Alternate Ending
Applejack woke to the sensation of heavy warmth draped all around her, a warmth that could not be explained by the golden light of the morning sun. Opening her eyes, it took a moment for her to register what the field of white in front of her was.
Applejack started, but the unicorn remained asleep, the smile on her face and a slight flush to her cheeks announcing some sort of pleasant dream. Applejack sighed; it figured that the one night she fell asleep facing Rarity, the unicorn would take advantage and snuggle up. Shifting her legs, she realized as her hooves rubbed against silky fur that Rarity wasn't the only one who had gotten friendly overnight. She watched Rarity's face cautiously, but she showed no signs of discomfort, the unicorn only tightening her own grip upon Applejack.
Shaking her head, Applejack used her hooves to carefully disentangle herself from her bedmate, gently pushing Rarity off of her, the unicorn groaning as she began to stir. Applejack gave the unicorn a gentle pat on the head before she sliding out of bed, setting her hooves down one by one on the floor before finally tip-toeing her way over to Twilight's dresser.
"Not so pretty after a night of sleepin' on it," Applejack mused to herself as she looked in the mirror before bending down to grab one of Twilight's brushes in her mouth and setting to work getting her mane into a semblance of order, gathering the long strands together against the side of her neck with her hoof before running the brush through it.
Hearing the bed start to creak behind her, Applejack set the brush down on the top of the dresser to greet her friend, but paused at the sudden sight of crimson on the brush handle. Blinking, Applejack took a closer look at the brush, then at herself in the mirror, lifting a hoof to her mouth to touch the red substance glistening on her lips.
"Rarity, why the hay am I wearin' your lipstick?"
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- TheOldPonyFromScene24 · 2.8k words · 230 9 · 8.2k views
- Titanium Dragon · 24k words · 255 10 · 4.8k views
- Lycan_01 · 6.3k words · 320 6 · 9k views
- Craine · 14k words · 515 16 · 14k views
- Flutterguy89 · 2.6k words · 179 6 · 4.7k views
- Craine · 1.4k words · 186 8 · 5k views
- TheNewYorkBrony · 1.4k words · 234 23 · 7.2k views
- The Princess Rarity · 1.9k words · 326 22 · 6.5k views
Stats
Page generated in 0.062 seconds
Total duration
1,062 users online
1,937,107 hits today, 2,004,447 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
3510044
I'm glad you enjoyed it.
She almost got away with it...
Goddammit, Rarity.
Of all the times you had to wear lipstick...
3510224
Well, I started out violating the word limit. Then I wrote Shotgun Wedding, which violated the word limit by 2.5x. This violated it by 5x, 6x if you count the alternate ending (and 10x if you count the other four, unpublished alternate endings because they weren't good enough to put up). Clearly things are starting to spiral out of control.
And I was thinking "This is such a cute, easy, short story" too when I started writing.
What's actually doubly bad is, I actually wrote a thousand words of ANOTHER story based on this prompt, but decided not to actually finish it because I wasn't really happy with it.
3510226
This makes me happy. :)
The alternate ending is quite the lulzer, but I think I prefer the main ending by a teensy margin.
Good work TD!
Edit// I should also mention, I LOVED Rarity's deteriorating resolve not to kiss Applejack, and her justifications for why she should. That was wonderful.
The main ending is a but more romantic and the entire story was excellent but the alternate ending really sold it for me. I guess I'm a sucker for happy/funny endings.
I'm not a fan of alternate endings, especially ones that can instantly follow on from the main story, as a change in tone can undermine the efforts of the story as a whole before my impressions of it have had a chance to fully set. Personally, I think it worked better when my last impression of it was a fairly sweet story of romantic tension, rather than an extended set-up to a mild joke.
That end line...
Perfect.
~Skeeter The Lurker
3510894
If you don't like alternate endings, then why are you reading one? If you had simply ignored the alternate ending, then your last impressions would have remained completely unaffected. It's there for people who are interested in seeing what other ideas the author had but didn't end up going with. It's completely optional, and if you don't care for them, then just don't read them, no harm done.
3518803
I get that a lot. Thus... I direct you to my profile... More particular, the box above the comments section.
~Skeeter The Lurker
Okay the main story was good, but yeah the extra ending sold me on it too.
Eheehee, why didn't I see this before?
Ya just made my day.
3579788
I'm glad you approve! I enjoyed writing it. Re-reading it only makes me want to write more ponies. I've had a bad case of writer's block on pony-related stuff all week, but ironically it has helped me work on other things.
Maybe later tonight after I've tried out Starbound I shall endeavour to write more pony words. I have at least one story I need to get posted before this weekend's episode Josses it.
I have a couple other RariJack stories if you haven't seen them - Shotgun Wedding is a comedic story involving poor Rarity and Applejack (I think you may have stumbled across that one already) while Crepes is a more serious RariJack story, more along the lines of this one but actually a proper romance novelette.
Aw that was such a cute and funny story
Loved it
I don't normally enjoy RariJack, but I liked this. I liked that within a very short length you took the time justify the attraction, and actually worked that justification into the story itself in a natural way. I can easily see how Rarity might admire Applejack for her physical beauty, business savvy, and industrious, and then how that admiration could lead to infatuation. I prefer this alternate ending, as the other seemed very contrived, and it isn't nearly as believable that Applejack might sit in bed and stew over to whether to kiss Rarity, especially without seeing the same kind of justification as we saw for Rarity.
3622522
This story was originally written as a microfiction for a forum game, which is probably why it is so focused; I realized as I was writing it that calling it a "microfiction" was a bad joke, and while I have a tendency to overshoot the word limit on said forum games, this was an outright short story.
I think that it was a good thing, though; short stories NEED to be focused and not go all over the place to really work. Sometimes I feel like short stories tend to have the greatest punch to them, because they can be very singleminded and can just go somewhere and do something. They aren't the same as long stories, but you can do a lot with very few words, and I think the more you do with less, the stronger it tends to be. I know that a lot of the stories which have stuck with me the most from this site have been short stories, though it certainly has not always been the case.
3631662
I have to admit when I was writing this that I was pretty torn; I had come up with a few ideas for an ending. The ending seen in the main story is the ending I came up with for the story originally, but it was actually the second one I wrote; the first one was basically a parallel of the first half of the story, save from Applejack's point of view. It just didn't have the same impact, though, and the second ending, I felt, worked better.
Then I wrote a third ending which was very silly; it was basically very similar to the second ending (the one you see in the first chapter), but at the end, instead of trailing off, Twilight complains rather loudly from across the room as Applejack hesitates, naturally embarrassing the hell out of her.
Freaking voyeur. It was very goofy and is exactly the sort of thing you think is funny after you've written two other endings, but which is probably a lot less funny to everyone else, something I readily recognized.
The fourth ending had Applejack going through the thought process you see at the end of the ending I went with, and then deciding that, well, she's just being silly, and wakes up Rarity so she can give her a kiss. Again, another subversion ending; I think I was being quite silly by that point and writing them mostly to amuse myself.
I had the folks over on the ISD skype looking over my story, and Loeden made a crack about Rarity wearing lipstick and giving herself away accidentally that way, and some other folks snarked about it as well. Once I heard the snarking, I wrote what became the alternate ending and instantly fell in love with it.
It was clearly a great ending, but I wasn't really sure if it was the right ending. The people I asked were split between that one and the second ending (which is why those are the only two which have actually been published; the rest weren't strong enough to be worthy of the right of existing and being read by the masses), and so I went with my originally intended ending (the one you see in the main story) and put up the alternative ending because I loved it too much for it not to be put out there.
Naturally, as you can see from the comments, I've got a bunch of people who say that the alternative ending really sold the story to them, and a few people who said that the first ending is perfect. But this way I make everyone happy except for the guy who felt that the extra ending detracted from the sweet romantic ending.
Ah well. Clearly the moral is "write more pony words, as that way everyone gets something they like, except for that one guy."
This was the first MLP fanfic I ever read. I became addicted about seven months ago.
4171151
Always nice to know I was the one to lead someone into the darkness. Or is that supposed to be the light? Hmm...
Glad to hear it, though.
4171217
I consider it to be a great light...
Yes, yes it is wrong.
deleted the original message because it was meant for this other part
4465084
4465087
I'm glad you enjoyed it, and am always glad to hear it.
I really need to put up a blog post at some time about that reading...
Very much enjoyed this chapter. Short, but gets it's message across.
Though, applejack, you're one to talk. You kissed rarity whilst she was sleeping, seems only fair she did the same to you... Though I'll admit, the lipstick might have been over doing it, rarity. When did you even put it on, anyway? You were in bed.
*snickers* sweetie belle's gonna love this gossip
Always nice to see a romance that knows where its going and then makes no fuss going there. Have a ribbon:
i.imgur.com/6MrWqNZ.png
3633466
I liked both endings, but I may still qualify for "that one guy" because despite that my favourite ending is the one you never wrote.
To explain, I would have really enjoyed reading the 'Twilight the voyeur' version, because that's pretty much how I felt reading the first ending! XD
Still, overall, well written!
5856920
Thank you! I'm glad you enjoyed it. Both endings. I'm still pretty proud of this story, and am glad that I wrote it. There's entirely too little RariJack.
5857487
Agreed :).
Discovered recently through youtube readings by TheLostNarrarator. Loved it. Had to find it in FimFiction. ^.^
6415975
I'm glad you did, and I'm even more glad that you liked it enough to want to seek me out.
6553729
Wow, thanks! I'm glad you liked it so much.
I'll have to go thank her for sending you my way.
Howdy Titanium.
I love this story. I did not read it here on this site though. I actually listened to it on Youtube. It was amazing. Didn't know there was an alternate ending. I'll check that out later. And congrats on making it to the Spotlight.
6720523
Fair enough. Thank you for coming here and commenting, I appreciate it! I'm glad you enjoyed it!
So little happens to mean so much.
7501264
There's never enough of us.
I'm glad you liked it!
I found this because of Lost Narrator. Its funny really. I ship RariJack, TwiDash, and Octa/Scratch, and Sun/Dusk XD
7604527
). I've got a few other RariJack stories in my library (a bunch of short stories, Crepes, Apple Shampoo, The Perfect Cure for the Common Cold (well, sort of), and I Can Explain). You'd probably also enjoy Through Glass and possibly I Have This Friend. I have a couple of longer unfinished ones I'm planning on getting done sooner or later as well (Ice Cream Sale and Shotgun Wedding).
Glad you found it (and liked it
I'm also working on a TwiDash story (tentatively titled A Thousand Bouquets or A Thousand Roses) which should hopefully be done sometime in the next week or so.
7605548 i look forward to reading those, and the TwiDash one when its done. Im also an artist if you ever need cover/banner art for it.
I just wanted you to know that this is my favorite fanfic ever. And it has been ever since TheLostNarrator's video came out over three years ago now. I love the way it was written, and a continuation of this would make my dreams come true. ^^
7854610
Aw, thanks! I'm glad you liked it so much. Always really wonderful to hear even three years later that people remember and still enjoy a piece I wrote.
7856535 Of course! How could I not remember and enjoy such a great little fic? ^w^
Also; this is what cemented Rarijack as my favorite ship. ^^ (And if you ever feel like writing a sequel, I would be totally okay with that. ;D)
Beautiful piece, sensitively written.
Great work!
8801899
Thanks! I'm glad you enjoyed it. It was fun to write.
8802913
It is such a pleasure to read a well-constructed romance that deals exclusively with the mixed emotions of wanting to embark on a relationship; both of them trying to reconcile their love for each other with the inner demons of their self-doubt and agonising over taking the first tentative steps.
To echo a comment from another reader so little happens and yet so much.
It is delightful and sensitively written – a real gem!
Hey there! I did a reading of your story. I hope you enjoy it!
11570335
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it well enough to do an audio reading of it. That's really nice of you.