Gladiator

by Not_A_Hat

36 - Reprise

"Howdy, Wes. What's up?" I nodded to Applejack and passed her a few coins.

"Not much. Can I have eight of your crispiest red apples?"

"'’Course. Where you off to today? Headed into the forest? Seems like a big lunch."

"Nope, I was headed over to the treehouse. The Crusaders want my help, and they'll be out of school soon." I lowered my voice. "I’m pretty sure they'll ask me to join."

"Ah, sure thing. Yup, sounds about right."

"What." I gave her a flat stare. "Am I the only one even somewhat surprised?"

"Come on, Wes. You're an adult who doesn't have a cutie mark but still makes time for those fillies. Of course they'd ask you to join. You're pretty much the coolest thing since sliced apples. At least, little Bloom thinks so. Dunno about Sweetie, but Scoots probably thinks you're just below Dash." Applejack passed a paper sack across the counter. "Hey, at least they picked somepony who can keep them a little out of trouble. Be careful now, you hear?"

"Sure thing. Thanks." I waved the bag, and turned down the road.

---

"That's all?" I blinked.

"Yup!" Scootalloo passed me a maroon bandanna with a blue and yellow patch.

"So, I just recite the promise, and wear this kerchief?"

"It's a cape," Sweetie Belle corrected seriously.

"It's...a bit small for that?"

"Whatever, just wear it." Scootaloo interjected. "Now we just need Apple Bloom."

"Here she comes!" Sweetie Belle called, catching sight of a red bow bobbing through the trees. "Hey, Bloom, what…" Her voice trailed off as the tan filly limped around the corner, hoof held to her nose.

"Hmm?" Apple Bloom wiped her hoof on the grass, before quickly returning it to her muzzle. "Thorry, I gob a nosebleed."

"What happened?" Scoots asked, zipping over and proffering a tissue. "Did you fall down? Walk into a post?"

"Diabond Tiara bushed me."

"Diamond Tiara made you bleed?" I asked, voice cold. The three fillies stepped back.

I rose, revenge hard in my heart.

I didn't know what I was going to do, but Apple Bloom's blood on the ground made me angry. She was one of the first ponies I'd met. She was pretty much a tiny Applejack, and she was adorable. I would have taken on raging beasts for any of the three fillies, but Apple Bloom had a special, tiny, soft and warm place in my heart.

"Get him, Crusaders!" I heard Sweetie Belle yell distantly. Suddenly, three fuzzy deadweights bore me to the ground.

I lay there a minute, cheek cold on the grass. The three fillies stood on top of me, small hooves hard on my back.

"Wes, we won't let you up until you promise not to hurt anypony." Sweetie Belle said in my ear.

"I won't hurt her much."

"No way, no how!" Scootaloo yelled. "We didn't invite you into the Crusaders to fight our battles for us. If we need help with something big, we'll come to you. Until then, we can take care of stupid Diamond Tiara."

"Yeah." Apple Bloom joined in, stomping on my arm. It was almost painful. "Don't you hurt anypony on my account, Wes."

"Not even a little?"

"Not even a little."

"Fine." I drew in a few deep breaths to calm myself and rolled over, scattering the foals. "Thanks for holding me back. I probably would have done something stupid."

"Ok, we're all here." Sweetie Belle let me rise. "Now, Wes, you gotta say it."

I stood, brushing myself off, and took a solemn pose, putting my hands behind my back.

"I, Wesley Kilmer, promise to be the best friend I can be to the Cutie Mark Crusaders and do everything I can to help them and me get a cutie mark." I then tied the 'cape' onto my head like a bandanna.

"Is that it?" Sweetie Belle whispered to Scootalloo, who nodded.

"It's kinda short." Apple Bloom said, a tissue protruding from her nose.

"Well, Ok, fine." Scootaloo shrugged. "I'll add more. Sheesh. Anyways, Wes, since it's your first day as an actual Crusader, what do you think we should try?"

"Um…" I hadn't expected that, but I glanced across the three of them. Apple Bloom, I knew, was quite good at handicrafts. Scootaloo had those wings. Sweetie Belle was quite nimble. "There's a lake around here, right?"

"Oh, are we going swimming?" Scootaloo asked, bouncing.

"Actually, I had another idea. Have you ever tried Cutie Mark Crusaders, Water Skiing?" Their heads shook as one. Oh, this was going to be fun.

---

"No, seriously, what were you doing down at the lake?" Lyra gave me a hard stare. "All I heard was this buzzing noise."

"I was laughing so hard I nearly burst," I said. "Have you ever watched three fillies try to balance on each other's shoulders, while one stands on water skis and one pushes?" Lyra shook her head, bemused. "Well, I was chilling with the Crusaders. They didn't get their marks, but they had fun. That's the important part. So…what are we up to today, Jedi?"

"Today, my young padawan, we are doing strength training!" She flung a hoof out dramatically. We were standing in front of a pile of cardboard boxes, just outside a small house. A cart sat in the road.

"With…boxes?" I quirked an eyebrow.

"Well, sorta." She moved over to the pile, and levitated one onto the moving wagon. "Ooof, that's heavy. Today, we're helping my friend, Vinyl Scratch, move."

"Lyra…" I sighed. "Some days, you are so full of horseapples I'm shocked your eyes aren't brown." I picked up a box and carefully set it on the cart. "You've pulled some interesting stunts before for 'training'. Like when you tried to make me catch flies with a spoon? I never should have told you about Karate Kid. But this isn't even funny."

After making Lyra promise to keep my secrets, I'd spent quite a while explaining bits and pieces of my world to her. She'd been just as puzzled by my arrival as I was, which was disappointing, but hardly shocking. She'd been most intrigued by human media, entertainment, and music, but I still hadn't mentioned Star Wars.

"Hey, Vinyl's cool. Anyways, you should lift more."

"Yeah, probably." I shrugged. "And I should start jogging. One of these days." The fact that exercise would actually help me improve now didn't mean it was suddenly easier to motivate myself. "Maybe next week."

"I also wanted Vinyl's opinion on what sort of instrument you should play."

"Come again?"

"Your instrument. For practice."

"Lyra…I want to learn fighting. Not music."

"Ah! But, in order to use my methods for controlling magic in your body, you need to learn music." I frowned.

"Really? Wouldn't it be faster to just practice the technique?"

"Maybe. If you're sure you can prevent internal burns."

"Ah." I shrugged, and moved another box. "Well, if I have to, I have to. But I'm warning you, Lyra, I have a tin ear. I can't carry a tune in a bucket."

"What? But Fluttershy said you play the synth."

"Huh?"

"A synth. She said you were playing one, when she met you the forest."

"How did you hear about that?"

"Well, one of Bon-Bon's customers came in, carrying this sick cat-"

"Nope. Nevermind. I give up; stop talking. Anyways, that's not actually a synth. It was more like a, a thaumophone, or…I dunno. Anyways, it was just an experiment. I made it myself; it harmonizes with itself automagically, so whatever you play sounds pretty. I couldn't actually play a real instrument."

"So you build synths."

"No, I-" I sighed. "Look, let's try this one more time. You've got a musical mark, right? So you get magical boosts?"

"I have perfect pitch. Chord progressions are easy-peasy, harmonies and dissonance are a cinch."

"Right, that sort of thing. But I can't do any of that. Just because your magical minty flank gives you superpowers, doesn't mean I have any sort of musical skills. I don't have a cutie mark. It takes about ten thousand hours to become an expert at any one thing. If I really need to play an instrument, I'm going to be at this for years."

"Do you really think it's magical?" She wiggled her rear at me, and I gave her a flat stare.

"Come on, Lyra. I'm one-hundred-percent committed to humans. Just because I hang out with lots of mares doesn't mean I dig them, any more than you working for Bon-Bon means you do."

"Well, actually…" She held the silence for a second, before we broke down giggling.

"Ok, fine." I said, as we calmed. "I just hope Vinyl has a better idea for what I should play."

"Seriously, I think you should play the synth. Tell her that you build them, and you'll have something to talk about right off. Vinyl's pretty-"

"Pretty what?" I looked up, as a very pale yellow unicorn mare, wearing fuchsia aviators and sporting a radically electric blue mane, came through the door carrying a box. "Woah, dude! Looks like we're pretty much ready to go." She grinned at the pile on the cart.

"Pretty awesome." Lyra tapped hooves with the newcomer. "Scratch, this is my disciple, Wesley Kilmer. Call him Wes; all his friends do, and you don't want to be his enemy. Wes, my good friend Vinyl Scratch. She goes by DJ-PON3 on stage."

"Nice to meet you." I made a fist, and rapped her hoof. "What's in these boxes, anyways?" I hefted another one onto the cart. "Bricks?"

"Ha hah. Lyra, he has your sense of humor. No, this is my setup. I've got a few crates of wax, but most of it's my mixboard and amps, with a turntable or two." She heaved a box onto the wagon herself with a loud rattle. "Also a buncha wires. You'd think somepony would come up with a wireless version by now, but noooo."

"I thought-oof!" Lyra hefted another box. "I thought they had a wireless one. Didn't that guy in Baltimare build one?"

"Yeah, but it uses singing stone. You can't get that stuff for love nor money. I've tried."

"Huh. Just the ordinary stuff, like, say, limestone?" I set another box on the cart. "I can get it for you wholesale. How much do you need?" Her ears perked up at that.

"Mr. Kilmer, I think you and I are going to be great friends."

---

"No, seriously, you can get echonarchy and kinesthism to cooperate. I'm telling you, Twilight did it with minarchism and entropology. The principle is the same."

"Really?"

"Hay yeah. Just slot a size filter in here," I indicated the rune structure, drawing in a new module and scribbling a few spell fragments, "target the vibrational medium, and with some experimentation, I bet you can get it working. Ignore the 'rules' of magic and keep tweaking; it will eventually fit."

"Sweet!" Vinyl took a gulp of her coffee. "Lyra, this guy's great! You should have brought him round earlier." We were standing in Vinyl's new cellar. We'd unpacked most of the boxes, and set up her 'lab' on a bank of shelves and a table. Wires ran to and fro across the floor, sheathed with tape, or strung from the ceiling. Dull yellow lights cast a sullen glow over the arrays of blinking indicators, dials, and mixers she used for creation.

She currently had a flexible piece of laminated paper spread on the table. We were discussing the design of her newest sound engine, drinking coffee, and annotating the spells with crayons.

"Yeah, well. He's convinced he can't play. Something about a tin ear."

"Whaaaaat?" The DJ gave me a long stare. "Who told you that?"

"Um…" I shrugged. "Dunno. My brother, maybe? Just, I've never been any good at music."

"Ponyfeathers!" She gave me a push towards the cushion carefully centered in the technical array. A thousand knobs and dials focused on the position. "Sit."

"Ok?" I slowly complied.

"You sit in The Seat, you wear The Cans," she intoned. I picked up her headphones and slipped them on. They fit a little odd, because of ear shape, but they stayed on. I watched curiously as she worked the wires, hooking and rewiring a dozen different pipes. She flipped a record onto the turntable, and I grinned as music started pumping. I gave the volume a spin, my grin spreading as the beat swelled. I noticed she was saying something, and spun it down.

"Sorry, what?" I flipped one earpiece up.

"Tap a beat." I placed one finger on the table, and started trying to pick out the rhythm. After a few moments, she nodded. "Now, whistle along." She flipped the earpiece back down. I frowned, but complied. Finally, she lifted the needle, and the sound died. She shrugged. "Far as I can tell, your brother's a filthy liar."

"Huh?"

"Huh?" She mocked me. "You can follow a beat and catch a tune by ear. That's all you need to learn music. The rest of it's just blood, sweat, and tears; the easy stuff."

"So, what should he play?" Lyra asked.

"With those?" Vinyl pointed to my fingers. "No contest; gotta be keys or strings. Maybe a synth of some sort."

"No neighsaying the Jedi, I guess." I grinned silently, to their confusion. "Any chance I could borrow one?"

"Oh no." Vinyl gave me a hard stare. "No way am I letting you take one of my babies. Besides, if I did that, I'd never find out what you could build. No, you'll make your own, like all the best. You can't just buy this sort of equipment. I'll help." She grinned. "I'll even let you pay me in singing stone."

"How generous." I leaned back on the cushion. "Give me a few days to gather materials, and we'll have a go." Honestly, I was beginning to feel an interest in this. I loved learning new things, and this was about as new as it could get; I'd never given music a serious shot before, dismissing it as something I was 'bad' at. Maybe this would be different. I could take some of the time out of my fighting practice, since this furthered that anyway, and building stuff was always fun. Maybe I could get Twilight's help.

"Sounds good." Vinyl chugged the last of her coffee. "But for now, move over. Let's have a jam." Lyra grinned, and I scooted out of The Seat. This should be fun.

---

"Hey, Rainbow." Two pegasi stood behind my house, but both recoiled as I stepped out of the trees.

"Wes?" Thunderlane asked, shock evident in his voice. "What happened to you?"

"Oh, right." I looked down, taking in my mud and blood caked clothing. I was soaking wet, chafing, and both gritty and slimy. "I went hunting." I marched up to my back step, and flipped the load I'd slung over my shoulder onto the small concrete pad. "Mind passing me the hose?"

"Just…stand over there. I'll rinse you off." Rainbow waved a hoof, pointedly staying downwind. I waited impatiently as she uncoiled the hose and spun the valve. My well didn't produce much water, but when she turned the spray on me, it cleaned me fast enough. After I was merely wet and dirty, instead of filthy, I rubbed my hands through my hair and motioned for her to turn it off.

"Thanks."

"Um, what's this?" Thunderlane poked my load; it looked like a muddy log, but flopped limply.

"A cragodile tail." I grinned. "I did say I was hunting, right?"

"You fought a cragodile?" Rainbow asked, shock on her face.

"Hay no! I trapped a cragodile." I shrugged. "No way I'd go up against one of those monsters in a fair fight if I could avoid it."

"Why?"

"Because they're made out of meat." I smirked. "Tasty, tasty meat. And no-one, not even Fluttershy, minds if I kill them." Apparently cragodiles were barely smarter than grass, and mean enough even the gentle yellow pegasus wouldn't go near them. My other potential prey was parapsprites, but although they were more dangerous, I'd decided to go for the larger option.

"Really?" Thunderlane gave the tail an appraising glance. "I thought cragodiles were made of stone."

"Nope. They just look it. Zecora figures the rocks get embedded in their scales as they grow." I took the hose from Rainbow, and rinsed my prize. "So, what's up?"

"Well, I wanted to know where you lived." Thunderlane shrugged. "I brought you a few rulebooks, in case you were planning on listening to the game."

"Listening?" I kicked the door open and waved them both inside before gingerly tracking mud and water through my tiny kitchen.

"Yeah. We should get recordings of the Pegasus Premier by next week."

"Ooo, interesting." I normally wasn't much for sports, but the fact that hoofball was played in three dimensions had caught my interest. I dropped my bloody hunk of meat on the counter. It didn't quite fit; actually, quite a length hung off the end. I needed to cut this up so it would fit in my freezer. "Hey, do you two want to stay for supper?" I gestured to the tail. "I'm gonna find out if this is any good. You're welcome to some."

"Hmm." Thunderlane rubbed his jaw. "I'll try anything once. Rainbow?"

"I'll try anything twice. Let's give this a shot."

"Great!" I carefully rinsed my shoes in the sink and turned them upside down to drain. "I'm going to take a quick shower. After that, let's see what we can make."

---

"So, you're saying that if they're under the net they're offsides, but if they're above the net, they're fine?"

"Right!" Thunderlane slammed his empty bottle of cider down, and glanced regretfully at the clock. "Hey, Wes, it's been real, but I gotta get going. Thanks for the cragodile; it was something else."

"Not too bad, huh?" I grinned. It was halfway between fish and pork, much tastier and tenderer than I’d expected. I'd cut it thin and fried it as steaks. Rainbow and Thunderlane had devoured it eagerly, though they'd had plenty of salad too. Meat wasn't something they made a habit of; more of a treat. Like I considered ice-cream.

"Yup! Hey, you should wake the boss. She'll give everypony a headache if she gets a crick in her neck from sleeping like that." I glanced over to my couch; Rainbow had crashed after supper and was snoring soundly, all four legs straight up in the air and wings flat out to the sides. If she hadn't been making so much noise, I'd have been tempted to draw X's on her eyes.

"Sure." I walked him to the door. After he was gone, I turned back to my snoozing guest. "Rainbow, wake up!" She waved her legs weakly, and snored a bit louder. "Rainbow!" Nothing.

I thought for a moment, before a grin spread across my face. I scooped up the pepper pot and pinched some out, sprinkling it on her nose as she snored.

"Snrk. Mnmnmnm. Ah. Ahhhhh." She inhaled deeply, and paused. I took another pinch, but it turned out I didn't need it. "ACHOOOO!" Her sneeze flipped her off the couch; she spun through the air, and landed flat on the floor. I watched, shocked and slightly horrified; I hadn't expected that much effect.

"Ouch." She stumbled to her feet. "How'd I get on the floor?" She rubbed her eyes. "Wow, Wes. I had the weirdest dream."

"Really?" I nonchalantly hid the pepper pot behind my back. "Did something explode?"

"Hey." She narrowed her eyes. "How'd you know?"

"Lucky guess?" I edged towards the table.

"You're acting weird."

"Um-" I wracked my brain for an explanation, but she didn't want to hear it; she tackled me. I leaned back, trying to dodge and not spill pepper everywhere, but she caught me easily. I had my hands behind my back, trying to cushion my landing, so she simply pinned my shoulders. I lost my grip. The pepper-pot rolled slowly away.

"Hey!" She saw the offending spice. "You pranked me! In my sleep?"

"Well-"

"Oooo, and I never got you back for scaring me!" She glared at me. "Fine! Take this!"

"Wha-" I tensed, as she flared her wings. My eyes widened in horror as I realized what she intended. "No, please-" My pleading cut off as she lowered her feathers, ruffling them gently against my sides.

"Ahahahaahaha!" I gasped. I wasn't normally ticklish, but I hadn't needed to defend myself against a tickle attack for quite a while. Giggling helplessly, I struggled for purchase, but I'd effectively trapped myself. I finally managed to squirm under the table and curl up so she couldn't get at my sides.

"Hey, stop hiding!" She stuck her nose in after me. I flicked it with a finger. "Owch!" I smirked, trying to regain my breath. "Fine!" She withdrew. "Since you won't come out, I'll find a reason to make you. Hmmm." I rubbed my sore sides. "Oh, I know. I'll read your journal."

"Huh?" I poked my head out. Rainbow flopped down on my couch. "I don't have a journal."

"Really?" She shot me a lofty glare. "Explain this, then." She waved a slim, cloth-bound volume.

"That's not mine!"

"Of course it's not," she said disdainfully, before cracking the cover and skimming the contents.

"No, really!"

"Mmmhmm."

I lay on my back for a moment, debating emerging. If I was quick, I might be able to dodge her next strike. Maybe even turn the tables. But was she ticklish?

"Pfft." I glanced out. She was giggling at something she'd read.

"Honestly, Rainbow. That was left at the library by a pegasus filly. You shouldn't read other ponies journals!"

"Hmm."

"Seriously, how would you feel? And do you know any light-coated teenagers? Maybe pinkish, or light tan, with a curly mane?"

"Haha, nope. But if this journal is anything to go by, look for a ridiculously attractive stallion leaving a trail of dead bodies, because he's headed to save her."

"Huh?"

"Oh, and she's just as lethal. Her cutie mark lets her copy other ponies talents."

"Is that even possible?"

"No idea. She may also be a millennia old vampire?"

"What on earth…"

"And the seventh element of harmony."

"Wait…" A few pieces fell into place in my head. "She's writing fanfiction? On the Elements of Harmony?"

"Huh." Rainbow snapped the book closed. "I guess?" She smirked. "It's hilariously bad, though. You should read it."

"Uh, no thanks." I decided to take my chances, and crawled out from under the table. Rainbow tensed, but I raised my hands in surrender. "I give, I give! Look, I was just trying to wake you up, because Thunderlane thought you might want to sleep in your own bed!"

"Pfft. Fine, Ok. I'll let you go, just this once." She gave me a hard glare. "But next time, I'm tickling you until you forget how to breathe."

"Next time, I'll fight back." I wiggled my fingers at her.

"Bring it." She stuck her tongue out at me.

"Right back at ya." I pointed. "My window's always open."

"Hah. Maybe I will." She yawned. "Anyways, Wes, it's been fun."

"Yeah, thanks for dropping by, Rainbow. See you later?"

"Sure thing." She stepped up to the windowsill, and with a flip of her wings, was gone. I looked down at the slim journal, and sighed.

"Sorry." I spoke to no-one in particular, shrugging. "it wasn't intentional." Conscience assuaged, I headed to bed. I was headed into the Everfree tomorrow and needed my rest.

Comments

[sjo3989]

thanks for the update, worth the laugh

[Not_A_Hat]

4228740 You're welcome! It's good to know my attempts at humor aren't falling flat.

[hs0003]

Yo dawg, a fanfic in a fanfic.

[damnaion]

36# hummm

[Novi]

"Haha, nope. But if this journal is anything to go by, look for a ridiculously attractive stallion leaving a trail of dead bodies, because he's headed to save her."

"Huh?"

"Oh, and she's just as lethal. Her cutie mark lets her copy other ponies talents."

I call [PROTOTYPE]!

[GoldenCyclone4]

4273484 sorry, but it has to be said. FANFICCEPTION!

[StarChaser01]

4273484 yo dawg, I head you liked fanfics, so I put a fanfic in your fanfic

[Death Pony]

"Come on, Lyra. I'm one-hundred-percent committed to humans."

Translation: I'm commited to either masturbation or celibacy.

[Axel van Daeren]

a very pale yellow unicorn mare, wearing fuchsia aviators and sporting a radically electric blue mane

The hell? Since when is Vinyl yellow?

[Insidiaphilia]

6021484
She actually is a very, very pale yellow if you look close enough.

[Hydra_1324]

7376799

Pretty sure she's white.

[drone_r0m-3]

"Huh." Rainbow snapped the book closed. "I guess?" She smirked. "It's hilariously bad, though. You should read it."

Yeah, I'll admit I've read some really bad stuff on here. Hilariously bad. Red and black alicorn stallion kinds of bad.

[Lesser Grammar]

6017121 Give it time.

[ValenTino855]

"No la lastimaré mucho. "

Well, someone have problems