Scooter never quite shook his anger towards his schoolyard bullies, even a year after they all graduated. At eighteen, he still finds himself with obviously clouded judgement and a simmering anger he can't quite explain. As he sets out one day in the hopes of clearing his mind a little at the local skate park, he finds himself thinking back to his years dealing with his tormentors.
Upon reaching the park, however, he finds his thoughts catching up to him as he sees a familiar stallion. Though he tries to keep himself controlled, a few sharp remarks quickly send him over the edge. With his anger boiling over and the source of it so near, things can't turn out well, right?
Critics Welcome!
So, here we are, a little story inspired by a song I heard recently. Also inspired by how freaking little these two are shipped at all! *ahem* Yes, it's a shipfic, and yes, it's r63 ScootsxSpoon.
Oh, and don't worry, I didn't forget anything. Just keep reading.
Huh. Interesting story. However, since I don't really like Rule 63, all of the images in my head were of the typical female anthros. Ended up a bit wierd, referrng to females as "he", but whatever.
3526523 I hope it was still somewhat enjoyable.
Huh... This looks like a good story. The shipping seems fairly interesting and the...
On second thought, I think I'll skip this one...
~ Michael
Note: This is an inside joke.
.... Wit?
3526595 I know not how to respond to this adequately, so, I offer a question in the stead of a suitable response: Are you reading it, or what?
I'm kinda confused.
3526604 Sorry for the confusion. I am, in fact, reading the story. As I said, tis only an inside joke.
~ Michael
3526598 Is something wrong?
3526609 Oh! Okay, good to know.
I'm not used to this "switch genders" thing, so this was pretty confusing and hard to follow. BUT! This is just one of those stories that I have to get used to before I can properly understand it... if that makes any sense. Other then that, I like the story so far.
The grammar is really good and you use a wide range of vocabulary. The only flaws I see are some run on sentences and some spacing issues.
I shall read on!!!
~ Michael
3526633 Ugh! I thought I got over my freaking run-ons. Damnit.... Ah well, better to know than be left unaware. I'll try to fix those, and any other little mistakes. I hope it's not ruined for you.
3526547 Well-written too. I guess it was a combiation of not liking R63, and having no clue what they would look like as anthro males.
3527982 I swear I had my imagination .gif somewhere around here... Ah well. You get the idea. This was kind of a shot at short writing. Anyways, I hope it's not too rough around the edges.
First of all, could you have used a less generic title? I swear I found 3 other fics called the exact same thing while trying to find this again. Now, I'm not a fan of anthro (or human for that matter...), or of R63, so I don't know if it's fair for me to judge this... I will anyways, though.
So, all in all? Decent writing. overused concept, but not badly executed. You seem for the most part to have the basics of writing down pat. So, where can you go from here? Imagery. It's a pretty simple and basic way of making your writing better and more immersive, but it's a basic that'll get you a hay of alot further than some advanced stuff. In a story like this I could imagine alot more tactile and visual imagery, but don't neglect the other senses! And if you don't know what imagery is, do yourself a favor and research it. trust me, it will do WONDERS for your writing.
Rating:
Congratulations! you committed 0 of the 7 mortal sins of writing mlp fanfiction!
This comment is brought to you courtesy of my Weekly Watch! This is my third week so I'm still working on the feature, but if you're interested in supporting me (or you just want to read the best of what I've read every week) then go ahead and join my group! I'd appreciate the tartarus out of it!
3532882 Well, thank you very much. Also, I will have to work on that. Tactile and visual aspects are severely important to me. I try to make them clear in my stories, and I suppose I focus on them alone too much.
I'll work around what I can. In the meantime, I'm in the group now. Don't disappoint me, you.
I'll be watching.
Okay, but seriously, thanks for the feedback. This was more of a short thing because I felt bad for contributing to the FillyFoolers and not the ColtCuddlers.
So, yeah. It was kind of a silly one-shot. I'm glad I still did it well though. 
3533166 Well, keep on watching, give a little feedback and I promise I won't disappoint.
And you're quite welcome. Thank you for writing and contributing to the mlp community.
Um, I honestly have no idea what happened...
Did you just ship Gold Watch with Scoots? Honestly if you hadn't had Scoots fawning angrily over his mare-ish lips, freakishly large glasses, and purple eyes, I'd a kept thinking you were shipping Diamond Tiara's r63 male counterpart Gold Watch.
I guess I blame the fact I already read a story with Gold Watch some time ago where Scootaloo tricked him into going to what he thought was a camping trip, it was a trap though. Scootaloo totally planned the whole thing to get paybacks on Gold Watch (Diamond Tiara).
Most awesome story "Scootaloo's and Gold Watch's Unconventional Camping Trip and Story Time" (that's a mouth full right there). It's hilarious also I guess NSFW, though I thought it was hilarious.
Anyhow, nice story.
3760177 I have read their story, but I didn't like their name for the r63 DT, so, I put together what sounded best to me. As for shipping? Yes. Gold Watch(male Silver Spoon) was shipped with Scooter. Also, Diamond Crown(ma— you know what? that one should be obvious) was kinda side-shipped with Applebuck. I was to make a short story about those two as the focus, but I'm already kinda whomped with story updates and such, so it will be some time coming.
This is nothing more than a shitty anthro romance and I couldn't love it more.
3891961 I haven't a clue how to take that comment at this moment, so I shall say thank you and leave it at that.
Vague, alludes somewhat to what happens without outright telling us, and not 'X does Y with Z' this is a good title.
Lets look at the description to see how the author did there.
Who the fuck is Scooter?
I can relate to that feel however, I still hate those shit eating douche mongers. I hate my name too.
Obviously clouded judgement?
Yeah it is totally fucking obvious to me and every other human who can read this that obviously, obviously, having a few school bullies causes one to have terrible judgement. It only follows logic after all.
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What? ...Shut up.
Because when I think of relaxing sports to clear my mind I obviously immediately think of my times when I was tormented in school.
It only logically follows.
I mean I wouldn't need anything at all to cause this trip to my memory, nothing that reminds me of them or anything. Just happens randomly when I am out in public.
Father Shining Shore the priest who raped him when he was four.
He was just so horny. He had to have Shore's dick in his ass again. He just loved the way it rubbed his prostate.
Man. I hope not. I really fucking want to see someone's face get kicked in.
You obviously don't remember where you are.
*turns around with his arms outstretched*
This, my friend is the Sithis damn internet. It doesn't fucking matter whether you welcome critics or not you are going to get them whether you want them or not.
You don't need to welcome us.
Really?! No?! I would have thought with the romance and slice of life tags this would be a gore fic a la Cupcakes.
Also you probably should have put the 'r63 ScootsxSpoon thing at the beginning.
Now see. That is a very suspect phrase of quality right there.
Like saying, "In the unlikely event," on a fucking airplane. You just know good shit isn't going to happen.
Mother of Sithis I haven't even started on the actual fucking story yet have I?
This is going to be painful.
You know, I never understood that fucking saying.
I mean nails aren't that hard or tough at all.
It takes very little force to break one.
I break mine all the fucking time and I don't even work. If anything they are quite weak and brittle like a baby under my boot.
Scooter was obviously sleeping on the very roots of the tree of life and getting over the unpleasant tinge whose source we may never know.
You'd be surprised how stiff you'd be after sleeping on the roots of a magic tree.
Note to self: Don't sleep on magic trees.
Wait.
A bruise under his eye and some on his right thigh?
This is starting to sound like a kinky clopfic, do please continue.
Bah!
Damnit OP.
Got my hopes up.
Though I might still get to see someone's face get kicked in.
The kitchen was obviously located five million miles away from his spot on the tree of life in the middle of the void where everything in it is upside down.
The drinks themselves are self refrigerated and are nothing more than generic drinks with no flavor beyond being drinks.
The snacks are just as generic and bland.
Scooter doesn't exactly have a very diverse pallet for someone who lives in such a strange, exotic, and unspecific place does he?
Which was obviously located in the middle of a human highway during rush hour.
>likely be his only lunch for the day
Who the fuck eats more than one lunch?!
I don't even know fatass fucks that eat multiple lunches. Even they separate their meals into , Breakfast, Lunch, and Dinner/Supper, with only one of each.
I'd never have guessed.
I mean he is just so ho hum about it I would have thought it was his first fight ever.
Because when I think big earth pony I obviously think of the one size fits all structure of Applejack's body not her brother or anyone of the like.
>has been calm lately
>goes ape shit when someone bumps into him spilling his drink on his jacket
>insert that scene from the Scooby Doo movie where the teenager threatens to grind another one's bones to dust when he spills his drink on him here<
Clearly.
>anthro
>teen
Just say ass damnit!
I respectfully ask myself, "What the fuck does this mean?"
Were they watching the fights themselves closer or were they watching him more than they used to in general?
Maybe we will finally get some actual fucking location in the coming flashback.
One can only hope.
In the janitor's closet obviously, eating bland brand nonspecific 'food'.
Never mind us actually being able to, you know, fucking read him telling his friends he has to go early, no, we can just have one sentence writing him off. That should make the readers happy. Right? Right?!
The Night Mother telling them yet another child has prayed to their mother.
>cafeteria
FINALLY! SOME FUCKING LOCATION!
Oh thank Sithis for small fucking favors!
Granted it isn't described in the least bit but at least it tells us fucking something.
Also, is that seriously the fan accepted name of Diamond Tiara with a dick? Gold Watch? You fucking serious?
Why isn't it, oh I don't know, fucking Onyx Crown or some shit like that? Gold Watch made me think this was some OC that worked with watches.
Come on asskicking.
>teenager
>in high school
>pissed off as fuck
>no noticeable teachers within ear shot
>said bucking instead of fucking
>teenager
>pissed off
>crap
Sithis damnit OP you did it a-fucking-gain.
>implying opposition is gay as an insult
There we go. OP knows how to write teenagers after all.
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Oh boy here we go.
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You skipped it.
You just straight up skipped the punch.
Fuck you OP. Just, fuck you.
No shit?
The stare down.
Soon there will be a blood bath.
Damn you Silver and your as needed by the plot Twilight level power.
i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/1161219328/hF1FABB89/
You are gayer than this man:
static4.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120314220557/southpark/images/f/f8/Bigayal.png
Embrace your inner faggot.
Also apparently that as Silver Spoon's r63 name not Diamond's.
Well OP should have explained who it was better.
So many things wrong here.
1. How the fuck do you not notice when your meal is finished? Did he just sit there for however long this flashback lasted eating and drinking nothing but air while zoned out?
2. There is a coffee table now?
3. Oh he was inside somewhere, I would never have known.
His hoodie was obviously see through and obviously ponies wouldn't personalize their skateboards like people do.
Also why the fuck is Scooter using a fucking skateboard? Why isn't he grabbing his Scooter?
It was obviously a drug dealer hidden in the shadows of the night.
How else would he not be able to see him? This is my headcanon for this story. It is night time and nothing has been said otherwise to make me question it and nothing anyone can say to make me abandon it.
Conversation that seems to be well done. I don't have much to say here. Farfegnugen!
Wait a minute.
Because when I think of clearing my mind the first thing I think of is going there with a friend to hang out. Totally not inner silent reflection while doing something that I have muscle memory for and can autopilot.
I love my perverted mind.
The skatepark was obviously a concrete desert filled with unspeakable eldritch abominations.
That's kind of a mind boggle.
Every pony in this world is r63'd but animals aren't. What of the intelligent creatures are they not r63'd? If they are why aren't all animals r63'd? How did the ponies get gender swapped in all the animals are the same after all ponies are animals themselves?
The logical implications are confusing as fuck.
Or it could just be lazy writing.
Bah.
Sometimes when I read a line in this I misread he as she and then read the dialog in the female voice it is really off putting.
Ah, repetitive cleverless bullies.
Never change.
You're gay!
I am totally not insecure in my sexuality so I am going to make fun of yours by insinuating you fuck the same sex!
Translation: He abandoned and left me for someone else.
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I might get that fight after all.
You can tell from this.
They are going to have some kinky hot hate sex when they finally fuck.
This is actually kind of hot.
Continue.
I-is that really how fast this goes?
Please tell me this isn't how instantaneous that this is solved and the romance starts.
Please tell me these instincts don't cause an instantaneous romance.
Yep.
Well, at least it didn't come out of nowhere we had some way to know it was coming up so props for that.
Scooter doms.
It is canon.
Love hate relationships are best relationships.
I don't.
Does he fuck the dog?
This makes no sense.
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Make sense!? What fun is there in making sense!?