Step 4: The Canterlot High Five
Step 4: The Canterlot High Five
Sunset walked back home from the Canterlot High campus, her arms and legs sore from another day of manual labor. Never so much did she wish she had her magic powers back.
“Laying concrete and bricks... that’s earth pony work,” she grumbled.
Her hands were filthy and crusted with dried cement, matching her clothes. She looked down at the gray splatter that Snails had ‘accidentally’ spilled over her shirt, but Sunset had a feeling it was on purpose. Unfortunately, there had been witnesses around, so Sunset couldn’t threaten to severely hurt him later. She was too tired to do it anyway.
For the past four days, Sunset had gotten up early and dragged herself down to the school to help repair the damage she had done. It had occurred to her to simply skip out on her punishment and let the professional construction workers do all the work. But, she had decided she was in enough trouble as it was. Besides, if she didn’t do this, Celestia might ‘ask’ her to do something even more unpleasant. Then she’d have no choice.
During her work, Sunset had found time to ponder more of the nature of her 'penance' and what exactly triggered it. The first time she had run into this world's Twilight Sparkle, she had been practically trapped by the constant assault of questions. But when Sunset had met her in the mall, she had been able to escape even though Twilight had demanded a response.
She had compiled all of the instances together, adding in all the times one of the workers had asked her for something and concluded that her curse was mostly favor based. If someone asked for something, she had to comply, but if it was an order, she wasn't obligated to say yes.
Apparently, the word 'please' also triggered it.
Sunset took small comfort knowing she couldn't be ordered around by technicality, but having to do what others asked of her still stung and aggravated her like a nasty bug bite.
“One more day, Sunset, just one more day.” By tomorrow, all of the repairs would be finished, and school could resume the following Monday. Then all Sunset would have to worry about was a month of detention. She huffed. It wasn’t like she had anything better to do.
There was a low rumble from her stomach, and Sunset decided she had a craving for something sweet. She still had some cash after going grocery shopping earlier that week, so she decided to stop by the Sugarcube Corner Pastry Shop. She paused and zipped up her jacket, covering the ugly stain on her shirt. People already thought she was a monster; she didn’t want them to think she was a dirty street urchin too.
She found the shop, true to its name, sitting on the corner of Sugarcube Street. Once she pushed the door open and stepped inside, all of the conversation stopped. Sunset recognized almost all of the customers as students from school. They all looked at her with mixtures of surprise, interest, and fear. Or maybe that was anger, Sunset couldn’t tell, nor did she particularly care.
Sunset quickly grew agitated with the silent pause. “What are you all looking at?” she demanded, stomping her boot against the floor. The students stared at her for a few more seconds before going back to their conversations, now spoken in hushed tones.
She balled her fists and marched over to the counter, but it wasn’t like her usual haughty, and assertive walk. It was a march of shame, further burdened by the judgmental eyes of her peers weighing down on her conscience.
“How can I help you?” Mrs. Cake asked in a rather cool tone. Sunset knew for a fact she wasn't in good graces with the Cakes.
“I’ll just have a strawberry cupcake and a scone.” Sunset sighed.
Mrs. Cake pulled the two objects from their respective trays and placed them in a bag before ringing Sunset up. Sunset paid the amount and as she turned to leave, her eyes ran over five horribly familiar faces sitting in a booth near the front.
Just ignore them, Sunset. Just keep walking. She started a brisk pace towards the door.
“Hey, Sunset,” Applejack called. “Couldja come here a sec?”
Dammit. Sunset felt a jolt run down her spine, and her legs brought her over to the five girls. “What?” she asked curtly.
Applejack pointed to an empty chair nearby. “Sit down with us for a minute.”
Sunset really didn’t want to, but since they were probably going to ask her again, she saved herself the trouble and took a seat. “Alright, what do you want?”
“Well, uh…” Applejack coughed into her hand, looking around at her friends. No one else said anything so she continued. “We just wanted to see how you were doin’.
“Really?” Sunset crossed her arms. Looking at each of them in turn, she measured her disdain for all of them.
Applejack and her annoying southern accent and ridiculous hat.
Rainbow Dash glared back at her while she sipped on a smoothie. As much as Sunset hated her, she had to admit she admired Rainbow’s guts the occasional time she stood up to her.
Fluttershy fiddled with her hair, looking nervous. Spineless coward.
Pinkie bounced in her seat, the only one looking excited to be here. Her constant optimistic demeanor and happy-go-lucky attitude made Sunset want to tear her hair out. How can one person be so annoying?
Then there was Rarity. The prima donna, wannabe cheerleader who wanted the whole school to look up to her. Sunset would have hated her more if they didn’t have that in common.
“Yes, really,” Applejack insisted. “Look, Ah know we’ve all had our differences in the past, but Ah was thinkin’ now would be a good time to put them behind us and start fresh.”
“Start fresh.” Sunset honestly couldn’t believe this was happening. “You girls seriously want to be my friends?” she asked with a laugh.
Pinkie Pie nodded her head fervently. “Uh-huh! Maybe if you had some friends, you wouldn’t be such a meany. And I mean, come on! You can never have too many friends!”
Sunset furrowed her brow. These girls must think I’m stupid. “Okay, let me ask you this: do you girls really want to be my friend? Or are you just doing this as a favor to Twilight Sparkle?”
Three out of the five faces changed from warm and inviting, to looks of guilt. Pinkie Pie still wore her smile and said, “Both!”
Fluttershy sunk into her seat, trying to look as small as possible. “Oh, it’s not that… well… it kinda is that… but we do kind of want to be your friends… well… um…” She grew quiet and hid behind her pink cascade of hair.
Applejack rubbed the back of her neck. “Alright, yes, we did make a promise to Twilight. But, Ah honestly want to try and help ya, Sunset.”
Sunset raised a brow at the sincere look in her eye. These… weren’t exactly the answers she was expecting. She turned and looked at Rainbow Dash whose face remained as impassive as when Sunset first approached them.
Rainbow caught her eye and said, “I’m just doing this as a favor. I still don’t like you, and if it weren’t for them, I wouldn’t have agreed to this. Let me remind you that over the past three years you’ve: torn our friendship apart, bullied everyone beneath you, humiliated practically everyone in the school at least once…” Her voice had grown more intense as she spoke, and by this point, Rainbow was standing up, her face red with anger. “And, oh yeah, let’s not forget the best part: you turned into a demon and tried to kill us!”
The shop went quiet again, all eyes on Rainbow this time as she stood in her seat, breathing like she had just run a lap around the track at top speed. She fell back into the cushion, crossed her arms and stared out the window. “So forgive me if I don’t feel like exchanging warm fuzzies with you.”
That was the answer Sunset had been expecting, though she hated to admit that it stung a bit more than she thought it would have. “And what about you, Rarity?” Sunset faced the last member who hadn’t given their opinion.
The noise level in the shop had risen back to a low murmur, as Rarity sat in quiet contemplation. Her eyes were closed and she held her head in her hand.
“Well, Sunset, Rainbow is right. Ever since you first showed up freshman year, you’ve been nothing but trouble, slowly getting worse and becoming downright evil as time went by.” She opened her eyes and stared right into Sunsets with an expression that was neither judgmental nor angry but seemed to pierce all the same.
She continued. “You’ve lied, blackmailed, cheated, stolen, ridiculed, threatened and hurt everyone around you. You’ve done nothing for the sake of anyone other than yourself, and last Friday, we all saw you for what you truly were.”
Sunset found herself sliding down in her own seat. Rainbow’s words had stung, but the way Rarity delivered them seemed to just cut at her. She didn’t yell them; she just laid them out as plain as day. It was almost like listening to the Element spirits again.
“However,” Rarity's gaze softened. “You also showed great remorse that night. Yes, I made a promise to a friend, but I know that we can’t force you to do anything you don’t want to do—”
“Why not?” Rainbow interrupted. “She forced everyone else to do things they didn’t want to do.”
Applejack smacked her with her hat. “Hush, Rainbow and let Rarity finish.”
Rarity cleared her throat. “As I was saying… if you don’t want to be our friend, then fine, that’s your decision. But, if you honestly meant what you said, that you were sorry and didn’t know any other way… then I’m willing to help show you how wonderful it is to make friends instead of driving people apart.”
Sunset was silent, a turbulent storm of thoughts and feelings rolling through her. Most of them genuinely wanted to be her friend despite what she had done to them in the past. Especially Rarity, even after what had happened at the Spring Fling.
Did I actually mean it when I said I was sorry? Sorry I failed, yes. But the rest of it… was that me or just the Elements talking? Sunset definitely felt something when Rarity had thrown all of her actions back in her face. Perhaps she really did feel remorse.
Sunset scrunched her face. This was going against everything she believed in! She didn’t need friends! And she hated everyone at this table!
Still…
At this point, they were the only ones who would even consider being friends with her. Anyone else would laugh in her face… then Sunset would have to knock their teeth out. They were the only people who could help her lift the curse set on her. As much as she loathed to admit it, she needed them.
Just until the curse is gone, then I’m back on my own!
She raised her head and looked back at their expectant faces. With a deep breath she said, “Fine. I guess…. I would like…” She clenched her teeth and said with a strained voice, “I would like to try and be… friends.”
Pinkie lunged across the table and tackled Sunset into a tight hug, nearly knocking her to the floor.
“Ohmygosh! This is going to be soooooo amazing! You can come and hang out with us, and we’ll have sleepovers and parties, and go to the movies and the mall together! It’s going to be so much fun, I can’t stand it! We can be the Canterlot High Five! Oh wait, there’s six of us now. Hmm, oh, oh, I know! We can be the Mane Six! You know like M-A-N-E! ‘Cause we’re the Wondercolts! Oh, I’m just so excited—”
“Pinkie, if you do not let go of me, I will be forced to hurt you.”
Pinkie unwrapped her arms from Sunset and scooted back across the table looking sheepish.
Rarity reached over and patted her shoulder. “Baby steps, dear, baby steps.” She smiled back at Sunset. “Still, I’m glad you decided to accept our offer.”
“Yeah, well it’s not like I had much of a choice,” Sunset muttered, dusting herself off. “First rule: don’t touch me.” It was mostly directed at Pinkie and her love of hugs.
Pinkie slumped in her chair. “Awww.”
Sunset crossed her arms again. “So, now what?”
“Well,” Fluttershy spoke, having lifted herself back up in her seat. She pressed her fingertips together in a nervous manner. “Since we’re friends, why don’t you tell us something about yourself?”
“I’m a magical unicorn from another dimension, and I used to be Princess Celestia’s best student,” Sunset said automatically.
“Wait, yer from that other place too?” Applejack asked.
“Yes, didn’t Twilight tell you that?”
They all shook their heads.
Rainbow Dash leaned forward. “And did you say you were Princess Celestia’s student? I thought Twilight was a princess?”
Sunset sighed. She was regretting this friendship thing already. “Yes, I was Celestia’s student. She’s a princess in that world. A super powerful one at that. But yeah, Twilight’s a princess too. The rite of ascension has to be earned. And I guess she earned it,” Sunset added bitterly.
“Did you know Twilight back there?” Pinkie asked.
“No, I didn’t. I didn’t learn about her until sometime later when I was inspecting the portal again. On full moons, if you concentrate really hard, you can see back into Equestria. I saw some of the study sessions she and Celestia had together in the throne room.”
There was a pang of sadness in Sunset’s heart, and she quickly stood up to leave. “Second rule: don’t ask me any more questions about Equestria or Twilight Sparkle.” She turned on her heel and began to walk out when Pinkie called to her.
“Wait, Sunset, we’re going to the street fair on Saturday! Do you wanna come with us?”
“No.”
“Aw, come on, please? It’s something friends do!”
“Alright... I’ll go.” Dammit!
Pinkie cheered and Sunset rolled her eyes, heading out the front door. She was halfway through when she realized she was missing something. She turned around and marched back to the table, smacking Pinkie’s hand as she reached for the bag of treats Sunset had almost left.
“Rule three: touch my stuff and I will hurt you.”
Pinkie gave her another sheepish grin.
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You left out a period.
Honestly, I like seeing this side of Sunset. It's nice to know there's more to her than just a power-hungry bitch.
you know the curse could make her say nice things gradually.
I'm thinking that Pinkie will be on the verge of driving Sunset insane before very long. That said, I can see this becoming a self-discovery story with Sunset coming to terms with her own long-buried better nature by learning about each of the Five Secondary Elements through their Bearers.
Also, I'm looking forward to Sunset learning that there is no such thing as the "rite of ascension".
Additionally, if at least one fan's theory is right, she's going to be beyond freaked out when she finds that the Mane Six have become the living avatars of the Elements rather than just their bearers...
You're a genius with the title and the story as well
I'll have to agree with Sunset with her opinion on Pinkie...
well, the plot is solid...BWAHAhAHAH~~!!!
i said the plot is solid! i crack me up... sorry, hm? okay lyra,
(hello humans! i was wondering, is the me of that universe obsessed with ponies? that would be awesome! if she and i met-)
the worlds would end, remember? that's why i switched the bonbon's of those worlds, so they would anchor you two... we've been over this
(shut up! a mare can dream... of meeting my pony obsessed human self and her meeting me...)
someday, maybe, depends if the worlds as we know it are ending
3526435
So basically screaming and borderline hating each other, disagreeing over everything, and ultimately realizing that they were wrong together all along, before getting a divorce and moving to different countries. Then of course they have to remarry, finding happiness, yet reflecting back on what might have been, and wondering whether they should have tried harder, before ultimately dying meaningless deaths leaving such questions lingering unanswered?
After reading all four chapters, I come to the conclusion that you are a genius.
Faved, liked. MOAR.
Is there some sort of limit to what she can be commanded to do?
I mean, judging by the description of this fanfic, anyone could literally tell her to kill a certain person and she'd have no choice but to obey.
A journey of a thousand miles begins with but a single scone. Or something like that.
Glad to see the Bearer-analogues haven't given up on Sunset.
3531918
Even the Elements have their limits.
3531891
Nnnope.
3532205 Dammit, Lines! You just spoiled the last five chapters!
3532239 Quiet, you'll awaken my ego.
3532252 Technically, she can't be commanded to do anything. It has to be asked. Or the word 'please has to pop up somewhere in the sentence.
3532314 Everything moves at its own pace. I'm sorry if things are too slow for you.
I didn't expect her to talk to the girls so quickly. Thought she would avoid them like the plague. *shrug*
I'm liking the pacing of this story, and I can't wait to see more interactions with Twilight~
Interesting premise, and it answers some questions people had, namely what happened after Twilight went home. I'm really not sure whether or not I like the entire fulfilling others requests, that strikes me as "would you kindly go kill this person" from Bioshock. Yes I am aware that good is not nice, but it also strikes a little too close to being perceived as slavery for my tastes. Otherwise great story so far.
You know, this might sound cliche, but Sunset and Rainbow should get into a fistfight and work out their aggression. Usually, it's guys in movies and books who do that whole, "fight then become friends" thing, but I can see it working for these two. Either a street brawl or in the ring.
I've been searching for a good fan-fic that would discuss the aftermath of Equestria Girls in the human world. And I believe I've found it. I eagerly await to see what the next chapters have in store for us.
3532414 that's a scary thought but im sure the elements would prevent killing.
It seems to me that this curse would require at least two safety mechanisms. First, as others have pointed out, the curse should not force her to harm others, or to self-harm, or to permit serious harm to come to her.
Second, if it is within the Elements' power, it might be prudent to prevent anyone from ever realizing that Sunset Shimmer is bound to answer any question or do whatever is asked of her. Such knowledge in unscrupulous hands would lead to exploitation of a kind which would be counterproductive to her reformation.
3532353 "Kill me, would you kindly?!"
3533185 you mean like this spoiler warning
3533209 That's the reference, yes. xD
3533185 Yeah, I guess technically that would work.
3533256 but im sure the elements curse would prevent her from killing.
3533275 I'm just going to go ahead and say yes, because I seriously doubt it'll ever reach that point.
now I cant stop thinking about this idea
Twilight: would you kindly stop being mean to me?.
3533304 Sunset: adfashdjsfajdfsjfj, Dammit!
What if someone tells Sunset to lie?
Would it break the curse or would the universe simply explode?
3533446 doubtful besides I think the harmony curse ignore that.
Great. Just great. This story reminded me of some old Disney movie I hated.
Personally I can't wait until Twilight calls out "Will you stop running and talk to me!?" When Sunset tries to make one of her hasty retreats.
This is so far the best Sunset Shimmer I have seen on this site so far, but then... I haven't read too many Sunset fics... But still! Take the compliment. This one is going into my fav pile. (I would say list but after having 250+ fics in there I would say that is a bit of an understatement. Like calling a bolder a rock... Its still true, just doesn't really do it justice.)
I'm confused about the romance tag, as this seems more like a redemptive story than a romantic one, but so far this is great.
3535100 There will be romance. But, it will take a while to get there.
3535131 Hmm, so it seems.
Ok, i'm loving this too much, its the best "what happens next" story I have seen for Equestria Girls so far. You are doing so many things right!
Liked and added to favorites. KEEP IT UP!
I can think of worse like twilight being transferred to the same school sunset goes.
3535100
LOOK at Sunset Shimmer. Does that seem like someone who is ready for romance yet? xD
Also, still kinda hate Sunset Shimmer for basically being a Mary Sue-version of Twilight. I mean, even their names are synonymous. Sunset-Twilight/Shimmer-Sparkle.
But this looks like a fun story.
3535662 now I cant stop thinking about this I would say to sunset shimmer
would you kindly stop being a Mary Sue
I've got to say, Albinocorn, this is a very well-written story. But I'm not really a big fan of the whole concept of Sunset Shimmer going through an "Ella Enchanted"-esque scenario. If you don't mind at all, I'd like to share why it gets under my skin, and I don't intend to seem whiny or otherwise overly-critical about it; I'm just telling you what I honestly feel about the situation: It's unfair and harsh what Sunset's being forced to go through, and this is coming from the guy that wrote a post-EQG story that starts with Sunset Shimmer being attacked by members of a terrorist group just for being a humanized pony!
You know what would make what you have going at this time in the story more reasonable? If the curse died away pre-maturely (like when the Elements of Harmony are returned to the Tree of Harmony--spoilers to those that haven't seen the Season Four premiere!), yet Sunset Shimmer was inspired by it to learn how to be nice on her own. Honestly, there's a 99% chance that Princess Luna (who went through the exact same process as Sunset Shimmer) didn't have to deal with this heavy-handed brainwashing, and she was evil for much, much longer than Sunset.
Really, what's going on here is pretty much an inversion of the Nightmare Forces; she's being forced to be good against her own will, even if it completely defies her personality. I'd expect something like this to happen with someone like Discord (though he's more morally-ambiguous and inconsiderate than your classic case of evil) or King Sombra (who already seemed to go past the breaking-point of badness), but certainly not a non-demonic Sunset Shimmer.
This is just too extreme a punishment for her. After all, there's no indication that Sunset Shimmer was always bad. In fact, she had signs of standards before being transformed into the demon. Maybe something just happened during or before her time as Princess Celestia's student that drove her to be a selfish jerk.
But the fact that Sunset is being forced to be nice and obedient against her will implies she never had any good inside her to begin with. If she didn't, just why would Princess Celestia have bothered with taking her under her wing to begin with?
And for that matter, why is the curse even active at this point? The Mane Five lost their Element-based powers and transformations the moment the portal to Equestria was deactivated, so why does Sunset Shimmer get the "special honor" of still being cursed in a world where magic's not even supposed to exist?
But that's just my two cents, and I honestly don't want to make any enemies here with this comment. I'm just giving you my honest-to-Celestia insight, plus a little something to think about with this premise. I do see potential in this kind of story, so I'm not hating on your story just for the sake of it. Consider this constructive criticism.
huh. Ella Enchanted with 'ponies'
Interesting idea, I applaud your creativity, but alas, I was not a big fan of Ella Enchanted 'because of the whole obediance thing' So I will not read this story, but I shall upvote you as this is the first Ella pony fic I've seen.
3536503 wait it was You who wrote that Fic wow.
3536614
If you mean Sunset Eclipsed, then yes. You don't have a problem with that, do you?
And to be honest, I'm a little surprised it hasn't gotten as much attention as this story, especially considering it's been on this site for weeks.
3536628 anyways I know you were giving the fics constructive criticism but remember this Fic was written before season 4 premiered aired.
3532353
So you could just ask:
Please kill that Person I really hate?
3536646
It's never too late to make an update, you know. And there's no telling how many days there were between EQG and season 4. For all we know, it could be after the current point here.
By the way, What do you think of my story's premise? Opinion-wise, your first reply seems rather vague, and I get a little frustrated when I can't tell what feelings you're expressing.
"wait it was You who wrote that Fic wow. "
What, may I ask, are you trying to express here? A sentence like that could mean anything!
3536690 well read a little bit of the first chapter of your Fic but yeah a way to force her back into her world. But still don't force the author to retcon the Fic to match season 4 Fics Don't Have to be canonical you know.
3536706
I'm not forcing anyone to retcon anything. I was just using the Season 4 thing as an example.
3536720 maybe this Fic would be better if tagged as a AU. would that help?
3536725
Well, that depends: What does Albinocorn have to say about this whole thing? It's his story!
3536767 well then lets drop this alright.
3536777
Sure thing. I didn't mean to cause a disturbance, anyway. I only intended to express some honest opinions, constructive criticism, and advice for the author.
I'll still take the time to read through this story to see what comes of it, even if I don't agree with its premise. I think you may like to read the rest of Sunset Eclipsed, though. It's not as shocking once you get past chapter one. Take my word for it. :)
Okay now. The complaining and plugging are over and done with...for now.
3535662 Please explain to me how she's a mary sue, because I don't see it. And that isn't my personal bias for her talking, I just don't see it.
3536503 First, thank you for the honest criticism. A post like that is hard to come by. You've defiantly given me a lot to think about.
I'll admit, the punishment could seem a bit cruel if you look at it on it's own, but think about this: Luna's punishment was being locked in the moon for 1000 years, the very thing she had control over and wanted ponies to admire. Discord was sealed in stone for much longer, we even find out that he's conscious during his imprisonment. Those seem far harsher than what Sunset has to do. She spent two and a half years forcing everyone around her to do what she said, now the roles are reversed.
And yes, there's evidence she wasn't always like this, just like Luna wasn't always Nightmare Moon. But as someone else already said, good doesn't always equivocate to nice. The Elements of Harmony are just tools to stop or curb evil. I don't exactly think they're nice, just fulfilling their duty.
And technically, Sunset isn't forced to be nice. She has to do what people say, but she can do it with all the scowling and swearing she wants.
As for why the curse is still active at this point. Well... you've got me there. The best explanation I can come up with is that five of the element bearers are in this world and are connected to the Elements or something like that.
But, I feel>>3536706 is right. Changing it now, even if it's to fit Season 4's canon, would be a retcon and maybe even a cop-out.
Thinking of this story, I was trying to think of some explanation as to why Sunset would be friends with Rarity and all of them. Because whenever I thought about it, there was no way in hell she'd willingly be friends with five of the six girls who made her fall so far. This was the best thing I could come up with, and it promised some interesting moments down the road.
Again, I appreciate your feedback, but I think I'm a little too far in to change things now.
3537501
"Thinking of this story, I was trying to think of some explanation as to why Sunset would be friends with Rarity and all of them. Because whenever I thought about it, there was no way in hell she'd willingly be friends with five of the six girls who made her fall so far. This was the best thing I could come up with, and it promised some interesting moments down the road."
And that's all you could think of? Forced brainwashing by a benign force to justify an unlikely friendship? Are you telling me that the only way Sunset Shimmer would ever be friends with them is if she was forced to obey their commands like a robot...or a slave?
Um...yeah. I think the moral implications of this story need some reflecting on.