Whiskey Lullaby

by Smitty91

Chapter 2

Chapter 2

It wasn't possible. No matter how hard she tried, Rarity could not get Spike off her mind. Worst yet was the fact that guilt, more than anything else, was often accompanied with these thoughts. She wasn't exactly sure why she felt so guilty regarding the dragon's passing; maybe it was because she'd had a hoof in his death. If it weren't for her and casting aside his heartfelt love letter with such a cold heart, maybe he would still be here.

No, that wasn't possible. Even if she'd taken the time to read his letter, he still would have been depressed because she'd rejected him. Either way, he would have committed suicide. Or at least that's the way she looked at it.

Ever since Spike's death, she'd become less and less motivated to take part in her business. An order would come, needing to be filled, only for her to cast it aside while she rolled over to get a couple more hours of sleep. Balled up wet tissues covered her bed from the many nights she'd stayed up trying to get to sleep. Her sleeping schedule had been thrown out of whack due to this.

She couldn't help but wonder how the others were doing. Surely they weren't doing any better than her. They were probably more distressed than she was. Twilight especially had to be as affected as her considering the fact that she was the one who was closest to him. The purple unicorn had practically been like a mother to him, showing him guidance and wisdom as he'd grown up, once he'd been handed over to her after she'd become of legal age to look after him, of course.

Somehow, she managed to drag herself out of bed and downstairs to the first floor with the little energy she had. Blinking, she looked at herself in the mirror, only for her eyes to pop open at how horrid she looked. Her mane and tail were a mangled mess. There were bags and crust underneath her eyes. Her nose was running. There was dirt within her ears. Before she did anything, she would need to doll herself up before going to visit her friend.

After a quick hot shower and a combing, she at least looked presentable enough to go visit Twilight. She left a note on the front door of the Boutique and made her way towards the Ponyville library. She gently knocked on the door and was soon greeted by Twilight, who quickly ushered her in.

“How are you?” Twilight asked.

Rarity simply shook her head.

Twilight frowned. “That bad?”

“What about you? How have you been holding up?”

“I've been doing okay. My studies have been helping me keep my mind off things.”

“Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. You should have time to grieve, darling. It's not going to do you any good to keep your emotions bottled up inside like that.”

Twilight nodded. “You're right. How have you been dealing with it?”

“I haven't really spoken to anyone since it happened, really. I've mostly kept myself in my room, in bed. I barely had any energy to come over here. I've been eating regularly, though I must say that I haven't had much of an appetite lately.”

“I haven't either, to be honest.”

Both looked down before Rarity suddenly perked up.

“I've got it! Why don't we go out and have a drink?”

Twilight gave her a confused look. “You mean like at the bar?”

“Exactly!”

Twilight shook her head. “I don't know.”

“It'll help us get our mind off things. Besides, it's not like I have anything better to do. We can get something to eat first, and then we can go out and get a drink. Come on, it'll be fun.”

Twilight thought about it for a moment or two before finally looking up at Rarity and nodding her head. “Okay, let's do it. It sounds like fun. I've been spending too much time in this library anyway. It'd be good to get some fresh air.”

Rarity smiled. “Great.”

After eating at a local restaurant located within the square of Ponyville, Twilight and Rarity made their way towards the bar located not too far away from Ponyville–Ten Green Bottles. They entered, looking around for any of their friends. Not recognizing anypony, they approached the bar and sat down. Rarity ordered a brandy while Twilight, not exactly familiar with alcoholic beverages, ordered white wine. They both sat drinking their beverages in silence. Every now and then, they would glance at each other. Otherwise, they didn't say a word.

“Why do you think he did it?” For the first time since they'd entered the bar, Twilight made eye contact with Rarity. “What would make him want to kill himself?”

For the longest time, Rarity didn't say anything in response; she simply stared down at the honey-colored liquid in her glass.

“If I were ever to meet the one responsible,” Twilight said, causing Rarity to look at her. She shook her head. “I don't know what I'd do.”

Rarity looked back at her glass. She lifted it to her lips and drained it. Setting it back down on the bar, she called to the bartender, “Can I get another one, please?”

After her night of drinking with Twilight, who hadn't drunk that much, Rarity found herself escaping reality through the Ponyville bar. At first, it started off as a small glass of rum and whatnot. It soon spiraled into full-blown alcoholism where she was drinking heavily even at home. She kept a stash of alcoholic beverages underneath her bed and would drink a bottle or two when she couldn't get to sleep.

The alcohol didn't seem to be working, though. Regardless of how much she drank, Spike continued to plague her mind. She couldn't even concentrate on her work anymore because of how consumed her thoughts were about Spike and what she'd done to him and what it'd led to.

She was at least grateful that Twilight didn't appear to be digging any further into why Spike would off himself. Still, she surely should have noticed something was wrong with him when he'd started drinking. Not only that, but he'd been rather distant with the whole lot of them, slacking off on his chores and spending most of his time sleeping. Whether it was from a hangover or depression, she wasn't entirely sure. Twilight must have known something was wrong with him since she'd voiced her concerns to her friends on numerous occasions. Still feeling guilty, Rarity hadn't said anything regarding Spike's behavior.. Of course, she hadn't known that he'd been drinking back then. She'd surely noticed that he was quite depressed, however. She figured that if she simply ignored it and acted like it was nothing, then it would simply go away and she would be able to forget about it.

The memory wasn't leaving her, sadly. When she wasn't sleeping and dreaming about him, she saw his face everywhere. She would sometimes go outside and gaze at the clouds to get her mind off things, only for the clouds to remind her of him. Perhaps her mind was simply playing tricks on her, the guilt getting the best of her.

It wasn't just her mind. All of her senses seemed to remind her of Spike. The air had the scent of his breath. The chilly winds had his touch. Voices she wasn't familiar with had his tone and childlike giddiness. She simply could not get away from him, no matter what she did. Perhaps she simply needed to tell someone that Spike might have offed himself because of her. But would her friends continue to accept her if she did? Would they abandon her and refuse to ever have anything to do with her? Would Fluttershy stop going to the spa with her?

Despite the circumstances, the two of them had continued to go on their weekly trips to the spa. It was a grand way to escape from the reality outside of the spa that they had to face. Of course, Fluttershy had had to work up enough energy to go with her. Like the others, she was quite depressed and honestly didn't feel like doing anything else besides sleeping and taking care of her animal friends. Still, the tranquility that the spa provided didn't stop Fluttershy from asking Rarity how she was doing and why Spike would even consider killing himself.

Rarity supposed that she should have been expecting all of her friends to be asking that question. Sure, he was depressed, but none of them had thought that he would actually kill himself. Rarity hadn't just had a hoof in Spike killing himself. When it came down to it, they all supposed that they were all guilty. None of them had bothered to take the time to question him as to how he was doing or if they could do anything to cheer him up. At the very least, Twilight had attempted to do this by making special meals for him and selflessly taking time out of her studies to take him to the park or to Sugarcube Corner to get him something to eat, noticing that he hadn't been eating regularly. She'd even fixed him a bowl of gems that he hadn't touched, much less bothered to look at.

Realizing this, it made sense that Rarity wasn't the only one feeling guilty regarding Spike's death. They all felt the sting of his death lingering on their minds and lives. All of them were finding it hard, if not downright impossible, to move on with their lives following the tragedy that had befallen their family. Many of them found it hard to continue on with their work and businesses. Even Twilight had said a number of times that she'd had so little energy that she merely spent much of her time in bed, going many a night without reading a single paragraph of even one chapter of a book.

Even so, Rarity found it very hard to get any sleep throughout the night due to the fact that Spike was constantly on her mind. She supposed she couldn't have been the only one. Surely Twilight had to be losing as much sleep as she had been. Naturally, this made it so that she had very little energy throughout the day and she found herself wandering to her bed in need of a nap on many days. Even coffee and food didn't provide her with the energy she needed. Still, she ate a little bit of something, if just to keep her strength up.

Throughout the day, she couldn't help but wonder how the others were doing. They hadn't spoken much since the tragedy had struck, keeping to themselves most of the time and opting to stay inside their homes, not wandering out. She figured that if anypony was going to take charge, it had to be her. Sure, it would be hard as they went along. Considering the fact that they'd conquered every villain that had been thrown at them, she figured they could easily conquer the pain of losing a loved one. All she had to do was make them see that they couldn't let a tragedy divide them. Before she did that, though, she supposed she should have closure with herself before trying to bring the others to closure herself.

She found that this was easier said than done. She'd become so accustomed to drinking throughout the day that she found it quite hard to even make herself coffee without adding just a little bit of alcohol to the beverage. Even her sweet tea contained a small amount of it. It wasn't enough to where she was so hammered that she couldn't take two steps without tripping all over herself. She was somewhat buzzed, though. It was only after the alcohol had worn off, after a few hours at least, that she would attempt to get to work on filling out the orders that she had piled up, only to find that concentrating on her work was even harder under the influence of alcohol.

She eventually got tired of trying to do any work and decided that some fresh air would do her some good. Grabbing Opalescence, she thought that it would be good to go to the park. Even if it was for a little while, it would be good to feel the sun on her fur. She honestly wasn't expecting to run into anypony while at the park.

She bumped into Fluttershy, who was busy having a picnic with her woodland friends in the shade underneath a tree. She led Opal over to the group and sat down. She smiled when Fluttershy looked over at her. “So, how have you been, dear?”

“Fine,” Fluttershy stated. She looked down and took a sip of her tea.

“Oh.” She moved closer to the cream-colored pegasus. “Have you heard from Twilight or any of the others? Maybe Rainbow Dash?”

Fluttershy shook her head. “No, I haven't. I've been stuck in my house most of the time for the past couple of weeks taking care of Angel.”

“Would you be up to going with me to the spa this weekend? A mud bath would fix you right up.”

Fluttershy smiled at the offer. “That would be nice. A mud bath would probably relieve me of my nerves.”

Rarity suddenly frowned. “Do you think they're all right? The others, I mean.”

Fluttershy nodded. “I'm sure they're fine. Of course, it wouldn't hurt to go and check.”

“You're probably right. We should really get back in touch. It's been so long since we've done anything together.”

“I'm sorry, Rarity.”

“No need to apologize, darling. It's quite all right, really. I've not been up to doing anything as of late either.”

“Oh.”

A brief silence fell over them.

Fluttershy gently pushed a plate towards her friend. “You hungry? I made an extra sandwich just in case Angel was hungrier than usual.”

Rarity stared down at the sandwich for a moment or two before gratefully taking it and beginning to eat. It wasn't exactly the most appetizing thing in the world, but considering that she hadn't eaten lunch yet, she wasn't about to complain.

Silence fell over the two as Rarity ate her lunch and Fluttershy drank her tea. The two watched as Fluttershy's forest friends frolicked not too far ahead of them, rolling around on the ground and playing with each other. Even Rarity had to admit that the sight was quite adorable. She was just glad that Opalescence was getting along with the others. The cat wasn't actually keen on company.

Once she'd finished her meal and wiped her mouth off, Rarity added, “I might go by Spike's grave sometime today. I'd gladly invite you and the others to join me, but I'd rather go alone, honestly. It's a personal thing. Besides, the flowers on his grave are starting to wither.”

“I'm sure no matter what flowers you pick, they'll be beautiful,” Fluttershy stated. “You've always had a keen eye for that sort of thing.”

Rarity smiled down at her as she got up from her sitting position. “So I'll see you on Saturday at eleven at the spa, correct?”

Fluttershy nodded. “I'll try to be there.”

“Wonderful.” She turned her head towards her pet. “Opal! Come along, darling, we must be going!” The cat ran over to her and began following at her heels.

Author's Note:

Constructive criticism is appreciated.

Comments

[goaway]

I think this is a good story overall, but there are a few paragraphs where you mention things more than once (how guilty everypony is feeling, especially Twilight, for instance). Also, it's a bit callous to refer to someone as having "offed" themselves.

Other than some minor quibbles, however, it's an intriguing tale and I look forward to seeing where it goes next.

[Smitty91]

3926189 Thank you for pointing out these errors. I guess i didn't notice them when I was proofreading.

[Jet Lignite]

A very interesting piece of literature.

Rarity drives Spike to drink himself to death and the first thing she thinks of to raise Twilight's spirit was to take her to a bar?
th04.deviantart.net/fs70/PRE/i/2013/019/4/9/discord_thinking_by_stewartisme-d5s1g2d.png

[Smitty91]

3928988 Yeah, now that I think about it, that is kind of silly, but depression and guilt are very powerful emotions that can drive one to start drinking heavily if the feelings aren't handled in a proper manner.

[Twilightisthebest]