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Retro Scratch,the son of Vinyl Scratch,used to be a normal colt until Discord came and changed him.He now has black bat wings,a black coat,a broken horn,a red mane and tail,and spiked teeth.And at the perfect time to!After Discord's defeat,school will be starting again,and Retro and Vynil are moving in with Vynil's old college friend.But the worst part is,Discord got rid of Retro's cutie mark!

First Published
10th Nov 2013
Last Modified
24th Nov 2013
#1 · 184w, 5d ago · 3 · · Moving day ·

Oh my. Well let's just get this over with shall we? Your grammar is atrocious; sorry if that's harsh but it's the first word that came to mind. You might do well looking over the story and fixing any mistakes you find, and if you can't find any mistakes perhaps find someone to edit for you- or better yet look up some guides online.

Moving right along, your OC is... Well he's the amalgamation of everything that makes a Maty Stu OC terrible. I honestly can't tell if this was the entire point of this story (and if it was, consider me trolled) but if not... Alicorn OCs, bat wings, black and red coat/fur, having the Elements at his beck and call, being personally related to a popular pony- I could go on but i think you get the point. Try being a little more original.

#2 · 182w, 5d ago · 1 · · Moving day ·

Yea.... Story could use some work. Especially that grammar of yours. Like Cyrano said, the OC just seams a little, oh how can I put this, lets just say he's a bit off. Way to many features all compacted into a single pony to the point it gets ridiculous. And I can't stress this enough, put spaces after your commas, made reading a bit tough. Like this,u see what I mean,right??

#3 · 182w, 5d ago · · · Moving day ·

:raritydespair: This hurts to read! I'll give you the most obvious tip and leave it at that: you're supposed to put a space after punctuation.

#4 · 182w, 5d ago · · · The CMC ·

>>3533617 I did a reading of this ;3

#5 · 182w, 5d ago · · · The CMC ·

>>3533617

This hurts to read!

THE DESCRIPTION HURTS TO READ.

#6 · 182w, 4d ago · · 1 · The CMC ·

I just need to know why you thought this was a good idea?

It's... bad. Really really bad. And I just don't have the strength to go any further than that.

#7 · 180w, 2d ago · · · Moving day ·

This story is interesting keep writing I dont get why they dont like the story:rainbowdetermined2:

#8 · 180w, 2d ago · · · The CMC ·

:moustache:fancy story

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