Vinyl Scratch's Hearth's Warming wishes come true.
If you have any objections with the story, just share them with me and I'll do my best to resolve your issue!
Chapters (1)
Normal
Joined 21st Mar, 2013 ·
Offline
Also LikedSimilarAuthor
- Super Trampoline · 2.6k words · 102 11 · 2.7k views
- Normal · 1k words · 24 3 · 607 views
- Alien Bronco · 32k words · 60 3 · 1.3k views
- psp7master · 1.1k words · 189 9 · 2.4k views
- Normal · 1.3k words · 30 1 · 909 views
- Royal Flush · 0 words · 54 5 · 0 views
- Normal · 1k words · 24 3 · 791 views
Featured In26
Shipping 💖11,669 stories ·9,737 members
The Fillyfoolers3,945 stories ·3,489 members
The Writers' Group56,381 stories ·9,290 members
One-Shots18,903 stories ·2,369 members
Octavia Fans1,288 stories ·1,587 members
- Organized Shipping (Most Common)2,159 stories ·1,332 members
Vinyl Scratch 705 stories ·1,693 members
- author help (a group made to help new and old authors with fic's)1,792 stories ·682 members
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Join our SubscribeStar to remove these adverts!
Stats
Page generated in 0.143 seconds
Total duration
1,049 users online
1,578,647 hits today, 2,004,447 yesterday
FIMFiction
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Follow & Support Us
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
I got all excited for a Minty fic
3601939
Sorry...Maybe, if I have time/an idea, I could try writing something with Minty? Something involving Pinkie Pie and Minty maybe...imagine the chaos.
3601948
I would read that so hard
3601969
I'll see if I can think of something excellent then...and that gives me an excuse to rewatch A Very Minty Christmas
3601983
Pfft, I do that every Christmas Eve anyway
I also tried out for a solo for That's What I Love About Christmas, but I didn't get it for some contrived reason
3601939>>3601948 Already got the cover art!
applejack.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/134900063575.png
nice short story, i like it, write if you want, dont let anyone force you to write, only good storys come by free will (true story)
Freaking amazing. Can't wait for things to heat up.
This was perfect. Just the right amount of words, too.
Wonderful story, definitely deserves a Like.
3602921
Thanks! I'm glad to hear that you enjoyed it!
You got my like! A great story!
3603844
Lol. I have no problem writing clop. Have you seen some of my other stories?
Faved because I reeeeaaaaally want you to change the status and rating.
Oh, no you didn't
Smack in the face from G3.5
Uhhh... thbis was made on my birthday!!!!!
Missed a space.
seconds*
herself*
Comma after 'back'
stared* Also, I think a colon would work better at the end than a period, since you go into what her eyes were saying.
You missed the line between the two paragraphs.
Period, not comma
Period, not comma
Periods instead of commas.
Comma after 'closed'.
Sorry. I was struck with the urge to point out errors. I know I missed a few (late and I was sorta distracted by Robot Chicken), but that's what I found.
Nice story. Really sweet.
3606072
I'll fix some of those but I'm going to have to ask for a second opinion when it comes to the dialogue and periods/commas. Pretty sure when you have dialogue continuing, but actions in between like that, you have to use commas there.
Eh, the story was okay until it got overtly sexual. Too me it just made the story awkward, and really did nothing for it. There is no way I could feel "normal" reading something with the mental image of a horses junk.
Besides that the writing was okay, not the best grammar in the world, but still okay.
3606072
Thank you for pointing those out, I think I have fixed them now, other then the commas in the dialogue. I'm going to continue to edit it a bit more but I think I got that which you pointed out.
3606438
You do, but the dialogue isn't continuing. It is two separate sentences on both ends, as well as between them. If you are just using an action like that in the middle of a spoken sentence, you would use EM dashes. "Hey, Octavia, I was wondering if you could cook dinner tonight--" Vinyl rushed to the door "--since I will be home a bit late." (I don't know if the EM dashes go inside or outside the quotation mark, though. It may be a style choice.)
If you were to try and do it here, the sentence would be "I wished to surprise you, surprise." (Also, you wouldn't add caps after the commas, since it isn't a new sentence)
Same here. The sentence would be "Once or twice, do you want you present, my special, little DJ?" Also, I don't think there would be a comma after special. They are in different adjective groups, so it isn't needed.
And I understand wanting to get a second opinion.
First paragraph, third line, next to last word in the line, you mispelled "there" as "thee."
More changes pending.
3608330
Thanks!
Great job. You have my approval
3608599
That's the best kind of approval
this story inspired me
3610682
That is the best kind of compliment a writer can hear.
3608622 thought so
OBJECTION!
I need more.
3617840
I'll try my darnest. I've never even read any of that "romance" stuff before much less written it but seeing how well this did...I'll write more to it once I finish with the story I'm working on currently
3617908
Good to hear, chapp'o
This was good!
im all for "leave a good story where it lies," but in any other aspect i think you did great. it was a good story and i enjoyed reading it.
DAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW
3604818
DAAAWWWWW
I'm surprised that you decided to go there on your first outing with romance but it didn't really detract from the story to me. This was adorable, good job :3
I don't know how I can have missed this. Faved and liked.
Socks!
Minty approves.
2.bp.blogspot.com/--TAOW-URPU0/T1seaBvQy_I/AAAAAAAAAA0/jQFpSokweNM/s290/dvdmylittleponychristmas2.jpg
This was adorable and very sweet. Well done!
Ohai!
Well, this one isn't my favorite. It feels incomplete in many ways. It's quite obvious that it was meant to be a porn story, since the buildup is rather nonexistent, the emotions are there to justify the actions that will stem from them, the (possible?) conflict (not being able to buy the socks) is resolved rather suddenly (surprise! Octavia had them all along!), and well, there really isn't much to it.
Everything about this story screams 'Sex at the end!' or 'Interesting turn of events!' with a sprinkle of 'Maybe heartwarming moment!' and I can see that you tried to have a little of everything here, but they all fell short.
The sex was reduced to a non-erotic glimpse of Octavia's vagina, that frankly felt very out of place once the story was over, and it ruined the heartfelt moment by making it seem that it would have a continuation that simply fell short.
The interesting turn of events wasn't there at all. Octavia had the socks all along? Astounding! So what? The angry posh mare, store owner, unmentioned friend might have been the one who tipped Octavia of Vinyl's desire for socks? Far fetched, since only the mare was ever mentioned, and she acted too much like a bitch to be a friend of Octavia's.
The heartfelt moment? No buildup. There was no conflict to overcome, so how do we know Vinyl's love is genuine? Because she repeats it once or twice? I simply do not feel the love from this couple.
A few grammar and spelling issues here and there, but nothing serious. Nice description, and fluent narrating.
6/10
The Iron Galley sails onward to the next story!
This is something i actually prefer over clop...
Have fun.
And Merry Christmas.