• Published 11th Nov 2013
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Gladiator - Not_A_Hat



Human in Equestria? Check. Trying to find his way home? Check. Surrounded by clueless candy-colored equines? Check. Magically soul-bonded to Twilight Sparkle using dread necromantic magic and an evil artifact? Check.

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47 - Work

Yaaaaaaawn….

I rolled out of bed, rubbing my eyes. Not having an alarm clock or a regular job, I went to bed when I was sleepy and woke when I was rested. It was a very pleasant way to live. I'd been surprised when I realized I was going to bed earlier and waking up earlier.

I stretched and pulled back my thick felt curtains. When I slept, I liked it dark. The Everfree loomed cool and peaceful in the misty air. I glanced at the weather schedule tacked by the window and the outdoor thermometer. Today was a shorts-and-bare-feet day. I shrugged into clean clothes, fluffed my thin blanket once, and stepped out of my bedroom.

I almost tripped over a hard, black bug, curled tightly on the floor before my door.

"Bit…" I rubbed my eyes and sighed, before carefully stepping over my aide and continuing to the kitchen. I opened my freezer and pulled out two waxed packets of frozen strawberries. Two bowls and a jug of milk joined them on the table.

Berries were thawing, mixed with cold milk and a spoonful of sugar, by the time Bitterbloom awoke. It slowly joined me at the table.

"Morning." I pushed a bowl across to Bit, who stirred it with a spoon and carefully inspected the contents. "Found you in front of my door again."

"Sorry."

"Don't apologize." I smiled, trying to sound comforting. "If you really want to sleep there, I won't stop you. I just thought you might like your own bed more."

"I do." Bit slowly started eating. "But I moved in my sleep."

"Oh." I shrugged. "Well, Ok. Um, when you're done with your breakfast, would you check the mail?"

Bit nodded silently. I turned to my own bowl. Giving it ways to help, even small things like checking the mail, helped keep it happy.

It was developing with surprising swiftness in many ways. Its acuity and recall had surprised both Twilight and I; it had easily reached, if not surpassed, comprehension level for its disguise. At least, as far as facts went.

Emotionally, it still lagged.

I wasn't sure how to feel about that. Honestly, expecting results in weeks was foolish. Despite that, I impatiently wished it would grow up faster, feelings I hid with careful and scrupulous precision. I was a poor role model for emotions in so many ways; I didn't want to burden Bit with anything it couldn't help. Still, its inability to think freely weighed on me.

Bit silently finished its milk and headed for the mailbox. By the time it returned, I'd rolled out my exercise mat and started stretching. I didn't visit Lyra every day, but I always practiced. I would stretch and drill myself in techniques. In the evening, I played scales on my synth and did magic training.

"Ok, talk to me." That was usually enough.

"Yes." Bit set the mail down and stood calmly watching. "Yesterday, I learned smiling is friendly."

"Oh?" I puffed a breath and mimed a palm strike. "Did Sakura teach you?"

"Yes." Bit frowned slightly, and I grinned slightly. Even small signs of real emotion were good. Bit originally displayed little more than confusion and wariness, even to me. "But, not with her words. I saw her doing it. She smiles at ponies and ponies smile back. Then, they are more friendly. I want to smile more, so I can be more friendly."

"Do it, then."

Bit nodded.

I tried to reinforce the things I liked about Bit, which seemed to empower it. Doing so made me feel odd, but I didn't think stopping would be better. Besides, how else do you teach? Still, Bit's loyalty hadn't wavered one smidgen. I felt manipulative.

"Alright." I finished my exercises in silence, and sat cross-legged on the mat. "Your turn."

This was Bit's favorite part. I would allow it some emotion. Under Onyx's tuition, Bit learned siphoning. Twilight and I worked together, to find a solution that would satisfy all three of us. Twilight had even wanted to involve the link, but I'd held back. Why complicate things more? The link was sort of secret. And…well, I was wary of exposing either of them to my memories. I didn't want to hurt Twilight any more than Bit.

After the backlash from the first time, we proceeded with caution. We carefully learned I could give Bit small amounts, and it could restrain itself. As long as it didn't draw too much, I kept my control. As long as I controlled myself, it didn't overdose on negative emotions. It still drew some, but Onyx had taught it how to convert them, despite claiming they didn't have the same energy potential as loyalty and tasted awful.

As it turned out, Bit needed more emotion, on a more regular basis, than Onyx. Higher maintenance was the price paid for actually changing shape, becoming touchably fuzzy and soft, with a real mane and tail. I'd be more annoyed, but it meant I didn't worry as much about letting an inexperienced agent out in public. For that, I was willing to lend it emotion every day. Especially since it was much more careful now.

This time I barely noticed the drain. A haze of lethargy washed through me, followed by reactions of nausea and shivering, but I held my concentration and both faded quickly. Every day, its touch was softer, and I did a little better.

"I'm done."

I looked up; as it internalized my emotions, color swirled across its eyes. A thin thread of blue twisted through muddy brown tension and rusty frustration. I tried not to wince. I hadn't realized my negative feelings were that strong. If I was lucky, it wouldn't know what those colors meant.

"Sorry. Not much pleasant today." I stretched one last time.

"I don't mind."

I shrugged. It always said that, despite the obvious lack of blue. I hoped Bit would eventually draw loyalty from its own set of friends. I felt strongly responsible for Bit and there was loyalty in those feelings, but the rest of my emotions seemed to cloud that out. I couldn't supply much emotion with only free-floating feelings. That wouldn't change anytime soon.

I reached for the mail. As I did, it's horn glowed slightly. I turned back, watching curiously as faint curls of blue wisped from the jagged edges, crawled up the length, and coalesced on the tip, forming a tiny crystalline drop.

"Is that…condensate?"

Bit nodded.

"You haven't touched a drop of my loyalty, have you."

Bit shook its head.

"Oh, Bitterbloom." I rubbed my eyes, not sure what to make of this. It was…touching, in a way, and blindly foolish, in ten more. "Hold a sec." I walked to the kitchen, opened the drawer of phials I needed to return to Zecora, and came back with a small octagonal one the size of my pinkie. "Here." I held it up. The drop of blue floated across, and filled the phial half-way. I corked it and wired the lid. "There." I held it out to Bit.

"It's…for you." Bit pushed my hand back, slowly.

"Oh." I held the bottle up, azure contents luminous in the dim morning. What could I do with loyalty condensate? Still, this was weeks worth of Bit's work. The thought really did count, right? I'd hold it for now, and maybe I could return it later. "Thank you." I tucked it into my pocket. "I'll treasure it. Now, don't forget to dress." I smiled at that. I always hoped Bit would laugh with me, but it simply stared blankly back as it assumed its disguise. "Good." I shuffled through the mail. "Huh." I stopped at one sealed with the very new sigil of the Changeling Ambassadorial Subcommittee. "Work."


The letter crinkled in my hand as I slowly paced the path to Fluttershy's. It was early, but she rose with the dawn. Bit trotted behind. I re-read the letter, trying to internalize it completely.

Your Excellency, it started. Again, I tried to suppress a snort. Celestia claimed bureaucracy bred stuffed shirts, and she was on to something. If I was an 'excellency', something was amiss.

Your Excellency,

A request for aid has been submitted to the department. As this is our first real petition, we have forwarded it to you, the only ranking member and field agent.

Enclosed were two more letters. I'd opened the one marked 'Sapphire Shores' first.

To whom it may concern;

I'm not a changeling, somepony framed me! Please believe me; I need your help! what can I do? This is wreaking havoc with my life and tour! You're the only ponies who know what's going on; please help me! I'll be staying in Baltimare, at the Single Carrot Theater, until I can sort this out.

Hopeful as the next wave,
Sapphire Shores.

Short, to the point, emphatic and reasonable. On the whole, I thought I'd like this Sapphire Shores. The next letter complicated things a bit. It was marked 'Fancy', and sealed with a stylized iris.

Wes

News of Sapphire's plight reached me. I’m glad she decided to ask us; it makes things easier. I don't want to confuse your loyalties, so let me know if this won't work; I'm not privy to all your arrangements with the Tezecans. However, this opportunity is too good to pass up.

Remember how somepony was harassing you? Although we can't be sure, I'm half convinced that was a changeling plot to sow panic. Without Rarity's counter-action, we might have had serious trouble in Ponyville. Unfortunately for the Archive, your antagonist has gone to ground. Sapphire, however, offers us another chance. There's definitely an agent moving against her.

If possible, I would like to capture them.

I don't know what this will take. Work with Sapphire, and see if you can figure something out. Remember, we're not an army, but you're free to take reasonable and necessary action. Intelligence is our weakest front; we have no idea of the enemy’s long-term goals, and even our short-term projections are based on happenstance and assumption. If we only confirm they absorb fear, we will be further along.

Every day I rock my
Fancy Pants.

I grinned at that. The pony fashion of signing off with a phrase was a little silly, but usually made me smile. The more I talked to Fancy, the more I liked him. He was rich, fashionable, smart and clever, but above all, humble. That's what really made him stand above most of the Canterlot unicorns I'd met, and I think what made Celestia value him. He didn't take himself seriously.

Still, he was rightfully serious about the Agency. I carefully refolded my mail as I crossed the bridge outside Fluttershy's. This would be an interesting job, but he was right; we desperately needed info, and the only reliable source was the enemy. I needed to tread carefully with Shores; her well-being came first. But if we could get a prisoner or a hostage, it would be a wonderful boost to our efforts.

"Fluttershy?" I knocked on her door gently.

"Wes?" She opened the door gently.

"Yeah." I stepped inside. Her house was bright and airy, active and pleasant despite, or possibly because of, the early hour. "Got a minute?"

"Of course." She hugged Bit as it followed me in. It twitched slightly at the unexpected embrace. I'd no idea what Bit thought of Fluttershy. It didn't seem to mind the attention, but never really reacted, either. Of course, it wasn't big on 'reacting' in general, so that might not mean anything. On the other hand, Fluttershy was the best at reading non-ponies I'd ever met, which was precisely why I was here; if she thought Bitterbloom liked hugs, I wouldn't contradict.

"So, um." I rubbed my head, trying to think of a good way to phrase this. "Would you be willing to help me identify a changeling?"

Her eyes grew wide.

"What do you mean?"

"It's like this…" I spread the letters out, and summarized the situation. "…so I was thinking, maybe you'd be willing to help. At some point, we'll want to spot a pony in disguise. That means being able to read through a disguise. If anypony can get a read on a changeling, it's going to be you. You can always tell what a non-pony is thinking, and that sort of edge could be a big help."

"But I couldn't tell the difference in Canterlot."

"Well, no." I frowned. "But you weren't forewarned. And most of those bugs weren't actually agents; they were part of the hivemind. With Chrysalis controlling them directly, their mimicry was much, much more refined. Actual agents have to think for themselves; they're only as good at acting as they've practiced to be. I think you might be able to spot differences given the chance."

"U-um…"

"Hey, if you don't want to, that's OK."

"Well, I…I might be able to help."

I smiled slightly. I'd been honestly unsure what to expect here. Fluttershy was timid, true, but also one of the bravest ponies I'd ever met, facing down her natural inclination to terror time and again. This mission didn't look dangerous, but changelings were unpredictable, and she didn't like that. Still, I promised myself that if she did come, I'd do everything in my power to keep her safe.

"If, maybe, you'd let me borrow Bitterbloom?"

"Um…" I stopped, floored. "Borrow? What do you want to do?"

"Snuggle." She said softly. "Bit needs more hugs."

"Um, you'll have to ask Bit yourself, but…I don't have a problem with you hugging." I shrugged. Maybe it was her talent at work; if snuggles brought out Bit's personality faster, I wouldn't complain. "So, you'll come and look? You don't need to do any more than that."

"Yes, if you need me. Give me a few hours to-"

"Oh, no need to rush that much. We'll leave tomorrow; I need to get tickets and directions, and I was thinking of inviting either Twilight or Dash as well. If you'd meet me at the train station tomorrow, this time?" She nodded. "Awesome! You're the best, Flutters. Thanks again; see you tomorrow." She nodded goodbye, and I backed out the door. "Bit, take a letter for Fancy." My aide pulled out my slim correspondence folder, faithfully dogging my steps. I started dictating to my number-one assistant as we headed into town.


"Sorry, Wes. Can't do it; I've got to help plan the Hoedown." Twilight grimaced. "I'd love to; you know that."

"Sure." I grinned, thinking of the way she'd originally latched onto Onyx. "You'll have to do without changeling research for little; I'm taking Onyx with me. Bit too, probably, because I'm pretty sure it would just follow if I tried to leave it behind."

"Awwww."

"Sunset?" I turned to the other unicorn. We were in the library, surrounded by piles of books.

"Hmm?" She closed her current volume, and carefully re-stacked it. She grimaced at the mess. "Sorry, I can't; not unless you really need me. I've got a cartload of stuff arriving that day, and I'll be swamped. Actually, I hoped for your help moving."

"Blech, sorry." I shrugged. "Not my fault."

"I know, some things you can't help." She shot me a glare over a stack. "Not like this mess. Can't you clean up after yourself?"

"Heh, I have an assistant." I puffed my chest out proudly. "Bit, could you help me here?" She glowered as my aide started to carry books off to the shelves.

"Hrmph."

"What's eating you, Sunny?"

"Sunny?"

"Sure." I shrugged. "You call me Wes, I'll call you Sunny."

"Pff." She laughed quietly. "Fine; here's what's up. As far as I can tell, there's no way to get that thing out of you." She pointed a hoof at my chest.

"Sure." I shifted uncomfortably. "We checked that. It's solidly nodalized; tearing it out before the matrix heals around it would cause more harm than help."

"And you're okay with that?"

"Obviously not!" I chewed my lip. "Still, there's not much we can do. We would either need to revisit the binding spell, which is chancy at best; Twilight half-did it by instinct, or we would need to have a schematic for the crystal."

"Schematic?"

"Sorry, rune plot." I shrugged. "It's not easy either way. We decided just waiting was the best option. We have been healing."

"I'd agree, if you didn't have such a penchant for trouble." She frowned at me. "You're likely to re-injure yourself, and then where will you be?"

"Worse off than before." Twilight gave her a sharp stare. "But the alternatives are even riskier. Celestia always said, let sleeping hedgehogs lie."

"…she did?" I quirked an eyebrow at that.

"Yeah." Sunset nodded. "I never really understood that one either."

"Huh." I rubbed my forehead. "But I'm not going alone. I've got Fluttershy's help, along with the changelings. I might not need to fight anything. Still, I'd like to take another friend." I shrugged. "Last time, I learned watching my own back is tricky, and a party of two isn't really enough for me."

"Three." Twilight rolled her eyes.

"Huh? Yeah, three might-"

"Two."

"Wait, what? Why are you count-"

"One."

"Ok, seriously-"

"PARTY?"

"Oh." I glanced at Pinkie, who had just shown up, throwing confetti, blowing a noisemaker, and carrying cupcakes. "Um. Huh, this actually has potential." I grinned at her. "Want to help Sapphire Shores get her smile back?" Her grin was answer enough.


"So, what if I promised something impossible? Like flying to the moon?"

We were in Balitmare, having completed the trip before nightfall. Trains weren't fast compared to planes, but they went direct and didn't stop.

"But you could fly to the moon, right? With a big enough rocket, or a huge cannon?" Pinkie bounced along beside me. I had no idea how she kept that up for so long.

"Maybe." I frowned. "I mean, yeah, you could, but I don’t think Equestria has the science or production capability. That's not the question, though. What if I Pinkie Promised something I couldn't do?"

"Try it!"

"Is that a good idea?"

"Oh, don't worry, silly! It won't hurt much!"

"That's…not very reassuring."

We'd been given a room by the Changeling Subcommittee. Onyx, Bit, and Fluttershy had stayed behind, while Pinkie and I went to visit Sapphire. I'd taken a bit of time to get acquainted with the local branch of the subcommittee. So far all they were doing was spreading information, but it helped. Ponies no longer saw changelings everywhere, and now let authorities deal with them instead of stampeding or forming a mob. More improvement would take more time.

"Just give it a try! You'll be Ok. But remember the motions!"

"Hmm. I promise to… run faster than lightspeed. Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my-OW!"

"That one doesn't count."

"Cross my heart and hope to fly, stick a cupcake-OW!"

"That one either."

"Crossmyheartandhopetoflystickacupcakein-OW!"

"Neither does that."

"I'm done." I walked quietly for a bit, to the gentle spring of Pinkie's hooves. "So…"

"Yeah?"

"If you promise something impossible, you can't complete the motions?"

"Why ask me? I don't make the rules. But who would make a promise they know they can't keep? That would be a lie!"

"…yeah, I guess you're right."

We stopped in front of the One Carrot Theater. The front was unassuming, but it was prominently placed and gave off an air of quality. The doors were closed, but unlocked. I knocked once and entered.

"Can I help you?"

A pony sat behind the ticket counter just inside. He eyed us askance, but perked up when I offered him my seal.

"I'm here to visit Sapphire Shores, from the Changeling Subcommittee."

"Ah." He inspected the seal and gave us both a searching look, before nodding. "I got your letter. Miss Shores is expecting you. If you'd follow me?"

"So, what's the plan?" Pinkie hissed in a stage whisper, as we followed the…concierge? Bellboy? Owner? I realized I had no idea who we were following.

"No need to whisper," I retorted. "We're just meeting Sapphire, to introduce ourselves and maybe work out a few ideas. We need to be sure of what we're up against before we plan more."

"I. Think. We. Should. Have. A. Party." Pinkie replied, still whispering.

"Maybe." I shrugged, honestly considering the idea. "Getting her into contact with a lot of ponies, and starting word-of-mouth in the right direction is worth doing. But we'll need to ask what she thinks."

"Miss Shores?" Our guide knocked on a door. Muffled sobbing could be heard from inside. I glanced at Pinkie, whose face had taken a determined cast. There was a moment of silence, muffled hoofsteps, and the door cracked. A light-yellow mare with a sky-blue mane peeked out. Her eyes were puffy, and she'd obviously been crying. Still, as soon as she realized she had an audience, she composed herself sternly and produced a pleasant smile.

"Yes, Carrot?"

Owner, then.

"This is Mister Wesley Kilmer, and Miss Pinkie Pie. They're here to talk to you about your…dilemma."

"Oh!" She gave us a quick inspection. "Well, I certainly do appreciate your prompt arrival. Give me a minute to freshen up." The door closed, and One Carrot gave us a shrug.

"She won't be long." He turned back to his desk.

I nodded. From the room, I heard water running, glass clinking, and a few chairs scraping, before the door was flung wide and we were ushered in. The room wasn't a mess, although it showed signs of hurried cleaning.

"Come in. I'm sorry about the room, I haven't been at my best." She spoke softly with a lilting accent. I nodded and found a cushion. Pinkie materialized some cupcakes and joined me.

"Thanks, Miss Shores. Um, you probably know I'm the Equestrian ambassador to the Tezecan Changelings, and I'm trying to sort situations like this out. I'd like to do everything I can to help you, but if you don't mind, we first need to confirm you’re not a changeling."

"O-oh." She frowned. "What do you need?"

"Well, the best way to tell a changeling is by touch. If you don’t' mind, could I have a hug?"

I gingerly embraced the pop singer. I was a little surprised when she broke down in tears on my shoulder.

"O-oh, Mister Wesley, this week has been absolutely horrid!"

I patted her back gently. Real fur and mane. I even scanned her magic surreptitiously. Unless she was a new model, like Bit, she wasn't a bug; I might distrust one test, but both combined was quite solid. From what Onyx had grudgingly divulged, Bit was far from standard, maybe even impractical for a regular agent.

"There, there." I tried to be as comforting as I could. "It'll be OK." Eventually, she calmed a bit.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I just don't know what came over me."

"Stress, probably. It's not a problem." She stepped back and I offered her a cupcake. "So, can you tell us what happened? From what I’ve read, a changeling impersonated you before revealing itself to a herd of fans?"

"Yes, that sums it up." She drew a shuddery breath and took a bite of her treat. "I was running late that day. Imagine my horror to discover somepony else had showed up at the press conference in my place! I'm only glad I found out before I got there, or things could have turned nasty."

"Mhmm." I nodded; about what I expected. "Well, we'll do what we can to help you. But I’m sure you know, repairing a damaged image can be difficult."

"Can't you…put out a message, or something?"

"That's a good idea." I frowned; I hadn't really considered that. "I can send a letter to the newspaper, if you like, with my seal on it. I'm quite certain you're not a bug. That might be a good start. But, that might not be the end of it either."

"How do you mean?" She gave me a skeptical look. She was already perking up, resuming her confident face.

"Well, one reason I'm in this position is because I've been targeted in similar ways." I frowned, steepling my fingers. "The changelings can't mimic me, but it seems they're trying to spread unrest. It doesn't take much to make ponies wary of me. The point is, though, that they didn't stop after just one incident."

"Horseapples."

"Exactly. I was subject several attacks on my character. That might not be true for you, but we can't discount it either."

"If so… we need to catch the culprit!" She stamped a hoof firmly.

"That would, of course, be the best solution." I hesitated. "Unfortunately, there's no simple way to do that. These bugs are masters of disguise. We need to find them, and be sure it's them, before we move. Unless we get lucky-"

"Throw. A. Party."

"Pinkie, parties are not the answer to every-"

"Actually, that's not a bad idea." Sapphire Shores frowned.

"See!?"

"What are you thinking, Miss Shores?"

"Call me Sapphire, please."

"Then call me Wes."

"Well, Wes, this isn't the first time I've dealt with rumor mongers. None of them have been quite this devious, but they often run in the same circles. If this…agent, is really targeting me, she or her cronies will be keeping tabs. So, if I throw…well, maybe not a party. Perhaps a soiree, or another press conference, there's a chance she'll show."

"Hmmm." That actually made a lot of sense. "If they intend to make another move."

"Of course."

"Hmmhmm. Well, Sapphire, I must say; you're no simple starlet to think like that."

"Please, Wes. The simple ponies never make it to the top. I am the Pony of Pop."

"I'll do my best not to forget. Anyways, I think you've got a good point. This bug can't be working with close contacts; all our sources indicate agents usually spread extremely thin. If anything, they're buying information, but that's unreliable. How better to get info, then pose as a reporter or photographer? It's only a theory, but…" I rubbed my chin. "It's a good one, as far as I can tell. There are a few things to make sure of, though."

"Yes?"

"First off, Sapphire, what we're talking about here is called a 'sting'. It's a type of trap. We want to lure the changeling in and force its hoof. How exactly we'll do that, we can work out later, but I want to be clear on something. You," I pointed to her, "are a civilian. I can't allow you to do anything to endanger yourself. My colleagues and I are professionals. If you ever feel unsafe, or somepony asks you to do something you're uncomfortable with, tell me right away. It's my job to ensure your safety. Alright?"

She nodded slowly.

"That being said, we'd appreciate any help you're willing to give." I shrugged. "Truth be told, we're all treading new ground here. This is going to be interesting. We could discover important facts and set far-reaching precedents."

"I'll do whatever I can to clear my name and catch this scoundrel."

"Good." I nodded firmly. That attitude was exactly what we needed. "Then, this is for you." I passed her a coin, stamped with the same seal I carried. "Keep it on your person." I held up an identical one. "Authentication is tricky in this sort of situation, but this is the best we've developed so far. These coins have a rolling cypher in them; if we tap them, like so-" I held mine out, and she touched hers to it, "-they buzz." The coins vibrated gently. "If your coin doesn't buzz, the other is an imposter. It's not perfect, but it's not easy to duplicate, either. Be very, very careful not to lose it. We only really need them when we meet up again; after that, we'll be careful to work in pairs. We have three people who can be mimicked and three who can't, so we should be fine like that."

"Can't be mimicked?" She quirked an eyebrow, curious.

"Well, there's me." I stopped, hesitating. "And…Hmm. Did you know that not all changelings are working against us…?"

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