A human sociopath meets the equine incarnation of Death. A side story for Ex Nihilos' "Rorschach in Equestria."
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AnonyMouse
Joined 12th Jan, 2012 ·
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Mortis is best pony... of DEATH
s'cool
Well folks, it's not exactly the first bit of fanfiction I've ever written but it is the first I've ever published online. The story behind it is, last night I spontaneously decided to chug a Java Monster energy drink and read through all the chapters of "Rorschach in Equestria" that I hadn't gotten around to reading yet - Something that is rather important to me, as I once had the privilege of editing said fic.
Anywho, I read the side-story that is chapter 13 of RiE and found myself inspired to do my own little spinoff. Three hours later I had typed up and self-edited this little doozy, and then found myself staying up until 4:00 A.M. waiting for it to be approved.
If you enjoyed it, don't forget to hit that "like" button and leave a review! If you didn't enjoy it, feel free to stay silent because I'm a shallow human being with fragile self-esteem! (JK, go ahead and let 'er rip, I can take it.)
Audio review I did for the lulz.
And here's a writing guide I link with all my (usually more serious) reviews.
i wan't that tea. immortals make good tea.
475593
Response I did for the lulz.
#1. The colon is there because the title imitates one of those store employee name tags.
#2. You've got a point with the chapter name there.
#3. 'Random' most certainly does not imply funny. Trust me.
#4. I'll indent how I want to indent, mofo.
#5. They're called "descriptive pronouns". The pronouns get really repetitive without it.
#6. This is very much just for people who have read "Rorschach in Equestria." I knew full well when I wrote it most people wouldn't know what it was about and may hit the "thumbs down" button just because of that. I wrote it mainly to show support for Ex Nihilos, the author of RiE.
#7. It has no plot because it's a side-story. Ex Nihilos has basically made Rorschach his own character, and I really didn't want to write an entire little "swashbuckling adventure" with him. Just wouldn't feel right. Plus I typed the whole damn thing up in two hours with absolutely no forethought whatsoever, so it would have been hard to come up with anything interesting in any case.
#8. My commas are always in the right place, bitch.
490061
1. I thought that might be the case, but when you didn't follow up on it I dismissed the possibility. There's little point in having the title imitate a shop employee nametag if you don't do something with that in the story, like make Death act like a bored teenager working at a counter or something.
2. That I do.
3. No, but it usually implies "trying to be funny". Do people write random stories that aren't intended to be funny? I guess they might, but I haven't seen any.
4. Fair enough, but I still think it's hideous.
5. They have a name? Heh. I call them Musical Names and they don't so much solve repetition as ignore its underlying cause. If you find yourself repeating names too much, that either means that you're not using pronouns effectively or that your sentence structure is too repetitive. Slapping a "descriptive pronoun" on in place of a name is just a way of hiding the real issue, not solving it. I wrote more about this here.
Only use "descriptive pronouns" as a last resort, and make them relevant in context.
6. Fair enough.
7. I've read plenty of sidestories with great plots -- this community's full of them. And it's not a problem of wordcount either. Write what you want, but I really do think you could have made this more interesting somehow. That, and a more interesting story with some semblance of a plot or point to it would have been an infinitely better tribute.
8. The misplaced comma is a foe we all must face sooner or later.
491724 Yeah, it could have been more interesting. If I wanted to make the original story look good, I probably should have put more effort into making this one worth reading. As I said though, I wrote this at 3:00 AM on a caffiene buzz and wasn't necessarily firing on all cylinders anyway.
I do thank you for your thoughts, for with them in mind I shall be a better writer the next time I decide to pour my imagination out into the world. As for this fic, it's already faded away into fandom obscurity and I'll probably never bother fixing it. Bigger and better projects await.
Sincerely, AnonyMouse
493332
Cool. In the long run, the state of individual stories isn't as important as you growing and improving as a writer, so I wish you luck with your future projects!