okay, interesting story so far, but what POV is this in ?

Great so far. ;)

Not a bad start, but you need an editor, and you need to decide if this is first-person or second-person. Good representation of Discord, as well.

you have caught my interest with this story. I have to agree that you need an editor but I saw very few errors. I have read another story where a human becomes the new discord but that story was a bit fast paced and hasn't been updated since September 2012 so I cant wait to see where this story goes

Ok, this could become quite the kick ass fic, IF you pull it off, and I ohhhh so hope you do. I love rogue humans in Equestria.

drakath?
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Kind of fast paced. Need to slow it down and add more detail. Give the reader time to digest all that is happening. Would be nice to get some thoughts of his in text as well, so the events aren't just being described.

The idea is to tell us a story, not show us a story.

Also, commas are a thing. Please for the love of god use them. Your punctuality is driving a hot nail through my brain.

Good start, just needs an editor and a solid point of view. Other than that try to stay away from cliches and clop/gore. You might want to reconsider the mature/sex tags as these will turn away some people, or draw in the wrong crowd.

To beat the elements of harmony use human chaotic ideas.
Discord was meant to be enjoyed by kids but human chaos and imagination can theM.

oh chaos incarnate are we? shall he act for khorne? Nurgle? Tzeentch? Or *gasp* will it be Slaanesh?
Perhaps he will go another way and secure himself with a show of power? Or perhaps simply educate them on what chaos truly is so they have no reason to fear it?
I simply can't wait good sir.
Also read this in the chaos sorcerers voice. DO IT MORTAL!

Watch the youtube video "cows and cows and cows" and others by the uploader, then you will understand human chaos

This has quite piqued my intrest.....Im following it

Hey guy, I'm liking this story. I agree with everyone else that you need an editor/proofreader. I even volunteer myself, but there are groups that handle this sort of thing.

Followed, liked, wheee!

Looking good so far! Keep it up!

can't wait for next chapter!!!!!!!!!!

Apparently I'm doing something right half the people who read it put it in their favorites.

I'm going to try and update bi-weekly untill I'm more than five chapters a head of the last post.

116 as of the time this post went up out of 327

well you now have quite a bit riding on ya so dont screw up! no pressure tho.

Somehow... I don't think Discord and the 40k chaos gods play for the same team. Discord isn't grimdark enough.

It's like they went to the same high school and the other chaos gods let Discord hang out with them just so they could have someone nearby to laugh at.

3455628 I think you mean "Show, don't tell", because I take the writing module on university and that's the primary rule of which they constantly remind us.

3465548 why did you change perspective from third to first person at the end

3974427 He actually changed from first-person to second-person.

I suspect he wrote the first draft in second person, realized how horrible the second-person perspective is, and changed it.

Ehm, there are commas missing in some sentences and commas that shouldn't be there in others... You might want to fix that, it looks bad =/
Otherwise, the concept is good, going to read through some more chapters and see where this is going.

He doesn't say anything about the fact that he's in a new dimension and the it doesn't even mention HOW he got there other than the fact that he's Discord's replacement.

The start of this story was quite jarring to read, ya might want to take a look at that. otherwise this seems like a good story.

...This has been around for a while apparently, and it STILL hasn't been edited.... Yeah, not bothering to read it further until some much-needed editing takes place.

4478199 I second that mate. Can't stand badly formated fics.

certainly sounds interesting but seriously need to figure out your pov. unless thats part of the chaos. in which case carry on.

Capitalization is your friend.

Anyone else think of Howlers when the letter started talking?

P.S. this letter will now turn into pigeons, which will then self-destruct.”

Because anything else would be too boring

3455325 It that screaming commercial that I forgot the name to

5187078 i know, it is so confusing.

3465548 do you need an editor? it looks like you do.

Make up your mind--is this first person POV or second person?

I woke up in a dark forest just outside of a ruined castle in a great deal of pain. I can feel that I landed on a suitcase grateful that it was only using a small carry-on bag had I landed on and not anything larger or I might have broken my back.

Second sentence and already switching tenses and omitting words and/or punctuation. That said, it isn't bad. Try this:

I wake up in a dark forest, just outside of a ruined castle, in a great deal of pain. I can feel a suitcase digging into my back - I must have landed on it. Gratefully, I notice that it was only using a small carry-on bag; anything larger and I might have broken my back.

This should flow better.

Edit: Time to do more corrections... Or suggestions because you tend to repeat words too often for my taste. And it doesn't flow very well.

Looking down I, notice that my foot is not supposed point in that direction. Looking around I try to find things to bind and set my leg.

Looking down, I notice that my foot is not supposed point in that direction, so I try to find things to bind and set my leg.

I found several branches on the ground around within arm’s reach. I drag myself and three thick branches through the doors towards the back wall covered in vines.

I find several branches on the ground within arm’s reach. I drag myself and three thick branches through the doors towards the vine-ridden back wall.

(it wasn't clear whether the character or wall were covered in vines)

When I reach the back wall, I pulled down the ends of three vines. “This is going to hurt” I say as I proceed to bind my left ankle with the vines to the wall.

After reaching the back wall, I pull down the ends of the three vines. “This is going to hurt,” I say whilst proceeding to bind my left ankle with the vines I borrowed from the wall.

I seem to be rewriting most of the chapter here. While some is suggestion, I might continue and do the whole thing later (in a message) if you want me to Mr. Author.

this first chapter felt very dry in the way it was written, it felt more like this guy was observing his body doing these things, rather than actually doing it himself....like he was a ghost watching his body do stuff on its own, no impact, just casual observation

5999654
if you have done the whole thing mind linking it to me? I would like to read this story but its current format is not interesting to read, just mildly annoying and very dry.

to be honest i am only reading it because it has a minimum of 1000 likes and it was in a group that would suggest it's a good story

using translater can make some funny moments..

... You reach down, lift the book feeling the leather
it was bound in, and open the book to the first page.
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