Date Thirty-Four - Speed Dating (Guest Chapter by Metool Bard)
Guest chapter written by Metool Bard
Dear Ms. Cheerilee:
I have heard about your predicament, and I wanted to do something to help you out. I’ve taken the liberty of setting you up on a blind date with a good friend of mine. He’s someone you might be familiar with, actually.
His name is Crescent Moon, and he works for the Wonderbolts. I think you two will hit it off just fine. Meet him at his place at 17:00 (that’s 5:00 your time) if you’re interested.
~A friend
Cheerilee couldn’t help but read the anonymous letter over and over again as she walked through Ponyville. It had warning signs written all over it. Not only did she not know the pony who sent it (it could be a prank, for all she knew), but going on a blind date meant not knowing what to expect. And in Cheerilee’s experience, that was a recipe for disaster.
Even so, she had to admit that this Crescent Moon fellow seemed like a nice pony. She had often seen him flying around town while she was out at the marketplace. He certainly looked attractive enough and had an aura of politeness about him. Plus, he worked for the Wonderbolts; the most prestigious team of elite flyers in Equestria. The Wonderbolts wouldn’t hire just anypony to work for them. How weird could he be, really?
“I guess I’ll find out,” Cheerilee mused as she approached a small house at the edge of the town square. Pausing, she shook her head. “No, think positive, Cheerilee. Remember what happened the last time you let your paranoia get the better of you. He’s probably a swell guy, and we’ll both have a wonderful time together. If something completely unexpected doesn’t happen, that is…”
Cheerliee’s voice trailed away a she chewed at her bottom lip, a series of escalating disasters running through her imagination. As her heart began to pound, she tapped her forehead smartly with her hoof.
“No, don’t think about that,” she said. “Just focus on the present.”
After taking a while to get herself in the right mindset, she knocked on the door. Straight away, it flew open, revealing a handsome yet rather ragged-looking pegasus stallion.
“AhyoumustbeMsCheerileehowareyouI’mfinepleasecomeonin!” said the stallion in one breath.
Before Cheerilee could respond in any way, shape, or form, the stallion grabbed her shoulders and pulled her into the living room. Cheerilee hopped, barely avoiding a mountain of paper laying on the floor. Everywhere she looked, timesheets, calendars, and events planners were piled in precarious stacks. Every inch of the wall space seemed to have stats and charts pinned on it, and an overabundance of clocks of all shapes and sizes ticked out a mad rhythm.
“Pleasepleasehaveaseat!” said the stallion, gesturing to a blue couch behind Cheerilee.
“Oh. Well, thank you,” said Cheerilee, still having difficulty processing the situation. “Um, you wouldn’t happen to be Crescent Moon, would you?”
“IndeedIam,” said the stallion. “AndmayIsayit’sapleasureto…”
“Hold on, hold on,” interrupted Cheerilee, raising her hoof. “Could you... slow down a bit? I’m having trouble keeping up.”
“Hmm? Ohrightsorry,” said the stallion, taking a deep breath. “I’m just in such a rush right now. Anyway, as I was saying, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you in person.”
“Um, likewise, I guess,” said Cheerilee, rubbing the back of her head sheepishly. “Uh, Crescent… Do you mind if I call you Crescent?”
“Not at all, not at all! It saves time,” said Crescent. “So, I was thinking we could go somewhere nice for dinner.”
Cheerilee’s expression brightened. “Oh, well that sounds…”
“Wait, sorry. Nix that idea,” said Crescent, looking at one of the calendars on the wall. “I forgot that I have something important tomorrow morning. I can’t go out to dinner. How about a movie instead?”
“Oh. Okay,” said Cheerilee. “I’m actually interested in seeing…”
“Wait, wait! No, we can’t do that, either,” interrupted Crescent, checking another schedule. “I have to go through academy applications later this evening. I don’t have time for a movie. How about we just sit here and talk?”
Cheerilee blinked in confusion. If we’re not going out, then why did you bring up the possibility in the first place?! she thought. She took a deep breath and let her rage dissipate in a great sigh.
“That... actually sounds quite nice,” she said. “After all, nothing crazy can happen in the safety of one’s own home.”
Crescent raised an eyebrow. “What do you mean by that?”
“Nothing!” said Cheerilee, hastily casting her gaze upward. After a few awkward seconds, she cleared her throat. “So, I hear that you work for the Wonderbolts.”
“Yes, indeed. I am the Wonderbolts’ official caretaker,” said Crescent Moon, taking a seat next to Cheerilee.
Cheerilee tilted her head. “Caretaker?”
“Yes, you’re not the first pony to get confused by that,” said Crescent with a lighthearted chuckle. “Really, all it means is that I’m responsible for everything that happens behind-the-scenes. I sort their mail; keep their schedules; go through paperwork. You know, that sort of thing.”
“I see,” said Cheerilee, looking around at all the schedules. “So, that’s what this is all about?”
“More or less,” said Crescent with a shrug. “I like to keep myself organized. Believe me, staying on top of all this is hard work, and it’s a job I take very seriously.”
“I can imagine,” said Cheerilee with a giggle. “Actually, the foals I work with keep me on the run, too. I’m actually lucky to be catching a break like this.”
“Mmm. You don’t say,” said Crescent with a nod. “I admire a pony who’s a hard worker. It’s nice that we have something in…”
Cheerliee jumped as the clock at her elbow began to ring.
Crescent held up a hoof, smiling apologetically. “Hold on a moment. I need to proofread Spitfire’s opening speech for the Q&A panel the Wonderbolts are hosting later this week. Back in a jiffy.”
Before Cheerilee could say anything, he dashed off into another room. After a few seconds, he returned.
“There we are. All done,” he said. “Now then, what was it we were talking about?”
“Uh, that you admire hard workers,” said Cheerilee. “Um, Crescent, don’t you think you could’ve done that before our date?”
“Well, that was the plan,” said Crescent. “However, this date was very last-minute, and I had to rearrange my entire schedule. Honestly, I’m way behind as it is.”
“Well, what were you doing before I got here?”
“Getting my place ready for your arrival.”
Cheerilee took a quick look around. Indeed, the living room was extremely neat and tidy, with the exception of all the schedules lining the walls and the papers on the floor. But apart from that, there wasn’t a speck of dirt or dust to be found anywhere. Even the papers were stacked into nice, neat piles.
“Wow. So I see,” said Cheerilee. “Still, you should probably…”
Another clock’s alarm went off. “Hold that thought, Cheerilee. I have to alphabetize the roster for the next Wonderbolt Derby,” said Crescent. With that, he took off again.
“Alphabetize the roster?” Cheerilee wondered aloud.
In a few seconds, Crescent returned again. “So sorry about that,” he sighed. “Now then, you were saying?”
“I was saying that maybe you should consider taking a vacation,” said Cheerilee.
Crescent blinked. “What’re you talking about? I am on vacation.”
Cheerilee’s eyes went wide. “You are on vacation?” she parroted.
“Just as I said,” said Crescent. “Although Captain Spitfire says that I have no grasp of the concept. She’s actually quite a kidder, believe it or not.”
I… don’t think she’s kidding, was what Cheerilee wanted to say. Instead, she forced a smile and said, “So, you get along with Spitfire, I take it?”
“Oh, of course,” said Crescent. “Captain Spitfire is a great boss. She even set up this date for me.”
Cheerilee’s jaw dropped. “Wait, Spitfire set this up?!” she exclaimed.
“In part,” said Crescent. “She said she was worried about me burning myself out or something, and that I had to separate my work life from my social life. Honestly, I have no idea what she’s talking about.”
I think I can hazard a guess, thought Cheerilee.
“So, she suggested that I go out on a date, I heard you were in the market for a special somepony, and we coordinated our efforts from there,” Crescent continued. He looked around nervously for a moment before leaning in close to Cheerilee and dipping his voice. “Just, don’t tell anypony about it, alright? Captain Spitfire doesn’t need the publicity.”
“Noted,” said Cheerilee with a nod. “Um, listen, Crescent. Maybe you should…”
Once again, she was interrupted by an alarm going off.
“Just a moment,” said Crescent, darting into the kitchen.
“Oh, what now?” Cheerilee groused.
In a matter of seconds, Crescent came back with two mugs.
“How about a cup of tea before you have to go?” he asked.
Cheerilee looked at one of the clocks on the wall. It was only ten after five.
“Um, Crescent. I just got here,” she said.
“Time waits for nopony, Cheerilee,” said Crescent with a shrug.
Finding herself unable to argue, Cheerilee stared blankly at the stallion for a moment before taking the cup, frowning. Taking a sip, she fought to keep herself from spitting it back into the cup. “Crescent, this tea is cold!”
“Hey, heating takes time!” Crescent exclaimed defensively. “And that’s time I don’t have!”
Before Cheerilee could point out how ridiculous that was, she found herself being shoved out the door.
“ThankyouverymuchCheerilee,” said Crescent. “Ireallyhadawonderfultime. Weshoulddothisagainsomeday. WellI’dbettergoresearchthatpierecipeSurprisewantedmetolookintoforSoarin’sbirthdaygoodbye!”
With that, he slammed the door.
“Er... Bye, Crescent,” said Cheerilee. She then started for home, wondering what had just happened.
I… I think that was my best date in weeks, Cheerilee thought, staring back at the door. Maybe I should send Spitfire a thank you card…
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.........how does a mare manage to get a thosuand bad dates?
4307507
Like this, apparently.
I forget if Cheerilee has had a date with Spitfire yet. If she hasn't, she totally should.
It seems this stallion has come upon a winning formula: having the date complete itself before the universe can notice and do something awful to them.
4307507
Through the infinite sadism of the author, and his audience's insatiable schadenfreude.
4307600 You just might be onto something there. Although if you think Crescent did this intentionally, you're giving him way too much credit.
Also, in case anyone is curious, Crescent Moon is an actual pony from the show, and he is referred to as the Wonderbolts' caretaker (at least according to the MLP Wiki). Here's his pic for reference:
img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20140120110439/mlp/images/1/1c/Crescent_Moon_ID_S04E10.png
4307733 I was originally, but I nixed that after I found out about FIMFictions weird word counter. I generally shoot for three pages of text at twelve point font, but I do go over sometimes if a story needs a bit more breathing room.
4307585 It would probably be Fleetfoot. I really like Fleetfoot.
4307806
I like that idea. Spitty is kind of a known quantity. You can get more miles out of Fleetfoot.
4307715
Still, perversely, the best date she's had so far.
4307704 I really liked writing those elk. They are a bit like writing Humble, who is my all-time favorite thing I've ever written. I thought it would be nice to give them a more conservative society with these vestigial laws. It separates them a bit from the homogenous utopia level existence the ponies generally have.
4307507 fate?
I can't remember, has Cheerilee tried actual speed dating yet? If not, she totally should.
4309064 Nope, I've been waiting for a big group of OC so that I could bring them all back. I'm just getting to that level now.
4309089 Oh goodie. This should be a delicious train wreck then!
4309089 You have no idea how insanely happy that makes me.
Hehe, take about speed dating!
So, basically, this was a male version of Twilight but even more so with scheduling and ADD issues.
but going on a blind date meant not knowing what to expect. And in Cheerilee’s experience, that was a recipe for disaster.
ALL her recipes are for disaster. She needs a better cookbook. ._.
4310202 I suppose that's one way to look at it. Although I think even Twi isn't this much of a workaholic.
Well, this IS the best date she had. And strangely, I don't feel happy for her.
4310319
A bad date is still a bad date, even if it isn't a catastrophe like the others!
Has she thought of asking Discord out? How bad can a psychotic God of Chaos be compared to these freaks?
4310344 Discord is still a statue at this point, though I guess for someone who can conceivably move back and forth through time, it wouldn't be much of an issue.
All things considered, that wasn't too bad of a date for once.
4307585 Or Soarin, he looks like he's single.
Wow. That was a good date for her...
~Skeeter The Lurker
4307806 But everypony knows Fleetfoot has the hots for Big Mac! img2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20130601200220/mlp/images/archive/5/50/20130601215009!Comic_issue_9_Comics_World_cover.jpg
4309089 Do you take guest OC's? I still don't have a girlfriend, and I'll be heading back to Equestria this summer, so maybe I could try my luck with the mares again. Though come to think of it, I'm pretty sure I DON'T want to try dating Cheerilee given what generally happens to her on dates.
Maybe I should keep looking in the human world, especially since I go to college and have a job here now. 
There wasn't enough info in the letter that Cheerilee got not to set off some red flags for me, especially about danger, but in the end we can see why it was done that way.
Poor Cheerilee... this is the best date she's had yet. It was soured, but overall it was a date.
Why do they keep assigning him responsibilities if he's on vacation?
4828242 They don't. That's the joke. He takes on all this extra work of his own volition.
You know, I originally thought that the anonymous friend was Lovestruck, since in the MLP Gameloft game she's Crescent Moon's roommate, but it was a pleasant surprise to see it was Spitfire instead.
derpicdn.net/img/2013/7/23/382213/full.png
Yo, I kinda think that Lovey would be hanging in the back, looking through binoculars like, "C'mon, Moony Boy, you got this! Get some plot!"
5653689 I was actually entirely unaware of that fact when I wrote this chapter. I've heard the Gameloft game referenced on the wiki several times, but the only reason I know about Lovestruck and that she's a semi-canon pony is through a fanfic where she's Cadence's apprentice. So, yeah.
Man, she must be really disappointed in Crescent right now.
Cheerilee, did you read the last chapter?
Aw, the only thing to like about this date is that it was short; the fellow manages schedules for a living, and can't even make time for her!