Hands

by Andrew Joshua Talon

Thirty-Seven

Hands

A My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction

By Andrew J. Talon

DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fanbased work of prose. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is the property of Hasbro, and the reinvention of the lovely Lauren Faust. No copyright infringement is intended, please support the official release.

- - -

Okay, okay, I thought quickly as the streets of Canterlot rapidly approached, there's nothing to worry about. Luna will save you! Any second now!

... Any second!

... Any second-!

BOOM!

I slammed right into the cobbled street, digging out a massive crater as numerous ponies fled screaming. I was embedded in the ground, arms and legs splayed out like a cartoon character as the street cracked around me.

And as for why I can tell you, well, like a cartoon character... I wasn't dead. I didn't even feel any pain. I slowly stood up, still wobbling.

"W-Woah... Woah... Wow," I muttered, looking around at the small marketplace I'd landed in. Nopony seemed to be hurt, they were just galloping away and screaming. So that was good.

Even better, I wasn’t hurt at all! I was expecting to die, or at least be broken and horribly disabled!

"Wow!" I gasped. "This is great! I can't be hurt!" I looked up and saw Luna descending, looking concerned. I grinned, though I knew she couldn't see it. I waved my hand. "Luna! Luna, I'm okay!"

Despite you not catching me, you jerk, I thought, a tiny bit miffed.

"Andrew? Can thoust hear us?" She called. "Mine magic was simply absorbed by thine armor! We could not stop you with our power!"

Oh. Well I felt like a jerk. I waved a hand at her to indicate there were no hard feelings, as the Royal Canterlot Guards flew in.

"It's okay, Luna," I said as she landed. "I completely understand."

Luna frowned. "Andrew? Are thou all right? We cannot hear thee!"

I groaned. "I said," I shouted, pointing my finger at her, "that I completely understand-!"

A bright yellow energy beam erupted from the tip of my pointer finger, blasting Luna right in the face. The dark alicorn was knocked off her hooves and thrown through a nearby storefront, smashing it to pieces and forcing a cloud of dust into the air. I saw it all in perfect slow motion, as my brain sped up due to a mixture of panic, horror, and anger.

The royal guards gasped in horror. I made a tinny, drawn out squeak.

"That thing just attacked the Princess!" One of them shouted.

"Get it!" Another shouted.

"Oh crap," I muttered. I turned back to the guards, and waved my hands frantically. "No! Wait! You don't understand! I didn't mean to do that-!"

"CHARGE!" They bellowed, diving for me.

"CRAAAAAAAAP!"

- - -

Now, I have to be honest. Ever since I got to Equestria, I've gotten the crap beaten out of me a lot. I've been kicked, clawed, blasted, set on fire, defenestrated, whipped, electrocuted, food poisoned, and blown up.

And that was just a weekend camping trip with the Cutie Mark Crusaders to help them earn Filly Scout badges.

Now though, I was getting smacked and knocked around by Princess Celestia's finest-And physically, I didn't feel a bit of pain! It was more like being in the middle of a particularly aggressive pillow fight. One guard struck me with his hooves hard, and I went flying right into a wall... And then through it. I landed hard on all fours, and I tried to get back up.

"GUYS! GUYS!" I shouted. "Gahhh... Come on...!" I held up my arms. "Come on! I surrender! I promise, I surrender-!"

Another guard tackled me from behind, slamming me into the floor... And then through it, right into the basement! Storage crates full of magazines and filly toys erupted from the force of the impact. I groaned as the guard slammed his hooves down onto my back, over and over.

"Stop resisting! STOP RESISTING!" The guard bellowed.

"I am! I AM!" I shouted. I sighed. "Why couldn't this stupid thing come with a manual?"

I clenched my fists, glaring at my faceplate as more guards flew down to hold me down. Still, maybe if I just stayed still, they'd stop freaking out? It wasn't like I was disobeying them-

The suit lit up like it was covered in blue neon lights, and emitted a powerful shockwave-One that blew all the guards away, into and through several walls! The entire house above us collapsed, and the suit emitted another shockwave to boost me up and out. It then set me down, on my feet, in the street in front of the now ruined domicile. I looked back at the ruined house and the groaning guards.

"Oh come on!" I shouted. "Damnit, how do you work this? Uh... Shut down! Power down!" I frowned more deeply. "Switch off!"

Princess Celestia herself teleported in with a flash of white light, looking grim. I turned to her, a desperate smile on my face.

"Oh thank God! Princess! Princess, help me!"

"You have been causing a great deal of damage, stranger," Celestia boomed. "Explain yourself."

"I would," I shouted, "but nobody can HEAR ME!"

I waved my fists angrily, which I really should have avoided given what had happened... Any other time I'd done something in this crazy armor. And a second later I was proven right, as another energy blast left the armor's hands. One that nearly hit Celestia right in the face. She dodged, and with a glare her horn lit up. I gulped in terror, and held my arms up over my face... As though that would help.

"Consider this a warning," she intoned gravely. A yellow energy blast erupted from her horn... And hit my gauntlets. The entire surface of the armor glowed yellow, bright as the sun! That wasn't all, unfortunately: The part of the blast that didn't make the armor glow was deflected, striking a nearby tower. I lowered my arms and turned my head to stare at the tower, as Celestia did the same. The tower seemed unharmed, and I let out a sigh of relief.

"Oh, thank God-"

The tower... Split into two halves, and fell apart like a log split on a stump by an axe. The two adjacent towers collapsed in like fallen trees. I think my jaw was closed at some point, but right now I couldn't remember one. I turned back to Celestia, whose eyes were narrowed.

"I see," she said. "A magic absorbing armor. Very clever, well built..." She smiled unpleasantly. "But it has its limits. Enough power pumped into that armor, and it will explode. So... Let's take this somewhere less crowded."

"SISTER!" Luna bellowed, erupting out of some rubble. "WAIT!"

"YES! WAIT!" I shouted. But like a hero out of a shonen anime, Celestia had flashstepped to my side, chambered her back legs... And let loose a kick that sent me flying high in the sky.

"WAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!"

- - -

So, breaking the sound barrier with your face sounds a lot cooler than it actually is. Well okay, it was cool. But I could only appreciate that after the fact. During it, I was mainly screaming in terror as I tumbled through the skies. The ground beneath me changed predominant colors, from mainly green, yellow and blue to mostly brown, yellow and almost no blue.

Then it was all yellow as I slammed into the ground, sending a massive plume of sand and dirt up into the air around me.

"Ow..." I said, more of an instinctive reaction than out of pain. I very slowly got up to my feet, feeling more confused than pained. I looked up at the bright blue sky, populated by only a few white clouds. All from the bottom of the large crater I had formed. I wobbled a bit, and very slowly began to crawl out of the crater. I scrambled up the side, and gripped the lip of the crater. I pulled myself out, and rolled myself up to my feet. I turned around, taking in my surroundings.

"Aw, crap," I mumbled. I saw desert cacti, boulders, distant mountains... An arid landscape as far as the eye could see. None of it familiar. I sighed and facepalmed, hard.

"'Dur, sure Luna. I'll help you examine ancient human stuff. What's the worst that could happen?' Every time!" I kicked a rock, sending it far over the horizon with a huff. "I was supposed to be relaxing, for God's sake!"

I sighed, feeling like a flower drooping under the hot, desert sun. "Killed by my own helpful nature. Yeah, that sounds about right..."

"You know, Twilight is right. You are extremely melodramatic," said a calm, amused female voice. I yelped and swung around, getting my arms up defensively. A familiar white alicorn stood there in front of me, smiling gently.

I blinked. I lowered my arms. "Wait? You can hear me?"

Celestia nodded. "I have had a thousand years to study other Ancient Human relics. I just needed to find the right spells to tap into the armor's communications system."

"Oh thank God," I said. "So, do you know how to get this thing off me?"

"First, I need to examine the armor and see if I can't find out what's wrong with it," Celestia explained. Her horn began to blow, and the chest of the armor began to glow in synch. "Forgive me, this may take some time. It has been a while since I did this," she apologized. The immediate terror and fear vanished, and I shrugged. After all, a Princess of Equestria was with me: What did I have to worry about?

"That's fine," I said. "Take your time, I'm not going anywhere."

Celestia nodded, her smile growing just a hair. "And we've had so few opportunities to talk. I believe we should have gotten to that sooner."

I shrugged. "Well, I've been busy. You've been busy..." I trailed off, and coughed. "Um, listen: I really do love Twilight and Fluttershy and I would never hurt them intentionally-"

"No, no," Celestia chuckled, "I wasn't going to talk about that. Indeed, I'm very happy my faithful student is not only learning about the mystery of friendship, but also of love." Her smile became impish. "Besides, I share the same desire for grandfoals that Twilight's parents do."

"Ah," I muttered, blushing a bit, "we're not thinking about that yet... I'm not even sure how it would be possible. I'm a primate, she's a unicorn-"

"Magic, of course," Celestia said with a smile. I sighed, rolling my eyes.

"Of course," I said. "So, what else did you want to talk about?"

Celestia hummed. "Well, I did want to know how you are doing. All these revelations about the Ancient Humans and your homeworld must have been shocking."

I nodded, humming back as Celestia's magic made the rest of my armor light up in different colors. "Well, it's been a lot to handle," I said. "I mean, it helps to know there was a way between worlds... Once," I said. Celestia sighed, nodding wearily.

"Once, yes. I remember a number of my dealings with the Ancient Humans. By the time my sister and I ascended to the throne, they were isolated in this region. Discord, Tirek, Grogar, Sombra, the Smooze-So many calamities had struck Equestria over that millennium, and the humans had suffered greatly. They eventually tried to recreate the means by which they originally came to escape back to Earth... But the technology and magic was lost. We have relics, but so much was lost I doubt we could figure out how to make it work without those missing parts and knowledge. By the time the Crystal Empire vanished... All of them were gone." She looked at me sadly. "That was over fifteen hundred years ago."

I nodded back slowly, feeling sad again. "I see," I sighed. Celestia nuzzled me gently, an act of care and compassion I could feel through the armor. "Thank you for telling me."

"It's the least I can do for the Sword of Equestria," Celestia said with a smile. "It is my sincere hope you can find a way home. But if not? A home here, with beings who love and care for you."

I nodded back, and lightly bumped my head against hers. I reached up and patted her neck. "Thank you, Your Highness," I replied warmly. I blinked back tears, and cleared my throat. "So, um... How's the armor?"

"Hmmm," Celestia thought aloud, "I see the problem. This armor is heavily damaged. It just makes random connections based on what magic it can use to bridge the circuits. I think I can repair them." The princess adjusted the probing beam of magic, making it narrower. Then... Green and blue lines appeared before my eyes, as though projected on glass.

"Can you see an interface?" Celestia asked. I nodded.

"Yeah!"

Strangely enough, it was in English. I could see a diagram of the armor, one that was mostly red: Probably not a good sign. There was another icon though, one very interesting: A map, with two blinking dots.

"Hey, I can see a map!" I said. "I think it's of this area!"

"Really?" Celestia asked, interested. I turned around in a circle, and observed that the dot not in the center of the map moved around the dot that was. My eyes widened.

"And there's... Something it's picking up!" I said. I squinted. "It's... Maybe a mile or two away from us!"

Celestia's smile grew. "Maybe an ancient human facility?" She asked. I shrugged.

"Maybe..." I looked over at Celestia. "It's definitely something to investigate. Maybe with a full archaeological team, and back up-"

"Or we could go right now," Celestia suggested. I frowned.

"Yeah, but don't you have work to do back in Canterlot?"

Celestia nuzzled me again, an impish smirk on her face. "My little human," she said, "that is precisely why I would like to investigate this now."

I blinked, and nodded. "Gotcha. You're the boss, Your Highness."

"Wonderful!" Celestia said cheerfully. "Also... I'm terribly sorry for knocking you out so far."

I waved my hand. "It's okay. You can make it up to me later."

Celestia chuckled. "Oh? And what ways can I do that?" She gave me a flirty expression. I found myself blushing, even as she chuckled and winked. "You are an enormous amount of fun to tease, too. Just like Twilight."

"Thanks," I mumbled. Stupid sexy ponies...

- - -

Author's Note:

It's a shorter update, but I hope you like it.

Comments

[TheTownCrier]

Okay. Interest piqued.

[ShadowLDrago]

It's a shorter update, but I hope you like it.

I absolutely do.

[FanOfMostEverything]

It's almost comforting to know that the ancient superweapon is panicking as much as its user. "Everything's broken! I don't know what you want! Ahhhh!"

And that ancient facility should prove most interesting indeed.

[Jomama]

I have no issue with these bit sized updates.

[djthomp]

I groaned as the guard slammed his hooves down onto my back, over and over.

"Stop resisting! STOP RESISTING!" The guard bellowed.

Oh no.

Celestia nodded, her smile growing just a hair. "And we've had so few opportunities to talk. I believe we should have gotten to that sooner."

Oh no!

"No, no," Celestia chuckled, "I wasn't going to talk about that. Indeed, I'm very happy my faithful student is not only learning about the mystery of friendship, but also of love." Her smile became impish. "Besides, I share the same desire for grandfoals that Twilight's parents do."

Very oh no!

Celestia chuckled. "Oh? And what ways can I do that?" She gave me a flirty expression. I found myself blushing, even as she chuckled and winked. "You are an enormous amount of fun to tease, too. Just like Twilight."

Doooooooomed

[Regreme]

Heh. Cute.

[SaintlyVirtue94]

I bookmarked this fic back in 2012 on chapter 15 and then forgot about it. Hundreds of stories over the years had piled up over it like sediment over the bones of a dinosaur, hiding it from the living . Well today I decided to clean out my bookmark folder and was shocked to see that this one was not only still going but also updated recently. I guess I'll catch up this week.

[Nyerguds]

Building on Jack-Pony's idea...

I sighed, feeling like a flower drooping under the hot, desert sun. "Killed by my own helpful nature. Yeah, that sounds about right..."

"You know, Twilight is right. You are extremely melodramatic," said a calm, amused female voice. I yelped and swung around, getting my arms up defensively.

There was no one around. I gazed across endless masses of rocks and sand. Was I finally going crazy?

"No, hon, you're not," the voice in my head responded. "I'm the Mark Eight Point Three Defense Matrix. But you can call me Deffie."

"And... you're... reading my mind," I said, slightly taken aback.

"Oh, how else would I know how to best serve you?" the Defense Matrix continued, in a low, purring voice.

"Yeah, first of all? Stay out of my memories. Secondly? Let me out of this suit."

"Now, doll, that's a really bad idea," 'Deffie' responded in a gently mothering voice. "The climate of this place is quite unsuited for human survival. I doubt you'd make it out there on your own. And..." the voice's volume dropped a bit, and suddenly reminded me quite a lot of Fluttershy. "You... you wouldn't want to leave me, would you?"

I sighed and sat down. Great. Another female in my life.

[Jack-Pony]

9938396 I'm feeling oddly called out here.

[Coretz]

9931222
It's panicking because it knows who the user is.