Dan Vs. Equestria

by TreSiv

Chapter Twelve: Mad Over Manners, Axe to the Applewood

Twilight knocked on the white door. After a moment, a voice rang out from inside.

"Come in, I'm open right now."

Twilight opened the door and pushed a reluctant Dan inside the Boutique. Dan frowned at all the ribbons and frou-frou decoriations that littered the inside. He looked at all the mannequins.

"What is this place? A texidermy shop?"

Just then, Rarity appeard and looked quite offended. "How could you say such a thing? I make ART, not taxidermy."

"Oh is that art? It looked more like piles of cra-"

Twilight interrupted Dan. "Dan! No!" She sighed and truned to Rarity. "Do me a favor and teach this one some manners while I take Rainbow to the nurse."

Twilight turned tail and left the boutique. Dan folded his arms and stared menacingly at Rarity. Sweetie bell peeked around a curtain. Rarity regained her composure. She smiled up at Dan.

"I do believe we havn't been properly introduced yet. My name is Rarity. It's a pleasure to meet you."

"I don't understand. Are you some kind of fancy pony model or something?"

"Oh no, no, no. I am flattered you'd think that, but I am a designer of high class clothes. A fashionista!"

"Gesundheit."

Sweetie Belle snuck around to Dan's back and tugged on the bottom of his black shirt with her hoof. "Umm.... excuse me what are you?"

Rarity gasped. "Sweetie Belle, no!"

Dan looked down into Sweetie's big, puppy dog eyes and small smile. For the first time, he didn't have anything negative to say. He smiled warmly and kneeled down. He took out his cupcake.

"Well, aren't you precious! Would you like a cupcake?"

Rarity sighed. "Sweetie Belle, don't eat that. You don't know where it's been."

"Don't worry, I've been keeping it safe in my pocket."

"I'm not sure how that makes it better."

Dan turned around, annoyed. "And what's with that tone of voice?"

"What's with that breath?" Rarity retorted, "Ever heard of brushing?"

Dan stood up and got in her face. "EVER HEARD OF ARSON?!"

"You wouldn't DARE!"

"And I'll start with that mane of yours!"

"That crosses the line! You need to calm down!"

"Hey, Fussy Rude, maybe you shouldn't be such a mule, ok?"

Rarity stopped, wide eyed. She started to wimper. "M- mule?"

Rarity went into a full blown meltdown.

Sweetie Belle came to her aid. "He was just kidding Rarity, you'd make a very nice mule."

Rarity cried harder. Dan smiled and left as Rarity threw a fit on the wooden floor of the boutique. He stood out in the sunny world.

"Sweet Apple Acres."

He started walking in the direction of the orchard, as it was pretty hard to miss, it being so big.

A while later, Twilight returned to the Carousel Boutique to find Rarity still sniffling, but working on a dress, using Sweetie Belle as a model.

"Okay, I'm back." She looked around. "Wait, where's Dan?"

Rarity was still sniffling a bit, and red eyed. "He left. But he certainly didn't learn any manners. He is impossible."

Twilight sighed. "Yes, but where did he go?"

Sweetie Belle spoke up. "I think he said something about Sweet Apple Acres."

"Oh, ok. Maybe Applejack has put him to work somehow. I hope he hasn't done anything destructive."

Twilight left the boutique and headed for the apple orchard. She wistled as she trotted through the dirt streets of Ponville. She finally arrived at the orchard, but wish she hadn't. Standing in the middle of a ring of felled trees was Dan brandishing two axes looking like a madman and brathing heavily. Twilight groaned
.

Big Mac and Applejack galloped over to Dan, and Big Mac lifted Dan up un his mouth by the back of his shirt. Twilight walked over.

"Applejack what happened?"

"Well... it started out nice with some apple pickin'. Then one fell on his head."

"THOSE TREES HAD IT COMING!!!"

"So," Applejack continued, ignoring Dan's outburst, "he kicked the tree, which hurt his foot and caused more apples to fall on him, and so on. Ya think you could take him back? For now, at least. I don't think we can lose any more apple trees."

Twilight nodded. "Alright, see you Applejack. Dan, let's go. NOW."

Big Mac set him down, and him and Applejack left to assess the damage dan had caused. "I don't like that tone."

Twilight looked furious. "DAN!"

Dan rolled his eyes. "Whatever."

They both walked back to the treehouse library. Twilight slammed the door behind them.

"What am I going to do with you? Have you learned anything at all since you've been here?"

Dan crossed his arms in triumph. "As a matter of fact, I did!"

Twilight got excited. She jumped up at Dan, eyes bright. "Really?!"

She quickly grabbed a piece of parchment and a quill with her magic and floated them to Dan.

"Here!"

"...And this is for?"

"I want you to write what you learned to the princess!"

Dan grabbed the quill and parchment and frowned.

Twilight smiled feebly. "...Please?"

Dan sighed. "Ok."

He began to furiously write at top speed. Twilight stood back, afraid anything she did would change Dan's mind. Finally, he finished and held the paper to Twilight.

"There."

"Yay! Now we just have to send it! Spike!"

Spike showed up in an instant. He saluted.

"Spike at your service! What is it that you need?"

Twilight handed him the letter. "I need you to send this to the princess."

Spike nodded and held the scroll out in his hand. He took a deep breath, and in a large bellow of flame, the letter disappeared. Dan looked at Spike greedily. Twilight noticed.

"I will NOT allow you to use Spike to be a tool in any nefarious plans you may have."

Dan shook his head condescendingly. "So quick to judge."

Twilight rolled her eyes. "It's getting late, we should all hit the hay."

Dan wasn't about to argue. Spike had already gone off to his bed, and Twilight and Dan made their way upstairs. Twilight slid into her bed as Dan did to his.

"Goodnight, Dan."

There was a pause, then. "Goodnight, Twilight."

Twilight smiled and drifted to sleep.

Miles and miles away in Canterlot, Princesses Celestia and Luna were relaxing by the fire before bed. Suddenly, a scroll appeared in a burst of green fire. Celestia read it off to her sister.

"Oh! It's from Dan!"

"What does it say, dear sister?"

"Dear Princess Salestia,

Today I learned that I hate you. Twilight is such a jerk.

How could you make me live with her? I demand you

provide me with better living conditions.

P.S.

I'm taking your crown next time I see you.

Love,

Dan"

Celestia laughed. "Ha ha, oh dear..."

Luna, however, looked concerned. "Elder sister, shall we alert the royal guards?"

Celestia smiled brightly. "No dear, he is just being playful. Perhaps this is a sign he might be changing."

Luna frowned. "I don't see it."

"You will in time, and so will he. But now, it is time for bed. Have fun with the moon."

Luna walked out of the room and Celestia after. They both parted ways, and Luna went out in the sky to raise the moon, and Celestia, off to her chambers for a well deserved rest.

Comments

[Kage no Brony]

Could Celestia really be that misguided?

Somehow I think she just found his (very serious) threats funny...

[TreSiv]

3932577 She knows he won't do anything to compromise himslf getting home.

[Kage no Brony]

3934654

See, this is here Dan and I diverge. If she decides to "punish" me by keeping me in an idyllic land of pasifistic prey species I can torment on a regular basis with little to no backlash, then she's in for at least fourty to seventy years of constant headaches.

Or, she could just "delegate" me back to my original home, and not have the peace and tranquility of her utopia disturbed every day.

It's all just a matter of scale. A couple incidents is alright, but having to constantly rebuild buildings that have been torched or blown up ruins economies.

[TreSiv]

3935487 I can't even stress to you how much of the story I would give away if I explained that.

[theFlancy Mernin]

Celestia smiled brightly. "No dear, he is just being playful. Perhaps this is a sign he might be changing."

"No dear, he is just being playful. Perhaps this is a sign he might be changing."

"No dear, he is just being playful.

[INACTIVE_ACCOUNT]

No dear, he is just being playful.

Oh dear. I don't think she knows the extent of Dan's rage.