• Member Since 16th Nov, 2013
  • offline last seen Jun 7th, 2018

oirambale96


I just don't know what went wrong (9_6)

T

I'd like to present a new project a friend and me are working on. It's a fanfic based in the world of SCP Containment is Magic, but the SCPs that appear in the story are the original ones, and CleverBlue and SCP-709 (not the original one) as main characters. What adventures are they going to live...? You'll know them reading the story ^^

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jLN4k0vvUe0

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 40 )

Not too bad, but the way you write is just confusing.

I have high hopes for this
but please improve your writing style.
dont let me down

Nice, but you need an editor

3882017 I had to edit it from an original squetch, that's why it looks so messed up, but I'll try to solve that in the next chapters ^^

3882042 Thanks ^^ and don't worry, that's because I edited the chapters from an original squetch, and it ended a bit messed up, hehe ^^

I'll try to do my best for the next chapters :pinkiesmile:

3882633 Thanks ^^ and also thanks for the advice :pinkiesmile: I'll try to find one ^^

interesting... and how many times are 096 and 106 gonna get out. I mean the facility really needs to get better containment procedures for them

another interesting chapter... I wonder if 709 is just tricking cleverblue. I really enjoyed the story, and if you need an editor I am willing to do it (I love the SCP stories :twilightsheepish:) Good job and can't wait to read more! :pinkiehappy:

3882791 Don't worry ^^ That was a controled containment breach, for the new personel to practice their skills. Of couse there are good containment procedures for all the SCPs :)

3882841 Yeah ^^ I need an editor :D and I'll be so glad if you'd like to help ^^

Also, I'm glad you like my story :pinkiehappy:

3882791
I'm actually not as familiar with 106, but being unable to be reliably contained is one of the requirements for keter classification last I checked, so that alone accounts for SCP-096

3882911 Yeah, those two would be the most dangerous in case of a general containment breach

My first critique is that none of your chapters are beyond a thousand words.

3883226 It's a fast action story, so all chapters will be always more or less that length

3883221 That's because it's a fast action story, and all the chapters will be more or less the same length... :twilightsheepish:

Crazy stuff. This is definitely like-worthy IMO.

3883237 you need some details even with fast pasted story.

3883252 Yeah ^^ Not a single say is a normal day in the SCP foundation. Always happens the unexpected~

3883246
Pacing is essential, and scene transitions are as well. Chapters divide a story because that's how our brain works. Memories sort of "reset" through certain transitions, such as when you walk through a door or night becomes day. Chapters that are too short are jarring to the reader and make some (and honestly,me) uninterested.

3883263 I'll try to make longer and accurate chapters for the next time ^^

Well, this sure looks decent. I hope to continue to be surprised by this story. I've not heard anything from whatever this is based off of, so this just might get me more interested. Keep up the good work.

Clever...Blue? Don't think I have any relatives.

3883577 Haha ^^ I thought the same when I saw your username :yay:

Umm, the current SCP-709 doesn't seem to be the one described here...

3883927 Because it's not the canon SCP-709 of the Containment Breach series, but it's the canon SCP-709 of the Containment is Magic series. It's included in the last update of SCP-CIM folder, here in this dA group: http://scp-cim.deviantart.com/

3884823
Alright then. Am I missing something or is 709 quite similar looking to the protagonist? Are 096 and 106 different as well?

Your writing style is, well, strange and hard to follow, and the story moves much too quickly. I really think it needs more chapter length and it feels like large chunks of the story are missing. :applejackunsure:

3885198 Alright then. Am I missing something or is 709 quite similar looking to the protagonist? Are 096 and 106 different as well?
Your writing style is, well, strange and hard to follow, and the story moves much too quickly. I really think it needs more chapter length and it feels like large chunks of the story are missing.

Similar coat color, yeah, if that's what you mean. But that's just a coincidence. This story has been adapted from a roleplay between the owner of CleverBlue and me, owner of SCP-709; that's why the story moves too quickly and the chapters are too short.
I had to edit it from an original squetch, that's why it looks so messed up, but I'll try to solve that in the next chapters.
I'll try to make longer and accurate chapters for the next time.

And to answer your second question, but generalized, almost all SCPs, guards, scientifics, or any other being in the SCP "world" is ponified in this story, at least for now~

3882911 106 can basically walk through anything, but that have some sort of electromagnetic shield around its containment that zaps him before he walks through the wall or something like that.

3886653 Indeed ^^ SCP-106 containment chamber/cell is made of reinforced steel with an electromagnetic Tesla shield that prevents his containment breaches.

I would also appreciate it if each chapter were maybe more than 1500 words

3906716 Ok ^^ I'll do it from chapter 4, since chapter 3 is already written and soon I'll edit and post it here :)

Why was nothing in quotation marks? Yes " quotation marks" the magical symble behind and infront of words said by characters. This looks like a script, how the hell did this get validated? Whatever this storys plot is so damed weak like other scp storys that i dont care. (im not hateing on you but i cant read this crap anymore.) May you write better stories in the future.

4906867 Sorry it took this long to reply. I know it might be a bit crappy, it's my first story and an direct adaptation from a roleplay, without editors or proofreaders. I was unexperienced as a writer back then, I know.
Plus, you're right, it was quite a strugle to get it validated. :twilightsheepish: I'll do better from now on.

.....
This is....
in....script format?
It's against the rules to do that, isn't it?
Don't get me wrong, it's good so far. But it would be better if it wasn't in this format.

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