Long Road to Friendship
Chapter 1: Penance
Sunset Shimmer fell.
She didn’t know how long she had been falling, nor did she care. She was too lost in her own thoughts to pay much attention to it.
Had she taken things too far? Kidnapping a dog… brainwashing the students of Canterlot High… attempted murder…
Part of her wanted to say yes; she had gone too far with that last one. She wasn’t a murderer.
She had also said she wasn’t a monster, but the demon she had been just moments before proved otherwise.
Did she feel any regret for her actions? Why should she? The crown should have been hers in the first place. She should have ruled Equestria. She should have been a princess, not perfect Twilight Sparkle! Besides, she, Sunset Shimmer, had lost, hadn’t she? Why should she feel any regret? The only thing she regretted was losing.
Sunset wanted to scream. It wasn’t fair! It just wasn’t fair! She had taken the Element of Magic and wielded its tremendous power. Yes, she had turned into a demon, a part that still unnerved her when she thought about it and the pain she had endured during her transformation, but she had gained ultimate power!
And she had still managed to lose. Beaten by Twilight Sparkle and her miserable friends and shot down by the Elements of Harmony.
Now she was falling through a white limbo. It was bright and surprisingly warm, and around her, she could hear almost a heavenly hum, like the most talented singer in existence was warming up their voice. Hearing it strengthened the small piece of regret sitting deep in her heart.
Had she been wrong? Was there really some worth behind friendship—some unknown majesty she couldn’t see? Nonsense. Who needed friends when you could have power?
Sunset finally hit something solid but could see nothing beyond the radiant light. It was as if the light itself had solidified and became an invisible floor beneath her.
“Hello?” Sunset called. It echoed around her, and Sunset clenched her fists at how feeble it sounded. It faded away, and Sunset was left alone with the ominous humming. She had no idea where she was, but she was getting a horrible feeling that she could very well be dead.
Can the Elements do that? Can they kill someone? she thought.
As the humming grew louder, memories of cruel words spoken and actions taken began to drift through Sunset’s mind, making her heart heavy with unwanted of regret. Amidst the hum, she thought she could hear a faint beating noise, like a drum.
Realizing the drum beat was getting closer, Sunset spun around and nearly screamed at what she saw.
In front of her was a black and feeble heart; not the kind that beat in her chest and kept her alive, but the one so often used to symbolize love. It pulsed at such a slow rate, Sunset thought it might stop at any moment. Red cracks ran across the surface, looking like rivers of magma across an ash-covered field. It was one of the ugliest things Sunset had ever seen.
And it is yours, a voice, or rather several voices, said. They surrounded Sunset from every angle and sounded like a heavenly choir. She now knew the source of the humming.
“What do you mean, ‘it’s mine’?” Sunset asked warily.
Sunset Shimmer, we have seen your heart, and this is it. You’ve rejected friendship for so long and instead held on to hate. You’ve been cruel, arrogant, selfish, and power hungry. This is what your heart has turned into.
Sunset took a step back from the blacked heart. “S-so?” She cleared her throat, trying to hang on to her false bravado. But standing in front of her ‘heart’, even that was fading. “I don’t need friendship; I’ve gotten by on my own.”
Sunset Shimmer, your rejection of friendship and drive for power has nearly destroyed the balance of two worlds. Do you honestly feel nothing?
“I…” Sunset crossed her arms and turned her nose up, ignoring the tears forming at the corners of her eyes. “Why should I? I lost, didn’t I? What does it matter what I feel?” She uncrossed her arms and pointed into the air. “And who are you to judge me anyway?”
In essence, we are the spirits of the Elements of Harmony. We have every right to judge you, Sunset Shimmer. You who abused the Element of Magic and threatened a coup of Equestria.
Sunset swallowed a lump in her throat. That’s where she was: some limbo where the Elements could put her on trial. She dug her nails into her palm to stop herself from shaking.
“All right, so maybe I stepped out of line a bit. What are you going to do with me?”
Your heart is one of the bleakest we have ever seen, and you show little remorse for your actions. Even more so, you continue to reject friendship.
“Well, what do I need friends for anyway?” Sunset shouted. “They’ve never done anything for me! They don’t serve any purpose! The only thing they’re good for is when I need something from them!”
There was a drawn out moment of silence before the voices spoke again. Very well, Sunset Shimmer. If that is how you feel, then our punishment stands as thus…”
Sunset yelped and grabbed the sides of her head as every memory of her acts of cruelty came flooding in at once. Every time she had used someone, every time she had abused someone, all of her cruel deeds and betrayals came rushing in at once, bringing her to her knees. An image of the demon she had become flashed between each memory, burning itself into the back of her eyelids. She fell onto the unseen floor and began to sob, the pain she had caused so many crushing her black heart into dust.
In between the noise of the memories and her sobbing, Sunset could barely hear the spirits speaking. You shall live with our penance until the last shard of hatred leaves your heart and you learn to truly accept friendship with no thought of self-gain. Until you can learn to love others above yourself, you shall be at their whim and mercy, aiding them whenever they ask for it, and telling them only the truth.
The words sounded distant in Sunset’s ears, fading away, just like the light that had previously surrounded her. She found herself no longer in the realm of the Elements; instead, she was laying face first in the dirt, her clothes tattered, and her body covered in scratches and bruises.
Raising her head, she saw that she had ended up in a large crater. Twilight Sparkle stood over her on the edge, looking more disappointed than angry.
“You will never rule in Equestria. Any power you may have had in this world is gone. Tonight, you've shown everyone who you really are. You've shown them what is in your heart.”
Sunset began climbing out of the hole, her stomach rebelling at the sudden movement. Perhaps it was another after effect of being hit with the Elements of Harmony. She collapsed at Twilight’s feet, vision blurred by tears. She had never felt so horrible in her entire life. Being forced to relive her past actions had left Sunset with the one feeling she thought she would never experience.
Remorse.
“I-I'm sorry,” she cried. “I'm so sorry. I didn't know there was another way!”
“The magic of friendship doesn't just exist in Equestria. It's everywhere. You can seek it out.” Twilight sighed and turned away. “Or you can forever be alone. The choice is yours.”
“But... But all I've ever done since being here is drive everyone apart. I don't know the first thing about friendship.”
Twilight knelt down and took Sunset’s hand, helping her out of the hole and to her feet. She pointed at the five girls standing off to the side. “I bet they can teach you.”
Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, and Rainbow Dash all gave her various degrees of smiles, with Pinkie’s being the largest.
Really? They’d want to be my friends after everything I’ve done?
She didn’t get a chance to ask Twilight. Everyone had moved along to watch Principal Celestia return the Element of Magic to Twilight before they all went back to the gym to finish their dance, leaving Sunset alone. Even Snips and Snails seemed to have vanished.
Skirting around the crater, Sunset made her way to the demolished entrance of the school building. Part of her was amazed that she had been able to do that. She hadn’t cast magic like that since she had been a pony.
She leaned against the crumbling stones and sighed. What was she supposed to do now? She looked up at the statue that secretly housed the portal to Equestria. She could run away. Escape back home and live out her life in exile there. No. If she went back, she would chance facing Celestia’s wrath. Sunset had completely disobeyed her by jumping through the mirror, not to mention stealing Twilight’s crown. There was nothing left for her there. But there wasn’t much left here either.
Behind her, she could hear the steady beats of the music Vinyl Scratch blasted out of her stereo system. She could hear the students laughing and talking and enjoying their Fall Formal.
I almost robbed them of that, just to further my own plans. Sunset groaned and pressed her head against the concrete. Now she knew why she had never felt regret before. It was the worst feeling in the world!
From one of the hallways came footsteps and the sound of squeaking wheels. Sunset turned and saw Vice Principal Luna escorting Snips and Snails. They pushed a wheelbarrow filled with bricks, mortar and push brooms in front of them.
Luna stopped and handed Sunset a spade. “Well, Ms. Shimmer, it looks like you have a long night ahead of you.”
Sunset gaped at her. “You can’t seriously expect me to fix all of this.”
Luna just waved the spade in front of her. Sunset snatched it and growled. Her feelings of regret were slowly eroded away by feelings of annoyance and anger. She watched Luna walk back towards the gymnasium while Snips and Snails began to sweep the steps clean of rubble.
Trading the spade for the third push broom, Sunset began to sweep as well, deciding to do the easy work first. She had only been working for a few minutes when the sound of giggling reached her. Twilight Sparkle and her five friends filed out of the gym and headed for the statue. They stopped at the base to trade hugs and exchange one last goodbye.
This is my last chance. Sunset looked up at the pale moon. I could run in after her, or…
When she looked back, Twilight and her dog Spike had already slipped through the granite surface of the statue, making their transition back to Equestria. Pinkie ran to try and catch up, but she was met with a solid surface instead. The portal was closed.
“Oh, bummer,” Pinkie pouted.
Sunset shared in some of Pinkie’s disappointment. Part of her had wanted to go home. Now, she was stuck here for at least another thirty moons.
“Well, I must say, that was certainly an experience,” Sunset heard Rarity say.
“Yeah, Ah reckon somethin’ like that was once in a lifetime,” Applejack said.
“Do you think we’ll ever see her again?” Fluttershy asked.
Applejack put a hand on Fluttershy’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, sugarcube, Ah’m sure someday she’ll come back and visit.”
“If not, we could always go looking for the Twilight Sparkle from this world!” Pinkie said, bouncing on her toes.
Rarity ran a hand through her purple royal curls. “Well… maybe that’s not such a good idea. We can’t go looking for her and expect her to be exactly the same. That would be like we’re trying to replace her.”
Pinkie stood still and said in a downcast voice, “Oh yeah, I guess you’re right. That would be kinda mean.”
“But hey, if we run into Twilight Sparkle, we can still try and be her friend,” Applejack reassured. “We should just let her come to us, though. If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen on its own.”
There was a long pause before Rainbow Dash said, “So, what should we do about Sunset Shimmer?”
“Well,” Applejack said slowly, “we did promise to try and help her. And Ah don’t go back on my promises.”
Rarity nodded. “Neither do I, but, I can’t just pretend none of the things she did to us ever happened. I need time to settle my feelings, especially after tonight.”
“Rarity is right. I want to try and be her friend but… she still scares me,” Fluttershy mumbled.
“Well, Ah guess it’s a good thing school’s canceled next week, seeing as they’ve got some construction to do. Gives us all a little time to settle down,” Applejack said.
“Ah yeah!” Rainbow cheered. “No school for a whole week! Who’s down to hang?”
“Ooh, ooh me!” Pinkie frantically waved her hand in front of Rainbow’s face. “We can hang out just like we used to; it’ll be so much fun!”
Sunset watched them walk away, their voices growing fainter as they disappeared into the dark. She leaned against her broom, mulling over her thoughts. Were they really going to try and make friends with her? Sunset wasn’t sure if they were admirable or just stupid.
She gripped her broom tighter. As her feelings of regret finally died away, her old feelings of contempt and superiority returned. Who said she wanted to be friends with them anyway? It was their fault she was in this situation! If they hadn’t interfered, she’d be in Equestria right now! And besides, they didn’t actually want to be her friend; they were just doing a favor for Twilight Sparkle.
Twilight Sparkle…
Sunset squeezed the broom so hard, her knuckles turned white. In the end, it all came down to her. Little miss perfect princess. Taking the crown that should have been Sunset’s in the first place and leaving her behind in this world to rot. Sunset hated her. With every fiber of her being, Sunset hated her.
“Hey, Sunset!” Snips’ voice dragged Sunset out of her thoughts. “Could you stop standing there and help us? This is gonna take all night.”
Sunset was about to deliver a sharp retort when she felt a jolt like lightning run down her spine. Almost as if acting on their own, her arms began to move the broom, resuming her sweep up of the rubble.
That was… weird. Sunset shrugged it off and continued working. Snips was right; this would take all night.
Dat upvote > read ratio
Yet another one of yours I'll have to get to sometime
Nice, thumbed and faved.
By the way, have you ever heard of Alma the younger? (just curios, no worries if you haven't)
3524714 Can't say that I have. Is it an anime or something?
3524724 Haha no. Don't worry about it. Biblical reference. (kinda)
Good story though and I can't wait to read more.
Looks interesting so far! I give it my patented Cookie of Approval!
s931.photobucket.com/user/chewystarwars/media/lurkingnanananalurking.jpg.html
I'll be waiting for more
Breaking Bad, are ya? Thinking you can release this story without me.
I feel that shenanigans will ensue
Intriguing concept. I can't wait to give this story a read.
Well actually I can wait seeing as I'm not about to read it yet, but you get the idea.
3524782 I got excited... and bored. Sorry.
pretty good start
i like it. nice cover art as well. great work.
Ohhhhh. I havn't seen an Ella Enchanted esque plot in a looooong time. And with post Equestria Girls sunset to boot. Color me interested.
Never thought I'd see this side of what happened in Sunset's mind, in terms of limbo and so forth. Must be pretty painful.
You can reform because you want to or it can be made clear that you have no choice. Twilight is merciful. The Power of Harmony (being an avatar of nature, like Discord), is not. Sunset will reform or she will be permanently others' doormat. She faces a simple choice: Become a better woman or spend the rest of her life as a doormat.
I wonder if, before the end, she'll seriously consider ending her life?
3524702 I think that votes get upd8ted instant8neously, 8ut views are only every t>0 minutes.
Interesting, though you've not yet given Sunset a real motive beyond a vague grab for power (as was stated in the movie). I have hopes that such shall be resolved, though.
Holy balls, man. I can totally see this. Very well done with the description.
THIS. This is the unseen event which could have happened to all of the people whinging and bitching about "Oh now she's suddenly done a 180 in attitude so unrealistic." Same goes for Princess Luna too.
Well, this is certainly off to a fascinating start. I think I'm going to enjoy this experience...
Very very interesting!
I knew Sunset Shimmer didn't just cry because we was sorry!!!!
I really REALLY like this! It gives me a completely different perspective on the whole idea of sunset shimmer Bravo! Bravo!
You mind telling me how it feels to be one of the best pony authors out there?
This is an interesting concept. Although very very disturbing if you really think about it. What is the limit of the aid? There is no limit. Here's the scene: A woman is crying outside of a burning building, "Someone please save my baby!" Sunset Shimmer hears and is forced to aid without a fireman's suit or anything. She suffers disfiguring burns or dies. Also, nothing states the morality of the aid because she's at the whim and mercy of others. You can go very dark routes with this. Thankfully this is marked comedy so I don't have to think about that stuff. *shivers*
The punishment is also laughable in another way. The always having to tell the truth does not create relationships, that can actually destroy relationships by creating constant friction. Nobody is exactly like you with the exact same likes because the person you are most likely to lie to are the people who are closest to you. We use white lies for a reason, we don't want to start fights over stupid things. "What do you think of this music?" Honest answer: "That is the worst piece of trash I have ever heard. That should not even be called music." Technical half truth: "I didn't like it." Or the oh so classic: "Do these pants make my butt look big?" If they do, no guy in their right mind will ever say yes. The same idea applies for whenever someone is asking for opinions about their appearance. We lie to smooth things over for the unimportant things in life.
Unknown majesty you can't see? What are you on about, Sunset? Twilight pretty clearly spelled it out for you that friendship is literally power when she blasted you with that highly visible rainbow and again in her speech afterwards. Too bad you weren't really friends with your minions.
Do continue.
The Kitten (and her army of fluffy cute little friends that will make you d'aww, but not at this moment) is interested.
Hmm... maybe I'll change my profile pic to a kitten? Or... maybe my OC? Or... my OC with a kitten?
Given her transgressions, this punishment is both just and cruel. I applaud your poetic and elegant sanction.
I'm honestly scared about the punishment. What if someone wanted to take advantage of her...in that way...
*Sees pictures*
*Reads story description
*Checks story tags*
...wait, no sex tag? No dark tag? Romance? Skeptical Trixie is skeptical.
Just one word: EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
*cough* That is all.
I've decided I'm going to read this story, and review every single chapter, one by one. Why? I don't know. It is as I have willed.
Anyway, I enjoyed this first chapter. I don't tend to enjoy the willful imposition of divinities, but within the context of the story it justifies the premise nicely and works within the universe.
I can also buy Sunset being rather remorseless until actually having remorse forced upon her. I wish I could say more on this, but this chapter is mostly setup, and obviously can't start delivering on the premise just yet.
As for technical nitpicks, I would just point out this one thing I spotted: It was as if the light itself had solidified and became an invisible floor beneath her.
(This should read become instead. Try reading it without solidified: It was as if the light itself had become an invisible floor beneath her.)
Anyway, I'll get cracking on chapter 2 as soon as I can.
XD this punishment could go down hill fast
I read this first chapter quite some time ago, shortly after you posted it.
Here's me coming back to read the whole thing. It's a strong start, here. I may not comment on every chapter, but I'll try to sum up my thoughts once I'm all caught up.
That scene of Sunset and the Elements, trippy... Very interesting start, there. I... honestly would be VERY reluctant to forgive Sunset, if ever.
I AM RE-READING THIS BC REASONS
ALSO YOU HAVE BEST WRITING STYLE JUST SAYING
5085428 Very fast. Good thing the story is only T rated.
Im ranting here, but ultimately i actually like this chapter, im just ranting over one detail at length.
So.. the Element's direct intervention in SS's mind change the tone to be quite dark, and imho the Elements (magic thingy spirit) are being hypocritical by their method of changing/redeeming/punishing SS.
I now wonder if their influence being only hinted at, never shown, would have worked better.
They go the overt mind-control way on Sunset, since we get to see it and she is aware something is up. She doesnt have full control over herself.. wich is pretty much what she did to others when she went full "evil".
How does that make them better in any way? What kind of lesson on friendship does that teach Sunset? Here it is: "Power is important, winner rule the loser, might makes right, mind control is awesome".
Why would someone subject to mind control by the EoH, WANT to have anything to do with the power of friendship when its own core spirits are okay with using it to force their will upon you?
Heck, the vision punishment alone gave her plenty of nightmare fuel to keep her restless and guilty for the next age or twelve.. just being shown without a doubt and having to feel that she was a monster after reaching her desired power is kind of big wake-up call on who/what she is.
She will question herself quite hard after this (and that's an interesting angle to dive into, what does one think/do when they know that power turn them into monsters?)
The dark and/or porngraphic implication can be fix with either an implied or explicit rule that certain orders or questions are off limits. (I.e. Those not keeping with harmony) You already have a little of this already because it only requests for aid that invoke the complashion.
A another way is only orders and/or questions from certain people invoke the power. (I.e. Those who are reasonably good) and Snips and Snails are grandfathered in(Because she used them). This option would need to be more explicit but that can be handled via the elements telling after she surprised the complashion doesn't kick in.
But really I don't think you need to change anything. Those things won't come up because you wouldn't write them.
I'm afraid you set the bar too high. I enjoyed this story so, much that I went looking for more and found none, so I'm going to read it again, hope you update but the time I get to ch 25 again. So in other words, very good job!
Writing's actually pretty good. Pacing is okay, though I feel it's a little fast (that's probably just my bias towards slower stories shining through, though). I'm not sure I buy your characterization of Sunset conceptually, but you've handled it pretty well past that, so I think I can call it good?
I'm not sure if I understand, but from what I'm reading it looks like basically whenever Sunset Shimmer starts going bad again the Elements give her a shock and mind-control her into being nice.
CREEPY. No other word for it.
5418539 Simple, really. The elements said she would do anything she was told, and answer all questions truthfully. She was told to help them, so the shock was her being made to help them.
5419087 Which seems fine until someone who really doesn't like her says something along the lines of "why don't you just drop dead?"
5509607 You would be right, except the way you worded it uses one of the six question words: What, when, where, who, why, and how. Since it starts with "why", she would have to answer truthfully, not be forced into action. If the guy followed it up with "Just do it, then!" Then we have a problem.
3524724 Got to thinking what the elements did was a last resort sort of thing the first was letting her tap into a power that she should not of been able to(lack of harmony) letting her see how far she had fallen unless they were just tools and if such was the case then the main 6 are nothing more then the most compatible interchangeable parts. I have no idea where I was going with the comment or arguing with. (cutie mark crusader sleepy time YAY!)
5110566
She practically got shackled with Creation/Exalted-grade mental effects/geas and you are still complaining? Then perhaps it is good that you are not on the team writing MLP canon, no, mon ami?
One chapter. That's all it took. One chapter and I'm already hooked. That hasn't happened on a while.
BRAVO SIR! MASTER AUTHOR PERSON!
I try to never read unfinished stories but now I just couldn't stop myself. And I already regret it. Because how am I going to wait for the next chapters when I've read all these?
Congratulations! You have mastered one of the most difficult parts of writing: The Hook! And, you did it with only three words! "Sunset Shimmer Fell" Beautiful! Gorgeous! The moment I read that simple sentence I had to know! Why was she falling? Where was she falling from? What or where was she falling into? I had to know!
So, I read the chapter. Then you demonstrated another mastery: That of The Teaser where you finished the chapter in such a way that it had me begging to know what happens next!
Awesome stuff! This is going right into my bookshelf and into my favorites!
That was actually a pretty good explanation for her sudden 180 after being blasted by the Elements.