Cheerilee ran her hoof over the polished figurine, examining the wooden doe’s fine detailing. “Ponoka, this is simple amazing! How long did this take you?”
The tawny elk shrugged. “Oh, I don’t recall exactly. Some few weeks." Ponoka pulled back the curtains to the nearby window. With practiced ease, he looped a leather tie around them and then hung them behind a nearby peg. “Time don’t mean so much way up here in the mountains," he said, nodded absently toward the window. “You get your mind a-workin’ on some task and the days just drift by.”
Cheerilee turned the doe over again. Even the bottoms of the cloven hooves were immaculately carved and stained. No detail had been ignored. “This belongs in a museum.”
Ponoka snorted out a laugh.
“No, really!" Cheerilee said, placing the figurine back onto a crowded shelf. “Just look at all of these! I’ve attended entire exhibitions with worse!”
Ponoka shook his head, barely missing a hanging lantern with his antlers. “Miss, it’s a dangerous business gettin’ airs about your crafts. It’s like to make a simple mountain elk do somethin’ foolish." Chuckling, Ponoko trotted to the kitchen. Opening a cabinet, he retrieved two sturdy tumblers and filled them with a dark, cloudy cider. “You start believin’ you’re really somethin’ special, and all of a sudden you’re at some fancy party, eatin’ teeny-tiny sandwiches and starin’ at canvases all painted different colors of blue or somethin’." He shuddered theatrically. “Thanks, but no thanks. Here," he finished, passing a glass to his guest.
Cheerilee opened her mouth to protest, but collapsed into giggles instead. “I… I’ve been to that party!" she snorted. “I’ve probably been to a hundred of them!”
Ponoka hooked her leg, leading her to the couch. “See? Three or four wasted hours for all of y’all, just because some fella decided his work was too fancy to just sell down at the general store." Sitting ramrod straight, Ponoka curled his lip in an aristocratic sneer and cleared his throat. “I expect by now you’ve noted the marriage of Neo-Classical to Dobbinism that the piece evokes," he said, his words dripping with culture. “What you’ve experienced is symphony realized in physical form. The piece is musical—lyrical—with integrated harmonies of—”
Catching each other’s eyes, they burst out laughing.
“Oh!" Cheerilee managed. “Oh, sweet Celestia! It’s just like that! I—oops!" Cheerilee grimaced as cider sloshed out of her glass and onto the braided rug.
Ponoka hopped off the couch and opened a drawer on a nearby end table. “Don’t pay that no mind," he said, pulling out a small towel. Dropping it onto the floor, he stepped on the towel several times. “That’s why I made it brown in the first place.”
Cheerilee leaned forward, examining the rugs intricate pattern. “You made this, too?”
Ponoka swept his hooves around the small cabin. “Made just about everythin’ you see here. Not much help for a body way up here. You’ve got to do for yourself if you want it done, you see.”
“Well, it’s certainly—”
Several loud raps on the door silenced the pair.
Ponoka’s brow furrowed as he turned. “Now who could be callin’ on me at this hour?”
“Open up!" a muffled voiced called out. “I heared all about the fast one you’re tryin’ to pull, Ponoka!”
“Oh, for the love of…" Ponoka briefly squeezed his eyes closed, frowning, before rising with a heavy sigh. Scowling, he trotted to the door and wrenched it open. “What in the world are you goin’ on about?”
A dark grey elk pushed his way into the cabin. “You know darn well what I’m gettin’ at! I heared from—aha!" His eyes flying wide, the elk pointed his hoof repeated at Cheerilee. “Caught red-hoofed! Caught in the very act!”
Ponoka placed a restraining hoof on the newcomer’s chest, preventing him from entering any further. “Ain’t no act to catch us in, Tuktu! We’re just here talkin’!”
Tuktu’s chest swelled as he glowered at Ponoka. “A likely story!”
Cheerilee felt the pressure in her head beginning to build. “Should I even ask what is going on?" she asked the ceiling as she tipped her head back.
“Oh, I’ll tell you what’s goin’ on, miss!" Tuktu replied, knocking Ponoka’s hoof away. “We’ve got an elk who thinks he can get about his business without a proper rut!”
Cheerilee’s head snapped back down. “A what?”
“Criminy, Tuktu!" Ponoka said, shaking his head. “We ain’t bothered with a rut since… well, since I don’t know when! A long time!”
Tuktu’s jaw jutted forward. “That ain’t neither here nor there! This province is a ruttin’ province! If you wanted that new fangled free-love nonsense, then you should have moved to Whinneypeg with the rest of those art students!”
Ponoka took a deep breath, then exhaled it slowly. “Look," he said with forced patience, “there are just some laws on the books that don’t matter no more. The rut is one of ’em." He tipped an antler to where Cheerilee sat. “I just pulled her outta a snowpile when she took a bad tumble. It ain’t like we’re courtin’ anyhow.”
Tuktu rolled his eyes, his lip curling. “Oh, that’s just what I’d expect from a ten pointer like you. Hidin’ behind a mare’s tail.”
For a moment, the room fell silent. Cheerilee felt her skin crawl as Ponoka’s eyes narrowed.
“What did you call me?" he asked finally in a low voice.
Tuktu grinned. “Looks like I touched a nerve! You ashamed, Ponoka?" Tuktu drew himself up to his full height, pointing to his impressive rack. “Don’t you worry about it none. Not everybody can be a fourteen pointer like me."
Cheerilee hoof poked the air repeatedly as she silently counted. “Hold on, hold on. What are you talking about?" she asked. “I count fourteen on both of you.”
Crossing one hoof casually over the other, Tuktu arched an eyebrow at the fuming elk. “It ain’t what outside that matters. Ol’ Ponoka here is a ten pointer through and through. Ain’t never been a challenge he didn’t back down from.”
“Oh, is that right?" Ponoka growled, lowering his antlers. “The way I remember it, you sure came around an awful lot when I was rubbin’ off my first velvet. Ain’t seen you so much since then. You think you can take me? Well, come on!”
Tuktu snarled and slammed his antlers into Ponoka’s. Wrenching his head to the side, he dragged Ponoka into the end table. Tottering briefly, it fell over, spilling the drawer’s contents across the rug.
Cheerilee jumped off the couch. Skipping out of the way, she waved her hooves over her head. “Stop it! Stop it!" she cried. “There’s no need for this! I’m… I’m not that kind of mare! We haven’t even gotten to know each other!”
“Sorry. About. This," Ponoka said through gritted teeth. “It aint… exactly what I… had planned for tonight.”
“Truer words ain’t never been spoken," Tuktu growled, his breath coming in ragged gasps. He widened his stance, and then hunched his shoulders and pushed forward. Ponoka hooves scrambled to find purchase as he was forced backwards. “Doesn’t take half a brain to figure out what you had planned!”
His face turning a deep crimson beneath his light fur, Ponoka twisted his neck. With a startled cry, Tuktu was wrenched off of his hooves. “That’s probably why you’re here, Tuktu!" he spat, driving foward to keep the larger elk off balance. “Half a brain is half more than you were born with.”
“I’d rather have no brains than no guts, Ten Point!”
Cheerilee leaned against the wall, banging her head repeated against it as the pair smashed through the dining room set. “Is this going to go on for much longer?" she shouted over the din.
“Probably a few hours," Ponoka replied.
“You. Wish!" Tuktu panted. “You just hold tight, ma’am. I’ll breed you nice and proper once I’m done remindin’ ol’ Ten Point here how a real elk conducts hisself!”
Cheerilee sighed and pushed herself away from the wall. “I can hardly wait," she said, rolling her eyes. Trotting to the kitchen, she opened one cabinet after another.
Ponoka snarled and sent his opponent flying into a coffee table. “Over the sink," he said as Tuktu pulled himself out of the splintered wreckage. With a snort, they slammed into each other once more.
Cheerilee opened the cabinet and pulled down a bottle of whisky. Pouring out the remains of her cider, she tipped a shotfull into the glass. With another heavy sigh she lifted it to her lips.
Across from her, the elks careened through the room. Cheerilee winced as they smashed several windows and knocked over the couch.
Eyeing the glass critically, she set it back down on the counter and poured a rather more generous portion of the whisky into it.
“Better make this a triple.”
Somewhere around a corner, a body slammed into the wall with a loud grunt.
Cheerilee pursed her lips and nodded. “Definitely a triple.”
... Wow.
Typical buck. Only thinks with his points.
What a headache these elk be
4301072 Subtlety is not one of Tuktu's finer points. With fourteen points, you'd think at least one would be subtlety, but you'd be wrong.
4301153 In about half an hour, Cheerilee is just going to quietly slip away with that bottle.
4301073 I'm questioning the "thinking" part.
What a shame. He even knew just what Cheerilee wanted while locked in antler-to-antler combat.
...
Something, eh, something's tellin' me Tuktu's more interested in the journey than the destination, if you know what I mean...
I don't her actually leaving..........
4301179 I would think it would be the other way around...
4301230 Did you forget a word in there somewhere?
Title's a bit misleading, but that's easily forgiven with the hilarity in this chapter. Nice work!
So, do elks usually ask for *ahem* rutting on the first date? Because I can imagine that being a major turn-off for most girls. Except for maybe female elks, who must be used to that sort of thing.
Also, I like how the points on an elk's antlers are referred to as a status symbol. I've only heard the term in the context of hunting, so I don't know if elks actually do that. But if they do, you just taught me something very interesting today.
4301306 I was thinking about calling it "In a rut", but I thought that might be giving too much away. I play pretty loose with these title puns anyway.
4301330 Well, a rut is just a battle for supremacy. It establishes who controls the herd. After rutting comes breeding. They are linked, but not the same thing.
I'm not sure how much bucks compare antlers but I feel like it has to be a factor. Some four point isn't going to step to this massive sixteen point buck. I'm not sure about horns exactly, but you have to be a pretty massive elk to grow a pair like that.
So many sex puns in the comments.
When are we gonna see Cheerilee finally snap and "Layeth the smacketh down"?
4301375 She took out D-8-R a few dates ago. That's got to be worth something!
I'm thinking about writing some stories that are connected with this. I'll have more latitude to do some interesting things with Cheerilee there. This short stories are a little more constricting, and I can't really have her flip out too much. She can't be so mad that she swears off dating forever.
4301241 Yes I did. ......... I don't SEE her leaving........dammit.
4301432 Cheerilee is made from pretty tough stuff at this point. She's going to hang around a bit and have a few drinks. She's hoping Ponoka will come out ahead. If not, she can always hit the road with what's left of that bottle.
Now, I know they're not actual mountain folk 'cause he didn't bring out a shotgun when someone tried to ruin his date.
On the other hand, a Deer wielding a Shotgun is a hilarious reversal of the norm.
4301479 I'll save the shotgun wieldin' for any hillbillygoats I write up.
4301479 An elk wielding a shotgun might have made my evening. Especially if he put on a hunting cap.
I'd love to see more on the elks you've created here. Either with or without Cheeri. Though I would love to see more of this story that's unfolding here.
They remind me of the elves from the MHI books. Not... exactly what ya'd expect. Ya know... From an
elfelk.4301072
Also... This. That line right there struck me as something that'd set Cheerilee into a right fury.
So.... did Cheerilee break the mountain when she'd finally had enough and piledrived Tuktu into it?
With any luck, the resulting avalanche got downdraft.
*walks away*
*notices giant boulder*
*starts running*
Oh fuck.
This. Just this. This is defiantly the best chapter ever, and even if I finally got my beloved Berry Punch chapter sometime, it would come in second place, next after this one!
Am i the only one who thought the elk were Canadian?
4301479
There's actually a really old video game that you'd play as a Deer and you'd hunt hunters. It was setup in the style of the Deer Hunter franchise.
The Call was yelling out in a female voice "I'm so wasted! I'm so wasted!"
4304142 I think of Cheerilee as a generation older than the Mane Six. Somewhere near Mayor Mare's age. Probably in her late twenties to early thirties. I'm not sure what chapter I wrote that she was younger than that. If I did, it was a mistake on my part.
Green mushrooms is a reference to the 1-Up mushrooms from the Super Mario Bros. series.
4302082 I've been thinking of doing expanded one-shots on some of this stuff. Folks really get into some of these chapters, like the one with Whirlwind, so it would be interesting to go a little further with the story and see what people think.
4302787 You know, I thought about having Cheerilee flip out when he said that, but there was already a battle destroying the cabin's interior going on. I thought it'd be funnier if she just shrugged and had a few drinks while the chaos revolved around her.
4303269 Elks. Why does it always have to be elks?
4301808 It'd have to be a tiny hunting cap to fit between those antlers. That might be funnier, actually...
4303716 Nope. I thought of them as Canadian the whole time. I thought about giving them a thick Canadian accent, but I figured the reference to Whinneypeg would be enough.
4303582 Well, I'm happy you liked this one so much!
4304673 I will gladly do almost anything I can to help facilitate this.
Think you'd include them in this story or write them as individual standalones?
4304722 I'd do them as individual stand-alone stories. I'd have more latitude that way. This story has a particular structure to it, and I don't really want to deviate from that.
I have to get Taking a Job for Granite out of the way first, though. I've dragged my heels on that story for too long. I'm going to try to finish it up soon.
4304698
yep
But don't think I'll stop wanting that Berry Punch chapter because of this!
4304686 Of course it would be funnier. That, or a giant hunting cap that covers the antlers in a weird netting to try to disguise them, too.
At least Cheerilee is open to different species.
4303877
As I recall, another was "Help! I'm naked, and I have a Pizza!"
It was called Bambo.
This chapter really worked for me, probably because of the take on sapient elk in the FIM world. I would so love to see something like them in the show, something hooved but also a bit wild.
I suppose Zecora kind of fits that definition, if only we'd see a few more zebra in the show.
Question totally unrelated to the story. FIMFic shows this as 1600 words. I know it overcounts, but that's a LOT more than 1000; I thought you were going for each chapter to be exactly 1000 words (when counted legitimately)?
4301072
Oh god.
That went wrong quickly!
~Skeeter The Lurker
typo
I hope Ponoka becomes a reoccuring character like Caramel.
The good news: it seems like Ponoka never bought into the 'we are now going to mate' line.
If I were Cheerilee, and the reindeer weren't much larger than me, I would have pulled out my Earth Pony strength and clobbered Tuktu right below where the cutie mark would be (i.e. on the leg muscle). That'd slow him down if he wants to chase, which seems near-inevitable, and it breaks the mating script. And I don't think Ponoka would object.
Hmm. Maybe I'd ask Ponoka. He'd have a better handle on what might happen, and maybe simply my threatening to join the fight on his side would break the mating script hard enough that it would get the idea through to Tuktu.
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