Chapter 4
Chapter 4
For the first time in a long while, Twilight managed to find the energy to get up and do some cleaning in the library. She walked from one area of her home to the other, dusting off various shelves and counters. She stopped when she came upon Spike's bed. The duster was set upon her bed and she raised an eyebrow at the young dragon's basket, wondering if maybe she should clean it or not. There really was no point, seeing as how the blanket was straight. But maybe the pillow needed fluffing, even if nopony would be sleeping in the basket any longer.
Surrounded by a purple aura, the pillow was lifted into the air. Looking down, she discovered what appeared to be a book that had been lying underneath the pillow. She hesitated for a moment or two, wondering what the book could be and whether or not she should even take a peek at it. She had a suspicion that it may or may not have been Spike's personal diary. If so, she contemplated whether it was right to look at it. Being that he was dead, she supposed that it wouldn't hurt to take a look.
The diary itself perplexed her. Her relationship with him had been based on honesty. They hadn't kept things from one another. Why had he felt the need to keep a diary with him? Maybe there were some things that he wasn't comfortable with talking about with her. She herself had started keeping a diary ever since his passing, if only to maintain her sanity.
The pillow was fluffed and the diary was carefully set on her bed beside the duster. The book was opened and she flipped through several pages. “Maybe reading a couple of entries will give me a clue as to why he killed himself.” She reached the end, deciding that if she wanted any clues as to the reasoning behind his demise, she would need to start at the last journal entry he wrote. Since he had claws, his writing was much neater than that of anypony who was forced to write with their mouth. She had thought that because his claws were so small, his writing would be microscopic, but thankfully his writing was big enough to where she could read it properly. She had to smile at the amount of journal entries that he'd written about Rarity. It came as no surprise, really. He had loved her dearly, but his other journal entries made it abundantly clear that he loved the others as well, if not more. She wasn't surprised in the slightest that he'd dedicated an impressive amount of journal entries to herself. In truth, she couldn't help but be curious as to what he'd written about her.
Dear Diary,
I had a dream last night. It started out the same as the one the night before, all dark and cold. While I was calling out for someone to help me, Twilight came out of nowhere and picked me up in her hooves She cradled me and rocked me back and forth. I felt very happy in her embrace. I felt safe and comfortable.
She smiled at the entry he'd written, a confirmation that he had indeed seen her more as a mother more than a big sister. She went back to the end of the diary, only to find several blank pages. The last entry had been written on the twenty-second of May, the day on which he'd passed away. It seemed that he'd written in the diary ever day for the past month or so. Until then, he hadn't written in the diary since February. Throughout the months of April and May, she noticed a pattern. Every day, he seemed to get more and more depressed. She'd noticed the signs.
He hadn't been eating as much. He had been sleeping more. He went about his chores in a rather sluggish manner. He didn't talk much. When he wasn't doing his chores, he would simply lie in bed and sleep. She had been worried about him, but had been too preoccupied with her studies to actually take the time to talk to him about what was bothering him. She had asked one of the others to talk to him. She entrusted Applejack to complete this task the most, seeing as she was one of the more level-headed of her friends, the easiest to talk to, and always gave a good, honest opinion about what should be done about whatever problem that needed resolving. Sadly, Applejack had reported that Spike said that there wasn't anything wrong with them, that he was just in an emotional slump at the moment and he was sure that he would get over it in a matter of days. There was no need to worry.
She should have pressed more. She'd been certain that something was bothering him, but she hadn't known what. Maybe knowing what could have saved his life. She wasn't entirely certain of this fact, but there was still a chance, a possibility, that knowing what was bothering him and talking about it could have helped him greatly. It was too late now. There was nothing anypony could do to bring him back.
Her ear twitched upon hearing a few knocks at her door. Setting the diary aside, she went to answer the door. Rainbow Dash stood there, not smiling. She looked forlorn.
“Are you ready to go?” Rainbow Dash asked quietly.
Twilight nodded. “Yes, of course.”
“Good. Pinkie Pie wants us there early, so we should get moving.”
Twilight remembered Spike's diary and her interest in reading it wouldn't allow her to leave it behind. They could read it together. “Okay, hold on. I want to grab soemthing really quick.”
Once Twilight had the diary in her possession, the two of them made their way from the library to Sugarcube Corner. Fluttershy and Rarity were arriving there just as they were. All four of them entered together, not saying a word besides the casual greeting. Upon entering, they found that Applejack was already there, having been instructed by Pinkie Pie to help out with the food while Pinkie took care of the decorations. Unusual for Pinkie Pie, the volume of the music was softly playing the background. There was a table set to one side of the room, fully decked out with various foods and desserts. Bowls of various beverages such as cider and punch were laid out, along with cups and plates.
Silently, the group went over to the table and began filling their plates with various foods that they desired. Twilight set Spike's diary down on an unused table while she went to go get something to eat. Not surprisingly, Rainbow Dash and Pinkie Pie selected cider as their beverage. The others simply had punch. They made casual conversation as they ate, not talking about anything particularly important. It seemed that all of them wanted to do everything they could to avoid the topic at hoof–that, of course, being Spike.
Once they were all full, they gathered around in a circle. Twilight retrieved Spike's diary and joined them. She noticed that upon discovering the diary, Rarity tensed up. She had a worried look on her face. Perhaps she was just nervous or afraid that she was going to be embarrassed about what Spike had written about her in his diary. If Twilight did come across anything that mentioned Rarity, she would be sure to skip over it, if only for Rarity's sake.
“What is that?” Fluttershy asked quietly nodding towards the tome resting in front of Twilight.
“I found it just today,” Twilight replied. “It's Spike's diary.”
“You're not planning on reading that, are you?” Applejack asked.
“Applejack,” Twilight cried sternly. “Of course I am!”
“Ah, don't know, Twilight,” Applejack went on. “Ah don't feel right about invading somepony's privacy like this, especially given that somepony's dead.”
“Come on, Applejack,” Twilight coaxed. “Maybe it'll give us some clues as to why he killed himself. Maybe he was hiding something or maybe he was struggling with something.”
“I have to agree with Applejack,” Rarity spoke up hastily. “If somepony read my diary without my permission, especially if I were dead, why, I'd just be devastated.”
Twilight looked around the room. “You all feel the same as Applejack?”
They nodded.
“Not that we're not curious as to why he killed himself,” Rainbow Dash said. “It just seems wrong to go through his private stuff without his permission.”
“But this,' she tapped the diary with her hoof, “could be our only means of finding out what was bothering him, why he felt the need to leave us. How else are we going to find that out?”
“We could ask around,” Pinkie Pie suggested enthusiastically.
Rarity nodded. “Maybe he was too embarrassed or frightened what any of us would think, so he might have confided in somepony else.”
Twilight shook her head. “But that doesn't make sense. Spike knew that he could talk to me about anything.” Her ears flattened. She sunk low until she was lying on her stomach and she slowly rotated her hoof against the diary. “What was so wrong with him that he felt he couldn't confide in me?”
“If it's bothering you that much, then, um . . ., perhaps we should take a look inside his diary,” Fluttershy offered. “J-Just a tiny peek, though.”
Twilight raised up to look at them again. “Aren't any of you dying to know?”
The others visibly cringed.
“Bad choice of words there, dear,” Rarity said, smiling a bit. “But, believe me, we all desperately want to know what was going on through his head when he was contemplating suicide. But I don't any of us are willing to stoop so low as to look through his private diary.”
“'Stoop so low?'” Twilight cried, somewhat offended. “I was practically his mother! I have every right to know what he was writing down in his diary!”
“That may be true,” Applejack said, “ but the truth is, sugarcube, the rest of us aren't interested. You can read it if you want, but please keep the rest of us out of it.”
Twilight sighed. “Fine.” She pushed the book aside and eyed them. “So, how have you all been?”
“We've all been able to keep our minds occupied with work, mostly,” Applejack stated. She smiled. “I've been bucking trees and cooking like crazy these past couple of days. 'S matter of fact, I think I might have put on a little weight 'cause o' all that baking.” She patted her midsection and grinned.
Twilight turned to Rainbow Dash. “Rainbow, what about you? How have you been holding up?”
Rainbow Dash exhaled, blowing her mane up. “Terrible. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I can't even enjoy a freaking Daring Do book! Ugh!”
Twilight finally broke down and began sobbing quietly, her body shaking. She began to rotate her hoof against Spike's diary. “What did I do? Did I do something, something to make him mad at me? Did he kill himself because of me?” She and the others were struck with shock when a hoof was sent across her face and a hard, loud slap echoed throughout the room. All parties turned their attention to Applejack, who was glaring daggers at Twilight.
“How dare you,” Applejack snarled, sneering. She exhaled heavily through her nose, blowing Twilight's mane. “How dare you even think something like that!” She jabbed her hoof in Twilight's chest. “Let me tell you something, sugarcube! That dragon loved you! He loved you to death! His whole world, his whole life, revolved 'round you! Well, you and Rarity, of course.” She looked over at the marshmallow pony, who looked away. She turned back to Twilight. “There was nothing you could have done to make him think that you no longer wanted him around, and for you to even suggest something like that is ridiculous!” She spit at the ground. “I just . . . oomph!!” She kicked a chair that wasn't far away from her, sending it flying across the room and ending up in shatters as it hit the wall. She gritted her teeth, breathing heavily in a futile attempt to calm herself down. She gave them an apologetic look. “Sorry, y'all.”
Twilight shook her head. “No, don't be. It's okay.”
“No, it's not okay,” Applejack objected, getting in Twilight's face and glaring. “It's a bunch of bull hussy!!” She stomped her hoof. She sniffled and broke down herself, pounding at the floor with her hooves while she screamed over and over again, “Why?! Why?! Why?!” She began to calm down after Rarity began nuzzling her affectionately. She smiled in gratitude and gave the marshmallow pony a warm hug.
Twilight frowned. “That's what I keep asking myself.” She shook her head. “I just can't understand why he would do something like this. It just isn't like him. Surely he would have talked to me or one of us if something was bothering him.”
The others nodded their heads in agreement.
Twilight turned to Rarity. “You were as close to him as I was, Rarity. Did he come to you and talk to you at any point, that you can recall in recent memory?”
Rarity swallowed hard. She found herself in quite the pickle. On the one hoof, she could always tell the truth and say that Spike had in fact visited her. She'd been the last one to see him alive. But she didn't want her friends hating her and disowning her when they found out that she was the reason why Spike was dead. On the other hoof, she could always lie and tell them that she didn't recollect Spike visiting her at any point. If only to save her own skin, she thought that it'd be best to tell a white lie instead of risking her friendships.
She shook her head at Twilight's question. “Can't say that I have, dear.”
Twilight turned to Applejack. “What about you, Applejack? You were practically like a big sister to him.”
Applejack smiled. “And you were practically like a mother to him.” She nuzzled Twilight affectionately.
“Did he talk to you about anything that was bothering him?” Twilight asked.
Applejack sighed dejectedly. “Sorry, sugarcube. Ah can't say that I have.”
“Oh.” Twilight's ears flattened against her head. “So, he never talked to any of you in the past few weeks?”
They all looked down sorrowfully.
“Sorry, Twilight,” Rainbow Dash said. She gave a small smile. “Maybe you're right, though. Maybe reading entries from his diary will give us some clues about why he offed himself. I still don't feel right about going through his personal diary. Seeing as you were pretty much his mother, you can if you want to. Just let us know if you find out anything.”
Twilight nodded. “I will.” She placed Spike's diary back in her saddlebag. “Will you guys be all right? You'll let me know if you need to talk, right?” She gave a worried look.
Rarity smiled. “Of course, dear.”
Twilight hugged her tightly. “Thank you.” She sighed once she'd pulled away. “I can't imagine how hard this must be on you. He loved you very much. I hope you know that.”
Rarity looked down. “Yes, I do . . . now. I just wish I'd known it sooner.”
Twilight gave her an odd look while the others filed out of the room. “'Sooner?' How could you miss the signs?”
Rarity shook her head. “To be honest, I really don't know.” She swallowed. “Listen, what if I were to tell you that I was the one who killed Spike?”
Twilight squinted and slightly leaned forward. “What are you talking about?”
“Oh, well, let's just say, hypothetically, that I was the reason why Spike offed himself. Let's say that he came to my shop one day and I completely ignored him. He became depressed and finally decided to . . . end it all, for lack of a better term.” She cleared her throat. “Of course I'm just speaking hypothetically. What would you and the others think of me? You wouldn't hate me, would you?” She took a cautionary step back.
“Rarity, I'm surprised at you. Why in Equestria would you think we'd hate you. Even if you did have something to do with this, it wasn't your fault. You couldn't have known that Spike was going to kill himself. None of us could have seen that coming. Is this why you've been so distant lately, why you've been avoiding all of us, me especially? You really think you might have had something to do with Spike's passing?”
Once again, Rarity looked down, not saying anything in response. She was taken by surprise as she was suddenly enveloped in a warm hug. She looked down at Twilight, the purple unicorn pressing the side of her head against her white, furry chest, her forehooves wrapped around Rarity's neck. “Twilight, w-w-w-what are you doing?”
“You looked like you could use a hug. I hope it makes you feel better.” She pulled away and patted Rarity's cheek gently. “Don't beat yourself up over his passing. You had nothing to do with it. Remember, we love you no matter what. We're always here to talk. Let me know if you ever want to talk. I'm always available.” She turned to go out the door.
“And you'll do the same with us, right?”
Twilight turned and nodded. “Of course. I'll see you around, I hope.”
Rarity nodded. “Yeah.” She gave a slight chuckle. “Maybe. I've got to run home and make sure that Sweetie Belle hasn't burned down the Boutique.”
Twilight chuckled. “Honestly, Rarity, you should have more faith in your little sister. You could learn a thing or two from Applejack.”
“I'm sure I could. Anyway, I'll talk to you later, Twilight.”
“I hope so.”
The two of them went their separate ways upon walking outside, a final hug sending them on their way.
***
“Hey, Applejack?”
Said pony turned to see Rainbow Dash heading towards her. “What is it, Rainbow Dash? Make it quick. I got a lot of bucking to do today.”
“I was just wondering . . .” She swallowed. “Could I maybe–if it's not too much trouble, that is–could I maybe sit down with you and have a nice cry? Y-Y-You look like you're about to cry yourself, to be honest.” She removed her saddlebag and tossed it in front of Applejack. “I had Derpy make some muffins for us. Really good, too.”
Applejack simply stared down at the saddlebag in front of her.
“I bet I can eat more than you,” Rainbow Dash challenged.
Applejack smiled. “Always lookin' to best me, aren't you, Dashie?”
Rainbow Dash blushed.
Applejack sighed. “All right, come on in. You might as well since you're already here.”
The two of them began trotting towards the Apple family home.
Applejack sighed. “Sorry about that back there, Rainbow Dash, getting' all emotional like that. It's uncalled for.”
Rainbow Dash shook her head. “No, that's a good thing. Get it out of your system. It'll make you feel better.”
Applejack smirked. “You're startin' to sound like Twilight.”
Rainbow Dash chuckled. “Well, to be honest, I should know from firsthoof experience. A good cry has really made me feel better, even if it physically drains me and and all I want to do afterward is sleep.”
Applejack yawned. “Mm, I know what you mean by that, sugarcube. A nap sounds lovely right 'bout now.”
“We can nap after we get through these muffins.”
“What kind are they, anyway?”
Rainbow Dash smiled. “Apple cinnamon.”
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...
Where's Chapter 3?
What happened to chapter 3?
4149008
4152007
To answer your question, I forgot to publish the chapter. Silly me.
Glad you guys are enjoying and liking the story so far. I've noticed that some of you have taken offense to the fact that Rarity had the audacity to take Twilight to a bar as a means of getting over her troubles. Some of you say this a blatant slap in the face/insult to Spike's memory and I agree. Thanks to "Twilight Time", my favorite scene from that episode (Twilight stuffing her face) will be replacing the bar scene, with Rarity and Twilight going out to lunch so that Twilight can get some fresh air. And, yes, that scene did inspire me to write a weight gain short story for Twilight.
I've really enjoyed reading this story.
All I can now is ME WANT MORE!!!! ...please
4333317 I'm kind of in a rut with writing this story, but I am thrilled that you're enjoying the story so much and I am glad that you're looking forward to more.
4349704 I understand, don't hurry yourself
4349721 By the way, love your avatar! Real cute! Loved the episode "Inspiration Manifestation." It's pretty much a guarantee these days that if the episode focuses on Rarity, you can guarantee that it'll be awesome! From "Suited for Success" to "Inspiration Manifestation," there has never been a bad Rarity episode. The worst crime that "Simple Ways" committed was being mediocre. I also loved "For Whom the Sweetie Belle Tolls."
4349742 Thanks. And I'm gonna have with you on Rarity not have a bad episode.
4349807 As in you agree or disagree with me?
4359292 Agree with you