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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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The narrative switches between first and second person several times...
Twilights element because it does say its the most powerful and once its gone elements can not be activated then again you could say this part for most every element but I find twilights to be most important
I don't know why, but I imagine his walking stick/cane looking like this:
static1.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130708071432/warehouse13/images/5/52/416kl5Gef5L._SL500_AA300_copy.jpg
3524688 I noticed that too.
It would be a good idea to choose which one to stick with.
very nice.
Oi, still switching views. For the elements magic: why because insane twilight is best twilight. As for the element its self make it into to a cheese weel. Get this man some yellow dragon eyes we need to go full Daedra.
3524903
You're right about Twilight but not a cheese wheel.
3524914 but... bbut cheese for everyone.
So, the MC is the new lord of chaos...
i.imgur.com/HNcxB.gif
Now things are getting interesting.
3524688 Maybe he's doing that on purpose? I mean, the new "God of Chaos" is narrating so his view on reality may be a bit... skewed.
Good but the person view switcch keeps bugging me plus there are a few errors. Aside from that, very excited for the next chapter.
3525676
Then perhaps third person shouldn't be left out. We wouldn't want to hurt it's feelings, after all.
Rainbow Dash!
3524955>>3524914 Why not have him adjust the element of laughter into the Wabbajack! That will satsfy your deire for an Elder Scrolls reference AND have him morphify an element.
3526526 that's... the best idea this week !*tips hat* you good sir deserve a cookie.
How about the Element of Laughter getting turned into, I don't know, a candlestick or some other mundane item. (This can be done with any of the Elements except Loyalty.)
Taking the same element of the bearer is quite dumb in some cases. By taking a different element and locking it away (or hiding it in plane sight), the Heroines will...will...
.....
.....
Well, I'm not sure where I was going with that. If possible can somepony else finish this train of though, if not then please disregard all but the first sentence.
Well done, but the point of view keeps changing, and is a distraction. I suggest keeping with 1st person, because you are doing that well enough, and 2nd person puts the reader in an awkward position. 2nd person is hard to pull off well, so just leave it out.
Otherwise I enjoyed it.
3526602 Why thank you good sir.
Goggle points for you!
X25
Take loyalty, turn it into a lightning bolt shaped butt plug. Must be 'worn' to be activated.
Mundane means of killing not allowed?......Welp,There goes the idea of using minigun equiped super mutants and dogmeat clones as guards
Hmm take Loyalty and turn it into a ring for him to wear so it can't be restolen
3532366
Or turn it into nothingness so it can't be touched or found.
3527243
"Mundane". So, If he created a penguin with laser vision, held it like a rifle, and pumped a wing to make it fire rapidly, it wouldn't be "mundane".
On another note, I noticed that no one commenting seems to have any issue with him kidnapping one of the mane six to hold hostage/imprison and stealing an Element.
3524797 I agree. He should turn it into a gold ring with an amythist chaos star on it. I like where this is going. But remember my Comment on the last chapter.
I would say take any element but laughter and the object to turn it in to... I would say a neck ring (like one Zecora would wear). It would be to large to stay on hooves or a tail but to small to fit around a head. Another would be a ring for honesty, she has not a wing nor a horn to put it on (maybe other than an ear).
Is this supposed tone second person?
'Cause it keeps switching between first and second.
Dude, you have to decide on if you want to use you or I to describe the main characters actions.
3640832 "God of Chaos" having the story switch perspectives at random shouldn't be anything to worry about.
Why do you constanly swift between first person and sceond person?
I don't even need to say anything
So is this supposed to be a first or second person point of view?
He seemed to come into his new powers quite quickly.
Why not build a railgun and shoot the elements into deep space? Or rocket them to Saturn, or surround them with nukes and put pressure plates everywhere.
if I was not here myself I would think it was some fantasy setting from a children’s television program.
Oh I have no idea what you mean (*wink,wink*)
5443903
his stale directly doing it, it has to be like random for it to work.
Why don't you just turn them into neckbeards?
getting a bit of a nanny mcphee vibe here. Also needs more commas
I like the story and idea, but I can't stand the constant shift between first and second person.
1st person, 2nd person just choose god demn it!!!!
Great idea, but please get an editor.
Is this fic in present tense or in past tense?
It is first person or second person?
You seem to have issues with keeping most things consistent. May I recommend that you write a chapter, take a walk or something and reread it later with a fresher mind?