• Member Since 26th Oct, 2013
  • offline last seen Dec 31st, 2016

Yonah21


I write POE's, and HIE's mostly. I hope you all enjoy my work.

T

Art by AlicornParty on deviantart. Here is her profile. http://alicornparty.deviantart.com/

*Now with a sequel, To return home *

(Know I am planning on editing my earlier chapters with the help of two people I have met here)

Hello there, my name is Micah. Your typical Jewish fellow in Seattle. I only recently got back from a trip abroad to find a box in front of my apartment door. Apparently what was inside it were six My Little Pony figurines. Though, I soon find out they aren't figurines. They are the real thing. And, no, I got no freaking clue how they are here, nor why they are here. Only thing I am thinking of is this: Why am I tied up and on the ground of my own apartment?

And another thing that I wonder... Why won't they tell me why they are here?

Rated teen for some swearing and dark stuff in future chapters. Mostly the last two ones, which I admit are definitely darker and has violence and, well, some sensuality in it.

Gore tag added for the last chapter only. All other chapters are gore free, and even the last one is not heavy with it.

Takes place pre season three of the show.

Chapters (20)
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Comments ( 633 )

Oh sure, the busses used to be nice, but in my neighborhood, they have long since gone downhill.

A few commas need to be placed in there, along with 'since' between long and gone.

One of the many things I liked about my trip there. The food, the hospitality, the amazing beaches.

You may want to combine these two sentences and replace 'one' with 'some':

Some of the many things I liked about my trip there was the food, the hospitality, and the amazing beaches.

Okay, first things first. When the dialogue ends with periods, you put the period BEFORE the quotation mark, not after.

This is how you put it.

“Well I might have missed one lovely lady”.
“Heh, good answer”.
“I thought it was. I am awesome like that”.
“And it seems you brought your ego back with you. That is not something I missed about you my dear Micah”.

It should be like this.

“Well I might have missed one lovely lady."
“Heh, good answer."
“I thought it was. I am awesome like that."
“And it seems you brought your ego back with you. That is not something I missed about you my dear Micah."

Also, I love the cats. My mom and dad used to have two cats that they lived in an apartment with. Keep it up, it's interesting. :raritywink:

Pretty cute! I'll be reading along as it updates. Nice story, so far.

3449817 Oh. I don't know how I forgot that :facehoof: . Thanks for letting me know. I shall fix that soon.

3449768 Thank you for your input and tips :) .

3450501 Rather surprising, but thank you. You get a mustache. :moustache:

3450583
Surprising?

3452419 I did not expect my first story to already have someone who likes it less than 24 hours after being posted.

I'm loving this! It's very well writ, everything is justified, it's humorous, it's perfect!

3453238 Thank you! Though you got a newer version. I had some punctuation and grammar problems at first that were pointed out by others and quickly fixed.

But still thanks :) . And as in the description, if there is anything in this story you might like to see happen, let me know.

3453243
Well for a first start you've got it nailed. If I think of any interesting ideas that could help you, I'll pop on and send to you. Now, to tell everyone about this.

3453254 I greatly appreciate your fondness of the story.

Hah! This story is great!:moustache:

3453343 Thank you :) . And here is a mustache for you, since you gave me one. :moustache:

Hmmm...:duck: I have to say, not bad. I've got high hopes for this one. :moustache:

3454364 Why thank you. Your compliment is quite welcome :) .

I sincerely hope The Stare works on cats several times larger than you.

3454961 Let's hope so. Or Fluttershy might be able to calm it by being sweet and nice. You never know.

i can only see 1 thing that needs 2 be changed.........MORE!:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay::yay:

3457906 Thank you! I am almost done with another chapter already :) .

Not bad at all for a first story so far.

YB

Nice one! An original idea, a good pace, and a nice touch of humor.

I just think Fluttershy should be more traumatized by being picked up by the human. She doesn't seem fearful enough to me. (Unless they've already been manipulated as toys before? Which is what the talking afterward seems to imply)

Anyway, I really enjoyed reading this so far. Upvote and following :twilightsmile:

3459370 You have my thanks for the compliment :) .

3459479 Very good point, and yes, you are quite observant of that. When they speak more of when they first get here you will see her reaction when that first happened.

STILL BRILLIANT!
This is going great so far! Though, I worry about Pinks and Apples.

3461004 You will see what they were up to in the next chapter.

Pretty good second chapter! The cat-as-predator-to-shrunken-character but is pretty cliche (kind of like the shrunken-character-gets-stuck-in-spiderweb bit) but I'm hoping that's not going to be a regular thing.

The bible sequence had me a bit worried as well. In the worst-case scenario, it might become one of those Author Tract story sequences where the human explains the author's interests/views to the ponies (i. e. faith miracles as magic). We'll have to see how the protagonist reacts to the ponies, first.

But! Beyond that, it was all pretty cute, and I'm interested to see where it goes from here.

3463304 You have my thanks. And don't worry, the predator thing won't be a regular thing.

The bible stuff won't be an often thing. At the moment it is just establishing differences between the two worlds, and since the character is Jewish, he would have some biblical stuff in his home. That being said, don't worry, I won't have religion play a role in this story. I am not that good of an author, and if I tried I would probably make it suck or tick off a bunch of people.

If religion is mentioned at all it would be a pretty small thing in passing.

Though if you think it ever becomes too much, let me know and I can tone it down and edit it.

Oh no, Twilight found the Tanakh, or maybe just the Torah. Either way, I hope she doesn't take it too seriously, we all know what happens when you do. And yes, I read your comment saying any religion-talk would be a passive thing.

Now, EVERYPONY PANIC!

3463557 Yes yes, I know. Still they have a good point and it won't play much of a rule in the story at all I promise that.

But yeah. Religion in stories like this, not a good idea. And, if you have an idea for what you think I should do to handle it well, I would truly like to hear it. I have some ideas but would like to hear some of your own.

3463493
Eh, if you want to dive into his beliefs, by all means. The conversation between them could be fun or interesting, possibly. I'm mostly just worried that a big block of the next chapter would be him recanting the story of Moses, which would be kind of dull, considering we all know it and Twilight would most likely take it all without much original discussion.

But I mean, if you want to, go for it. Just voicing my concern that it could slow things down quite a bit without much dramatic impact.

siiigh....
if only no cats , might have read.....

Shenanigans are good. I like shenanigans. Hoo-wee shenanigans.

I SWEAR TO GOD I'LL PISTOL-WHIP THE NEXT GUY WHO SAYS SHENANIGANS!

3482075 Well I promise I won't say it next. Also, might I ask you a random thing?

Which of the six is your favorite one?

3482080
Damn, I've never been able to pick a favorite... umm...
Shit, I've got a 4-way tie with Rarity and Flutters slightly behind. I guess I'll have to go with:pinkiesmile:because of how insane she is.

Seriously, I can never truly pick between them, or the CMC. Hell, my favorite characters are Discord, Luna, Derpy, Spike, Sombra, and Chyrsalis, in that order, but people tend to be like "Only actual ponies/no BG ponies/no royalty", ugh. Zecora would probably be on that list if there was more to her.

3482108 Your choices are pretty nice. I remember before I liked the show the only character I liked was Discord. And I still think he is awesome. He is a great character. Chrysallis is cool too. Luna is also freaking great.

Out of the main six I like Applejack and Rarity most. Though all are cool. Also, so you know, in this story I am going to try to give each pony good screen time. I notice a lot of fanfics with a human sometimes totally ignore some of the main six.

3482075 *takes in a deep breath*
SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS SHENANIGANS
:trollestia:

3482123 Frick, do people say it that often on this site? I am new here and I didn't know people say it that much. I should use a different word.

But, regardless, I am glad you seem to like the story.

Have a mustache. :moustache:

If I was him I would tie THEM up and question them

One thing I don't quite get is how he could forget who Celestia is if he watched the show enough to remember things about Hearth's warming and such. And why he seems so surprised at their cosmological beliefs. It's like he only heard about the show in passing and knows the characters a bit. Could you explain exactly what his relationship with the show is? :twistnerd:

Also, I don't believe for a second that you can be tied up with shoelaces so hard that you can't escape. :rainbowhuh: He seems to go rather easy on them despite their crappy attitudes towards him.

3482337
He believes it to be fake or a dream, therefore, doesn't really give a shit.

Anyway, awesome! Keep 'em coming!
Also, on your note about HiEs and people ignoring some of the main six, that's because the main character becoming friends with all the of them, hell, even just some of them, has become a massive cliche. Now, people want to see the human interact with characters outside of the small circle that everyone follows so not every damn story is the same.

3482337 He has seen it enough to remember bits and pieces of the show, but not enough to remember everything about it.

3483451 Thanks for clearing that up. Although I still find it hard to imagine forgetting who Celestia was. What with nearly every episode ending with the phrase "Dear Princess Celestia" somewhere in there. :trollestia:

3488316 True, I might have been able to write that bit better I admit. I was just trying to make him someone who knows a bit about the show, but not a lot.

But thanks for your input :) . If you ever notice other stuff like that (if you read my story more) please point it out. I want to try and write this as best I can, and constructive criticism like you give is something I like a lot.

3488353 Well my other thing is that the guy seemed too passive. But maybe it's just different personalities. I know if some jerks tried to tie me up with shoelace (which wouldn't have worked on me anyway, but hypothetically) in my own apartment I wouldn't just lay there and answer their questions until the evening when they so graciously release me from my shoelace bonds. I would be to them like Rainbow Dash usually is to people in HiE fics. :rainbowdetermined2: Possibly ending with me stuffing them in a box or locking them in the bathroom (without a cat tho, that'd be cruel to one of the parties involved) and trying to interrogate THEM.

But other than that strangeness the story seems intriguing and I'll keep reading for sure. These are all pretty minor things in the big picture.

3488367 Well I did say that he is thinking this is just a dream at that point. But trust me, he will get on them about what the hell is going on pretty soon.

3488405 Oh shite right, I keep forgetting the dream thing, even after that other dude said it to me. Apologies. Although to be overly pedantic when you dream you don't really question things and strange events don't make you go "oh well it's a dream, I'll go along but be really lazy about it". Then again maybe it's just me :derpytongue2: I don't mean to be THIS nitpicky. Yet :trixieshiftright:

3488420 It is ok, don't worry about it. I was worried when I posted this story people would be awful about it.

OMG this is worst story evar!
Stupid, I hate it!
I've seen better stuff from grade school kids!

Your stuff is fine and legitimate criticism. I don't mind that. I never mind criticism so long as it is fair, has a good point (which yours does) and is not simply insulting.

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