Babs Bunny Sized Adventure

After a crusading adventure ends up not going to well Babs tries to search for a way to get back to her normal self.

Chapters (3)

Chapter 1 · 13th Nov 2013 · 2,203 words
2,203
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Chapter 2 · 16th Dec 2013 · 2,371 words
2,371
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Chapter 3 · 6th Feb 2014 · 1,967 words
1,967
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Comments ( 15 )

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Mattricole

Mattricole #1 · Nov 13th, 2013 · · · Chapter 1 ·

"I'm a bunny now" she asked her reflection.

If she's asking a question, there needs to be a question mark.

The message came across for Fluttershy said " Babs was it?

Missing quotations.

Eventually Fluttershy broke it up and scolded the both of them "Now Angel I understand that that was your spot but that was no reason to push our guest onto the floor" Angel glared at Babs and she returned the glare with her tongue sticking out at him. " and... What was your name little one"
" Babs"
“Excuse me?”
Babs face pawed of course pony’s wouldn’t understand her now that she was a species who couldn’t verbally communicate with them. She resorted to using gestures as well as saying her name slowly. The message came across for Fluttershy said " Babs was it?

When there is a new speaker, you should make a new paragraph for that speaker. You kind of did this, but you don't space the paragraphs apart, causing them to look like they are the same paragraph.

"Oh dear you must of been really hungry" Fluttershy said as she grabbed two more carrots and hoofed them over to her.

Pretty sure there should be a comma after hungry, since it's followed by a action, though I'm only like 75 percent sure.

"Thank you Fluttershy"

And since nothing comes after this, there needs to be a period after Fluttershy.

I kinda remember you showing us this on the group chat some time ago, that or I'm going completely crazy. Not gonna lie, this fic needs a bit of fixing up, has potential, but the amount of flaws makes it hard for me to read.

On the bright side, the beginning was quite enjoyable, it seems your biggest issue is character interaction and dialogue because as soon as Fluttershy and Angel were introduced the flaws became much more apparent.

Red Light

Red Light #2 · Nov 13th, 2013 · · · Chapter 1 ·

You had me with the bunny Babs picture

M Specter

M Specter #3 · Nov 13th, 2013 · 1 · · Chapter 1 ·

3483054
Yea i know what you mean i saw this pic and I was like "I gotta make a story out of this" and here it is. Also I like your profile pic it's one of my favorite DS games

OmniFox

OmniFox #4 · Dec 19th, 2013 · · · Chapter 2 ·

Misspelled Babs.

Brony420

Brony420 #5 · Jan 24th, 2014 · 8 · · Chapter 2 ·

"I'm Angle Bunny!"
"And I'm Babs Bunny!"

"...No relation."

Venatus21

Venatus21 #6 · Feb 6th, 2014 · · · Chapter 3 ·

GGRRrr
[Damn it...I still see some slight errors I missed. Do you want me to point them out or is this okay?]

M Specter

M Specter #7 · Feb 6th, 2014 · · · Chapter 3 ·

3903045
Point them out please.

Venatus21

Venatus21 #8 · Feb 6th, 2014 · · · Chapter 3 ·

3903386
GGRRrr
[Ok I did it. I hope I got them all, or at least with only few still missing.]

Boss_Hoss1

Boss_Hoss1 #9 · Mar 14th, 2014 · · · Chapter 3 ·

Sooo Angel's training is the very thing Owloycious wanted her to avoid? And has willingly murdered other bunnies and possibly not-bunnies in the same manner? Eyuup, looks like a certain owl is gonna have hassenpfeffer on his menu sometime soon...