This is an attempt to make a single moment into a story.
Event: Rainbow Dash has been with Applejack for a while now. They've been together for a while now, but none of them made a move yet. Rainbow Dash and Applejack are in Applejack's room after her work is finished. They've been sitting on Applejack's bed for quite some time. Rainbow Dash wanted to ask her something and the moment starts there.
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While it's certainly not a great read, it's a fair first attempt. As long as you keep at it you will improve.
There are a few things that really stand out to me here that could use improving.
First and foremost you refer to the characters by name far too often. Try to find more imaginative ways to refer to your characters. You have two very different characters here and it would be fairly simple to use their traits to describe them.
For example: "Rainbow Dash turns her head to ask Applejack something only to find out that she was attacked by Applejack’s lips. The earth pony was also surprised..."
Before the word 'Applejack' was repeated twice within three words. This way you break away from the repetition and more engaging to read. While it is certainly possible to repeat names for effect, it is rather difficult and misuse can cause more harm than good.
The second thing that caught my attention was the verb tenses. There is far too much flip-flopping between past and present tenses. Pick one and stick to it. To help keep it consistent imagine your audience for the story. Are you telling your friends what you saw between AJ and RD last night (past tense) or are you giving an in-the-moment narration to someone who cannot see for themselves? I personally prefer past tense as it makes verbs very simple to use. Just shove an -ed suffix on everything and you're done.
There are a few spelling and grammatical mistakes in there, but nothing that wouldn't be found by taking time to edit it. After you finish writing, leave it a couple days to clear your mind before going back to edit it. If you just dive right back into it you can miss obvious things. I learned that myself and really wish I had known it earlier.
On the whole, not too great. Certainly not the worst I have come across, it has a long way to go. Just keep in mind that you will always get better and that you already outperformed most people by simply writing in the first place.
I like your profile picture.
3528717 :3
3528343 I have nothing else to say except "what he said". I agree completely.
Decent for what you were trying to do, I have to agree with jaelommiss a bit. Try to use a many different terms and descriptors for the same thing as possible, example; Pegasus, rainbow maned, cyan or light blue mare etc. All terms for RD but a little more esthetically pleasing if you mix it up.
. That one error really stood out and really pulled me out of the fic (something you really want to avoid), other then that it was pretty good.
There were a few grammatical errors example, at the end of the fic RD says "same AJ you suppressed me back there" should be surprised (although i guess she was suppressed too)
Not bad, in fact I liked it
the only problem I had was that the story was written in present tense