Chapter Sixteen: The Beginning
Discord screwed his eyes shut, trying vainly to block out the light that had roused him from his sleep. He cracked his eyes open in an attempt to figure out where the light was coming from, only to be blinded by an intense white light. He snapped his eyes shut instantly, but it was already too late.
He was awake now, and from the look of things he wasn’t going to be able to get back to sleep anytime soon.
Whatever the light was, it was bright enough to shine through his eyelids. He huffed and rolled over in the satin sheets. He used a nearby pillow to lazily pull himself upright. He rubbed at his eyes with the back of his paw, both in an attempt to remove the crusted sleep from his eyes and in the misguided hope that it might somehow help him deal with the offensive light.
He sighed, all that managed to do was to paint a slowly shifting picture of prismatic colors in his eyes from rubbing his them too hard.
He sat up, bracing himself against the velvet lined headboard, before he snapped his eyes open, forcing them to adjust to the far too bright light.
After a few seconds he blinked for a second and opened his eyes again. It worked, sort of. He could make out some shapes and a few muted colors of the room he was in, but everything seemed fuzzy and out of focus. Despite his best efforts he found that he couldn’t shift his focus past the flickering sea of white flames that covered him.
It was at that moment he remembered what had happened before. He also realized that he was on fire, but he decided that shouldn’t be his first priority at that moment.
Number one on his list of priorities became trying to figure out how on Equus he was he was still alive. He distinctly remembered plunging his arm into his chest in an attempt to end his own life and save everyone else; well, mostly just Celestia, but he definitely considered Twilight and Luna when he made that decision. Still, he was sure he hadn’t imagined it; the memory was far too vivid to be just some idle daydream of his.
Then, of course, the fact that he was still on fire went a long way to corroborate his memory of that series of events.
He pushed that thought away again; he had much more pressing issues to deal with. In fact, he decided that the whole on fire thing wasn’t even in the top three of his list of top priorities right now.
He quickly brought his paw up to his chest, feeling for some kind of mortal wound or at least a ghastly scar. When he found nothing but smooth skin under slightly bed-matted fur, he was surprised. Again, he distinctly remembered sticking his entire paw straight through his ribcage.
He shivered, deciding that he might find a less morbid way to figure out what had saved him.
Morbidity aside, he knew he still should be dead right now or at least on his last legs. That’s what bothered him the most; he knew he shouldn’t feel nearly as good as he did now. As much as he hated to admit it he hadn’t felt this good in millennia. If he had to describe it, he might have said that he was euphoric, at least in the physical sense of euphoria.
Besides the whole “on fire” thing of course, but he had other priorities.
A thought struck him, he blinked.
“A-am I even still alive?” Discord jumped slightly, legitimately surprised by the sound of his own voice. He realized that as well as being effectively blinded by the fire, it had also drowned out all the noise in the room as well.
Discord snapped his talons, and to his great surprise the fire that was shrouding him crawled across his body and up his right arm with the sound of rushing air. He watched it as is crawled up his arm and up the back of his paw paw before it petered out entirely.
Discord blinked, both from surprise and at the fact that he could suddenly see properly. “Well, at least something works the way it’s supposed to.”
He held out his claw and paw in front of his face, he flexed them both experimentally and watched as his talons pulled inward to form a makeshift fist while the claws silently popped out of their recesses on his paw. Satisfied by that he gave himself a full once over, paying close attention to the spot on his chest where he remembered sticking his arm into. Finding nothing out of the ordinary and that everything was accounted for he looked around the room. It took him a few seconds to realize that he had somehow ended up in Celestia’s room, but that was something he could worry about later.
He scratched at his goatee with his talons, stroking thoughtfully.
As far as he could tell there were three possibilities.
The first was that he was, in fact, alive and well. He doubted this theory for obvious reasons, but finding no obvious evidence against it he accepted it as a distinct possibility.
The second was that he was still alive but that he was still bleeding out in the center of the clearing in the middle of the forest and that this whole scene was just a delusion cooked up by his brain as it was in reverent denial of the fact that he was actually dying. Discord decided that this theory was more plausible than the first one, but that it was ultimately unhelpfully to his current predicament if it actually proved correct. So he discarded it out of principal.
The last possibility was that that he was dead and this was the afterlife. He looked around the room, thinking about the implications of that. He didn’t pay much attention to religion before, but he remembered hearing some zealots talk about Heaven and Hell. He didn’t really think of himself as someone who would go to Heaven, so he realized that if this was the afterlife then he must be in Hell right now.
He took another look at the lavishly furnished room around him, then back down at the satin sheets and cloud infused mattress that smelled distractingly like Celestia.
He ultimately decided that the third option was by far the most likely and that this was simply an abstract sort of Hell. Though he realized that if that was the case then it wouldn’t really matter what he did. So he decided that it made more sense to pretend he was still alive for the time being.
After all, he spends all that time figuring out his list of priorities. It would be a shame just forsake the few seconds he spent making that list now.
Discord carefully slipped out of the bed and looked around.
Priority two, find out if Celestia is alright.
Now that he could see clearly he noticed a light spilling out from under the curtains on the balcony. Judging by the generally Celestia shaped silhouette cast into the curtains by the amber light on the other side he wagered that the balcony was probably a good place as any to start his search.
As he slowly made his way to the curtains his stomach busied working itself into a thick knot sitting in his gut. When he reached out to grab the curtains and pull them open he noticed his hands were shaking. He grabbed the curtains in a white knuckled embrace, his talons and claws tearing into them slightly. He screwed his eyes shut, mumbling at the red wall of fabric in front of him.
“Just go and talk to her like nothing ever happened.” He told himself this, but even as he said the words he knew he was lying to himself. To pretend nothing ever happened would be delusional, they had clearly passed a point of no return in the forest and he would have to push forward from there if he ever wanted Celestia to take him seriously. He opened his eyes hoping that his body took the hint and pushed past his trepidation for him, but he saw he hadn’t moved a single inch since he shut his eyes.
He pulled back from the curtain and wiped his face with his paw, covering his mouth and staring forward blankly as he tried to think of some way out of this.
“If you truly wish to remain alone for the rest of eternity then you should leave now and never return.”
Luna’s words from before rang out hollow in his mind. As much as he didn’t want to admit it he knew she wasn’t wrong.
“None of us could stop you from leaving; even if we tried we wouldn’t be able to.”
If he wanted to leave no one could stop him. Discord wondered who would even bother to try. Fluttershy would probably try to talk him out of it, but he doubted she would be able to tell him to stay if she knew he really wanted to leave. None of her friends would lose any sleep if he just left, Pinkie Pie would probably even throw a party. Dual, he was complicated. Discord didn’t know if he would even say anything about it, he never seemed to pressure Discord into talking about his personal life. Dual was a Pony that Discord had learned to rely on, to be able to lean on, but he wasn’t sure if Dual would reach out to him if he pulled away.
“This is your last chance, Discord.”
If he didn’t know Luna as well as he did, he would say that she would probably let him leave a word. In reality Luna was sentimental, reactionary, and prone to emotional outbursts, as much as she tried to hide these facts Discord knew exactly what hid behind that stone wall mask of hers.
No, she wouldn’t let him go so easily. She would kick and scream and do her best to hold him down while she tried to talk some sense into him. She knew if he set his mind to something then she wouldn’t be able to stop him, but that wouldn’t stop her from trying.
The only left who would even care if he left would be Celestia.
Discord sighed.
“Heed my words, Discord. The ties that bind us are far stronger than any mere prison.”
He really wasn’t sure what Celestia would do. A younger Celestia would probably act just like her sister, trying to force him to stay. Then again she seemed a lot more sensible than she used to be; maybe she would try to calmly talk him out of it like Fluttershy would. He doubted she would sit back and let him leave without some kind of confrontation.
“I’ll understand if you never want to see me again after this, but I’m not going to leave until I’m sure you understand.”
Try as he might he could only guess as to what she might do. He had misjudged her so many times in the past few years; he really couldn’t figure her out. Part of her had grown up in that long thousand years she spent by herself, but another part of her was still the same old Celestia he remembered from way back before he was imprisoned. In the time he was gone she had grown into some beautiful enigma, some puzzle that he couldn’t crack no matter how hard he tried.
“Discord, I need you!”
He glanced back at the room behind him, and then he looked at the silhouette still emblazoned on the curtain in front of him. The only thing he knew for sure was that he didn’t know what Celestia would do, more importantly he wasn’t sure if he would be able to say no to her offer.
Discord snorted, realizing that his life had somehow become the perfect set up to some cosmic joke.
“What do you give a stallion who has everything he wants, but who doesn’t know what to do with it?” Despite himself, he smiled at that.
Discord swallowed hard against the lump in his throat, a splash of whiskey sounded amazing right then.
He sighed, staring down at the floor beneath him. He wasn’t getting anywhere anytime soon. He knew that he had to leave now if he wanted to get away from everyone. All it would take is just one snap of his talons and he would be halfway across the world, in some hot wasteland where no one knew his name.
With a concerted effort he threw open the curtains in front of him and stepped out onto the balcony next to Celestia.
Celestia glanced over at him and smiled. “Oh, you’re awake, good.” She turned back to the horizon, focusing on the sunrise. “Listen, Discord, I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something for a while now.”
“Enough with the pleasantries, Celestia, I’m not here to talk I’m here to get answers.” Discord said with as much clout and authority as he could manage, hoping he could bluff his way through this. “I need to know what-”
“First off, you’re not dead.” Celestia said, cutting him off. “I assure you that you’re very much alive right now, though you’ve been unconscious for a while now.” Celestia continued to stare forward as she talked, like she was reading some prompt that someone had managed to write on the rising sun. “Second off, I’m fine. Luna, Twilight, and Cadance picked us up about a week after the incident and you’ve been staying in The Castle since then. Luna thought it would be a good idea to drop us both off in my bed while we slept it off.” Celestia suddenly became very interested in the decorative crenellations on the balcony railing. “I haven’t had the time to find a guest room for you to stay in, so you’ve been staying in my bed in the meantime…”
Discord blinked, taking a moment to process what she said. He opened his mouth to ask another question, but then he realized that she already told him most of what he wanted to know. There was an awkward silence where Celestia was busy distracting herself while Discord was busy trying to think of another question to ask. Eventually, Celestia turned back to the sunrise. Discord decided that, for the moment at least, his questions weren’t so important.
He turned to the horizon to look at what might have been the most beautiful sunrise he had ever seen. The sun was just starting to break over the ranges on the eastern horizon as it cast its rays through the morning mist on the mountain tops. The light filtered through the mist and clouds and painted the landscape below in the most beautiful shades of red, yellow, and orange. Occasionally the sun would break through the mist and for a few seconds and it would catch the rocks and rivers just so, causing them to shimmer and gleam with all the colors of the rainbow. The mountains themselves were cast in black, their long contrasting shadows contrasted spectacularly with the light show above and beyond their reach.
Discord watched the sun rise for only a minute or two before his eyes drifted back to Celestia.
She stood proudly at the edge of the balcony, her wings flared and her eyes set on the horizon before her. Her horn streamed an amber glow that slowly spread outward and crept down her in rivers of candescent magic, infusing her whole body with a light orange glow that contrasted against her iridescent mane and tail and her striking magnet eyes just perfectly.
She was magnificent, Discord thought it was no wonder half her subjects still treated her like a Goddess. He could stand there for hours, just watching her raise up that magnificent orb of light.
He couldn’t though; a thousand questions were piling up in the back of his head. His mind was demanding answers and, one way or another; he would have to get them out of her before he would be satisfied.
“How long was I out?” He was stalling, but at least it was a question. Celestia quickly glanced at him before nodding back at the horizon. He didn’t pick up on it at first, but once he started paying more attention to it he noticed that the forests and plains were a few shades greener than they had been before.
“It was a light winter.”
Discord nodded, grabbing onto the railing in front of him. His face twisted into a tight grimace as he scanned the horizon, picking out the subtle differences.
“Discord,” Celestia broke silence, “there’s something I wanted to ask you.”
Discord just shook his head. “Now, Celestia, don’t think you can get out of answering my questions so easily.” Celestia sighed.
“You know, you don’t have to-”
He waved a paw and cut her off. “No, I think I do. Not knowing has been eating at me for a while now. If I could just let it go so easily then we wouldn’t be here right now, things wouldn’t have gone so wrong. I need this, Celestia.”
Discord looked over at her just when she looked away, avoiding eye contact. Her mouth twisted into a tight frown as she continued to stare forward, obviously deep in thought. He wanted his answers, but he wasn’t going to push her. He didn’t want a repeat of last time. Eventually she nodded, that was all he needed to continue.
He took a deep breath and sighed, looking back at the sunrise. “Celestia, ever since the day you decided to free me you’ve kept me in the dark as to why you did it. You asked me to stay and help you keep house with your little Empire, as did Fluttershy, so I stayed and minded my own business. Even with The Elements of Harmony still mucking around I think I could have left anytime I wanted to; it wouldn’t have been easy mind you, but think I could have done it. Honestly, part of me thinks I should have jumped ship the moment The Elements were put out of commission, but I didn’t.” Discord shook his head.
“Sure, there were probably a dozen little reasons for me to stay put. Fluttershy wanted me to stay, of course. Then there’s the fact that I do actually like Equestria; that’s when I can forget that it’s filled with Ponies who’s one goal in life seems to be to annoy and cofound me at every turn. No offense intended to present company, of course.” Discord glanced back over at Celestia, expecting to get a chuckle out of her at least. She was just staring at the horizon, distracted.
Discord sighed. “My point is that there are a few legitimate reasons why I wanted to stay, but they wouldn’t have kept me here for as long as I stayed. No, the real reason I stayed was curiosity.” Discord hesitated, trying to think of the right words to explain himself properly. He looked back at the horizon and continued. “You told me up front why it might make sense to keep me around, I was an asset to be used, but you never really adequately explained how I was worth the risk to keep around. I’m dangerous, Celestia, I know that, and I know you know that too.” Discord shook his head and sighed again. “If our encounter down in the woods proves anything at all, it’s that I’m still as dangerous…”
Celestia shook her head looked back over at him. “Discord, I-” He made eye contact with her and her voice died in her throat. She quickly looked down at her hooves, almost looking ashamed of herself.
“You what, Celestia, what is it?” Discord asked, looking down at her. “I know you know that I’m right. If you didn’t have some kind of ulterior motive for releasing me then I’d still be locked up in that damned statue.” He scoffed, crossing his arms. “As far as I’m concerned I should still be locked up in there, waiting for another chance to escape that would never come. I shouldn’t be here, I shouldn’t be talking to you, and you shouldn’t even have to answer to me in the first place, but here we are!”
Discord looked back over the balcony, at this point watching the sun rise was more an excuse to break eye contact with Celestia than anything. He sighed, frustrated.
“Celestia, I shouldn’t have to ask this question. I really shouldn’t have to, but I need to know why I’m here. I need to know the real reason you decided to release me. I don’t want the reasons why you think you should have done it; I want to hear the reason why you actually did it. I’m only going to ask you this once.” Discord leaned into the railing, looking for something, anything, that would catch his eye other than the Alicorn beside him. Eventually he broke down and turned back to look at her, he made eye contact with her and for the first time that day she didn’t shy away from his gaze.
“Celestia, I want to ask you why you really freed me.” Then he looked away, unable to maintain that level of intensity. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes.
Celestia seemed to take this as her cue to explain herself. “Discord, I-”
Discord breathed out a heavy sigh, cutting her off. “I wasn’t finished.” He said calmly. He took a minute to regain his composure before he opened his eyes and looked back at her again.
“I really do want to know why I’m free, but I really don’t think I’m in a position to be making demands. I had a lot of time to reflect on my past while you were gallivanting though he forest and trying to save me. I realized that I’m not the Draconequus I thought I was. I think I’m only just starting to realize what I put you and your sister through all those years ago, I’m not sure I’ll ever fully understand the gravity of my past sins. I haven’t had as much time to truly reflect on what I’ve done since you’ve released me, but as far as I’m concerned I’ve done nothing of any real importance other than getting in the way and being a general nuisance. At best I’m a burden to everyone around me and I’m not sure if there is a word that really describes what I am when I’m at my worst.” He shook his head.
“My point is that I’m in no position to be making demands of you, not in good conscious anyway. I want my answers, but I know I don’t deserve them and nor will I ask for you to give them to me.”
“That’s why I’m giving you the choice.” Discord said, completely serious.
“I want you to know that I want to stay here and get my answers from you and I want you to tell me everything. I need closure, but I’m not going to force you to tell me anything. If you want to tell me, of your own free will, then that’s your choice to make. As I said before, I’m not in a position to make any demands of you and I don’t feel comfortable making that request.”
“So I’m giving you the choice. If you don’t want to tell me, then just say the word. I’ll leave Equestria and you will never hear from me again. I’m not sure I can stay here if I don’t know why I’m here in the first place, after what happened in the forest I’m not going to try. The longer I stay here the bigger the threat I pose becomes, but if I leave now then you and everyone else in Equestria can finally be safe.” Discord held up one taloned finger in front of him.
“I only have one request of you before you make your decision.”
After a moment of silence Celestia took a deep breath and spoke up. “And just what would that be?”
Discord closed his eyes and nodded. “I only ask that you accept my sincerest and most heartfelt apology. I apologize for everything I’ve done and everything I must have put you through. I am truly sorry for what I did to you all those years ago before you imprisoned me and I’m sorry for everything I’ve done since I’ve been released. I will say in my defense that I did everything I did all those years ago because I thought it would prepare you both for the trial and tribulations of ruling a state. I realize now though that I went too far and that my own good intentions are a poor excuse for what I did; nothing can ever excuse what I’ve done.”
Celestia sighed. “Discord…”
“No, I put you through things that no one should ever go through and I forced you to make decisions that no one should ever have to even think about, especially not as young as you were back then. I was over zealous in my attempts to teach you and you both paid the price for it. I didn’t take the time to consider how my own reckless disregard might affect you in the long run.”
It was at that point where Discord couldn’t’ bear to look at Celestia any longer, he turned away and went back to looking over the railing. He hung his head and stared down at the ground beneath him. There was a long silence where neither of them spoke. Eventually Discord continued without picking his head up to look at Celestia. He shrugged.
“That’s why I’m apologizing right now. I’m not asking for your forgiveness because I don’t expect you to actually forgive my actions. I just hope that you take what I said to heart, I really am sorry, sorry for everything I’ve done.”
There was another awkward silence where Discord ran out of things to say. He couldn’t think of anything to add without blatantly embellishing his apology and he couldn’t even bring himself to look at her. The sun was starting to burn through the clouds. It was glaring in his eyes, but Discord didn’t have the heart to do anything but just squint. He heard the light tapping of hooves on marble and then suddenly something came up in front of him, blocking out the sun’s glare.
He looked up to see Celestia’s perfectly wing spread out in front of his face. He followed the wing back to its owner, who was now standing right next to him. At most a few inches separated them as she looked back over her shoulder at him, regarding him with a warm smile. He just glanced up at her hopefully.
“Discord, thank you for the apology, you have no idea how much it means to me to hear you say that.” The smile faded slightly, leaving just a small smirk on her lips. “It was beautiful, but unfortunately I have to reject it as well as your offer.” Discord gave her a confused look and her smile came back a bit. She pulled her wing in slightly and it brushed up against his cheek before it trailed down to his shoulder. She pressed her wing up against him, bidding him to stand up from the railing. They both took a few steps back, now standing face to face.
“Your apology was everything I ever wanted to hear from you, almost everything.” She shook her head. “However, both Luna and I forgave you for everything you did a long time ago. Luna was able to see through it, she knew you were well intentioned. A little impulsive maybe, probably a bit nearsighted and I have to agree that you were definitely zealotrous, but at the end of it all you meant well. It took me a lot longer to accept that, but when I found the things I learned from you carrying me after Luna left I felt like I understood your thought process a lot better.” She broke eye contact for a second, staring down at her hooves. “Besides that I’ve had to do some things since then that I’m not comfortable with, I don’t think I’m really in much of a position to take the moral high ground myself.”
Discord rolled his eyes. “Alright, I can give you that, but even if you don’t think that it’s morally justifiable you have to admit that I’m still a threat to everything you stand for.”
Celestia looked back up at him and shook her head. “If I were to ask you to leave because of the potential danger you could pose to Equestria, then I would have to exile every high level magic user in Equestria. If I did that I would have to include Luna, Cadance, Twilight and especially myself.” She looked back at the sunrise; her horn brightened a bit to make some small correction. “Magic it dangerous by its very nature; it affects everything it touches in some way. If you learn how to properly control it as well as how to control yourself then the risk diminishes and the potential reward becomes impossible to ignore.”
Celestia shook her head. “You might now see it yet, but you’ve made a mark on The Empire since you’ve returned and trust me when I say it’s been a good one for almost everyone involved.” She looked back at him, making direct eye contact again. “No, I don’t see you as a threat. I’m convinced you’ll accomplish great things here, Discord, provided you stick around long enough to do them.”
Discord scoffed and crossed his arms. “Be that as it may, that still doesn’t change what I’ve already done and what I’ve proven I’m still capable of.” Celestia tentatively nodded at that.
“I’ll be the first one to admit that you’ve done same terrible things. In fact, you’ve done some things to Luna and I that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. I also have to admit that even though you’ve done terrible things, that I’m who I am now because of them. What matters is that in the end your actions turned out to be for the best and that you’re learning from your mistakes to do better in the future.”
Discord shook his head in disbelief. “Trust me when I tell you that you would have ended up exactly where you are today if I just stepped aside and let you take the throne all those years ago. You would have made it here all the same and you wouldn’t have to carry that trauma with you all those years. You were spirited and determined and you wouldn’t accept anything less than absolute success, if anything I just made it that much harder for you to achieve that standard.” She just raised her brow at him, staring as him like she didn’t know if he was serious or not.
Eventually she rolled her eyes and sighed. “Alright, Discord, let’s say that if you had just stepped aside everything would have turned out as it did regardless. Ignoring the ridiculousness of that statement we can say that my life would have went on as it did either way. True, if you hadn’t done what you did I probably would have fewer scars to bear in my mind, but the scars I would have earned later would only cut deeper. Your lessons helped more than you think they did. Even if you’re right and you did nothing to help me, if you stepped aside and let me go on without you there’s still one important difference that you can’t ignore.” She sighed again and looked out at the sunrise longingly.
“If you had simply left us alone then you wouldn’t be standing her right now. As far as I’m concerned the fact that you are standing here right now that makes everything you put me through worth it in the end.”
Discord huffed. “Celestia, I-”
Celestia cut him off by waving a hoof; he opened his mouth again before closing it silently. He noticed the slight blush touching at her cheeks and realized that it probably wasn’t the right time to get in an argument about semantics with her. She turned her body to face towards the rising sun, carefully pulling herself up on the railing with her front hooves. She stood there for a moment, the wind blowing through her mane causing it to mix and clash like a kaleidoscope the wind blew the different sections into small loose strands. Then she closed her eyes again, her horn light up brighter than before and she went back to concentrating on raising the sun.
“Discord,” she said still concentrating on what she was doing, “I can tell you the real reason why I released you. Though I have to warn you, I’m not sure it will be the reason you were looking for.” Discord stayed quiet, waiting for her to continue on her own. Eventually she sighed.
“Probably the best answer I could give you would be for me to say that I released you for purely ethical reasons. Even though you posed a legitimate threat it was wrong of me to keep to you looked up like I did. I continue to stand by my decision to keep you imprisoned for a little while, we were vulnerable and the last thing Luna and I needed was you coming in and destroying everything we worked so hard for. Then after Luna was banished I didn’t have much of a choice in the matter, I just couldn’t risk it with the way things were. We could have probably released you after our coronation, but I was too busy thinking of the wellbeing of the state to think about your own wellbeing.
“I won’t apologies for doing what I thought was right at the time, but I will say that keeping you locked up like that troubled me greatly and the thought of it still bothers me to this day.” At some point Celestia’s eyes opened again and she was staring directly at the sun. Her face was completely expressionless but the emotion in her voice more than made up for that fact. Discord could tell that she was talking off of some kind of a script, a program she had though up while he was unconscious, but he could hear her voice slipping and almost cracking with raw emotion in some spots. It might have been pre-planned, but it was obvious to him that what she was saying was coming straight from her heart.
“I could say I released you to capitalize on your raw power and ability. Like I said before, you’re capable of great things and, despite your rather questionable methods as a sovereign, you made an excellent vanguard to Equestria and you continue to do so today. When you look at the cost benefit analysis of it it’s very easy to justify the risk of releasing you in light of the possible rewards for doing so. I really do wish I could tell you that I released you for the good of The Empire, but that would be a blatant fabrication on my part. In the end my real reasons weren’t nearly so noble or so well intentioned.
“I’ll tell you exactly why I did it in a minute, but first you have to understand where I was coming from and where I am now.” She glanced back at him with a solemn look on her face before turning her attention hack to the rising sun. She sighed. “When we imprisoned you the only person who would stand by me was Luna, she was the only Pony I could really count on. When I banished her to the moon I felt completely and utterly alone.”
Celestia shook her head. “It was such a strange feeling, I was surrounded by Ponies who would stand behind my every decision, ones who might even give their very lives in my name, but there was no one who could take her place. There were thousands who would stand behind me, but there was no one to stand beside me. I tried to ignore it, but that only made me feel worse. I knew it was my fault I was alone and I had to carry that weight with me wherever I went.
“I tried to fill the void as best I could. I had students, attendants, and advisors who were all hoof picked to be friendly and personable, but I just couldn’t get invested no matter how hard I tried. I even tried courting a few times, but the relief they provided from my crushing loneliness was fleeting at best; sometimes I just outlived them, sometimes I would outlive their affections. The years trudged on and it only got worse and worse, the apathy, the depression, the soul crushing loneliness threatened to consume me. I’ve gotten better at dealing with it since those early years, I can cope with it now, but I still couldn’t sleep at night. It’s all I can do to drag myself out of bed in the morning sometimes.
“When Cadance ascended I thought I might have found someone who could stand by me, but I quickly realized that wouldn’t work. She was too young, too alone, and too afraid to console me. She needed someone to be there for her, someone to watch over her and tell her that everything was going to be just fine. I had to step up and take care of her. If I had tried to open up to her she might have been able to fill the gap, but then I would run the risk of dragging her down with me. Now she has her own little empire under my own, she has her own life and her own interests to worry about. It wouldn’t be fair if I just threw myself on her.
“The same goes for Twilight, more or less. I still hold out hope that one day they might consider themselves my equal, instead of some mentor or distant relative. Maybe someday I can finally be open with them, but I fear that day is a long time away. It’s all I can do to hold the façade for them so they can have something to aspire to in the meantime.
“Then Luna was freed. The same powers that tore her away cured her madness and brought her back to me. I thought my search was finally over. I thought that maybe we could just go back to how things were the way before, but then I was reminded about how things were before and I realized didn’t have anything left to go back to. We’re still close now, but it’s different than it was before. Everything is different now. She tries, I try, but I don’t think things will ever be the same as they were between us. I lived a thousand years without her; she spent a few lonely years in complete isolation. We’re just too different now, I had to accept that.
“I spent a lot of sleepless nights thinking back to how things were before, trying to reconcile how different everything was. I found myself thinking back to you, how I cursed you to live inside that statue. You used to be so real to me; you were something that I could focus on. I remember how I used to throw everything I had at you and how you wouldn’t even flinch. You were just so alive before it happened. It hurt a little, to think you were just a statue, that now you were just another façade.
“It haunted me. It kept me up at night. I couldn’t think straight. I just couldn’t get you out of my head. I couldn’t stop thinking about how I might have consigned the one person who might be able to understand me to an eternity trapped in stone. I kept telling myself that it wasn’t my fault, but there was still just a little seed of doubt that lingered in the back of my brain. It was that little seed that finally set you free after all those years.
“When you came out, you were so different. I think a little part of me died inside when I saw what I really did to you by keeping you locked up for all those years. I think Luna felt it too. She screamed at me. She demanded that have The Elements release you. I said no, of course. As a sovereign I couldn’t justify releasing you. As a Pony though, it stuck with me. I thought long and hard about it. I spent hours just staring up at the celling thinking about who you really could be, Discord. I thought about who you could be to me.
“So I decided to release you on the off chance that you might be the one I was looking for. My reasons couldn’t be more selfish than they were in the end.
“I released you because I was hoping that you would be the one who could remind me that the dawn always comes after the darkest part of the night.
“I released you because I thought you might be the one who could stand beside me so I wouldn’t feel so alone in the middle of a crowded room.
“I released you because I wanted you to be the one that I held onto while everything slowly drifted away.
“Discord, I released you because I needed you to be the one who could help me remember why life was still worth living. I needed you to be the one who could show me how to forget about all the pain and all the heartache it took to get here, if only for a moment. I wanted you because I was hoping I might be able to do the same for you.
“That’s all there is to it really. I released you because I wanted you and because I’m selfish and stupid and because I wanted you to tell me that everything was going to be just fine and I wanted you to really mean that someday…”
It was at that point they both realized how close they actually were; they maybe had a foot separating them. Celestia looked over and they both locked eyes. Discord couldn’t really tell how much time passed as they stood staring into each other’s eyes, but he blinked and the moment was over. When he opened his eyes he found that Celestia was staring very intently at the sun, the intense light from her horn was doing very little to hide her blush.
“Huh,” Discord said. He took another moment to look Celestia over before he turned and leaned over the railing casually. “That’s it?”
Celestia took a deep, shaky, breath and nodded slowly. “I would understand if you wanted to leave now, now that you have your answer. I won’t stop you…” He glanced over at her again, her legs were trembling. She snapped her eyes shut and took a deep breath, but the trembling only subsided a little.
They stayed like that for a few minutes. Discord stared at Celestia as she stood there, raising the sun with her eyes screwed shut.
Then, he laughed.
It started out small, nothing more than a chuckle, but before long it evolved into an uproarious storm of laughter. Celestia sighed, quickly peeking at him through a cracked eyelid before shooting a fierce glare at him.
“It’s not funny!” She barked at him. “I was being completely serious!”
“I know,” he said as he wiped the tears from his eyes. “That’s what makes it hilarious!”
Celestia wanted to shout at him, but in the end she just pouted and tried to focus on raising the sun. Discord figured she was trying to ignore him, but he knew that wouldn’t work for long.
“I’ll pick you up tomorrow at nine sharp.” He said, nonchalantly.
“W-w-What?” She quickly snapped her head back to him, staring wide eyed in complete surprise.
Discord was trying as hard as he could to keep the smirk off his face. “Dress however you like. Just try keep in mind that I’ll be dressing casual.”
“I-I,” Celestia stuttered. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She held it for a few seconds, and exhaled slowly. Then she opened her eyes again and stared at him. “W-what?” Discord’s façade immediately broke as her burst out into another fit of laughter.
Eventually he managed to calm himself down again, but he still had a massive grin plastered on his face “Celestia, you don’t know the first thing about eternity, do you?” She just shook her head dumbly. Discord shrugged. “Neither do I,” he sighed, “I figured it would be worth a shot to ask.” His grin twisted into something more sinister as he stared down at Celestia. “I do have a bit of advice that an old Pony once gave me on the subject a long time ago, would you like to hear it?”
Celestia nodded, Discord couldn’t help but chuckle. He took a confident step forward, closing the distance between them in an instant. He slowly drew himself down to her level, when he was almost eye to eye with her he glanced over to his left. He gestured to the sunrise that was still in front of her.
“Treat every sunrise like it’ll be your last.”
He quickly coiled through the air around Celestia, coming up directly behind her. He pressed his talons into the fur directly above her tail, lightly dragging them along her back and up her spine as he slowly drew his claw skyward.
“Treat every sunset like it was your first.”
He shot into the air again. This time he quickly coiled himself around Celestia. He was careful to keep just far enough away from her as not to make direct contact. The only thing that separated their bodies was a thin sheet of air and static electricity. He held his head directly behind hers and chuckled softly, causing her to flinch.
“And most importantly, treat every tender moment-”
He quickly brought his paw up in front of her, lightly pressing it into her collar bone and drawing her that much closer to him. He brought his talons up further, snaking them around her head and up behind her left ear, bending it slightly back. With an obscene smile plastered on his lips, he whispered into her ear.
“-like it will last forever…”
Celestia stood rigid. Every muscle in her body froze as Discord coiled around her. It felt like an eternity as the charge in the air slid across her fur, but she guessed that it only took a second at most.
“Did he really just…”
Her mind slid to a crawl she tried to comprehend what just happened. She planned this for months and she thought of every single possible contingency, but somehow he still managed to catch her completely off guard and at her most venerable.
The morning breeze blew across her, causing to shiver in Discord’s serpentine embrace.
Celestia swallowed hard.
“D-Discord?” It was all she could do to just stutter out his name.
Celestia waited for a response, but after about a minute passed she started to realize that she might not get one. It took a concerted effort but eventually she managed to dare her body to move. She shifted in place slightly, not much, just enough to make contact.
But she didn’t make contact.
It almost seemed like…
Celestia spun around on the spot, making contact with the empty air surrounding her. She blinked, twice.
“Did he really just leave?”
She looked around to make absolutely sure, but there was no sign of him anywhere. She turned around to face the sunrise again, putting her hooves up on the railing in front of her. With a thought she willed it to finish rising and she gave it enough energy to continue its course until sundown.
She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.
Discord scanned over the remains of the clearing, frowning. The earth around him was scorched black and most of the trees at the edge of the clearing had strange burn marks on them. Strange black shapes stuck out of the ground at odd angles that he recognized as either discarded masonry or charred support beams.
“Well,” he said, crushing a piece of twisted glass under a hoof. “I’m not really sure what I was expecting to find here. I suppose I have to start somewhere.”
He rolled his eyes as he snapped his talons. The pieces that remained intact were quickly pulled out of the ground and they formed themselves into the shape of a new structure. They were joined by a whole host of new materials as Discord slowly drew them out of the either surrounding him. He had a much grander design in his mind this time, so he expected this to take a while. It was bothersome, but he needed to have a home that he could live in comfortably, one that would draw the approval of certain visitors.
He only needed the approval of one visitor though, the only one that mattered.
He took another moment to finalize the blueprints in him mind. On a whim he revised them again, pushing out the lot on all sides to accommodate an even larger structure. He snapped his talons again to set the construction to continue without him as he moved on to untangling the shattered wards from the nexus he created, attempting to repair all the damage he inadvertently caused with his negligence.
He studiously ignored the sapling that was still silently burning at the edge of the clearing; he could deal with that later.
Finally he snapped his talons one more time to summon up a lawn chair, opting to relax for what felt like the first time in about twenty minutes. He took a sip of his drink and sighed in contentment, he still didn’t know exactly what had happened, but he figured the fact that he was still alive was far more important than the how’s and whys behind it.
Besides that, he had a reason to stick around now.
Just one reason of course, but that’s all he really needed anyway.
That one little reason would be enough to keep him busy for a long time, so long as everything went according to plan. He had so much he need to get done and not much time to do it in. He he knew he could get it all done with plenty of time to spare. He laid back and took a little time to admire his craftsmanship.
Discord chuckled to himself.
He nodded under the shade of his parasol. “If I haven’t lost my touch than everything should be kicking off in three.” he held up his claw, holding three talons up.
“Two.” One of the talons shot down, leaving just two remaining.
“One.” Only one talon remained standing proudly in the air.
He smiled to himself, closing his eyes and laying back in his chair. The last claw fell silently.
“DISCORD!”
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There's a repetition of lines in the middle that looks like a copy paste error where two paragraphs repeat I think.
Otherwise, I enjoyed this story. It had it's ups and downs. The only question I had left was: what exactly was that fire? I also got a good laugh about that end. You have to love Discord hitting on her, teasing her, and then disappearing to get ready for that date. :D
Hahahahaha! Oh man, that ending is SO Discord!
Oh sweet jebus you put my name up there!
Most excellent story, really enjoyed it.
Looking forward to your new projects.
Finally got around to clearing some backlog and read your final chapter and I just wanted to say good job on the story and I hope you grace us with a sequel in the future.
Thanks for the notice, annnd...... Sequel?
this needs a sequel
Celly: Immortal confession of epic feels!!
Discord:...Nine sound good?
I literally applauded this scene. So Discord.
Really good read all the way through.
8670239
Glad that people are still enjoying this despite all the issues.
I am! Thank you for asking!
Love the ending, it just felt right. Still waiting on the sequel do
9881883
Maybe someday, but probably not anytime soon I'm afraid.
9882263
What about a new project? Not demanding just asking because I do enjoy your writing.
9882447
I've got dozens of things that I need to write out including one story that's actually mostly finished. There are some issues that have prevented me from finishing that properly and publishing it, but hopefully I can get around to those sooner rather than later and then properly sit down and revise everything and publish it.
No promises for any discrete timeframe though. Things happen when they happen.
Well done! I don't comment much, but when I do its because I feel it would be a crime not to let you know I really appreciate your story. This kind of quality is what really got me interested in this site.
I've gotta say this was one of my favorite depictions of Discord in general, and I've read through a fair number of Discord fics. Funny enough I think its mostly how grounded you made him feel. The dialogue between the characters came across very natural, and that's actually very important point for me in a story. I love good banter, which I believe should be an intrinsic part of Discord's character and you nailed it.
The headcannon was interesting, I found the way you wove it in worked very nicely for what this story wanted to be. One of the big things I find others struggle with is depicting interactions between Discord and Celestia. This can very easily get sloppy and bad if not handled with consideration of the many factors that go into depicting such ancient characters. Your depiction was excellent in capturing the essence of beings that are the same time very ancient, but also very alive in the present.
The witticisms tied with Discord throughout were great, I'd say it was very well balanced with the grounded aspects. Since yes, Discord is a zany character, but you never had to sacrifice anyone's intelligence in the story to depict that. Bravo!
I see you've noted that you edited things several times, and since I'm late to the party I don't know about the original release. But as it stands at the time of my reading now, I'd say the first three chapters are pretty well polished. After that there do tend to be more grammar mistakes and misspellings.
Have a well deserved favorite+like. Which I feel really says something. out of the 357 stories I have on bookshelves, I've only favorited 22.
I must say it's a crying shame this story hasn't received more attention. Since this is certainly one the gems. I wish success in your future endeavors, and I thank you sincerely for the enjoyable experience.
10717879
Very high praise, thank you. I appreciate the well wishes too. Maybe things will get better.
As for the edits, you missed very little in terms of story development. Most of the edits were either trying to repair incomplete themes, pictures, and concepts. The rest were just standard spelling and grammar hunting. On the former part I think I've gotten to a point where I accept that the story is what it is. I feel like I could convey the final sort of arc a bit better if I took the time to deconstruct it (as much as I like a healthy bit of ambiguity the whole thing might be a bit too out of left field for most), but at the same time I feel like that if I get myself into the right mindset to right again that it would be better to put it towards another project. Maybe I'll either get back around to fixing the grammar and spelling at some point though.
In any case, I'm glad you enjoyed it. If you're looking for more stories that you might enjoy, then maybe consider checking my recommended reading on my profile. There are a few stories there that I loved myself, I consider those the top 5% of the stories on my private favorites list which while extensive I try to be somewhat selective about.