frog and bird into oranges! If you needed time for the story then you could have said that it would take awhile to get things set up or that she would keep working on a way to help her friend. The way you did it sounded like she was abonding her.
Also there was the old attitude. Twilight, after knowing that her friend was now a cow that's to her machine, seems so cold and uncaring. No guilt over what had happened.
3531508 3531482 http://www.fimfiction.net/story/115176/twilights-plant-problem#comment/3084343
I can't find the other comment, since I think it was on my main instead of this account.
The main problem with your writing is what I call "stage directions"--You just present the reader with a list of actions. "She did x" "He did Y" "She came". All the adverbs and participle phrases in the world don't make something like that interesting or engaging. The only reason no one notices is, I assume, because they are only there for the fetishes.
Sometimes when you try to avoid this pattern (like on this story) other problems crop up. Long-winded narration, a glut of useless details, and the same bland delivery all appear in that story, and it also has severe pacing problems. I couldn't even make it through the first chapter due to a simple lack of emotion or investment into the plot.
This is a very very common problem in fanfic (I'm still working on it, myself), but after 37 stories I expect any author to at least try new things, even if they aren't successful. As in my previous comment, you appear to be actively avoiding changing your writing style, which would be fine if your writing was good.
3531546 summed it up well.
3531545 I chose not to single out that editor to be polite; I already gave them a long-winded critique on a different story and this is not about them. You are mistaking discretion and manners with poor sourcing.
I did not blame the editors for the dull writing; if you reread my comment, you'll notice that I was positing them as one possible factor, not a singular cause. Of course using the same editors over and over again is going to reduce the variety of advice you receive (unless you have a very knowledgeable one that complements your writing style, which is both rare and unlikely in this case). Calling my train of logic "retarded" is neither accurate nor mature.
The answer to your question is really quite simple; the fanfic community is, by its very nature, a community of amateurs. The standards are much, much lower than any other segment of the fandom, and infinitesimally lower than the professional world. Kaidan is popular because of a combination of popular subject matter in their stories (what I call "pandering") and the snowball effect that getting a lot of followers causes (once you have 100 followers, it is easier to pick up another 10, and so on until you hit a critical mass where everything you write gets featured, no matter how bad).
3533199 Alright. Some people (A lot of people) would disagree with you. But you stated your point and now you can leave. You don't like the story, a shit ton of others like it, we can move on.
Sorry. This is too OOC for me. Twilight would never do this.
3533551 Firstly, popularity doesn't imply quality--often just the opposite, since the easiest way to be popular is to avoid risks/challenging an audience and instead pander to a large demographic (see my previous comment, as well as most pop music and newspaper comics).
Secondly, if you were just going to offhandedly dismiss my criticisms, why did you ask for them in the first place? While I can understand if you mistook me for a troll, the fact that I backed up my statements instead of running of to hide in a corner should prove I am serious, and should warrant a deeper response than "k thanks go away"
3533791 As I said... you said what you wanted to say. Goodbye.
3534152
3534178 I just don't give a shit anymore. Sorry if you wanted a deeper response, but I don't care enough to do so.
3533791
True, but it is important to acknowledge that this goes both ways. Being popular does not automatically mean good; but being unpopular doesn't automatically mean good, either. A popular work could be a piece of garbage that panders to a large base, or it could be a genuinely good work that has broad appeal. In addition, an unpopular work could be unpopular because it doesn't pander to the base, or it could be a piece of garbage that people recognize as being garbage and leave it alone.