The Fool in Equestria

by Autismo555

A Fool to Go

A Fool to Go

SCREEEECH!

HISSSSSSSS!

"All aboard!"

The conductor gave his hearty boarding call as the doors to the Friendship Express opened. A wave of ponies poured from the doors and onto the station platform. One of the disembarking ponies was a pink equine a-hopping out from the train with cheerful glee after being away for three days at Manehattan's Comedy Festival.

"Woo-hoooo!" the pink pony yelled, shocking some of the passengers. "Finally! I'm home! Oh, Ponyville, I missed you so, so much! Those three days I've been away from you seemed like it lasted forever and ever and ever, and I got so lonely that it almost made me cry, but now I'm back and I will never, ever leave you for a full day again EVER!!"

"EVER!!"

"EVER!!"

"EVER!!"

"EVER!!"

"EVER!! EVER!! EVER!! EV--!!"

"Excuse me, miss, will you please stop yelling!?" the conductor interjected Pinkie. "You're disturbing our passengers!"

Pinkie smiled sheepishly with a squee! noise. She hopped along the station platform, her saddlebags juggling with every bounce of the pink pony. She eventually made it to the edge Ponyville, where there were still ponies out she was highly eager to meet and greet again.

"Hi, Bon Bon!"

"Hi, Berry Punch!"

"Hi, Derpy!"

"Hi, Doctor Hooves!"

"Hi, Connor!"

"Hi, freaky colorful pony running on two legs!"

"Hi, Rainbow Dash!"

"Hi, Applejack!"

"Hi, Rarity!"

Pinkie Pie soon froze in mid-air. She turned her head down the alley, where a bipedal creature scuttled his legs along the ground with Rainbow Dash, Applejack and Rarity in hot pursuit. Her internal "Welcome-to-Ponyville-New-Pony" instincts activated, seen by the dilation of her sparkling pupils.

"Eeeeee! A new pony in Ponyville! Wait, I wanna throw you a party!"

Pinkie then turned on the motors in her hind legs and took off for the new arrival in Ponyville.

^W^

"Whoo-hohohoho-hahaha!"

The Fool zipped down the alleyway behind the Ponyville cottages while Rainbow Dash zoomed behind the jester, hoping to finally give the jester a what-for. The Fool was a fast creature, he was, but Rainbow Dash was faster. That would put The Fool with a disadvantage with speed.

However, his greatest weapon was his wits.

To prove that logic, The Fool suddenly ducked into a nearby alley. Rainbow Dash grinned as she saw the strange bipedal jester go down that alley. She knew the alleyway was a dead end for The Fool, both literally and figuratively. With a quick nosedive, Rainbow Dash crashed on her hooves into the alleyway.

"Alright, tough guy! I've got you where I--!"

Rainbow Dash broke her intimidating yelling when, to her complete surprise, The Fool was nowhere to be found. The alleyway was only a few hoofsteps long, narrow and blocked off by brick. All that there was were three lone trash cans sitting against the wall.

Trash cans.

Then it hit her.

The Fool could've been hiding out in the trash cans.

Rainbow Dash glared at the trashcans, wondering if The Fool should ever pop his golden, smiling face out of the aluminum cans of rubbish.

"Now which trashcan could is that freak hiding in?" she asked herself.

Rainbow Dash felt a tap on her shoulder. "Try the one in the middle," somepony whispered.

"Thanks."

Rainbow Dash lifted up the lid of the middle trashcan.

POP!

FWEEEEE!

Rainbow Dash jumped back in shock by the sudden spray of confett jack-in-the-box that popped right out of the can. It was a paper mache version of The Fool with the bottom half of his torso rigged to a spring that shot up when the lid was removed. It carried a sign attached to his hat that read "GOTCHA!!" and sprayed a fountain of seltzer from a seltzer bottle right into Rainbow Dash's face.

SSSSSSSSS!

"What the b-GLUB!!?"

Rainbow Dash was shot back into the wall, completely drenched in head to toe by the torrential spray from the seltzer bottle. The Fool guffawed as the cyan pegasus spat out the sparkling water out of her mouth.

"Hoho-hahahahaha! I can't belive you fell for the old, 'Fool-in-the-Box' gag!! Ahaha-hahaha! Wa-hahaha!" The Fool slapped his knee as the pegasus shook the seltzer out of her fur. "You maybe the fastest pegasus in the world, but when it comes to my smarts, you're all wet! Hohoho-hahaha!"

Rainbow Dash growled and flew at The Fool's face, fogging up his mask with her muzzle's snorts.

"So you think that's funny, huh, tough guy!?" the tomboy pegasus shouted in his face. "Seeing everypony suffer because of your pranks while you stand here, laughing like there's no problem in the whole world!?" The Fool nodded. Dash's eyes narrowed into rage. "Then you know what time it is? It's payback time."

RIIIIIIINNNNNNNGGGGGG!

The Fool gave the "one moment" finger gesture and reached out to his back pocket, where he pulled out his ringing alarm clock. "Actually, my fine feathered friend," The Fool replied. "It's just about time for me to honk your nose and mess with your hairdo." The Fool tossed his alarm clock, honked Rainbow Dash's nose and messed with her mane to make it appear the mane arched over to form an actual rainbow.

Dash snarled like a wild animal, ready to pounce on her prey. She raised her hooves to strike The Fool directly in the face and string him up like a puppet...

...only to have The Fool raise a cherry pie up and into her face.

SPLAT!

Rainbow Dash screamed as The Fool chortled. The jester jumped, clicked his heels and zipped out of the alleyway, leaving the pegasus cussing underneath the dripping cherry pie filling. Pinkie Pie popped out of a trash can next to the middle one, looked around the alleyway and spotted her friend wiping away the cherries.

"Hi, Rainbow Dash! I'm looking for a new pony that I just saw in town! Do you know where he went!?"

Rainbow Dash grunted. "Pinkie, this isn't--! Guh, never mind! He went that way!" she said, pointing a hoof towards the exit of the alleyway.

Pinkie jumped out of the trash can and zipped down the picture, leaving a disgruntled Rainbow Dash in the alleyway with pie filling still on her face. Pinkie reappeared next to her, licked the cherry goop off of her cheek then cantered back out in pursuit of the new pony.

^W^

Applejack and Rarity galloped side by side as they tried to find The Fool creating havoc in Ponyville. They stopped at a street crossing, panting for breath as both the unicorn and the cowgirl pony looked around the area.

"Any sign of that no-good varmint?" Applejack asked.

"Sadly, the trail has gone simply cold," Rarity said, levitating a fan in front of her sweating face. "May we cease with this pointless chase? All of this running is making my beautiful visage perspire."

"No can do, Sally," Applejack replied. "We have a creature to track down and make him pay fer all the damage he's done ta our home."

"Well, speak of Tirek," Rarity replied back. "Look." Applejack glanced down the avenue where Rarity's hoof was pointed. They saw the neatly-dressed jester enter a street in plain sight. The Fool must've spotted them, because he turned on one foot and went inside a dark building.

"There's that no-good varmint! Come on!"

Applejack and Rarity galloped into the building where The Fool retreated into. They galloped into complete darkness, not seeing their own hooves in front of their faces. Then the lights shone on the two mares, blinding them completely for a moment or two as they heard a familiar, yet obnoxious voice.

"Hohoho-hahaha! Welcome my friends! I'm so glad you all could make it onto the set!" The Fool chortled, wearing a director's cap and sitting in a director's seat. "I'm so glad you both are here! I needed a couple of mares to help make my production of my new movie!"

"Just old on one apple-pickin' second there, boy!" Applejack interjected. "Ah'm not here ta be a movie star, Ah wanna know why yer doin' this ta everypony!"

"Indeed! Your attempt for attention is simply uncouth!" Rarity scoffed. "Not to mention that your outfit is a hazard to everypony's eyes!"

The Fool let out a high-pitched laughed. "Perfect! Those attitudes are just what I need to help complete my future film blockbuster! The stubbornness of a cowgirl and the persnicketiness of a fashion designer! All alone with each other showing passionate feelings for each other! It will be hip! It will be heart-breaking! It will be...romantic."

"'Passionate feelings!?'" Applejack echoed. "Wait a minute! Are y'all tryin' ta--!?"

The Fool pulled a rope next to him which spilled clear adhesive all over the two mares. Applejack and Rarity froze instantly, with their mouths hanging open. They could barely speak, nor move a muscle except for their eye muscles. The Fool quickly positioned the two mares and hopped back in the director's chair. "Alright! Places, people, places! Quiet on the set!" The Fool yelled through his megaphone. He formed a bubble of clear, blue light which floated behind Applejack.

"And...ACTION!"

BANG!

The frozen Applejack was tipped forward by the force of the popped bubble. With no control of her body, Applejack was falling forwards towards Rarity, both open mouths quickly meeting each other. The mouths locked, and both mares blushed as they felt the warmth of their mouths connect each other in a forced passionate kiss. They felt like they could throw up anytime soon.

"And CUT!"

The Fool tipped Applejack back to her original position and raised his arms up into the air. "Bravo! Bravo! Bravissimo! You two have proven me you could become big! I'm gonna make you two big! I'm gonna make you girls rich! Famous! Glorious! Stanley Kubrick, eat your little heart out! Hohohoho-hahahaha!"

"Hi!"

The Fool gave a quick girly scream as he found himself staring face-to-face with a smiling pink pony.

"I'm Pinkie Pie! What's your name!?"

"Sorry, no time to say hello or good-bye! I'm late! I'm late! I'm late!" The Fool shouted panicking as he snapped his fingers. He and his filming equipment disappeared into thin air, leaving bubbles floating around. Pinkie Pie ran out of the building, her head looking up to the sky.

"Wait! Come back! I was gonna throw you a welcoming party!"

The door to the building slammed shut. Motionless Applejack and Rarity were left in the dark, emptiness of the building, looking worried at each other or around them for fear of possibly something hidden in the shadows. Minute by minute, the adhesive cracked off, leaving only the mares' vocal cords moving for now.

"Rarhy! Han ya hear gnee!?" Applejack asked past her frozen lips pried open.

"Ahhulhack, harring? Less neher seek o his againg!" Rarity replied.

...

...

...

"Rarhy?"

"Yecch, Ahhulhack?"

"Why hoo ya caske ike a ngarshgnarrow?"*

^W^

The Fool popped onto a rooftop somewhere in Ponyville. He looked around to see any sign of the eccentric pink pony who recently gave him a scare. Fortunately, The Fool did not see any pink pony anywhere in his sights. With a relieved sigh, The Fool brushed himself off, tipped his hat, brought his staff out of his sleeve and walked down the rooftop.

"Hi again!"

The Fool yelped in shock. He turned and saw the pink pony smiling cheerfully in his face.

"Hi, my name is Pinkie Pie! What's your name!? Do you have a name!? Do you even have a name!? What kind of creature are you!? What's with the silly clothing!? Are you a prankster, like me!? Oh, I love pranking, as long as it's in good clean fun! What's your name!? Is it Silly Willy!? Laugh Box!? No, it's Clownface! Clownface!"

The Fool wore earplugs to drown out Pinkie's yelling while rode a red rocket kiddy ride with a few yellow stars painted on both sides of the rocket. He stifled a yawn as the pink pony continued speaking, hitting him with questions and stories like a rapid-fire machine gun.

"...Then there was this one time where I made the scary faces on the trees disappear with laughter! They were like BLAURGH! and I was like Hehehehe-hahaha! and my friends..."

The Fool sat on a folding chair, chuckling at the funny papers while he drowned out the pony's hyperactively told stories with the earplugs. "Oh, you crazy cat, I love kicking dogs off of tables, too," he said to the fictional character in a strip he read.

"...Then I was getting thrown around with Pumpkin's magic and I was MMM-MMMPH! MM! MMM! MMMPHH!" The Fool clamped Pinkie's muzzle down with his hands. Pinkie started to blow up like a balloon (complete with balloon-filling sounds) and The Fool released her, causing the pony to fly around with air blown out until she ran out of air on top of the rooftop with the human jester on it.

"Pardon me for the little blow-out," The Fool said apologetically. "But do you know where I can find the way to Canada for the big annual Just For Laughs Comedy Festival? I think I took a wrong turn and ended up in a fairy tale world and I would love to get out of here A.S.A.P."

Pinkie Pie touched her chin with her hoof. "Canada...Canada...mmm, nope. Never heard of it."

The Fool tilted his head in curiosity. "Really? Huhu. Have you heard of the United States of America before?"

"Eenope."

"North America? South America? Russia? Asia? France? Germany? Antartica? Japan?"

"Nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope, nope and, uhh...nope!" Pinkie Pie declared happily, smiling with a squee! "Ooh! Ooh! You know who might help you with your little problem? Heeheehee, that's right, you don't know this place at all, do you!? Well, let me tell you that the only ponies who might help you go back to wherever you came are the princesses of Equestria!"

"Equestria, huh?" The Fool tilted his head in curiosity. "So is that where I am?"

"Eeyup!"

"Hohoho-hahaha! Wonderful! It seems as though the Fates have played a little joke on little old me! Oh, wait, I'm 20 years old so I'm not that old. Hohoho-hahaha!"

Pinkie Pie giggled to The Fool's bantering. "Hehehehe! You're funny mister! Ooh, that's right, I never got your name!" Pinkie shot her wild grinning face into the jester's masked visage. "Do you have a name!? You have a name, right!?"

The Fool reached into his jacket and pulled out his card. "Here," he said.

Pinkie Pie took the card and read it out loud. "'Tarot Card 0 - The Fool.' Hehehehehe, that's certainly a funny picture you have here! Oh, I know, we can throw you a 'Welcome-to-Ponyville-and-Equestria-Fool' party for you! There's gonna be cakes, cupcakes and wonderfully delicious pie! Whaddya say!? Huh, huh, huh, huh, HUH!?"

The Fool pondered a bit, unaware of a certain cyan pegasus sneaking up behind him with her face as red as an apple. "I'm not sure about," The Fool answered. "Between you and me, with all the jokes I've pulled on you ponies today, trying to fit in is going to be a pain in the--."

THWACK!

"HOHOHOHOHOHOHOHOHO-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" DING!

Rainbow Dash bucked The Fool hard in the rear, sending him flying across Ponyville and into the distance. She sighed in relief, finally letting all her anger towards the joking pariah into her hind legs. The Fool soon became a speck in the blue sky, marked with a shine.

"Phew! Finally! Now Ponyville can relax with that freak gone!"

"Dashie! That was totally mean of you to do that to the new pony!" Pinkie Pie scolded. "Why would you do that to a funny guy like him!?"

"Uh, Pinkie?" Rainbow Dash deadpanned. "That was no pony I've ever seen and in case you haven't heard, he's been reeking more chaos here than Discord did last year!"

"Sooooooo...?"

Rainbow Dash wiped her face downward with her hoof. "So, he's made other ponies around here his victims to his pranks! He had Big Mac get spanked by Granny Smith, traumatized both of those snobby brat fillies (even though they were brattly little jerks), sent Carrot Top to become Screw Loose's new playmate, scared Fluttershy half to death, soaked me in seltzer and made fillyfoolers out of AJ and Rarity!"

Pinkie Pie just sat there on the rooftop, no emotion, no clue. A fly flew in one ear and out of the other.

Rainbow Dash groaned.

"You're gonna become friend with that guy, aren't you?" she asked.

"Eeyup!" Pinkie squeaked. "A prankster who puts a lot of zeal into his work should totally be my friend!" The pink Earth pony visored her eyes towards the direction where The Fool flew towards. "And judging by the power of that kick you landed him, he must be making a beeline towards Canterlot!"

"CANTERLOT!?" Rainbow Dash screamed. "But Twilight and the princesses are having a summit there! This could be trouble! Come on, we gotta warn them about that freak!" Rainbow zoomed into the sky with lightning-fast speed for the capital of Equestria, leaving Pinkie Pie stranded on the rooftop.

"Okay! Call me if you need anything! La la la la la, la la la, la la la!"

Author's Note:

* Muffled conversation, for any of you who don't know.
AJ: Rarity. Can ya hear me?
Rarity: Applejack, darling? Let's never speak of this again.
AJ: Rarity?
Rarity: Yes Applejack?
AJ: Why do ya taste like a marshmallow?

Comments

[Max Caulfield]

and made fillyfoolers out of AJ and Rarity!

... Wait a minute...

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Ugh... Now my voice is broken...

[lol2424242424]

"Hi, Connor!"

I don't know if you meant to do this, but you just mind fd me by using my first name.

[Autismo555]

3545748 Actually, I meant it as a shout-out to my favorite FIMFiction author, Ceehoff. Connor is his character.
I guess I should've added in Fluffle Puff there.

[lol2424242424]

3545778 Even still, I think that was awesome, though probably only to me.

[The Watcher 509]

Upa! The Fool is like me!

[The Gemini Guy]

[youtube=https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=lFvkMH38n7U]

[ksuiata]

"Eeyup!" Pinkie squeaked. "A prankster who puts a lot of zeal into his work should totally be my friend!" The pink Earth pony visored her eyes towards the direction where The Fool flew towards. "And judging by the power of that kick you landed him, he must be making a beeline towards Canterlot!"

Well that was convenient