When a friend is in need, Spike will help in whatever way he can, even if that means breaking bad in the process.
(Inspired by Breaking Bad)
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 19th Nov, 2013
- offline last seen Nov 19th, 2013
KOOR
I hope I don't mangle the English language too much while I'm here.
KOOR
Joined 19th Nov, 2013 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Wolokai · 31k words · 107 8 · 4.7k views
- Rated Ponystar · 80k words · 380 35 · 5.8k views
- Urimas Ebonheart · 42k words · 187 9 · 3.7k views
- FenrisianBrony · 223k words · 423 34 · 4.6k views
- Rainb0w Dashie · 41k words · 72 3 · 1.7k views
- alarajrogers · 297k words · 1,396 67 · 19k views
- Doxkid · 19k words · 180 3 · 5.7k views
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.065 seconds
Total duration
975 users online
2,284,188 hits today, 2,561,572 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Your writing is not terrible. You can keep a smooth pace going, and it'd be nice to see this built on, but you don't go into detail about anything other than the facts: This happened, that happened, this happened... there is no life in your world. Take some chances and go bold!
Except with your characters: the 2nd rule of fanfiction (after "be interesting") is establishing your credibility, and changing character personalities is a big no-no. For example, would Rarity, of all ponies, fail at business, dress-making or the social circle? Your entire plot seems to hinge on the fact that she did. At the same time, you've taken the "cute little kid who works hard and plays the straight man" and made him into a 20-year-old who still has the same crush from when he was a tween.
Now, I'm certain that it wasn't your intention, but these mis-characterizations come together to say you only changed the world to make Rarity into a damsel-in-distress, and Spike into a manly, relate able hero to save her.
As for the other side of your crossover: it's very nice to see more people carefully merging these two together, rather than "magic-portal-ing" the characters into each other's worlds, but my understanding is that Breaking Bad revolves around an under-appreciated genius who faces his own mortality and descends into crime with an increasingly sociopathic zeal, while the thorns nest of responsibilities keeps growing and growing. Putting that in the pony-perspective could be interesting, but of all the characters to play this part you chose Spike. An older Spike, even. Why?
I have absolutely no advice for improving your artistic writing skills, besides reading more and thinking about what you're reading, but when it comes to laying out the plot, characters, and narrative style I have this: Run the stories by friends. Don't tell them they're ponies, but keep the themes general and loose. Be open to complicating the narrative.
3508874
Thank you for the comment. I truly appreciate it.
As for the questions, I hope to convey the reasoning behind my choices in characters and setting in the upcoming chapters. I only planned the first to set the simple premise that will most definitely be expanded upon.
I'll try not to disappoint.
3509023
I can't go and tell you how to write your story, but I think you tripped on the starting line here. The questions you've left, and the reasoning you plan to show us, are not intriguing. I don't care about reading the rest of this because you didn't establish your credibility in the first chapter, and I have doubts on whether you have legitimate reasons, or are just an inexperienced writer. The place to assuage those doubts was here, in this first chapter.
My unvarnished advice is: try again. It sucks to just throw away work, and I know you've got a really cool story behind all this, but this first chapter doesn't hook me, and your concept needs to be laid out in a very short time window before I, as a reader, decide this isn't worth my time.