It was a normal day in Ponyville, until Swift Swap arrived. Of curse, since he is new in town, as first thing, he have to be welcomed by Pinkie, and then he have to meet all of her old friends. Unfortunately, all he want is to be left in peace and take a nap. Will he manage to do so? And will he manage to keep his creepy secret?
This is my first fanfiction about FiM, and also my first in english, so be honest on me, and tell me every time you find some mistake ( I'll do my best for not make to much of them) but please don't be CRUEL.
Since I am pretty busy, and I also have to translate everything, I will post a chapter at least a week, not earlier. Be patient, please.
Hope you like it!
Chapters (7)
Hi there! You've made a pretty good first chapter for someone who doesn't use English as their primary language. Still, there are a few examples of virtuous errors in grammar and stuff. For example:
It'd be better to use 'he said', as it flows a lot better for native readers of English. Also, the text looks better if you double-space and indent each paragraph. Reading on a screen is different to reading in a book, and many users prefer the following format.
Like this.
And this!
It applies whenever a new character speaks, or you're beginning a new 'scene' in the sentence. Sorry about banging on about grammar, but I hope this helps a little c: Maybe it'd be a good idea to find a pre-reader who is fluent in English and can pick out mistakes like these?
3512511
It's fine to not like it if someone says it's their first fanfiction and it's horribly written, but it's not fine to dislike it if English is not their first language. Go easy on the guy.
3512511 I for one enjoyed it. While immaturity abounds in this particular comment section, I say bravo. For some, a first fiction can be a nerve wracking thing, just waiting for approval and then seeing how the fandom likes it. I was just there. What would make it more nerve wracking, in my opinion would be posting it in a language you don't commonly use, so, once again, bravo, Swift Swap, I appreciate your bravery, and to the person who posted the video in the comment I am responding to, next time please emulate Fluttershy and be kind. Thank you.
First of all, a premise: I decided to post this fanfic in English for two reason:
1) I follow FiM in Original language, not my own.
2)The brony comunity In my country is very little.
Thats why I joined this comunity. I hoped that here my work would find more sight. I do not pretend that you love it, but I will appreciate if you stop to be cruel on me and, instead, be constructive. If you dont like something, don't just criticize, and tell me what you dont like, so I can change it. That would be a much more valuable type of criticism.
For that, I want to say thanks to Siara and Graphite Sketch, because they don't looked at my crappy English, but at the story.
Now, for the specific replies:
3512448
Thank for the advices. If you find ANY, and I mean ANY other error that you like to tell my about, I will do somethig about. Thanks anyway.
3512511
Haters hate. Nothing else to say.
3513900
I would say rather of curiosity, what bravery. Actualy, I already tried to create a fanfic, but in my own language, and not about Fim. But now, since I am a Brony, I decided to embark into this adventure that is writing. I don't now how it will end, and I don't care if there is someone that act like a jerk on me. Because I hope that there will be someone else like you. Thanks.
3514358 Glad to help. Constructive criticism is fine, but that video wasn't anything but hate. And I hate when others hate. I really like the story.
3512511
Hurg...that's so immature!
I know it's hard to not write in your own language, because I do it too, but I found that writting then translating take too much time to be enjoyable. I personally write my chapter in english, with the words and expressions I don't know in my first language, so I can rewrite it on google doc with reverso and a dictionary! If I had to translate a entire chapter, I'll certainly end up mad!
I'll write this comment like every line of dialogue in this chapter! I dont know if everypony in this story is just super excited but it just seems like too much! Interesting story though!
It's getting to be really nice! And I bet Swift Swap's solution to his new dilemma lies in his very talent. Just an inference. Anyways, doing great!
Alright, I understand if the guy is having problems with language translation and what not... But generally, I don't enjoy a story about some guys OC meeting the mane 6. It stands as a hackneyed idea, and the only pleasure being taken from it, is the writer getting to have his OC meet all the mane 6, and anyone who is interested to read some random story about a random OC generally nobody but the author cares about. Sure, maybe your OC is cool, but that's my perspective. It's better to come up with a original idea that your OC endures, rather then something as cliche as "Meeting the mane 6". It's done in too many human stories already.
Now if you had a idea like Applejack and your OC bump into each other in Manehattan, they both accidentally experience a murder, and the stories basis is your OC and Applejack becoming friends to prove they're both not guilty of the crime, that is a 100% original idea that I would read. Even with bad grammar. You'd get a lot less hate if it was a original story, but it's not
However... I liked and favorited the story. There shouldn't be this much hate on something simple like this.
3986068
I thank you for your opinion. I can understand that you don't like his kind of stories. The fact is that I have other plans for this OC, and this was just a way to introduce him. So, unfortunately, it was almost necessary to do something like this. I know that the kind of story is hackneyed, but I don't care. I hope that future stories, with my English improved and renovated structure, can be better.
And anyway, I also have ideas for stories without OC of any kind, only with canon characters.
One last thing: I can understand why almost nobody likes my story. It's poorly written, and isn't overflowing with originality from every pore. But I've learned that, for those few who like it, is it worth continuing. if it wasn't so, I would have given up after a week!
So thank you for your interest. I hope to make you appreciate Swift Swap.
3987079 You absolutely did not need to introduce your OC like this. A good way to introduce your OC is sometimes not to have him as the main character. Have him a interesting side character in one story, or something. Or just introduce him in the "Stories" you plan the write, there is no need to make a separate story for that.
3986068
Make that story about AJ and another pony witnessing a murder. That actually sounds really cool.
3512511 And yet you read "The Chase". Which has as much depth as the shallow end of a pool filled with the piss of preschoolers.
But yeah, this story is pretty bad despite weird critiques.
5223104 kek