• Member Since 31st Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen Sep 4th, 2020

a human


Fluttershy smiles politely.

Comments ( 30 )

What if Celestia found out?

raping is pretty much all you're good at.

Do the math.

What did I just read?

You, yes you, are one of the nation's most prolific serial rapists.

And you thought this would be a good idea because...?

I'll admit. This is original.

human- primate species who sacraficed physical prowess to be the most intelligent species on earth, relying solely upon that advantage.

equine of equestria- sapient supernatural entities with varying abilities, including magic spells, flight and weather manipulation, and finally super strength strong enough to punch through solid wood.

resulsts- fried, dropped, or hole punched through em human.

I like it.

Well, I wanted to write a story with a completely unlikable, unredeemable, depraved protagonist.

It seems I succeeded beyond my wildest dreams.

In case it's not clear: the story's supposed to be a satire of cloppers, and specifically second-person self-insertion clopfics. With any luck, at least some of you caught that when the narrator said:

Although anyone who appears in Equestria and instantly thinks of sex probably has a similar story.

I'm welcome for suggestions on how to make that more obvious, but since the story seems to be getting a bit of a reputation for being hilariously godawful, I'm not sure I actually want to fix it at all.

At the very least I'd like to let Rage Reviews rip it to shreds first, since someone's requested it there.

4864263
I didn't. I've been sitting on this story for six months before finally submitting it in a sleep deprived moment of weakness.

While I wish more people got the joke, I'm just glad no one's said they've gotten off to it or something. Sadly, I was anticipating that. In fact, it seems destined to go down in history as one of the worst stories on FIMfiction, which is restoring my faith in humanity a bit.

4864199
I put "Romance" because it was the only tag that had anything to do with sex. In retrospect, though, it's completely misleading, so I removed it. I kind of wish there was a "Sex" tag to handle cases like this, honestly.

4863902
4864324
I take it there aren't many stories in which a convicted criminal comes to Equestria, gets raped nearly to death by Celestia, and is turned into a Lovecraftian monster? And it's a dark comedy? :pinkiecrazy:

Man this makes me enjoy my cultural revolution story.

I wanted to review this... But ... Nope






Nope
Nope nope nope






Nope.gif...

Nope.

4864910
So, you're basically doing to the second person clop genre what Spec Ops: The Line did to the first person shooter genre? Ok, I can get behind that fucked up idea. :pinkiehappy:

Erm, what did he turn into?

4864787
QUICK EVERYONE DISLIKE HIM FOR HAVING AN OPINION

4864910 Hmm. Okay, I get that, and I apologize for being rather insensitive. But my sense of humor doesn't work like that. In which case, I will look at this as an experiment. And the sign that this has gotten 59 dislikes compared to only 17 likes seems to show that the experiment is a success.

After reading the chapter, I have come to the conclusion that I must have mislead myself based on your previous comment. This doesn't deconstruct the genre at all. How you described your line of thinking I thought this was going to drift into Spec Ops: The Line territory, as I noted earlier, with a grim story that deconstructed a genre desperately in need of serious meta critique while simultaneously showing the human heart at it's darkest to examine our inner nature.

Instead I got a rushed, confused, C- grade comedy that, ironically enough, is equally uninteresting as the thing it is parodying and just shows it in a painfully unfunny attempt at humor. Damn. That was disappointing. :applejackunsure:

For The Record.....I Don't Cum Quikly.....Sooooooo

This is disturbing enough that it appeals to me. I have to wonder what other monsters she makes...:pinkiehappy:

Not gonna lie got good laugh out of this.

4867809
Sorry if I overhyped the story. After looking into that game you mentioned, I can see why you would be so disappointed. I was never aiming for something that cerebral from the beginning. ("Showing the human heart at it's darkest to examine our inner nature"…?)

If anything, if I were to redo this story, I would make it more ridiculous. One of my goals with the story was to show that rape comedy can be used to show rape is wrong, and I'm pretty sure I failed completely at that.

In retrospect, I think that's this story's main problem. I was trying to do too much at once. I wanted to deconstruct second person clopfics while making a point about rape comedy while giving backstory to my multiverse while making it a horror story at the same time. There was no way I could simultaneously do all those things well. In fact, some of those goals contradict each other. So, we end up with this kind of weird, disjunct story.

If that sounds wrong, though, feel free to correct me.

I might try to fix it up one of these days, but for now I just want to learn, move on, and try not to do it again. Luckily, some people appear to be enjoying the story specifically for the kitsch factor, which I'm grateful for.

4867040
There's no need to apologize. The premise of the story is so bizarre, I probably would've done the same thing if I was you.

4865706
No idea. It has tentacles, whatever it is. This is lampshaded a couple times when the creature appears in my other story.

"We know that at least one of them is giant black plated tentacle creature." He thought. "Those plates still bother me, you know."

4865086
You mean… you've actually written something similar to this? :twilightoops:

4865790
You might want to clarify that liking this story does not necessarily entail supporting rape, which I think some people are having a problem with.

4869016
Incredibly scary things. Like the breezies.

In the same universe, batponies are artificial crossbreeds grown in a lab by Princess Luna to take advantage of some unionization loophole that discriminates against nocturnal creatures. Does that count?

4868385
?

4873622
Oh, damn. I think you took my words the wrong way, man. I wasn't disappointed with you. I was disappointed I hyped myself up for something more like that. The fault was mostly mine on this one. :twilightblush:

This story was better than I expected. This definitely answered where the monster came from the other story came from...

Wow man, you're a genius.

You are a sick, twisted, utterly depraved individual.

...

And you have my upvote.

5068600
Awesome!

If anyone needs some brain bleach after this story, I would recommend reading this. It's pretty funny.

...

I'm not sure if I should down vote this for being what it is or up vote it because you meant for it to be that way.

So um..Bravo?

But I hate censorship more

??????????? Nothing is censored on this site

5555965
I was talking about the possibility of me removing it myself. Trust me, I know nothing's censored here. If it was, I'd probably be banned or something…

a strange story to say the least. there is another story, in which twilight is raped in the everfree by a tentacle monster...and she rather enjoyed it after a fashion. keep up the good work...I guess.

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