• Member Since 8th Nov, 2013
  • offline last seen January 23rd


Comments ( 36 )

I like it!

>>RU55IAN Thanks, second chapter is almost done. I should have it posted by tomorrow.

This is pretty good for a first time fanfic writer! Good job.

Comment posted by Doctor_Brony1234 deleted Nov 11th, 2013

You could be a bit more detailed with what is going on and a good ideal is to use some military slander for obvious reasons and add a bit more personality and thought when in the first person the story is a bit fast-paced ( I like a bit slower and more detailed gives a better picture ) otherwise it is so far good

3472355 ya i'm trying to work on being more detailed in my story. but schools been stressing me and I have family vsiting in a few days, so detail has been slipping my mind a bit. But I appreciate that you're giving me this feedback, thanks. i'll work on it.

I like it pretty good so far

Hey guys, the first chapter will come later than expected, because my computer just crashed in the middle of me trying to finnish it up, so I may have just lost most of the first chapter. But hopefully I didn't lose most of it. :fluttershysad:


me gusta

like and fav 4 this person i guess :unsuresweetie::trollestia::moustache:

oh b4 i forget there is some grammar errors but its kinda little so i dont think anyone would bother 2 complain.

3477185 thanks for the grammar notice, but it will be a while till I can do anything with my story. like I said my computer crashed.


Get a origin computer

It's hella good with a hella lot of terrabite

That's what I use to write store my shits and play LOL on

3480131 thanks for the computer suggestion, I'll see what I can do.


It's a bit pricey but it's fucking worth it

good job man, good job

Comment posted by Just_A_Nopony deleted Nov 13th, 2013

Good news! I should have my computer back and running sooner than I thought. :twilightsmile:

3678879 sorry, i'm really caught up in school and other matters that i haven't had a lot of time to work on it. it's really bugging me. :facehoof:

You just need to fix a few grammar errors like "witch" to which, because witch means an old hag that has magical abilities or something along those lines.

3884102 thanks I'll get on that.


Your last sentence the word dragon is spelled drangonv

SEAL should be all caps unless it's plural, then the last s is lower case (SEALs).

Also, is just an M4, not M16A3. It goes, M16A1, A2, M4, then A4.

when are you up up updating? Dis is good story

School, chores, getting side tracked, and recently I've only had access to my tablet. :unsuresweetie:
Sooo, I don't know.

Ohhh You have got me curious!

Enjoying the story so far. I don't know what you are working with but a good spell check can help immensely. Another option is to have a friend or someone else look over your grammar and spelling. A few simple mistakes here and there, missing words or letters, nothing major. Looking over your own work you can miss these very easily as you see what it should look like instead of what it actually is. A minor thing that doesn't detract from the story though, which seems solid and quite intriguing.

4503182 thank you, I love this feedback you give me. This stuff may still happen in other chapters (if I ever get to them). Most of it is because Language Arts and Writing have never really been my best subject. Plus this is just a little side hobby I do for fun. But none the less I appreciate your help. :pinkiehappy:

i dont know if this is correct or not but i know for sure thet the army uses the m16 only and the marines use the m4 carbine. kinda got that mixed up but this is good story so far.

6558349 Thanks. But I may end up just cancelling the story since I haven't had any real proper time to work on it or fix it up. School has been a hassle. But at the very least if I don't continue it, I'll try to work on one or two other story ideas I have... :applejackunsure:

when will the next chapter come out

6558386 I don't know... Like I said: school has been a hassle lately so I haven't been too focused on my story. I mean; I get up at 4:30 am and don't usually go to bed 'till around 10-11 pm.
I do what I can but writer's block has been hitting me as well as school and friends and family.
I am really grateful that you and a few dozen others like my story, but, as of recently, it's the least of my worries...
:ajsleepy: :fluttershyouch:

Hey do u have xbox live? Y/N?

7296587 No. I have PSN or Steam.

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