Eighteen
Hands
A My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
By Andrew J. Talon
DISCLAIMER: This is a non-profit fanbased work of prose. My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic is the property of Hasbro, and the reinvention of the lovely Lauren Faust. No copyright infringement is intended, please support the official release.
- - - - - -
I don't remember leaving the archives of Canterlot. I was later told that I seemed to shamble like a zombie through the hallways, Princess Luna's comforting wing at my back. That I had the look of death on me, and gave more than a few servants the frights. But my mind just blanked it all out, like I couldn't be bothered to remember any of it.
My first memory after all that was of laying on a soft bed in a cheerfully adorned room. Birds were chirping cheerfully outside, and sunlight peeked through the only clouds in an otherwise flawless sky. The scent of flowers was on the breeze, and a plate of cookies sat on the table next to mine.
I didn't touch it. I found my eyes looking up at the ceiling, locked onto the murals of stars carved into the stone.
"Andrew?"
I looked to my side. Fluttershy was standing nearby, looking concerned. "Are you all right?"
"I..." I closed my eyes. "I'm not all that... Great, to be honest."
Fluttershy climbed up onto the bed with me, and settled down onto it. She rested her head on my shoulder and looked up at me.
"... You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," Fluttershy said softly. "I just... I think you might feel better if you did."
I sucked in a deep breath, and let it out in a long sigh. Fluttershy said nothing. She just stayed there, staring at me.
"... My dad told me once that, you have inside of you a box, a box that you put things into," I said. "The stuff you can't deal with right now. You keep it there because to deal with it all at once would just overwhelm you, drown you. You'd lose yourself to it. But as time goes on, you keep having to put away things in the box, more and more, just to get by. You try to find the time to deal with it, to work through it, but it just seems like there isn't enough time. That you can't face it. You put a lock on it..."
"... But as time goes on, there's just so much stuff that even a lock won't keep it back any more," Fluttershy said softly. "Especially if you lose the lock."
I stared at her, and Fluttershy blushed.
"Don't look so surprised," she said gently. "I... I know what it is to keep things locked up... Even when I shouldn't. You know that very well."
"I guess I do," I said, chuckling softly as I recalled the New Fluttershy. I reached up to Fluttershy's mane and ran my fingers through it. She hummed softly, happily. "I just... Fluttershy, I..." I sighed and looked up at the ceiling again. "I don't know how to express it."
"You're afraid of being the last of your kind," Fluttershy said quietly. "You're afraid that means everything... Everything was for nothing. And by extension, that you are nothing."
I looked at her in shock. She bashfully looked away.
"You... When you speak of humans, you talk about the great things you've done, as individuals and as a species," Fluttershy said. "Going to your moon, splitting the atom, television, epics. Um... Even if you disagree with other people, even if you hate some members of your people... You love humanity, and you try to explain humans to others so that they don't come off as frightening, or wrong."
"I... Well..." I sighed. "Yeah... Yeah, I do."
"It's as much for you as it is for them," Fluttershy continued. "You don't want to be thought of as some freak, or monster, and you know that we might be afraid of the strange and alien. And talking about your people... Makes you feel less... Um... Well..."
"Alone?" I asked. Fluttershy nodded, and looked down.
"I'm very sorry," she immediately apologized. "I didn't mean to psychoanalyze you-"
"Yes you did," I said flatly. Fluttershy sighed. I managed to smile at her, and stroked her hair. "I don't mind it though, I guess."
"You don't?" Fluttershy asked with a smile.
"Of course I don't," I said. I thought about it. "Well... Maybe I do, a little." At Fluttershy's distressed look, I groaned. "Okay, I do mind it... But mainly because I'm angry I didn't think of it myself."
"You're not perfect, Andrew," Fluttershy said with a smile. "But I think that makes you a better person if you accept that. I mean... Um... I've heard it can make you a better person. Sometimes..."
I sighed and hugged her. Fluttershy hummed happily. "Thanks Fluttershy," I said softly.
"Mm... You're welcome Andrew," Fluttershy sighed back. She looked at me seriously. "And... You do know, you can talk to any of us, right?"
"Yeah," I said. "You tell me that, I just... I don't know if you can understand."
"Being the last of your kind? Maybe not," Fluttershy admitted. "But feeling alone and depressed? That we do understand."
I sighed and looked back up at the ceiling. "Yeah... Yeah, I guess."
"And if you withdraw too much, you know we'll try to get it out of you," Fluttershy said quite seriously. I scowled down at her, almost playfully.
"You can try," I said. Fluttershy smiled.
"We broke Applejack. We can br-break you... For your own good, I mean," she said quickly. Despite her stutter though, she was using her deep, sexy voice. The voice that reminded me of GLaDOS in Portal: Equal parts scary and arousing.
Don’t judge me.
"As a great human once said, 'I have not yet begun to fight,'" I replied with a smirk. Fluttershy giggled and nuzzled my neck.
- - - - -
Fluttershy and I trotted down a hallway, passing by a few workers and servants. The interior of the palace reminded me of numerous similar places I'd seen in video games.
"Hmm..." I stopped at a chest and kneeled down. I opened it up.
"Andrew?" Fluttershy asked.
"Aw man," I muttered, seeing nothing but curtains in the chest. I looked over at the staring Fluttershy and shrugged. "Er... It's complicated. Human thing."
"Were you expecting some gold or jewels?" Fluttershy asked curiously.
"Or maybe some super special awesome weapon or item or coat?" Pinkie Pie asked, popping up behind us. I yelped and fell over as Fluttershy glared at her friend.
"Pinkie!"
"Oops. Sorry!" Pinkie Pie said. "I was just in the neighborhood and Andrew looked like he was hoping for something super special awesome in the chest! Like treasure or a magic weapon or a super awesome spell book for magic!" Pinkie Pie grinned. "Isn't that the case?"
"I uh... Guess so," I said. "Where did you come from, anyway?"
Pinkie Pie looked at me with a confused expression, and then took my hands between her hooves. She sighed.
"Oh poor Andrew... Don't worry! Your Auntie Pinkie Pie will explain everything you need to know before you have foals with Fluttershy or Twilight or both!" Pinkie said cheerfully. "Now, when a human and a pony and another pony love each other very much-"
I yanked my hands away as I saw Fluttershy begin to turn bright red. "I really should have seen that coming," I muttered.
"Probably, but it was funny," Pinkie said. "And I heard you'd seen some really messed up junk lately so you needed a Pinkie Pie style cheering up!"
"Well, it wasn't... You know... That bad," I said.
"You mean, you weren't falling into a pit of despair over the fact you might be the last human being? Aside from Rabbit?" Pinkie Pie asked. "Which might be a major reason for your depression?"
"... Okay, that would be a source of depression," I said.
"Andrew," Fluttershy said with a hint of disapproval. I sighed.
"Well come on!"
- - - - - -
The balcony I was brought to afforded a beautiful view of the rest of Canterlot as the sun began to dip towards the horizon. In the ruddy glow of the sunset, everything seemed warmer and more beautiful than in full daylight. Yet I couldn't help feeling uneasy at the same time, as every shadow became long, and the sky glowed the color of blood.
Fluttershy can only do so much to alleviate your fears of being the last of your kind.
I spotted Rarity and Applejack doing some arguing, with Dash goading both ponies eagerly from above. Nearby around a little table sat Twilight, Shining Armor, and a pink alicorn whose face we couldn't see from behind. All three were talking, almost happily. I say almost because Twilight's smile seemed more than a little strained.
Fluttershy trotted on one side of me, while Pinkie Pie trotted on the other. And when we got right up to the table, Pinkie cleared her throat.
"Everypony! Allow me to present the Dragon Frightener! The Tartarus Gate Knocker! The Handy Man from Upright Walking Ape Land-!" Pinkie recited. I sighed and opened my mouth to interrupt her, when the pink alicorn turned around. Her eyes widened, and I swore I saw a flash of green in her pupils as she gaped.
"Ah!" She cried, slamming back against the table. Shining and Twilight both sat up from the table and stared in shock. I lifted my hands up defensively and smiled with my mouth closed. Ponies tended to be a little uneasy when I showed my teeth off.
Fluttershy seemed to like it, but uh... I'm not going to get into that.
"Woah woah! I'm just a plain ordinary human!" I said quickly. "Really!"
"A-A human?" She gasped.
"Yes Cadence! A human," Twilight said. "His name is Andrew. He's our... Friend! A dear friend."
"Oh... Oh my," Cadence said, gasping for breath as she rested a hoof on her chest. Shining shot her a confused look, which seemed to vanish as he looked me up and down. "Oh... Of course... Sorry. You'll have to forgive me. I've never seen a human before, you understand." She gave me a little smile. "All that I know of your kind is from legends."
“And that you have riding crops,” Shining said in a flat tone. Twilight began to cough furiously, as Fluttershy looked aside with a blush. I immediately began looking for alternative exits. Seems like there were only two - The door I’d come through, and over the balcony railing.
Judging from Shining’s expression, he was going to make me go for option two.
“Well, uh, not so much friends as-” I tried to explain.
“Lovers? Isn’t that what you call your relati-MMPH!” Pinkie Pie’s mouth was covered by Applejack’s hoof, and the orange mare dragged her out.
"My granny always did say two's company and three is eavesdropping," Applejack said with a sage nod.
“What about ten?” Dash asked with a little grin. Rarity sighed, and a ribbon wrapped around Dash’s neck to drag her out the door. The pegasus struggled. “H-Hey! HEY! Let me go!”
“Mmmmgnh!” Pinkie also protested. All four of our friends were soon out the door, leaving a mountain of awkwardness behind. Shining glared death at me, and I found myself reaching for my gun.
I wasn’t surprised it hadn’t magically reappeared in my holster, but my reflex to go for it has usually saved me in the past.
“So... You’re dating a human then?” Shining asked ominously. Twilight coughed.
“W-Well... Er... Kind of, yeah.”
“And another mare, if my senses tell me correctly,” Cadence said. Shining’s eyes widened in shock, as Fluttershy shyly waved at him.
“Um, hello,” she said. “I-I’m Fluttershy...”
“Probably not the best time to bring this up,” I said.
“Can you think of a good time for it?” Shining asked. I clutched at my duster, again not feeling a gun in my holster. Damnit.
“Um...”
“While we were busy with our honeymoon, perhaps?” Cadence asked, chuckling slightly. Shining fumed, and I felt magic burning in the air around us. Twilight trotted in front of me and Fluttershy, shielding us with an indignant look.
“Shining Armor! Are you disapproving of my love life?”
“How can you have a love life?! You’re my little sister, and you didn’t even tell me-!” Shining tried, but Twilight’s eyes flashed with magic.
“And you didn’t tell me you were marrying my foalhood babysitter!” Twilight retorted.
Shining sputtered. “Th-That’s different from dating a human and another mare and not telling me!”
“How is it your business? I could date all my friends and make a huge harem for my coltfriend and you couldn’t say anything!” Twilight growled.
“Please, stop giving her ideas and me headaches,” I said quickly. Twilight looked up at me angrily.
“Oh, so we’re headaches then?” Twilight asked. I rubbed the back of my head.
“Er, what I meant by that is-”
“Pl-Please stop fighting,” Fluttershy squeaked. Cadence laughed, and shook her head as she tapped her hoof down on the table.
“Now now, Shining! Twilight! Everypony, relax,” she said. She looked over at her fiance with a smile. Shining glared back angrily.
“But Cadence-”
“My love, you should be pleased,” the alicorn said. “Twilight has found love! That alone is always something to celebrate.” She trotted up to me, and looked up and down. She trotted around me, and I felt her wing brush over my rump.
“Okay, what,” I asked flatly.
“But just look at him!” Cadence continued happily. “He’s a human! Theirs is a species of mighty warriors, engineers, and protectors! Over the Rainbow Bridge you came, long ago, to protect Ponykind and build a mighty empire! Well before the rise of the alicorns.” She laughed. “Why, I bet dragons are scared stiff of you!”
“W-Well, they are... Mostly,” I said, confused and somewhat pleased. Cadence sighed happily, and nuzzled my hand.
“Such intelligence, such power... The ability to conquer whole worlds without magic! So very... Dangerous,” she practically purred. She looked over at Twilight with what I can only describe as a lascivious grin. “You’re a lucky mare, Twilight Sparkle. Very lucky indeed!”
“Well... Thanks, I guess,” my marefriend said, frowning thoughtfully. Shining fumed as Cadence looked over at Fluttershy. Her smile widened.
“As for the harem, I’m even more pleased! After all, I’m the Goddess of Love. The more love, the better!”
“Woah,” I said, blinking in disbelief. “You mean you and Shin-?”
“Andrew!” Fluttershy squeaked. Cadence just looked over as Shining, whose dark expression turned into one of vapid happiness.
“The more love... The better,” Cadence said firmly. Fluttershy squeaked and hid behind me. Twilight blushed... But still looked thoughtful.
And me, well... I decided I needed to change the subject. Quickly. This was getting weird.
“Er... I actually wanted to talk to you specifically about the ship you and Shining found,” I said carefully.
“Ship?” Twilight and Fluttershy asked. Shining’s eyes dilated slightly, and he opened his mouth to take a breath.
“Oh! The Sophia, correct?” Cadence quickly interrupted. Shining’s mouth closed, and he again looked calm and collected. Well, if you call “stoned” calm and collected.
I call them how I see them.
“The Sophia?” Twilight asked curiously.
“Oh yes, we found a human spacecraft some months ago,” Cadence explained. “When we found it, it was confiscated. I didn’t know it was stored here in the palace.” She raised her eyebrows at me with a sudden intensity.
“Well, neither did I,” I said. “But uh, that’s beside the point.”
“Really? That’s wonderful!” Twilight said with a bright smile.
“Except it may mean he’s the last of his kind,” Fluttershy said. Twilight gaped.
“What?!” She gasped, looking at me in a mix of horror and pity. She reached out for me and hugged me around the midsection. “I... I don’t-”
“I know,” I sighed. Great. Just when I was thinking I could... Well... Not sink into a deep dark depression.
Twilight’s hooves were gently but firmly removed from my person by Cadence’s telekinesis. The pink alicorn smiled gently. “Fluttershy? Would you be so kind as to fill Twilight in? This may be best handled between myself and Andrew...” She glanced over at Shining, who was still sitting looking like he’d taken some really, really good pills. “Alone.”
I opened my mouth to protest, but Cadence still had that intense look. A look that seemed to just scream in the silence: Do what I say.
Hey, I’m stupid, not crazy.
“Oh...” Shining shook his head free of whatever trance he’d been in, and gave a nod and smile. “Of course. Come on Twilight, Fluttershy. We still need to catch up, right?”
“I... Well...” Twilight looked at me earnestly. I shook my head and smiled.
“I uh... I’ll be fine,” I said. Fluttershy also frowned, but slowly nodded.
“All right,” Twilight said. Twilight left looking back at me over her shoulder in concern. Fluttershy lingered for a moment, but I gave her my best smile. She slowly trotted after, still looking concerned.
And adorable, but that goes without saying.
I turned my eyes back to Cadence, who was sizing me up like a piece of meat. I tugged at my collar, feeling exceptionally uncomfortable.
“So,” Candece began, rubbing a hoof in a circle on the table, “what did you want to know?”
“Well,” I said, “I guess I wanted to know how you found it.”
“Oh... Well, Shining and I were out on a romantic trip through the Northern Woods,” Cadence said with a smile. “It was like a falling star, except it differentiated itself by showing there was control behind its movements.”
“Control?!” I gasped. “You mean... There was someone in there?”
“Now now, let me finish,” Cadence said in a tone clearly meant to be soothing, but rubbed me the wrong way. “We followed its path into a field, where we found long burns in the grass. We trotted up to the craft, but it was too hot to approach for quite some time.”
I frowned. “I guess it came in through the atmosphere.” I remembered something about how hot the Space Shuttle could get after coming down through the atmosphere. Admittedly, I remembered that mainly from that one episode of X-Men but hey, rare moment of real science in a show about puberty giving you super powers.
“When it cooled down enough, we approached the craft,” Cadence said. “And saw that it was mostly intact. We were able to open the hatch...” She bowed her head, looking solemn. I swallowed, my mouth suddenly dry.
“And...?” I asked.
“We found a human. A female, I believe,” the alicorn said softly. She bowed her head. “She didn’t live long. She did at least tell us what happened.”
“What?” I asked.
Cadence looked intently at me, and rubbed her hooves together.
“She’d been part of a great effort to fight off an alien threat to their world. Terrible monsters that sought to conquer humanity. They fought bravely, putting their resources and sciences together into a mighty warship.” She smiled and licked her lips.
“They harnessed the power of the atom to drive their mighty ship to attack the alien mothership in orbit. In the midst of the battle, her vessel was caught in something. Something that sent her vessel through the barriers of universes to crash on our world.” She looked sad at me and sighed. “We buried her after she died, and signalled the Royal Guards to recover the vessel. After that, I’m sad to say, it was out of my hooves.”
“I... I see,” I said quietly. Cadence smiled at me, her wings spreading.
“She spoke of the courage and fire of your world,” the princess spoke. “Of your defiance in the face of such terrible odds. Apparently your species had abandoned almost all of your internal conflicts just to fight the invaders. It speaks of a great race, and I felt the love she felt for her people to the very end.”
“... I see,” I said. Cadence trotted around, and nuzzled my face. I abruptly realized I was sitting down. I didn’t know when that had happened.
“Be proud of your legacy,” Cadence practically purred. “It may yet serve me... And Equestria. I can think of no better tribute to your people.”
“I... Thanks,” I said with a nod. I hugged her back, feeling grateful. I pulled back when her breath seemed to linger on my neck a bit too long. I cleared my throat, feeling awkward. Cadence coughed herself.
“Ah! Sorry, I did not mean to seem so... Forward,” she said. “Goddess of Love and all.”
“Right, right,” I said with a nod. “Goddess of love.”
“Though I do have interests outside of it,” Cadence said with a smile. “Tell me... Where are they keeping the Dream Chaser anyway?”
“Huh? Oh, Royal Archives,” I said. Cadence frowned.
“There are many such archives, Andrew. Can you be more specific?”
That nagging feeling that something was wrong hit me again. I frowned back at her.
“You could ask Luna, right?” I asked. “I barely know my way around the palace as is.”
Cadence sighed, and slowly nodded. “Of course. I was merely curious,” she said. “So many interesting things were in that vessel.” Her smile grew... Almost saucy. “I would so... So love to learn about them from you.”
“Er... Sure,” I said, backing away again. “After the wedding?”
“I shall hold you to that, Andrew Shepard,” she said with a smile and a wink. An expression that seemed to just make me want to get the hell out of there sooner.
I don't care how hot a woman is (potentially, I mean). I'm not going for a Mrs. Robinson. Especially one engaged to the big brother of my marefriend.
A big brother who seems to already dislike me. Why give him more reasons?
- - - - -
I wandered the hallways of Canterlot Palace as the day turned into night. I came to a window and just looked out across the valley, and saw that the lights were coming on in Ponyville. They seemed to reflect the stars as they appeared overhead, and the majesty of the heavens was on full display. The great vastness of a galactic arm, like the Milky Way back home, flowed overhead. Stars of every color twinkled above me, and I even saw a few shooting stars.
It did grant me some comfort, this sight. I had grown up looking up at the night time sky - My father would take me outside when I was a baby and told me I seemed to calm down from a crying fit when I got a good look. It might have just been the darkness but a good story deserves some embellishment.
So for this tale, take that for what it's worth. Though believe me, anything that causes me equal joy and misery is most decidedly not exaggerated.
So I gazed, and wondered, and gazed some more and tried to avoid thinking of my world in flames. Or that my marefriend's sister-in-law had practically been hitting on me.
I'm not sure what kind of person it makes me to have to wonder which was worse. And I kind of felt terrible for wondering that.
"Andrew!" I was broken out of my solitude by Pinkie's voice. I looked up and frowned as I couldn't see her in the darkened hallway.
"Pinkie? Where are you?" I asked. There was some giggling, and I saw a dark shape running ahead of me. Something seemed off about the shape and sound of her running, but I was too confused to really process it.
"Pinkie! Where are you going?" I called, giving chase. The dark shape turned down a hallway, giggling all the way, and I continued my pursuit. Past suits of armor that seemed menacing in the darkness, and paintings whose eyes followed me.
I lost track of her in the darkness, and I skidded to a halt. I was breathing hard, my heart pounding in my ears as I looked around. My fists clenched.
"Come on, this way~," she sang from behind me, and I spun around to see the shape flee down another hallway. A door opened, and slammed shut as I rounded the corner. Light shone from underneath the crack, and I could see indistinct shadows dancing across the floor.
I tread carefully, walking right up to the side of the doorframe. My back against the wall, I stretched out my hand to grasp the knob.
My other hand slid to my gun holster... Which was, again, empty. Damn security guards.
Okay, I thought to myself as I steeled my nerves. Okay... One... Two... Three...!
I turned the knob and burst into the room, ready for an attack.
... Which I did indeed get. But not the kind I was expecting.
"SURPRISE!" Shouted the holders of the Elements of Harmony, all with a happy smile and arms thrown up in the air.
Wait... Arms? Human faces? ... I looked lower.
"Oh... My," I mumbled. Twilight managed a smile.
"Well... After Fluttershy told us what happened -"
"We decided to have Twilight turn us all into humans to cheer you up!" Rainbow Dash said cheerfully. She posed. "What do you think?"
"Ooh! This is so awesome!" Pinkie Pie said with a happy giggle, as she... Bounced. "Ooh! I'm like a big, bouncy castle! Yay!"
"Um... You do like it, don't you?" Fluttershy asked, covering herself with her wings. And she had a lot to cover. Hoo boy did she have a lot to cover.
"Gotta say, ah do like these hands," Applejack said, admiring her strong, tanned fingers. "Say Twilight? Would you be willin' to do this t' me on a regular basis?"
"Oh yes indeed!" Rarity said happily, a pale vision who was admiring herself in the mirror. "I must say, having my horn and hands is simply marvelous!" She turned to me with a flirty smile. "But most importantly... Andrew darling? How do I look as a human?"
"... I think I might pass out now," I said after a moment’s pause. Rarity smirked.
"Still got it~."
A chest of human clothing had been sent up from the archives as well, and sorting through it hadn’t taken very long. Well, it wouldn’t have taken very long if not for Rarity’s insistence on modeling every single article of clothing... And the other women modeling as well.
“This bra thing is very useful!” Fluttershy sighed as she posed in something lacy and satin. Her human form was gorgeous enough to stop traffic. She looked like a bonafide Playboy bunny, with generous curves, long legs and a face that would break your heart. “Finally! These things are very nice, but so big...” She pulled on a turtle neck sweater... Slowly. She’d pulled on a long skirt, which helped make her less... Well... Sort of...
Moving on.
“Mine isn’t quite as big,” Twilight said, pouting slightly as she poked her breasts. She’d refined her human form some - It now had dark skin, giving her an almost Indian look. Her curves were not as generous, but she had poise and from behind she was... Um... Wow.
She looked over her shoulder at her bottom. “These ‘panties’ seem to fit just fine though. What do you think Andrew?”
“... Huh?” I asked. “You say something?” I was understandably quite distracted.
“Ah think he’s a mite distracted,” Applejack observed wryly. She had somehow found some Daisy Dukes and a flannel shirt she’d tied under her very nice... Ahem... Chest. She looked the picture of a tanned, freckled southern belle with strong legs and arms and a heavy chest.
“Well! That just means we must be attractive in any form,” Rarity said with a smile, stretching her arm up over her head in a white Greek chiton. It showed off her long legs, pale skin, small but perfectly formed... Um... Chest, and... Er... Moving on to Pinkie Pie.
“This is great! Bouncy, bouncy, bouncy...” Pinkie said, jumping up and down in a tight T-shirt and equally tight bellbottoms. There was only one word for her: voluptuous. Bigger bust than Fluttershy, and a thicker... Um, Bottom, but I recalled that Queen song and it was... Was...
… Yeah, that was no help. Rainbow Dash?
“Mmmm! I was never this flexible in pony form! I wonder if I can still go as fast?” Dash said, bending over backwards to grip her ankles in something tight, yellow and spandex. It showed off her slim, athletic physique and her sun kissed skin. Small bust but boobs were boobs and...
… I was going to die. I was straight up going to die. Like a starving man overeating when he’s given a feast.
“Okay guys, settle down,” Twilight said. She had donned a blouse, over which Rarity had put a tweed jacket and a short black skirt. Fluttershy pulled on a large, furry jacket. I sighed softly and rubbed the back of my head. Twilight walked up next to me, smiling up into my eyes with a shy blush.
“This better?” She asked.
“The nudity was nice... But uh...” I coughed. Applejack sidled up behind me, smirking.
“Made ya want to travel?” She cooed. Rarity got up on my other side, sighing and wrapping her arms around my waist.
“Get in a certain... Mood?” Rarity asked, breathing in my ear. My entire face turned bright red, as Rainbow Dash hovered over me and grinned.
“Wanna join a Mile High-?”
“Why don’t we look through the rest of the artifacts?” Asked Fluttershy. She shrunk back slightly at everyone else’s looks, but she held her ground. “I mean... Andrew is getting really embarrassed... And it’s making me feel...”
“Ooh! Ooh! I know!” Pinkie Pie said cheerfully, holding her hand up and waving it like she was in school. “Murderously jealous?”
“I wasn’t going to say it,” Fluttershy mumbled, looking down.
Pinkie Pie hugged Fluttershy from behind, pulling her coat open. Fluttershy gasped as I stared... And as Pinkie did some... Things... Oh my...
“Oh m-my!” Fluttershy gasped.
“Now you've got his attention again!” Pinkie said happily.
“Ladies, please!” Twilight growled. “You’re going to... To... Andrew?”
“Heaven... Is a place on Equestria,” I mumbled with a dopey smile on my face.
Ahem. Right. Well. We finally got all that sorted out, and I went through the other artifacts sent up with the chest.
“This,” I said, holding up a book, “is a copy of a book called ‘The Hobbit.’ It’s a really great fantasy story about a world with elves, dwarves, dragons, wizards-”
“Isn’t that just our world?” Dash asked, as she fiddled with an old leather fedora. Fluttershy smiled.
“You’ll have to read it to us sometime,” Fluttershy said. “I mean, if you want to...”
“I will,” I said. “But Twilight has first dibs!”
“Hm?” Twilight asked, looking over from a stone knife. She nodded, distracted. “Oh, sure...”
I frowned at her. Fluttershy frowned with me.
“Ooh! I must say, I do like these fashions,” Rarity said, flipping through an old fashion magazine. “This hair in particular... It’s so amazing! All these curls and rings, simply marvelous!” She looked up at me with a grin. “Do you think the Princess will let me borrow this?”
“I don’t see why not,” I said with a smile. My eyes returned to Twilight though. My girlfriend was looking very pensive. Pinkie Pie was laughing as she hopped around with a large saddle on her back, Dash riding her and whooping it up. Applejack was looking over a diecast Sherman Tank curiously. I hugged Fluttershy briefly, before I moved over to sit by Twilight on the couch.
“Twilight?” I asked. “Everything all right?”
“Hm? Oh yes. This is fascinating,” Twilight said. “Stone tools, right?”
“Right,” I said slowly. “It’s called a Clovis point...”
“I see,” Twilight said with a nod, looking down at her hands. She turned the Clovis point in them, studying the light reflecting off the shining chert.
“You alright?” I asked. Twilight sighed.
“Well... It’s... Personal,” she said. “And concerns...” Her voice lowered, “Cadence.”
“Ohhh,” I said with a nod. “Well, if you want to talk about it-”
“HEY! I FOUND A RECORD PLAYER!” Pinkie Pie shouted. “COME ON! LET’S PARTY TO ALIEN MUSIC!”
The music started, and I was yanked onto my feet by an enthusiastic Pinkie Pie.
“WOO! Dancing on two feet! Awesome! Show us how it’s done, Andrew!”
“Well, okay,” I said, shooting a silent promise to Twilight. She returned it with a smile as I shook my rump as best I could to The Ballroom Blitz.
Hey, you gotta love the classics. Though being in such close contact with several attractive women led to... Different problems.
- - - - -
After dancing the night away with every one of my beautiful companions, I bid them goodbye and settled back on the bed. I was absolutely exhausted, and even Rainbow Dash looked worn out. Probably not used to a human body yet. Twilight and Fluttershy sat down on either side, my pink haired companion panting especially hard.
“Oh... Oh my... Keeping my balance in this form is hard work!” Fluttershy panted. She gave us a smile. “It was a lot of fun though!”
“Yeah, it was!” Twilight contributed, leaning back against my shoulder. I chuckled and wrapped my arms around her shoulders.
“Been awhile since I had that much fun dancing,” I admitted. “I mean, I like dancing in Ponyville but uh, bit awkward to hold you close.”
“I don’t mind that part too much,” Fluttershy said, humming as she leaned back onto the bed with a little blush. I chuckled at that, and soon Fluttershy was snoozing away. Twilight sighed and nuzzled my neck.
“So... Feeling any better about... Whatever was bothering you about Cadance?” I asked. Twilight sighed.
“What?” I asked.
“She forgot a secret hoofshake we’d done since she was my foalsitter,” Twilight said. I frowned.
“It was a while... She might have just forgotten naturally...”
“And she was acting unusually,” Twilight said. “I mean... You noticed it too, didn’t you?”
“If you mean Shining Armor acting kind of like a zombie, and Cadence being a bit...” I tried to think of a tactful way to express it, but Twilight saved me from such uncomfortable things by nodding.
“That’s right. She’s just been strange ever since we got here, and it’s bothering me,” she said. I nodded.
“I understand... But I don’t know what we can do about it,” I said.
“Fluttershy told me you said something about seeing the spaceship Cadance and Shining found, right?” Twilight asked. I nodded, and rummaged around in my jacket pocket. I pulled out the old iPhone I’d gotten out of the Dream Chaser, and turned it on. Twilight blinked in amazement.
“Oh! It’s like your old phone! How did you get it to work?”
“It was plugged into a port on the spaceship console,” I said. I smiled at her. “So no need to try charging it up.”
Twilight looked a bit contrite. “I didn’t mean to burn your hands.”
“I know, I know,” I said. “Lucky for you, it’s got all sorts of files on it!”
“It does huh?” She said eagerly. “Well come on! Let’s see it!”
“I’m not sure if we’ll find anything useful but -”
“It’s worth a shot!” Twilight said, an intense look on her face similar to when she’d nearly had a breakdown over her letter to Princess Celestia. I held my hands up.
“Sure, sure...”
Swiping my thumb over the screen, I look through the files. I showed Twilight a few photos of the Dream Chaser, letting her pore over them. She soon got the hang of the interface and was flipping through the files like a pro. She then frowned as she found a folder.
“What’s this?” She asked. I frowned over her shoulder.
“That’s weird... I missed that. Looks like some video files.”
“Let’s play them,” Twilight said, tapping on the icon. It took a moment or two for the phone to start up, but the video player opened.
‘Signal Encrypted. Incoming call’ flashed on the screen, nearly initiating my reflex action to tap ‘accept.’ However, the big green button glowed on its own like an invisible entity answered the call.
Static crawled over the screen in a few waves as I heard a woman’s voice answer. I quickly took a knee and angled the screen so Twilight could watch over my shoulder.
“Hello? Isaac are you there?” a bright, bubbly voice called in a sing-song fashion. “Isaac? Ohh, I-saaaaaac!”
The screen stabilized and we were shown the face of the caller and owner of the iPhone. It was a girl... err, woman, actually. She might have been in her late twenties or so. Kind of pretty too, for a military looking lady. She had a straight posture, some kind of formal looking flight suit and the bright insignias indicating a rank on her collar, short dark hair, pretty eyes and the build of a pilot. I remembered an old Discovery Channel show telling that women often proved to be superior pilots because of smaller body-builds able to shrug off intense gee-forces much better.
What? Just because I have a girlfriend I can’t comment on other pretty women and their appearance? C’mon, dude!
A groan rang out, a second voice playing back. This time it was a man with a groggy, barely awake tone. “Nicole?” he groaned.
As his groan rang out, the caller’s eyes widened as she clapped a hand over her smile. “Oh, God. I’m sorry, Isaac. I forgot about the time difference. Look, I’ll call you back-...” Nicole tried.
She was cut off by the second voice, that of the man – no doubt Isaac. “No, no!” he called. “It’s okay. I’m up now...” – as we watched a small box opened up beside the woman’s voice. It revealed his face, a young man with a lean build, stubble on his face and a bed-head. There were dark rings under his eyes, indicating he’d been woken up in the wee-hours of the morning, but despite that he was smiling – “How are you doing?”
“Good.” Nicole breathed. “The Dream Chaser Programme is amazing, Isaac. I can’t believe I’m actually here piloting them.”
“You’ve earned every moment you spend in one of those things.” Isaac chuckled. “If anything, you’re overqualified to fly those tubs.” That made Nicole laugh.
There was a short pause as the couple gazed at each other. Twilight and I took the time to glance at each other, slowly figuring out that we were watching a conversation between a duo separated by... well, God only knew the vast distance. Nicole was working on a spaceship? She could have been in orbit! But where was Isaac?
That question was partially answered as Nicole continued with a question: “Are you okay?”
“Yeah.” Isaac seemingly lied with a nod. “We’re around the clock trying to get the Enterprise spaceworthy ay-sap, but... well... y’know. Plenty of stress.”
Nicole frowned. “There’s more to it than that. I heard about some kind of accident with the command crew.”
Isaac sighed. “It wasn’t an accident...do you remember Lieutenant Perkins?” – Nicole nodded – “Well, he ain’t Lieutenant Perkins anymore. Turned out he was a changeling infiltrator. That’s the fourth time this week they’ve tried to uproot the Archangel Project now.”
“Oh, God. I’m sorry.”
Isaac managed a shrug. “It’s okay. They subdued him before he could contact the rest of the hive. Our location is still a secret.”
Another long pause between them before Nicole perked up a little. “Thank you, Isaac.”
The man in the corner of the screen frowned a little confusedly. “For what?”
“For being...” She shrugged, though not a casual shrug. More like a shrug that said she wasn’t sure what to say. “For being strong. For being brave... for being you, no matter the situation.”
A small smile crawled over Isaac’s face. “Just remember I have to miss you for a year just to help save humanity.”
“Appreciate it.” Nicole flashed her white teeth with a grin. Then she frowned, noting her boyfriend was on the verge of losing consciousness. “You’d better get some sleep if you wanna build spaceships today, Chief Engineer Clarke.”
Isaac gave a sleepy laugh as he nodded. “Yeah. That sounds like a good idea, Petty Officer Brennan.” He added with a chuckle.
Smiling, Nicole leaned forward and gave the lens of her iPhone camera a kiss. “Goodnight, Isaac.”
Call ended. The words flashed a few times on the screen before a new vid-log spooled to life, sitting idle on the screen in the place of Petty Officer Nicole Brennan’s sweet face... cough. I just wrote sweet face, didn’t I? Hopefully Twilight doesn’t read this.
A new log spooled onto the screen. We huddled over the iPhone once again as it flashed to life.
The frame squared right on Nicole’s face as the owner stared into her phone with worry in her eyes. She seemed to be typing frantically at the screen of the iPhone, muttering under her breath.
“C’mon, c’mon.” she whispered softly, staring intensely at the screen. “Pick up, Isaac. Pick up!”
“We’re sorry, but there is currently and issue with the network…” a familiar droning female voice announced.
Much to the woman’s frustration as the frame pivoted and rolled as Nicole threw her arms up in frustration. “Dammit!” she cursed out loud as the ambient noise slowly became more obvious.
Holding the phone down by her side, we got a sideways view of the world around her. Although, I use the term ‘world’ loosely as it seemed she was indoors. I however recognized the environment. The cramped cockpit, the flight seat, the un-aesthetic lines of the Dream Chaser interior.
Nicole slumped back against one of the inner walls as a head popped through the familiar round hatch in the floor of the craft. A man with a cropped hairstyle and a square jaw looked up to see Nicole. Where he held his position, I could just about make out the pale blue and grey camouflage pattern on the collar of his BDU.
“Ma’am,” the marine called out. “Time to go.”
Without reply, Nicole tucked the phone into her pocket, blacking out the camera. But not the microphone. While there was nothing to see, we could hear the petty officer’s journey. We heard screaming, shouting and thousands of footsteps rattling on corrugated deck plates. There were desperate cries of crew chiefs bellowing at crewmates, something about buckling down equipment. There were more loud voices talking about getting to the shelters.
Something about ignition in five.
Moments later light washed out the iPhone camera. We stared at a blank screen for a second more before the lens adjusted and we were looking at Nicole’s face again. She was sitting back in some kind of crash-seat. Belts buckled over her shoulders and torso, holding her tightly in place. She was still typing at the screen with desperation.
Then we heard an explosion.
The blast shook her whole seat, even the screen blurred out as camera struggled to keep up, causing the frame rate to drop a few FPS. When the frames restored, Nicole was looking over her shoulder to a man in an identical jumpsuit to hers. He was huddled over a small window beside his seat. It was like one of those small portholes on board a commercial airliner. Through it, flashes of fiery light were visible on the man’s face.
“What is it?”
He turned wide eyed to Nicole, pointing out the window. “Holy hell, Nic! The air-force is going to town on those bugs!”
Leaning in for a closer look, Nicole held up her phone and held the camera to the glass so we could see on the recording. The harsh natural light washed out the camera again and it took a few moments to adjust before we were treated to chaos.
Not the Discord kind of chaos, but real chaos. Sleek fighter jets slashed through the air one way. Small vector-shaped craft with chitinous hulls and glowing green running-lights cut through the air in the opposite way. Missiles exploded into blossoming flowers of destruction, heat beams seared the sky, volatile green projectiles peppered through the sparse cloud cover.
“Oh, my God.” Nicole whispered as she backed up. “What the hell are we still doing on the ground?”
Her buddy leaned forward in his seat, or at least tried to as the belts held him in place. “C’mon! Get this bucket off the ground already!”
“Hey!” a gruff voice bellowed from an unseen location. “We’re setting off a nuke in our tail-end, okay!? This ain’t exactly something you wanna rush!”
Nicole’s fellow pilot cursed before looking at her. “This sucks. Stuck in the world’s biggest bullseye, maser and plasma fire so thick you can walk on it… get me to my damn Dream Chaser, man.”
There was a laugh from one of the seats behind them. “You wanna fly a Dream Chaser in-atmo and kill yourself, be my guest. Long as it shuts you up.”
“Blow me.” Was the man’s retort.
And then they all shut up when another explosion rocked the deck.
“Okay, I think I got it!” came a voice from the very top of the chamber. “Let’s hope this works!”
“Just make sure the handbrake is off.” Came a quick quip.
“Pucker up!” the voice from the top of the chamber returned. “Welcome to the express elevator to heaven! We don’t stop ‘till the top!”
Another explosion shook the deck, this time completely blanking out the screen. The noise however persisted unlike the other blasts. It was deafening, to the stage where the poor iPhone’s speakers cracked up and just hissed white noise for several persistent moments.
Quite simply put, it sounded like God was caught in an epic round of fisticuffs with Odin; and neither were pulling any punches.
And then silence.
Not because the noise had ended. Silence followed because the point of view suddenly jumped. The screen had flashed black for a second, and then we were looking at some grainy test footage. It looked like the kind of cheap setup of a camera watching a nuclear bomb test-site.
Twilight gaped angrily, wanting to know what was happening with Nicole and her friends probably, but soon she understood as the new viewpoint panned to the left. At least, I assumed she understood. I certainly did understand. Failed to comprehend, but understood.
What I was looking at was a little messed up to say the least. But considering I was watching a live action flashback to my planet being invaded by aliens, it made a strange kind of sense. I was looking at – and I’m probably putting this more simply than I should – a spaceship.
Yup… spaceship. A nuclear bomb powered spaceship to be exact. You ever hear of Project Orion? No? Then look it up! At least you have an internet connection.
Alright, so long story short, Project Orion was an experiment with nuclear propulsion. Simply put, you take a spaceship, set off a nuke underneath it and watch that thing take off. And that’s layman’s terms on epic proportions.
That’s what the recording had panned over to. A spaceship that simply had to be the result of a modern Project Orion. At the base was a massive dome shaped construction topped by truly immense shock absorbing pistons. Connected to those was the main body of the ship, the hull adorned with airlock mounted with several stark white space shuttles and a complement of smaller orbital fighters and interceptors. Between the mounted craft were dozens of shuttered ports, access hatches and last but certainly not least what looked like a full supplement of turrets, everything from high calibre ballistic cannons to masers. Topping the main body of the ship was a conical armoured shield, pointed directly at the sky. Emblazoned across the shield in dark lettering was a name no science fiction fan would miss:
ENTERPRISE
“Of course,” I murmured with a little smile.
Fire and debris lit up around the stationary ship as two forces contested for the air-space around the craft. At the distance the battling aircraft looked like little dots, flies caught in infinite orbits around each other.
“What is that?” Twilight whispered, pointing a hoof at the spaceship now fully centred on the screen.
“Give it a second.” I said, barely able to contain my smirk. “You’re about to find out.”
Lo and behold, Twilight found out abruptly.
At the base of the ship a series of nuclear devices exploded, pounding the ground with a significant thump. It was like the devil decided he wanted out, with halos of dust and debris rippling out throughout the surrounding desert. The shock-absorbers flexed and the ship lifted several dozen feet into the air at first, allowing the fires of hell to escape out from under the tail-dome. The dots orbiting the launch site seemed to have sensed the activity. A mass of dots I just about made out as human jets hit the afterburners and scrammed. Left behind were the oddly shaped alien vessels which were immediately plucked out of the sky like toys, sent spinning in every direction. A haze of dirt washed over the camera, blacking out the image as the shockwave knocked what I assumed was a tripod, over.
The camera may have been farther away from the initial launch-blast than Nicole’s iPhone on board, but the noise recorded was no less in volume. It still sounded like the mighty boot Jack Bauer kicking down the gates of heaven. Like Marcus Fenix had just revved up a chainsaw bayonet and was taking it to the face of the devil. Like Eminem had just ripped out God’s tongue and was using it to lay down some sick beats. Like Duke Nukem just had an out of date microwave burrito assault its way out his…
Okay, I’m getting away from the point a bit. The point is, when the dust faded, our point of view was on the side, watching the ship rise into the sky trailing a thick streak of black smoke.
I know the situation was helpless – humanity being eviscerated by aliens and all – but after seeing that… damn it felt good being human. I actually gave in and saluted with a stiff upper lip, eliciting a weird look from the unicorn beside me.
The recording blacked out again before spooling up the next log.
The point of view cut back to nicole’s iPhone. The cheers of hundreds of men and women met our ears. There were rounds of applause, militaristic cheers, mottos and jargon yelled out to express joy.
“Enterprise away.” A woman’s voice announced over what sounded like an intercom. “This is it, people. One small step for humankind.”
The only one not giving into the celebrations, it seemed, was Nicole. The camera focused on her concerned frown as she desperately jabbed at the screen of her phone. She was still trying to get a hold of her boyfriend, but with no success.
Behind her we could see the effects of zero-gravity taking hold. Her hair was already drifting up into a tangled mess, and one of her pilot buddies whooped as he cartwheeled past.
And then there was a familiar man’s voice.
“Nicole!” he cried loudly, drawing a gasp from the woman as she jerked her head up. Her eyes widened and she fumbled with the buckles of her harness. She threw the phone aside a she launched herself out of her seat.
Twilight and I both leaned back, feeling a little queasy as a mess of various blurry colors and images smeared across the screen. The image jolted as the phone bumped into a wall and steadied the camera. We found ourselves looking across the tops of the rows of seats. Nicole was upside down, had her back to the phone.
Her arms were wrapped firmly around Isaac, who hugged her back. Something crashed into the phone, sending it spinning away again before the recording ended there.
Twilight sighed with a grin, seemingly glad to see Nicole and Isaac had escaped together. I forced a grin too… but deep down I knew there was more to come. That their story had yet to meet a tragic end. The ignorant part of me wanted to just believe the ‘Enterprise’ as they were calling it was just a colony ship escaping the conflict on Earth. That Nicole and her boyfriend lived happily ever after on another planet somewhere in the vast universe.
The realist in me knew that was total crap. The Enterprise was no colony ship; that much was plainly obvious.
With a heavy heart I watched the next recording load.
The next images were disjointed and chaotic. Images of the internal workings of the Enterprise, shadows and light, until we were back in familiar territory: The cockpit of the Sophia. We were seeing Nicole from the dashboard, as she hit buttons and controls outside the view of the camera to bring the vessel online. She was clad in her spacesuit, and fully strapped in. Though the faceplate, you could see her concerned face. A voice sounded over the radio.
“All pilots, stand by. Main weapons are going hot. Brace yourselves!”
“Main weapons?” Twilight muttered. Nicole gripped the controls tightly and closed her eyes. The camera shook again as a loud bang went off, and static filled the screen. The image returned, and Nicole was blinking her eyes.
“Hope that damn shielding holds up,” she muttered.
“Don’t worry Starbuck, you’ll get to have Clarke’s babies. Though thanks to that graser, they might get an extra head,” a female voice said. Nicole scowled, visible even through the faceplate.
“That’s not damn funny,” she said. “Ready to launch!”
“We’re coming into firing range,” the voice from before stated. “Looks like their main gun is offline.”
“Let’s hope it stays that way,” Nicole said grimly. Her grip on the control sticks increased, and another countdown sounded. The image rattled and shook, as though the Enterprise was going through turbulence.
“Shuttles and Chasers, you’re up first! Plow the road!” A commanding voice announced over the intercom. “Shenzhous and Soyuz, stick close! Dragons and Orions, follow through and fire off everything you’ve got!”
Nicole hit a button on the control panel, and the view switched to what I presumed was out the nose of the Sophia. We were seeing the back of the forward shield of the ship and over the dorsal section of a Space Shuttle. Lights were flashing around the vessel, and each impact made the ship shake. The shuttle then slowly, silently moved away from the hull of the Enterprise, paint flakes scattering in a cloud. Twilight and I both gasped when the shuttle cleared the hull of the vessel, because we got a good look at the Enterprise’s target.
It was huge, and starfish shaped. The hull was dark and chitinous, with glowing hive-like structures gathered in the center. Long spines jutted out from every arm of the vessel, forming an intricate web in between them.
“A mothership,” I muttered. Twilight frowned.
“It looks huge,” she murmured. I nodded.
“Yeah...”
The ominous vessel was being lit up by explosions - Going off in the space between the Enterprise and the mothership, and on the surface of the mothership itself as some of the human warship’s shots got through. Through this hellish fireworks display, the space shuttle carrying the Sophia flew. And then we saw them: Alien fighters, dozens of them. They burst from the great arms of the mothership and silently screamed into the battle. It was this point Sophia detached from the shuttle, and we got to see the brave vessel plow on ahead through the maelstrom.
“This is Hammer to Chasers,” a masculine voice announced over the radio. “Stay out of Enterprise’s firing solution! Save the Foxes for the Hive itself! Over!”
“Roger!” Nicole announced. The shuttles kept shooting ahead, as the Sophia powered on into the fight. Bug fighters flew like demons, launching green plasma projectiles this way and that as the image spun about. It became highly disjointed and confusing, as Nicole was aggressively piloting her ship like her namesake would.
A SpaceX Dragon capsule launched several missiles just before it was annihilated in a blast of green weapons fire.
A Shenzhou (or maybe a Soyuz) spacecraft, its orbital module replaced with a weapon module packing a MASER cannon, intercepting missiles with deadly accuracy.
Enterprise took a direct hit on her nose from a kamikaze Changeling fighter, which the mighty Earth warship shrugged off as she continued firing despite numerous craters and cracks in her shield.
One of the space shuttles collided with the Mothership, exploding into several flashbulb-like bursts that left Twilight and myself blinking heavily. Nuclear detonations, I realized. The shuttle had probably blown them just before impact.
And all through it, frantic radio commentary. Much of it too garbled to make out as the Changeling mothership got bigger, and bigger, and bigger in the camera view. The mothership was venting atmosphere from large cracks visible in the vast insect-like plates that made up the hull. The Sophia was getting close enough you could make out craters - Some new, some ancient.
“Enteprise to flock, she’s making a run for it!” Was yelled over the radio. “Throw everything you’ve got! We can’t let it escape!”
“Understood!” Nicole shouted. “Foxes away!”
Missiles left the sides of the ship, shooting forward on tails of fire. Sophia’s view spun away, and the camera shook violently. The mothership again appeared on the screen, fires now joining the venting. Enterprise then came into view, and it was astonishing just how much the mothership dwarfed the human battleship.
“All fighters, break, break, break!” Called Hammer.
“What, is Enterprise going to ram?!” Nicole shouted, concern for Isaac clear in her voice.
“Sure as hell hope not!” Hammer shouted back. “Out!”
The Dream Chaser turned again, accelerating towards the huge blue form of the Earth. The camera flipped back around though, and we were able to see the mothership and Enterprise as they battled - David and Goliath. I sucked in a breath, and I felt Twilight’s hand in mine.
“Isaac... Isaac! Can you hear me?” Nicole cried, plaintive over the radio. “Isaac! Answer me!”
“Nicole,” came his voice, ragged and desperate. “Nicole! We’re trying something! Get clear!”
“Trying something? What are you trying - ?” Nicole tried.
“GET CLEAR!”
“What are they doing?” Twilight asked, squinting.
“Well,” I said as I focused, “it looks like they’re going to ram the ship...” I saw the tell tale bullet-shape of Enterprise’s forward shield. “Backwards?”
Twilight’s eyes widened, and she smiled. “Of course! They’re going to detonate the same weapons that propelled them - !”
A massive fireball erupted from underneath the Enterprise’s pusher plate. The majority of the blast was absorbed by the mothership’s core, directly astern of the human battleship. As Enterprise accelerated away from the Changeling vessel, the explosions continued to grow. Bigger, bigger...
“It worked, it worked,” Twilight said with a smile. I was wearing a similar smile, and I pumped my fist in the air.
Every alien invasion film had come true! My species had kicked alien ass!
And then the mothership exploded into a new green star, and everything went blank.
“Oh no,” I muttered softly, and Twilight squeezed my hand tightly. I looked over at her, and her face bore the same crushed hope mine did.
“Nicole... Isaac,” she murmured. I wrapped my arm around her waist, and hugged her to my side. I bowed my head.
“It’s so...” Twilight tried, but sighed in sadness. I nodded slowly.
“Yeah...”
The screen flashed on again and we were framed on Nicole. The iPhone was mounted still mounted on her Dream Chaser’s dashboard, looking directly at her. A fiery orange glow bathed her skin as she squinted through the vibrant lights. The whole vessel was rattling and shaking as what sounded like explosions reverberated through the hull. Fireballs bounced along the nose of the vessel causing Nicole to flinch.
Turning her head down to what looked like a comms-panel, she kept one hand on the control yolk while trying to tune a frequency with the other.
“Mayday, mayday! This is Starbuck-two-five, Chasers, going down!” Despite her predicament, I was amazed she managed to keep a level, composed tone while reporting she was about to crash and burn. “I repeat, I am going down! Atmosphere indicates Earth re-entry! Vector, unknown! I’m completely blind! Is there anyone on this channel? Can anyone guide me in, over!?”
There was no reply. A jolt in the controls threw her into the side of her seat, but returning both hands to the yolk she kept the vessel under control.
“Mayday, mayday! This is Starbu-…” looking up from her console, we could see the pilot’s eyes immediately widen. “Oh, fu-…” and out the window was all her composure as the screen turned black following a gut churning crunch!
Literally, I couldn’t help cringe at the sound of shattering glass and twisting metal. Even Twilight winced as if she had felt the Dream Chaser collide with her head-on.
The pause was disconcertingly long and after about thirty seconds we thought the recording would not return at all. Our patience was rewarded though when the screen did flash to life.
The colours corrupted and jagged lines of distortion played havoc with the screen. But after a few moments the visuals stabilised and we had to cock our heads to right the image. It seemed the iPhone had landed on one side, propped up against a rock or a root. We were looking through a few blades of grass at a shattered forest. Mighty, ancient trees lay splintered in the wake of the down Dream Chaser, resting as it belched thick clouds of smoke into the air.
Then we noticed movement at the side of the frame. The ends of her jumpsuit were recognisable, along with the soft soled pilot’s boots.
Nicole’s foot twitched, but didn’t make any more noticeable signs of life. There were heavy thuds nearby, like hooves in the grass. And then with a sudden motion, Nicole moved again. Though not on her own power. Bleeding into the field of view was a sickly green glow before the pilot was dragged away and out of view.
And out of nowhere something black slammed down in front of the iPhone. Twilight and I jumped immediately, almost causing me to drop the phone. In the recording the iPhone did fall, looking up directly at the pony who’d stomped right next to it.
The pony had a midnight black exoskeleton with a tall, lithe build quite like Princesses Celestia and Luna, her greasy looking mane cascading like a sleek waterfall over half her face. With a jagged horn, the alicorn sported a pair of torn insectoid wings and wore a wide malevolent grin revealing her sharp fangs. Her sickly green eyes matched the magical aura emanating from her horn.
Magical flames engulfed her craggy hooves before stretching up and hugging the insectoid-alicorn. When the fire dissipated, standing in her place was a very familiar looking cerise alicorn, an evil green glow in her eyes.
“Oh, man.” I whispered at the realization of who we were looking at.
Even Twilight was shocked, shaking her head in disbelief. “That’s not possible.”
We were looking at Cadence.
The recording cut there, but it wasn’t as if we needed to see any more. We’d seen more than enough.
“… Okay...” I said at last. “I think we’re in trouble.”
“Definitely,” Twilight said. A dark chuckling filled the air above us, and I looked up.
“Aw crap,” I muttered as the thing that was Cadence hovered above us. She smirked.
“So rude of me to not introduce myself... I am Queen Chrysalis,” she said. Her eyes glowed with power, and I was forced down to the bed next to the snoozing Fluttershy. “And you are in my way.”
Twilight rose and her horn lit up with magical power. I reached for my gun - And again, found it missing.
“You...! I won’t let you - !” Twilight cried, but she was cut off as a green aura filled the room.
“Please,” snorted Chrysalis. My girlfriend was seized by magical power and lifted with a squeal.
“Ah! Hey, you can’t-!”
“You expended most of your magical power with your little gift to your boyfriend,” Chrysalis taunted. She dropped Twilight on the floor nearby, briefly releasing me. But there was nothing for it - Chrysalis’s power burst into flames and burst forth over Twilight as she tried to get to her feet.
Twilight squealed as Chrysalis’ aura of magical flames engulfed the floor around her, plunging the unicorn-turned-human into a blazing ring of flames. They burned higher and more vibrant, clawing over her until she was completely obscured from view.
“Twilight, no!” I yelled, my limbs moving before my brain could consider drastic action a very bad idea.
I didn’t seem to care about being affected by whatever magic was engulfing my girlfriend. I couldn’t even muster up the ability to care about being burned if they were flames of immolation. With a cry, I simply launched myself headfirst at where Twilight Sparkle was engulfed in magical fire, hoping to pull her out of it.
Though by the time I got close enough to feel the heat of the flames, they died. The green fingers of death receded into the polished floor, into which I crashed face-down, skidding to a halt with a grating squeal.
Twitching, I looked up to gape at a few strands of the unicorn’s purple and pink hair caught between my fingers where I had almost gotten a hold of her before she vanished. So close, yet so far. The odor of singed fur filled the air, sending all sorts of worst-case-scenarios about Twilight’s fate flashing through my brain.
“T-Twilight?” I stammered, before turning my shocked glare to Chrysalis. “What the hell!? Did... did you just set my girlfriend on FIRE!?” my voice broke like I was fifteen years old again as I yelled that last word.
Why the hell Fluttershy didn't wake up was beyond me. Magic, probably.
“Oh, don’t fret.” Chrysalis huffed. “I wouldn’t lend her the mercy death. I’m going to make that little snitch suffer! She’s going to watch helplessly from the crystal caverns as I tear down her beloved Celestia’s throne brick by brick!” and from there the maniacal bug-pony made a seamless transition into a typical evil-villain’s evil cackle. How original.
I couldn’t be bothered coming up with some kind of snarky comment for it. Letting out a breath of relief I took comfort in the fact Chrysalis had no intention of harming Twilight. I’d figure out how to rescue her later.
If I survived the next five minutes myself.
"As for you, human... Your kind drove me off your world. You proved yourselves cunning, dangerous, daring. Join me! I have rebuilt my armies. We can conquer your world and I will make you the Prince of Earth under my domain!" She grinned. "Just imagine the power! The glory!"
Actually, for an offer devised by a raving lunatic who had seemingly set my girlfriend on fire, that wasn't a half bad offer. I mean, Prince of Earth? Think of the power! I’d have to be as mental to turn it down.
“Okay, sure.” I answered without missing a beat.
Chrysalis gave a small cackle and drew a breath to rattle off a big ol’ prepared speech about how my declining of her offer was foolish. About how my noble character was my downfall... but when she double took my actual answer all that escaped her mouth was a surprised little croak that reminded me of some kind of ju-on toad.
“... Really?”
“Yeah.” I continued, losing more and nerve with the passing of every word. “That sounds cool. Let’s do that. All hail Queen Chrysalis.” I gave a quick bow, hoping it would add to the credibility.
Chrysalis gaped for a moment, then her eyelids drooped and she gave a tired sigh. One hoof rubbed her temple like an impatient teacher dealing with a particularly dense student. “You’re a really bad liar, you know that?”
You didn't think I’d actually go for it, did you? You ought to know me at this stage. Sigh. Silly old noble me.
“I’ve been told that,” I said, managing not to let my voice tremble.
“Still. I’ll give you a chance to reconsider. It would be a foolish queen who discard such an asset so... Easily,” Chrysalis said.
“... Are you coming onto me again?” I asked. Chrysalis glared, and I was lifted off the ground by telekinetic force. “URK!”
“Yes, humans. Always with the jokes and quips,” Chrysalis snorted. I glared back defiantly.
“Why not kill me?” I challenged.
“Yes, see? That’s exactly what I mean,” Chrysalis said, rolling her eyes. “Do you want me to kill you?”
Well, that was a no brainer.
“Of course not! But why don’t you-?”
“Let’s just say,” and Chrysalis floated me in front of the open window. “I’ve got my reasons.” Her fanged grin grew. “See you later, darling.”
And then I was flying through space, the stars spinning overhead, my screams filling the air.
- - - - -
When the vertigo passed I blinked hard a few times. Blinding light filled my vision, forcing my eyelids to clamp shut with surprised tears running from the corner of my sore eyes. Holding up a hand, I blinked away water and let the warm rays filter between my fingers.
Feeling quickly returned to my limbs as I forced myself to sit up. It took a few moments for me to take in the full extent of the sights, but at first glance I couldn’t mistake the fact I was sitting in a forest. A wilderness. Overgrown ivy covered the trunks of the tall trees surrounding me. There were no nearby paths that I could make out, just endless expanses of wild undergrowth, gnarly and twisted branches like twisted fingers of pure evil.
With a sigh I climbed to my feet. Chrysalis had teleported me out of the palace – away from Canterlot altogether! Twilight was nowhere to be seen. I was very much alone. Though Chrysalis had at least made the cliché mistake of not killing me straight away. Long as I was breathing, even if I had to walk the whole way, I’d get back to Canterlot and do unspeakable things to that auto-tune insect. No amount of teleporting me away was going to stop me.
“Well...” I breathed. “This could be bad... though, it could have been worse.”
I instantly regretted my words. Those famous last words.
My train of thought was derailed and my eyes were drawn to movement.
A large cluster of brambles moved, rustling quite loudly. The whole bush moved before parting down the middle with an explosion of thorns and brightly coloured leaves. It landed before me with a pronounced thud on all fours, a deadly looking tail swishing from side to side and a lion’s maw gaping for a mighty roar. That was when realization hit me.
Unruly looking clouds? Uncontrolled undergrowth and randomly placed foliage? Wilderness? This was the one place ponies didn’t come. The one place not managed by the equines of Equestria. This forest wasn’t just any old forest. It was the Everfree Forest!
And the creature landing before me? A manticore! And not just any manticore.
The manticore. The one and only! How could I tell? Well, lets just say when you’re being stalked by a ferocious creature, you can tell. Trust me on that one.
At his proximity to me, the creature didn’t even have to announce himself with a roar. Though that didn’t stop him. I had to cover my ears just to prevent being blinded by the mighty bellow of the beast, never mind deafened. When I recovered from the ringing in my ears, I looked up to properly assess my situation.
“And now it’s worse! AAAAAAHHHHHHHH!” Arms raised over my head and screaming like a maniac, I ran for the hills. At least, the direction I assumed the hills were in.
If there’s a poor schmuck being chased by a manticore out in the woods while screaming his head off, but there’s nopony around to hear him, does he make a sound...?
- - - - - -
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We won... thank GOD! But those final moments, and Nicole... :( Dammit, that was quite well-written. And Andrew... *Guves him a Gibbs-smack* You moron, saying that. :p
1956622
The coveted Gibb-smack.
The slap that ends all arguments and allows you to speak.
And of course another smashing chapter.
Interesting take on the Changelings. Now, how does he get out of this one?
What was that....?
Hands confirmed for Dead Space/Battlestar Galactica/Star Trek pseudo-crossover.
Loved the dead space reference. It fit pretty well.
Dead Space and Best Bug-Pony in the same chapter? YES!
Project Orion? I remember reading about that a few months ago.
Scary that it got as far as it did considering what the idea was: Launching a box into the sky and nuking it repeatedly.
With those "descriptions" of the Humanized versions, I'll be in my bunk.
Shouldn't that be "superior pilots" when he plays the first video? Just wondering, it sounded a little awkward otherwise.
Always glad to see a new chapter, and can't wait to see the big finale!
Wow. I wouldn't have believed it, but you pulled that off beautifully.
Ridiculously unrealistic? Check? 
Did I question any of it? Oh, hell no. 
Completely illogical? Yes.
Wow that's coincidental. I was just reading about Orion the other day!
YES an update! WOW this is a bad place to get teleported to Andrew hehe.
Just a little to deep for me withered the hole Nicole and Issace thing.
All I could say about this Chapter is
1956622 Yep. Andrew totally deserves that Gibbs-smack.
Dead Space, Battlestar Galactica and Star Trek all in one, with a Humanized Mane 6 now featuring? Hell to the yeah bro, you have all of my attention right now. Eagerly awaiting the next chapter!
I believe THIS:
Is the song you were looking for...
What's funny, I had just turned on that song when you started to mention it in the story.
As, not has.
Improperly mixed tense
I believe you meant "not"
formatting gaff with the italics
Figure out how to rescue her later, you mean?
Awesome chapter. I really liked how the this fanfic's AU mythos has been built out here. I wonder how the real Cadence will react to Human Twilight? Or, to be more meta about it, I wonder how Cadence's reaction will be presented as this fic is entirely from Andrew's perspective, whom I am sure will be more preoccupied with allying himself with the manticore to say, rally up the dragons, random hell succubus, imaginary chris-chan, and the rest of Andrew's random enemies into a "we're all fucked otherwise" coalition to march on Canterlot and destroy the changeling threat in a thematic mirroring of humanity's warring nations setting aside their differences to defeat the changelings previously or something fun like that. While it would be typical of this fanfic for this to be for nothing, I really hope he doesn't just get sidelined despite his efforts at whatever he does.
Heh, so my thinking that this was reminding me of Footfall and the space elephants was no mistake!
And one more thing for poor Andrew: just because Chrysalis and that ship came from an Earth, doesn't necessarily mean that it's his Earth. For all he knows, worlds filled with humans may be ten to the penny in this multiverse.
1957273 Thank you very much! I edited the chapter, and I'm glad you're enjoying it! As for the future... You'll see.
1957298
Ah, yes. I eagerly await the resolution of this cliffhanger due sometime in late 2014.
Suggested chapter title: yay, boo, and dafuq?
Great work! Although I somehow doubt the legitimacy of that recording, or the likelihood of her recording all of that anyhow. Seems a little too convinient, but what the hay do I know, eh?
1957326 Hey, it only took a month to get this out and it's as long as the last four chapter put together!
hmm... there may be a way out of this yet! if this earth then there is a chance something survived all those years! i mean finding excalibur is a long shot, but it's a idea?
1957334
I kid, I kid. I'm just in a perpetual state of "can't-wait-can't-wait" with some fics.
wait... as in Rabbit from My Little Pony: vs equestria ? am I really that slow to realize this now?
Loved the Dead Space nod.
... Really now? Dead Space 2 intro? Granted it's a slightly different dynamic but still...
Anyway, love the Project Orion spaceship, it's freaking awesome!
Haha yes! The Enterprise is successful once again! (On an slightly related note, thank God that the tradition of the Enterprise continues with the new aircraft carrier [CVN-80]).
Project Orion had its funding withdrawn due to, among other things, the huge amounts of radioactive waste it shot through the atmosphere as it took off.
However, newer experiments are being conducted in the same vein with microwave propulsion, and working scale models have been developed.
Humans: Might as well be gods in mortal form.
References so far:
Star Trek,
Mass Effect,
Dead Space,
And that's all I could recognize.
References I like: All of e'm!
That cover image... Is that Jason Brody's hand from Far Cry 3?
1957273 I want him to meet up with Valiant from 'A Dream' and use his steampunk robots to fight the yeer- I mean, ungonggo- no, no, no... Klingon invaders! That was it! Or was it the Twileks?
...
Awesome as usual.
1957487 I wouldn't think so. Jason only has the wings on the upper part of the tattoo until he completes the tatau. Though I was thinking the same thing.
crazy rogue humans setting off nukes all over the place.
I feel so nerdy that I understood all the references.
Sadly, this has been the worst chapter yet. The constant and blatant references completely broke the immersion for me. It literally felt like you were trying to test how many you could put in before the story becomes a Dead Space/Gears of War/Mass Effect/Star Trek crossover. References are supposed to be subtle, and most of this chapter failed spectacularly in that respect. The Star Trek was mostly fine, actually, but the Dead Space reference was way too blatant and jarring.
That being said, if the references were to be toned down, this could be a substantially better chapter. Which it deserves to be, especially given how pivotal this chapter is in this story.
inb4 thumbs-downs.
Damn that was dope, we need another nigga
3.bp.blogspot.com/_wNZZ__BLJDI/TTES8sqgEuI/AAAAAAAABfc/4qxfjJ0yBYk/s640/thank+you+based+god+coach.jpg
Andrew you idiot, those were +3 Curtains of Poison Resistance.
Given that the Manticore is friends with Fluttershy and has admitted to pursuing Andrew not for vengeance but because he ENJOYS the fighting I'm surprised that they couldn't just talk the situation out and reschedule the fight for after stopping the changelings.
Oh god
Shining DOES spend like half of the second part of the season finale looking stoned, doesn't he?
1957487
That image has been there months before FarCry3 was announced
1957358
From where? I too was confused by the "And Rabbit" line
SHIT GOT REAL!!
Though why would the military use iphones to journalize everything?
(
At myself)
Then again, easy to use and recognize plot devices are "hand"y
1958034 in a fanfic called My Little Pony: vs equestria a boy named Marion is pulled through some weird vortex thing in trixies hat when she tries to pull a rabbit out of her hat, he is from now on known as rabbit but he meets another human named... Andrew
:3 go read it, it's hilarious and well written
I really adored that space battle at the end.
i59.photobucket.com/albums/g293/Bomarck/TheKzintiLesson_zps3d23a403.jpg
That... that space battle.... oh, that space battle.
So much awesome... fitted into one chapter... cannot compute... brain... overload... bleeeeeeeehhhh
This chapter is so good.
Oh that last sentence made me laugh so hard! My physics teacher used a version of that. 'If a tree falls in a forest and no one hears it, does it make a sound?' Quantum Physics was fun to learn!