The God Of Breaking Rules in the Land of the Dead

by alarajrogers

Chapter 3

The guardian of the gate blocking the Land of the Dead was a giant rock. "Hello, rock, how are you on this fine day?" the god of breaking rules said. "I have come to perform a surprise inspection of the land of the dead on behalf of the other gods, so if you would move aside for me, I would appreciate it."

"I will not move aside," rock said. "I am obstinate. I am unyielding. And I am charged with guarding this door."

"Well, rock, if you won't move, I'll have to move you," the god of breaking rules said.

"I will hold to my post. I will not move. I will uphold the law. The living may not enter the land of the dead."

"You know who you're talking to, right? The god of breaking rules? I don't care about your law, and now I am going to move you." The god of breaking rules attempted to move the rock, but he wasn't strong enough.

"I am strength. I am foundation. I am all that is unchanging. I will not move for you," rock said.

"Well, I am the master of all that changes. So we shall see which of us is the stronger," the god of breaking rules said.

First he sent fire against rock. Rock did not change and it did not move. "Fire cannot burn rock," rock said. "Rock is forever, unchanging. I will not move."

Then he sent air against rock. A hurricane gale lashed against rock, but rock did not change and it did not move. "Air cannot push rock," rock said. "Rock is forever, unchanging. I will not move."

Finally the god sent water against rock. A river poured against rock, but rock did not change and it did not move. "Water cannot change rock," rock said.

"Wait for it," the god said.

And then rock cried out in horror as it realized that river was wearing it away. Bit by bit the rushing water took away pieces of rock until there was a huge hole in rock's center, large enough for the god of breaking rules to slip through.

"Change is forever," the god mocked. "And nothing ever lasts. In the end, I will always win."

"I am forever," rock said, "and I will have my revenge. Someday, god of breaking rules, someday I will have you."

"You just go on telling yourself that," the god of breaking rules said, and entered the land of the dead.

***

The god expected to meet a gate in the tunnel, and he was not disappointed. The gate was made of iron, and guarded by minotaurs. "Halt!" they said. "You may not pass through here."

"I am the god of breaking rules, and thus I have special dispensation to go anywhere I want," the god of breaking rules said. "I will go through your gate and you cannot stop me."

"Then we require that you pay a price. You may give up your memories of life, or you may give up your horn."

"I will give up my horn," the god said, broke off his papier-mache horn, and gave it to them. They were fooled by his magic, and let him pass through the gate, believing that his magic was taken from him.

He whistled cheerfully as he walked down the tunnel until he reached the next gate, the gate of bronze. "Oh come on now!"

"Halt," said the griffins guarding the gate. "You may not pass through here."

"I am the god of breaking rules, and can someone explain to me where the river went? There was supposed to be a river here! Not another gate! This is completely unfair!"

"You came in through the opening to the world of the living," the griffins said, "which was sealed by the Lord of the Dead a thousand years ago. There are seven gates on this path. To reach the path with the river, you would have to die, for only the dead can find their way."

The god of breaking rules did not want to die; he wanted to find his beautiful mare and bring her out of the land of the dead. "Very well. Tell me what price I must pay to pass these gates."

"You may give up your memories, or you may give up your wings."

The god winced, because he loved his wings, but he loved his beautiful mare more. "Very well, I will give you my wings."

With their beaks the griffins tore the wings from the god's back. He gritted his teeth and did not cry out from the pain, because he was doing this for his love. Then they let him pass through the gate.

Bleeding and in pain from his wounds where the wings had been torn from him, the god stumbled down the tunnel, until he encountered the gate of brass. "Third gate. Only seven total. I can do this."

"Halt," the manticores guarding the gate said. "You may not pass through here."

"Look, just tell me what I'm supposed to pay so I can get this over with, all right? I'm the god of breaking rules, I can go anywhere. Just tell me the price."

"You may give us your memories, or you may give us your tongue."

The god reeled back in shock. Without his tongue, he would be unable to speak. Without speaking, how could he perform his tricks? How could he persuade and cajole and deceive others in the course of breaking the rules?

But his memories of his love were all that gave him strength. He would not yield them at any cost. "Take my tongue, then."

They pulled his tongue from his mouth. He screamed, but had no more ability to plead with them as they ripped it from him, for without his tongue he could not speak.

I still have my horn in my belly, he thought. I can still use magic. I can endure this.

At the fourth gate, the gate of copper, the guards were tigers, and the price they demanded was his left foreleg.

At the fifth gate, the gate of silver, the guards were harpies, and the price they demanded was his right foreleg.

He stood on two legs, staggering, knowing that if he fell he would never get up again, not without forelimbs, and continued down the tunnel.

At the sixth gate, the gate of gold, the guards were centaurs. And they took his left hind leg.

Although it was dangerous to reveal that he still had his magic, he could not go forward on one leg without it, so he used his magic to balance himself and hopped on his one remaining leg to the final gate, the gate of obsidian. There, the guards were windigos.

The god of breaking rules expected them to take his final leg, and that he would have to use his magic to enter the kingdom of the dead. Instead, the windigo cut off his entire lower body, including his leg. The god screamed, and fell to the ground, unable to move.

Because he had earned the passage, the windigos dragged his bloody body through the gate of obsidian. Now he was in the land of the dead and he had his magic, and his ears and eyes, but nothing else.

And then the Lord of the Dead appeared before him. "You foolish god. You think you can break my rule without consequence? You think the law of death is to be trifled with?"

The god wanted to make sarcastic, witty replies, but without his tongue, he could not. He was too weak and tired from pain and the spilling of his blood to make his magic work. He was helpless before the Lord of the Dead.

The Lord of the Dead picked him up by the next and shook him. "You will learn what it means to defy this rule, god of breaking rules!"

And then the Lord of the Dead marched all the way up the tunnel, carrying the god of breaking rules upright by the neck. The weight of the god's body made his neck stretch like a giraffe, and he choked in the Lord of the Dead's grip, but without his limbs or wings or tongue, he was helpless. Finally the Lord of the Dead reached the outside, where he flung the god. "Die here of your wounds and you will be reunited with your lost love. Else, learn to accept that you will never see her again."

But the god of breaking rules would not be so easily defeated.

Comments

[MeepCakez]

omagurddisisagoodstory

[Alondro]

"I am forever," rock said, "and I will have my revenge. Someday, god of breaking rules, someday I will have you."

What a cunning little bit of foreshadowing there. Delightful, preserving the tidbits of canon within this new framework of a traditional creation myth.

I could see Zecora reciting this to zebra foals around the firepit at night.

[Julian the Dreamer]

It is admirable what some would give and do for those they love, like the God of Breaking Rules do here. Though, sometimes, it is terrifying, and I fear what he end of this will bring.

I do wonder, do you believe the God could be considered either good or evil for doing this? Or this goes beyond such concepts?

[Emperor]

"Change is forever," the god mocked. "And nothing ever lasts. In the end, I will always win."

"I am forever," rock said, "and I will have my revenge. Someday, god of breaking rules, someday I will have you."

"You just go on telling yourself that," the god of breaking rules said, and entered the land of the dead.

I remember realising what rock meant on my first read-through. Even now, it's still such a profound set of lines that I have to quote it, because it's just that good.

The second half of the chapter is really interesting otherwise, as Discord loses most of his body parts, so of course he has to go get new ones, but it also sets-up for how he'll get a mish-mash of animal body parts instead of having a set of limbs and torso from a single species, as well as his forked tongue.

Of course, there's also the fact the God of Breaking Rules already earned passage through the seven gates, so if the Lord of the Dead didn't think to revoke his passage thus far...