• Member Since 11th Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen Aug 24th, 2016

RainbowJack2000


To say I am a bitch would be an understatement, trust me.

T

The six are back in an adventure filled comedy, where they meet Twilight Sparkle from the human world. They go on quite an adventure, but nothing you've ever seen before. And yes...there is romance.

Humanized ponies...again.
Cover art by uotapo

Chapters (2)
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Comments ( 34 )
MnM

This story, I like it.

ANOTHER!

-Will

No Appledash? Well, I really need to read a story besides Appledash. I really like the it so far. :twilightsmile:

Huh. Hopefully this one doesn't end up like mines. Cause its the same concept and everything.

Is it going to be a Sunlight fic?

3465306 Oh! I'll go next. Is it gonna be Twitavia?

3465531
It...it's not going to be a TwixFlash ship is it? Please say no.

3465531 Then I find your coverart misleading. So, can you spoil the pairing? Or at least tell me if it's F/F?

3465715
1. I dont know what F/F is.
2. This is the only cover art I could find to relate to my story the most. I could make Tavi and Twilight long distant friends, though.

3465706 Don't you mean 'Flashlight'?
3465306 Meh, I had to ask. F/F means Female/Female pairing sometimes called Shoujo-ai or "Girl's Love" or Yuri meaning "Lily".

3465778
Oh, thanks. I'm not really into Female/Female pairings.

Says the girl who ships AppleDash.

:rainbowderp:Who said that?!

3465801 I ship Vinyl/Octavia...I really need to come up with a cool sounding name for it.:ajsleepy:

3465826
How about: "Octavinyl?"
That was my best shot. It sucks though.:ajsleepy:

3466043 Basshipping? You have to admit Octavia's Cello does look like a Double Bass.

Uhhh, genreshipping? Cos they like different music genre

I like the premise, and so far you wrote it well, though I'm hesitant to keep following due to the tags.. :trixieshiftright:

Oh well, Allons-y! :twistnerd:

3465870
Tavinyl! :pinkiehappy:

Comment posted by MythrilMoth deleted Nov 10th, 2013
Comment posted by RainbowJack2000 deleted Nov 10th, 2013
Comment posted by MythrilMoth deleted Nov 10th, 2013
Comment posted by RainbowJack2000 deleted Nov 10th, 2013
Comment posted by MythrilMoth deleted Nov 10th, 2013

*blinkblinks* What just happened?

*goes through checklist, but has to put a red X next to 'Instant Best Friends'* :pinkiesad2:

Okay, this needs to get out and I feel a little rusty so I kind of need to keep up my skills.

This style of writing is awful.

It doesn't hurt to read, but it is still awful to read. You keep interrupting with your own comments and break the fourth wall when it is better to leave it alone. I can speak from experience that such writing is awful and most will overlook you in favor of something better.

Example 1: Your Author's Note right in the middle of the chapter after Twilight ran out of the mess hall does not belong. It is a large block of "Do Not Want" for readers who want a good story but keep getting interrupted of their reading. I recommend abstaining from using the AN in such a manner for the sake of a good flow.

Example 2:

The one missing from the group was Sunset Shimmer, but that's saved for a different chapter.

For most readers, this kind of sentence is a big no-no. It is redundant, I know, but to break the fourth wall intentionally is ugly on a good plotline. Here might be a solution.

Twilight noted that Sunset Shimmer 1: was not part of the group / 2: was not there with them.

Either might work.

Please do not take this the wrong way. I am honestly in favor of you writing this story and all I am saying at this point is that you can get better. I favorited this for a reason and that is to see where this is headed. But I have trouble keeping my eyes on this as it is being written at the moment. Please consider that I am willing to help you get better as a writer.

I have to agree, stopping to story for an author's note disrupts things, author's notes belong at the end of the story. And while you seem to be trying to answer questions before they get asked, it's annoying, I know it seems like it wouldn't be but it is. If some detail is that glaring to you then you should either fix it or have a in story comment explain it. Like in Brawny's example you can have Twilight notice Sunset Shimmer is missing or just add her in. And remember criticism that points out flaws and suggests solutions is from people who actually like your story.

Well looks like another story that I enjoy.

Like and fav

I'm non entirely sure how I feel about this fic, but I'm curious as to where it's heading.

Needs more muffins. :derpytongue2: :D

And so Octavia dated Vinyl.
Can't find a fic that Octavia NOT shipped with Vinyl.

This redeemed that horrible Equestria Girls movie for me.

3477687 I hate when girls date girls!:ajbemused:

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