No Place Like... Manehattan?!
Finally finished with picking the various bits of unmentionables from his uniform, Tunnel Rat stared down at the unconscious body of the small horse. Although, “horse” might have been a slightly inaccurate descriptor considering the visible differences in form between the equines Tunnel Rat was familiar with, and the small creature that now lay before him. The head seemed almost comically oversized, with the similarly large eyes located on the front of the skull rather than on the sides.
The creature was also much smaller than a standard equine, being somewhere between the size of a large cat and small dog. Also, while the body color wasn’t too unusual, being a chocolaty brown, no animal that Tunnel Rat knew of possessed pink hair and tail. All in all, Tunnel Rat finally decided, this poor creature had to be a genetic experiment that had escaped some lab where the scientists were seeking the next big thing in diabetes inducing pets.
The Joe’s examination of the cute little abomination was cut short by the sound of shouting at the mouth of the alley. With a last, lingering bemused glance back at the pony (for lack of a better descriptor), Tunnel Rat stepped to the mouth of the alley in order to discover just where the malfunctioning MASS device had deposited him. As he picked his way over and around the various piles of trash and detritus that littered the alley, the voices began to resolve into the confused clamor of a busy city street, with one voice raised above the rest as an unseen vendor hawked his wares.
“Apples, get yer Apples here! Yer visit to the Big Apple ain’t complete without one of the most lip lickingest fruits you’ve ever had the pleasure of sinking yer teeth inta’! Come on folks, step right up!”
Tunnel Rat paused in his attempt to free his pants leg from a particularly grabby length of tangled wire. “Big Apple? Well, how’s that fer a kick in the head! My old stompin’ grounds!”
Feeling considerably more chipper, he finished untangling himself and continued to pick his way to the mouth of the alley, chunnering happily to himself along the way. “Nice of the ol’ snake-faces to drop me somewhere nice for a change. Maybe I’ll get to spend a few days home? Been an age since my last furlough, I’d love the chance to drop in on the old homestead and… surprise… everyone? Th’ hell?!”
Tunnel Rat had finally found his way to the alley, only to discover that he was most certainly not in his hometown. Everywhere the wayward Joe looked, slightly larger versions of the unconscious creature he had encountered in the alley were dashing up and down crowded sidewalks, being towed by other small horses in rickshaws painted to resemble the taxicabs of his own New York, or buying and selling from small wheeled stands selling a staggering array of goods.
Allowing his dumbfounded gaze to rise from street level, Tunnel Rat was once again gob smacked by the presence of even more of the little horse creatures, these equipped with wings swooping and darting from building to building like Technicolor pigeons.
Once again shifting his gaze to the street, he dazedly noticed that every one of the little horses had manes, tails, and coats colored in every shade of the rainbow. “Like somethin’ outta a Lisa Frank painting”, the increasingly dazed demolitions expert muttered to himself.
He likely would have continued to stand there, desperately trying to come to grips with the fantastical scene before him, had not a gruff voice accosted him from somewhere near his navel.
“Hey, buddy. Ya gonna stand gawpin, or are ya gonna buy some apples?”
Tearing his eyes with difficulty from the bustling cityscape, Tunnel Rat realized he had at some point drifted from the alley to the front of a small vendor’s cart, whose owner was now regarding him with a raised eyebrow. Swallowing thickly, the diminutive demolitions expert attempted to kick start his brain and make a halfway coherent reply. “What, ya mean me?” Okay, coherent maybe, but witty? Not so much.
The vendor, a grizzled stallion with a mark of a dollar sign imposed over a wheel imprinted on his hindquarters, was staring at Tunnel Rat with an expression of barely concealed impatience. “Nah, I’m talkin’ to da lamppost behind ya’s. Who do ya think I was talkin’ to?!”
Tunnel Rat was still trying to get his brain to reboot fully, and so could be forgiven for his slowness in replying. Forgiveness that was not forthcoming from the vendor, who could see a line forming behind this apparently slow in the head monkey… minotaur… thing. “Look buddy, either buy some apples, or get the hay outa da way. Yer blocking payin’ customers.”
Absently reaching into his pocket, Tunnel Rat withdrew a handful of assorted coinage and dropped it on the cart in front of the increasingly annoyed looking vendor horse… pony… thing. “Er, is this enough fer two apples?”
The vendor sorted through the pile of change on his counter for a moment, before turning a gimlet eye on the increasingly lost looking creature in front of him. “This some sorta joke? ‘less youse got somethin’ other then play money, I ain’t sellin’ youse diddly.” Than a crafty look came over the vendor’s face. “I might, however, be willin’ ta trade youse some apples in exchange fer dat nice liddle fruit peeler ya got tucked inta yer belt.”
Reaching his hand back, Tunnel Rat withdrew his KA-BAR knife from its sheath. Glancing from it to the vendor a few times, he finally began to, if not accept the strange world he found himself in, then to at least resign himself to the fact that it was indeed real, he was not dreaming or drugged, and the little pony creature in front of him was willing to barter for some of the admittedly delicious looking apples drawn up in neat little rows around him.
A small smile started to make its way across Tunnel Rat’s face, as he turned his attention back to an increasingly impatient fruit vendor. Expertly flicking the knife from hand to hand, he finally replied to the vendor’s question. “What, this liddle beauty? Sure, I could see me partin’ wid it in exchange fer, let’s say, a dozen apples?”
The vendor drew himself up into what was obviously a well-practiced show of indignation. “A dozen? Yer outa yer Celestia-blessed mind if youse think I’m gonna allow ya ta swindle me outa dozen of the most succulent of fruits fer that liddle piece of tin. I’ll give ya one fer it.”
Quickly recognizing the game being played, Tunnel Rat adopted an air of offended dignity. “Liddle piece of tin? Liddle piece of tin?! Buster, you obviously couldn’t tell a quality tooled piece of art from a butterknife! You see the edge on this liddle beauty?” Tunnel Rat swiftly rolled up his sleeve, and proceeded to carefully shave a small strip of hair from his forearm. “Razor sharp, and guaranteed to keep an edge no matter what ya cut wid it. So, how’s about ten of yer fruits, and we’ll call it a deal.”
Stroking the stubble on his chin, the vendor made a show of carefully considering the offer, before finally shaking his head. “Nah, sorry. Apples dis good are hard to come by in dis city. I’ll tell youse what though, since you seem a nice enough weirdo, I’ll cut ya a break. Say five apples, and you t’row in dat sheath wit’ the knife.”
Tunnel Rat extended his hand. “Make it six and youse got yerself a bargain.”
Nodding once, the vendor slapped his hoof into Tunnel Rat’s hand and shook twice. “It’s a done deal, my strange lookin’ friend.” Quickly bagging a half dozen of the bright red fruits, he passed the parcel over to Tunnel Rat before pausing to admire his new apple peeler.
Babs’ return to consciousness was a languid, gentle process. First, she became aware of the fact that wherever she had dozed off at, was composed of hard, cool concrete. Secondly, ow, concrete absolutely sucked as bedding material. Seriously, just how tired had she been in order for her to just doze off… oh, that’s right. The events of the day slowly began trickling back as she slowly began regaining her mental clarity.
Hugging her dad goodbye, a brief moment of happiness as she called the fifth meeting of the Manehattan Cutie Mark Crusaders to order, the fear and anger as she fled the bullies who had jumped her as soon as she was alone, and finally the gut-wrenching fear as that… thing had arisen from the depths of the alleyways garbage barrels like a miniature Ponyzilla.
No sooner had this final thought went through Babs’ head, than a loud, wet crunch rang out through the alley. Babs instantly went completely stiff, not even daring to breath, as what was unmistakably the sounds of somepony (or something) messily devouring something echoed off the walls of the office buildings she was currently lying between. Babs bit her lip, as her nerves began firing in a desperate attempt to prepare her to once again run for her life from the unholy monster that was surely now devouring what was left of the 12th Street Sluggers. She suppressed a shudder; nopony, no matter how despicable, deserved to be ripped apart and eaten by a Garbage Monster.
Slowly, Babs began to roll over in an attempt to get her hooves beneath her in preparation for her second run-for-her-life that day. The sloppy crunching sounds abruptly cut off, as a voice with a thick Bucklin accent spoke out boisterously. “Well, good morning sleepy head! I was t’inking youse wasn’t ever gonna wake up”.
Letting out her breath in a great whoosh, Babs nearly laughed in relief. There was no strange monster in the alley with her, it was just another pony who was apparently crunching his way through an apple. Golden Delicious if her nose was anything to go by, and Babs suddenly was acutely aware of just how long it had been since she had had lunch.
Still wearing her relived grin, she began to turn around to acknowledge the colt who had apparently decided to continue with his interrupted snack. “Well, it wasn’t like I was planning on just takin’ a nap, see there was this weird monster…” And Babs Seed suddenly found herself completely tongue-tied. Seated with his back to the wall, a tall, gangly creature was sloppily chewing his way through an apple with obvious delight.
With no visible fur to speak of, the creature was clad in a set of green pants and shirt, with a matching green bandana wrapped around its head. Belts hung all around his shoulders and waist, covered with a dizzying amount of pouches and other, more mysterious items. What looked like an overly long crossbow stock with its bow missing was slung from a strap across its back, while the creature’s pants were covered in pockets bulging with even more unknown items.
It was gripping the apple with a five digit appendage that reminded Babs of Princess Twilight’s baby dragon’s claws, only rounded and soft looking. Its face was a light shade of tan, with small, slightly slanted eyes bearing dark green irises which seemed to twinkle as though their bearer had heard a private joke that only he got.
As Babs continued to gaze with a comically gob smacked expression, Tunnel Rat finished his apple and fished out a second. Hesitating as he prepared to bite into what was, hands down, the best piece of fruit he had ever tasted, Tunnel Rat waved one of his hands in front of the little horse’s seemingly unresponsive face. “Yo, liddle horsie? Youse ok?” Suddenly giving a full body shudder, the small creature seemed to come to life again. “Uh, yeah, sure, why wouldn’t I be?”
Tunnel Rat sat back, apparently satisfied that his guest wasn’t injured in anyway. “Well, ya was just sittin’ there, thought ya mighta been hurt or sumpin’”.
Babs nodded, than fixed the displaced Joe with a narrow-eyed gaze. “Ok, so we’ve established I’m jus’ fine. Now, what the hay are you? Youse ain’t no pony, an’ I never seen a minotaur without any horns or fur before. Ya kinda look like sum’ kinda monkey or sumpin’.”
Taking an overly large bite of his snack, Tunnel Rat took a moment to examine the, quite frankly, adorable creature sitting before him. Restraining himself before he reached out to pet its ears, he busied himself with the last of his second apple before he answered the filly’s question. “Well, I ain’t no monkey, dat’s fer sure, and I thought minotaurs was sumpin’ outa a myth. Course, I thought da same thing about unicorns and pegasuses too. Wassa’ matta’, never seen a human before?”
Babs shook her head in an empathetic negative. “Nah, nevah heard of no hyoomans before. Where are youse from, anyhow? It must be sumplace far off for ya to not know about unicorns and Pegasi.” The emphasis on the correct plural usage for the winged horsed he witnessed earlier went right over Tunnel Rats head, as he happily plucked a third apple from his pocket and set about demolishing it with gusto. “Yeah those. Nope, never seen one outside ‘a picture book.”
Tossing the remains of the apple core into a nearby barrel, he was just about to start on his fourth when he noticed the small pony’s hungry gaze fixed on the fruit.
Hesitating a moment, he slowly extended the apple towards Babs. “Hungry? Don’t mind sharin’.”
Hesitating for just a moment, Babs finally crept forward cautiously and lifted the apple out of the… Hyooman’s claws(?) and set about demolishing the succulent treat. “ ‘tanks, mister Hyooman! Nothin’ like a Sweet Apple Acres Golden!”
Tunnel Rat couldn’t help the grin that spread across his face as he watched Babs enjoy the apple. “No prob kid, but Human is jus’ what I am. Youse can call Tunnel Rat, or just T-Rat if yer feeling chummy.”
Slurping the last of the apple juice from her lips, Babs smiled back at the odd yet friendly creature before her. “Ok mister Tunnel Rat, I’m Babs Seed. You can call me Babs if ya want though.”
A few minutes (and apples) later, Tunnel Rat and Babs were slowly making their way up a bustling thoroughfare, both taking turns to regale each other with tales of their home-worlds. The topic currently being discussed; government.
“So… ya got two princesses?”
“Uh-huh”
“And they control the Sun and Moon?”
“Sure do!”
“… pull the other one.”
“Cross my heart an’ hope ta fly!”
Tunnel Rat pulled his bandanna off long enough to run his fingers through his hair in exasperated disbelief. “But, how?! I’m no science geek, but even I know the sun is a giant exploding ball a’ gas, while the moon is a giant space rock. They must weigh, oh I dunno, a gazillion tons apiece!”
Babs shrugged her shoulders as she gamely trotted along after her longer legged companion. “Dunno how they do it, but the princesses are jus’ about the most magicalist ponies ever. They can jus’ about do whatevah they want!”
Tunnel Rat slowed his pace to allow Babs to catch up, before resuming his course up the sidewalk. “Still though, making the frikken sun and moon rise and set? Un-freaking-believable. And it’s always been that way?”
Babs nodded as she put on a quick burst of speed to get back in her leading position as guide. “Uh-huh, just about always! Well, almost always. My history teacher says that before Princess Celestia and Luna were around, the sun and moon was controlled by a bunch’a unicorns all working together like”.
A short silence, than Babs looked up at Tunnel Rat. “So who’s in charge a’ the sun an’ moon an’ weather where yer from?”
Tunnel Rat stopped to allow a pony leading a dog almost larger than she was to pass, before absently picking up his pace to the point that his diminutive companion was forced to almost run to keep up. “Ain’t no-one controls those things, they just kinda happen all natural like, ya’ know?”
Babs huffed and puffed her way up alongside him. “Nah, I don’t know. Sounds all crazy and weird ta me.”
Finally noticing how hard it was for the filly to keep up with him, Tunnel Rat suddenly reached down and scooped her up to his shoulder, wincing as her surprised squeal went off right beside his ear. Babs caught her breath, and shot a sideways glare at her new mount. “Ya coulda warned me, ya know.”
Tunnel Rat grinned cheekily back at her. “Yeah, and as slow as youse was moving, we’d a’ never got to yer house ‘for I died a’ old age.” Ignoring his passenger’s indignant huffs, he paused at a street crossing as one of the yellow taxi/rickshaws rolled past. “Speakin’ of weird an’ crazy, how come nobody’s freakin’ over the fact that they got a dude from another planet walkin’ around?”
Babs shrugged slightly. “Manehattan has a pretty good mix a’ strange runnin’ around already. I mean, we got one’a the biggest harbors in the country, an’ that attracts a lotta different creatures. I guess after a while, us Manehattanites have jus’ about seen it all, capice?”
Tunnel Rat watched as a griffon stalked imperiously past, while a minotaur sipped tea from a ridiculously small cup at a street-side café. “Okay, sure, guess that makes sense.” He shook his head. “Man, if it don’t remind me of New York all the more.”
Babs could detect a small measure of sadness in that last statement. Reaching her hoof up, she began to pat Tunnel Rat’s head in what she hoped was a comforting gesture. “That’s the name of yer hometown, right?”
Tunnel Rat nodded, before a small smile tugged at his face. “Yeah. Wanna know somethin’ funny though?” At the filly’s eager nod, he continued with a short chuckle. “The other name for New York, is Manhattan.”
At first Babs didn’t get it, but then her eyebrows rose in surprise. “Wait-a-minute! Manehattan, Manhattan? They almost sound tha’ same!”
Tunnel Rat continued to chortle. “Yeah, weird right? It’s like someone took the name, and stuck a horse pun to the front.”
Babs shot an unamused frown at Tunnel Rats ear. Okay, so he couldn’t see it, but it was the thought that counts, right?
“Oh yeah? Well, what if it’s the other way around, huh? Maybe some hooman heard the name, and decided it was so awesome that they wanted a version for themselves, and were just too unoriginal ta make up a name on their own!”
Tunnel Rat shook his head, eyes glinting as he took in Babs’ indignant look. “Nah, obviously you liddle horsies took the name from us humans!”
Thus went the rest of the trip to Babs’ apartment, with both Joe and pony bickering good-naturedly at each other over whatever subject came to mind, both learning more and more fascinating things about the other’s respective worlds. Babs was captivated by the tales Tunnel Rat told of his adventures with the GI Joe team (watered down of course), while Tunnel Rat was continually fascinated and delighted by Babs’ stories of her magical world and the little adventures she and her friends and family had encountered.
Tunnel Rat was once more struck by how similar this city was to his own once they actually made it to Babs home. Her apartment complex, while well maintained, showed obvious signs of age and weather-wearing. The building itself was hemmed in by two larger office buildings, one of which proclaimed itself the office of ‘Gavel and Sons, Attorneys at Law’, while the other had a massive billboard adorning its front with ‘Flim’n’Flam, Inc.’ in flamboyant font, while smaller type listed the building as the headquarters for the ‘Future of Equestria, Today’.
Babs peered back at where Tunnel Rat stood, noticing the melancholy look on his face as he surveyed the property.
“’ey, ya all right?”
Tunnel Rat shook himself out of his brooding long enough to answer the worried looking filly. He smiled down at where she stood, waiting in front of the buildings entrance. “Yeah, I’m fine. S‘jus’… I grew up in an apartment just like this one. Heck, my folks are still living there. Was really looking forward to seeing them again.”
Babs was once again struck by the sadness evident in the Joe’s voice. “Are ya afraid you’ll never see ‘em again?”
Tunnel Rat folded his arms with a frown. “Nah, I been in tougher spots then this, and I’ve always come home in the end. Jus’, ya know, never been on a whole different planet before. Guess, maybe, I am a little worried, hell, a lot worried.”
Babs thought for a moment, then coming to a decision, trotted down the walkway to where Tunnel Rat stood, and placed a comforting hoof against his leg. “I know’s exactly how ya feel. My Pop works as a fisherpony, so he’s gone a lot. Every time there’s a storm, I worry that I’ll never see him again.”
Tunnel Rat noticed there was something missing from Babs’ statement. “What about yer mom?” He watched as she drew a deep breath before answering.
“Mom died right after I wus born. Pop says she got real sick after she had me, and the doctors couldn’t do nothing.”
Tunnel Rat knelt down to place a comforting hand on the filly’s shoulder. She stiffened in surprise for a moment, before relaxing slightly. “I’m sorry. Musta’ been rough, I shouldn’t have said nothin’.”
Babs squirmed out from under Tunnel Rat’s hand, shaking herself convulsively. “Nothin’ ta be sorry for. I don’t remember her, it was too long ago, an’ Pop takes care of me jus’ fine.”
She moved off towards the front entrance once more, this time with the Joe close behind her. There was silence for a beat, as the duo made their way up a flight of stairs, and began moving down a door lined hallway. As the end of the hallway approached, Tunnel Rat finally dared to pick up the conversation where they had left off.
“Sooo, yer daddy’s a fisherpony, and I’m guessing that means he’s out at sea fer weeks at a time, amiright?” He paused just long enough to allow Babs to give a confirming nod, before continuing his question. “So who takes care of ya in the meantime?” Babs immediately grimaced as though she had taken a bite out of the world’s largest lemon.
“I can take care of myself jus’ fine! I don’t need nopony looking over my shoulder, especially not…”
“Baaaaabsy!!!” There was a strident screech from behind the pair, something that Tunnel Rat wouldn’t have found out of place if it was used as an air-raid siren.
Whipping around in shock (and some auditory pain) Tunnel Rat had to restrain himself from drawing his sidearm to protect himself from whatever unholy abomination had snuck up on them.
Rather than the eldritch horror he was half expecting, he instead found himself staring down at a lumpy looking unicorn mare in the most eye-searingly clashing fur and mane coloration; neon yellow on puke green, with the mane sculpted into a towering mass that Tunnel Rat would have bet money on being more hair product than actual hair.
She was currently peering at them through coke-bottle eyeglasses set in bright pink frames, while enormous gold hoop earrings dangled from her ears. After hesitating just long enough for both Joe and pony to size each other up, the mare waddled her large frame down the hallway in a surprising turn of speed for one so rotund, and swept Babs up into a bone crushing hug before she could make good her escape. Babs tried to struggle for a beat, then simply slumped as if admitting defeat.
“Good afternoon Aunt Penny Wise.”
The walking eyesore now identified as Penny Wise set Babs down, only to latch onto both cheeks and squish. “Ooooooohhhhhhhh, Babsy where have you beeeen! I was worried sick! You weren’t out fighting again, were you?! Oooh, you’ll be the death of me yet, you liddle rapscallion!”
Babs struggled to free her face from her overly affectionate aunt, with limited success. Her answer, when it came, was slightly distorted as it struggled to escape between pinched cheeks. “Aunt Penny! I’m fine, no fights! Please leggo my face before it falls off!”
Aunt Penny managed to get in one more squeeze and a sloppy smooch before Babs twisted her way free. “Oooohhh, thank Celestia! I absolutely hate when you come home all covered in scratchs’n’scrapes’bruises!”
“Aunt Penny!” Babs scrubbed at her face with the back of her hoof, her brown cheeks blazing with the embarrassment known by children with crazy relatives across dimensions. “Don’t do dat! I ain’t no liddle baby no more ya know!”
Her overpowering aunt naturally ignored her niece’s mortification, and was by now completely fixated on a sniggering Tunnel Rat. “Ooooh honey, who’s the handsome hunk what followed ya home?” Tunnel Rat’s sniggers suddenly transformed into a choking gurgle, as the suddenly predatory Aunt Penny was now attempting a seductive sashay in his general direction.
“Aunt Penny!” Babs interposed herself between an increasingly nervous Tunnel Rat and her smitten relative. “His name’s Tunnel Rat, an’ I’m jus’ helpin’ him find his way around. He’s… not from around here, see?”
By now Tunnel Rat was backed into a corner of the hallway, watching in horror as an increasingly flirtatious unicorn sized him up like he was a choice cut of beef. He found himself frantically wondering if he had packed any flash-bangs in his load-out, or if a smoke bomb would be enough to distract the walking modern art masterpiece long enough for him to jump out the window.
“Ooooohhhhh, so a foreigner eh? How… exotic.” This with an exaggerated swipe of a tongue across her lip. By now Tunnel Rat had abandoned any plan to use non-lethal force, and was ready to go right to the fragmentation grenades.
“AUNT PENNY!!!!” Babs finally managed to get her aunt’s attention before Tunnel Rat fell victim to a definitely unwelcome close encounter with an alien life form. “I jus’ wanna give ‘im a place to crash fer the night, then I’m taking him ta Ponyville wit’ me tomorrow so’s I can ask Princess Twilight and Cousin Applejack ta help find his friends. So quit wit’ the googly eyes, yer scarin’ him!”
Thankfully, the filly’s flirtatious relative finally seemed to take a hint, and withdrew from Tunnel Rats personal space. She cast one last smoky glance in the now quivering human’s direction, before turning her gaze back to her increasingly frustrated niece. “Ponyville? Absolutely not young filly, I won’t have no niece of mine gallivanting off to no Podunk wit’out proper adult supervision.”
Babs immediately bristled. “I jus’ said, I ain’t a baby no more! I can take care of myself jus’ fine, an’ besides, I won’t be goin’ alone, Tunnel Rat will be with me.”
Aunt Penny shook her head, her outrageous mane style and hoop earrings swinging erratically with the motion. “No, no I’m putting my hoof down. You is a young filly what needs responsible adult supervision, an’ I just don’t feel right lettin’ you go off on your own. Besides,” and she turned once more to Tunnel Rat, a disturbing gleam in her eye, “it’s not often such a handsome, exotic, young buck jus’ drops inta my lap.”
She resumed her advance on the hapless Joe, once more licking her lips as though in anticipation of a particularly fine meal. Tunnel Rat was growing increasingly nervous, and decided it was past time for him to take steps to escape what was progressively becoming an out of control situation.
“Ma’am, I’m flattered, really, but I really don’t have time fer this. I’m sure yer a very nice horsey… pony… unicorn… lady, but I need to find the rest of my team. It’s a matter of” and he cast his eyes desperately to where Babs was standing, pantomiming urgently, “Equestrian Security!” Babs nodded enthusiastically.
“Yeah! Equestrian Security, I’m a super special agent tasked wit’ a matter of… super special secrecy, an’ stuff, an’ yer niece was kind enough ta offer me a place to lay low until I can continue my mission.”
If that explanation was meant to discourage the increasingly amorous Penny Wise, it failed. Gloriously. The portly unicorn sucked in a shocked breath, her eyes going wide with excitement. “OOOOOOHHHHHHH, ya mean yer like, a spy?!”
Tunnel Rat shifted his weight nervously, wondering if the narrow hallway had enough clearance for him to leap over Aunt Penny and allow him to escape, or if jumping out the window was still the safer bet. He settled for slowly inching his way down the hall, his back pressed firmly against the wall in an attempt to slip by. “Yeah, sure, we’ll go wit’ that.”
Penny stepped a little closer, the exited gleam in her eyes changing to something slightly manic. “A real, honest to Celestia secret agent, right here in my apartment! Oh, don’t you worry yore cute little head about a place to stay, I’m sure Babs has homework or somethin’ to keep her occupied. Why don’t you an’ me pop over to my pad for some, refreshments, hmmm?”
Tunnel Rat swallowed hard, then, screwing all his courage firmly to the sticking place, knelt down so that he was at Penny’s eye level. He took a deep breath. Sean Connery, don’t fail me now. “My dear Penny Wise. As much as I yearn to accept your most generous offer, enemies of the crown conspire without rest, and so must I too travel without ceasing until my mission is complete. I’m afraid your niece has seen too much, and must come with me to report to my superiors, for her own safety.”
The neon mare’s eyes widened. “Her safety? Mister Rat, you don’t mean…”
Tunnel Rat nodded gravely. “I’m afraid so. If she stays here, a fate worse than death awaits.” Not true, but judging by the gagging motions Babs was making, it would at least save her from an overbearing relative. Suppressing a grin at her antics, Tunnel Rat turned back to an increasingly star-struck Aunt Penny. “So, she will be coming wit’ me to meet up with the rest of my unit in Ponyville.”
Aunt Penny hesitated a beat, then nodded her head decisively. “Alright, then jus’ lemme pack a bag. I’m comin’ along.”
“NO!!!”
Aunt Penny jumped at the desperate shout from both Babs and Tunnel Rat, and narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “Wadda ya mean, ‘no’? No niece o’ mine is going off on her own, not wit’ her darling daddy off at sea fer the foreseeable future.”
Tunnel Rat desperately began casting about for a way to keep the obviously smitten equine as far away from him as humanly possible. An endeavor, thankfully, that he was assisted in by Babs’ timely intervention.
“Here’s the thing Aunt Penny. As much as me an’ Tunnel Rat would jus’ love ta have youse accompany us, we need someone here to warn us if’n any enemy agents come snoopin’ around.”
Aunt Penny’s eyes widened. “Enemy… Agents?!!!!”
Tunnel Rat simultaneously winced at the decibal range Aunt Penny was capable of, and shot Babs a grateful look. ”Yeah, that’s right, Enemy Agents. Jus’, look fer anyone snoopin’ around that has a picture of a snake on ‘em, acting suspicious like, see? Then youse can contact me an lemme know what youse finds out.”
Aunt Penny nodded vigorously, once more putting her outrageous hair-do in peril of collapse. “You can count on me, Agent McDreamy. If I see’s so much as a whisper o’ trouble, I’ll hop the firs’ train ta Ponyville an’…” Tunnel Rat interrupted desperately.
“Nononono, too dangerous. Jus’, um, use,…” he fumbled through his pockets desperately, finally withdrawing a small radio unit from a pouch on his belt. “… use this! Yeah, it’s somethin’ youse can use ta contact me if you see anythin’ suspicious, see? Oh, an’ it can only be used once, so youse have ta save it fer an emergency, K?”
Aunt Penny looked momentarily crestfallen at the news she couldn't use the unit to contact Tunnel Rat anytime she wanted, before brightening back up at the prospect of living one of her spy novels. Babs in the meantime had slipped into the apartment she shared with her father, returning with a set of bulging saddle bags strapped to her flanks.
Now prepared, and with Aunt Penny successfully distracted, Tunnel Rat and Babs were able to make good their escape into the outside world. Once they had managed to get to a safe distance, Tunnel Rat turned his slightly panicked gaze to his diminutive companion. “Babs, what the actual hell!?”
Babs winced, and looked sheepishly up at the traumatized Joe. “Yeah, sorry about that. That was my Pop’s sister, she owns the apartment building and lets me an’ Pop stay fer a discount on rent. I love her, but yeah, she will hit on jus’ about anything that moves. Pop says it’s got somethin’ ta do wit’ some sorta clock runnin’ down, and Aunt Penny wantin’ foals of her own.”
Tunnel Rat gave a full body shudder, nearly causing him to walk into a street light. Dodging the pole just in time, he trotted to catch back up to Babs, a horrifying thought causing him to hesitantly address his traveling partner once more. “So, the rest of yer family aren’t, er, ya know, like yer aunt are they? I’m not gonna have ta worry about this cousin Applejack kidnapping me or nothin’, am I?”
Babs snorted a short giggle. “Nah, Cousin Applejack is as level headed as they come, an’ you’ll like Cousin Applebloom. She’s about my age, so’s youse don’t have ta’ worry about catchin’ no cooties from her.” She pursed her lips in thought for a moment. “Although, ya might wannna watch out fer Cousin Applejack’s friend Pinkie Pie. She’s a liddle… different. She may wanna throw youse a party when she meets you, but she won’t hurt ya none.”
Tunnel Rat breathed a sigh of relief, noticing they were rapidly approaching what looked like a train station from early 20th century Earth. After Babs obtained tickets from a mustachioed stallion behind a counter, and they had both settled into seats near the rear of the train, Babs nervously brought up a question that had been bothering her since their escape from her aunt’s clutches.
“So, ya warned Aunt Penny ta look out fer anything wit’ a snake picture. Youse was talking about that Cobra bunch, right? The ones you an’ yer friends are always havin’ ta fight?” Tunnel Rat nodded somberly. Babs swallowed, and then continued. “Ya don’t think they followed you from yer planet, do ya?”
Tunnel Rat stared out the window at the ponies rushing up and down the station platform for a moment, before turning back to Babs with a worried expression. “Babs, I’m not gonna lie ta ya. I hope that bunch a’ creepazoids took a wrong turn an’ wound up in the sun, but if I made it here okay, then they might have too.”
Babs shivered slightly, her worry increasing at Tunnel Rat’s gloomy words. “I hope they didn’t come. They sound scarier than changelings, dragons, an’ Discord all rolled inta’ one.”
Tunnel Rat blinked. “Discord? That’s the guy what’s supposed ta be reformed an’ working fer yer princesses now, right?”
Babs nodded, her expression wary. “Yeah, the newspapers say he’s good now, but I dunno. He didn’t come ta Manehattan the firs’ time he broke out, but Applebloom told me stories about what he did ta Ponyville an’ her friends an’ family. I jus’ don’t trust the creep.”
Tunnel Rat looked back out the window, as with a screech of metal the train finally got under way. “That’s why I wanna find the rest of my team ASAP. I won’t feel right until I know we’re all okay an’ ready fer whatever Cobra or this crazy world has ta throw at us.”
Babs started to nod, but then stopped and shot Tunnel Rat an indignant look. “Hey! Watch what yer callin’ crazy, yer world don’t even have magic!”
Tunnel Rat snorted. “An’ that’s my point. Magic! I feel as though I’m in some sorta kiddie book! Magic horses what raise an’ set the freakin’ moon an’ sun, unicorns, pegasi, freakin’ weather control?! Gimme’a’break!”
Babs crossed her forehooves snootily. “No crazier than a world where weather jus’ happens! Discord would love yer world, sounds like chaos twenty-four seven!”
Tunnel Rat shuddered. He noticed he’d been doing that a lot today. “Don’t even joke like that! I’ll take unexpected rainshowers over some freaking Lord an’ Master of Chaos what turns the world right the hell upside down jus’ fer a giggle!”
And thus the remainder of the trip went, with both human and filly joking, laughing, and telling stories of their respective worlds and friends, as the sun set on what would come to be known as the most pivotal day the planet would know since the return of Nightmare Moon, and her subsequent defeat at the hooves of six unlikely friends.
The equally unlikely duo continued to bond, not knowing what awaited them at their journey’s end, nor how vital their various friendships would be in the days to come.
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oh i love the idea but all i wish is that there was some more gore in all of it instead of just us never seeing the one s who die again
5340527 I'm not sure I understand your comment. Are you saying the first fight between the Joes and Cobras was weak? or the first meeting between Joes, Cobras, and ponies? Please clarify, I would appreciate any criticism that will help me make the story better.
5340398 Also, the fighting will grow more serious later in the fic. I wanted to set up the world and characters before I got too busy shooting up the landscape.
i ean im sorry but i happen to be a fan of gore and all that implies iknow and thanks for that but i think you may be either be returning to chrsyalils or continueing down the line of joes to i don't know snake eyes
5341929 If you are a major gore/grim-dark fan, this might be the wrong story for you. There will be bullets and bombs going off, but it will be very PG-13. Watch an old John Wayne war movie, like Sands of Iwo Jima or The Green Berets and that will give you an idea of the level and type of violence you will see. I'm not writing the next Cupcakes (shudders in revulsion), this is an adventure story with ponies and humans fighting changelings and humans. So no excessive blood or guts, no insides becoming outsides, no scenes of graphic torture. Go watch GI Joe: Resolute to get a better idea of the tone I'm shooting for.
5354036 I appreciate the feedback, but I feel I need to clarify something. While the cartoon is a big influence on this story, this is NOT a crossover with the cartoon. As I have stated before, in both blog posts and authors notes, I'm taking inspiration from a multitude of sources, including but not limited to; the many cartoon series (Real American Hero, Spytroops, Valor vs Venom, Sigma Six, Renegades, Resolute) The Marvel comic series from the 80's and 90's, the modern Devils Due and IDW comic runs, the live action movies Rise of Cobra and Retaliation, and other fanfiction from multiple authors.
As for your statement concerning Snake Eyes never speaking, yes, he was completely silent in the cartoon. He is shown, however, to use sign language in the comics. Thus my version uses sign language extensively, and the rest of the Joes can understand him because it makes sense that they would learn to at least understand sign to communicate with their teammate.
All that being said, I was afraid I was being too wordy with these chapters. If you look at this in terms of it being a novel or even a movie, this story will have three 'acts'. The first act will likely be slightly slow, as the displaced Joes and Cobras meet and get to know each other's ally's and friends in Equestria. The second and third act will likely have more action befitting a GI Joe story, with conflict between the various factions taking up the bulk of chapters to come.
What I am trying to do, is appeal to both the fans of GI Joe and MLP, who are familiar with the worlds and characters, and appeal to the new fans or even those who love MLP but didn't have much exposure to GI Joe until now.
oh well okay then i can deal with it as long as the jokes can be funny not simply rated pg 13 because i can deal with a lot of humor because i think jokes need to be in alot more story iv read alot of books and trust me it will be funny hopefully
Awesomely awesome chapter, dude!
Keep updating please?
6067134 I'm trying, honest. Life has decided to, in order of appearance; trip me, kick me while I'm down, dump on me, and then take pictures of my smelly carcass to share with all it's deadbeat friends. Stay tuned for a blog post that will hopefully explain in better detail what I'm facing, and what it means for this and my other fics. I'm not dead, just badly battered.
6079863 okay.
6445931 Honestly, I think 90% of GI Joe fans will name one of the ninjas as their favorite character, myself included. That said, the Joes appearing in this tale are from my top ten favorites. Also I had their action figures as a kid
7059570 Holy Crap!!!!!!!!!!! I'm flattered that you think I could pull this off, but this is massive! I can barely keep two universes going in a cohesive story, but you think I can do nine?! Damn son. It's a cool idea, but I'll be honest, I don't currently feel I could write this story and do any of the listed universes the justice they each deserve. Maybe one day far in the future?
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This chapter was real dope.
Never mind.
I'm really enjoying your story and I do hope that you will someday continue it. :)